I'm Hungry

Chapter Two: Shame

Wow, I had just gotten rejected by Victoria. Going up to her, and talking to her had taken a lot out of me, and her rejection had taken even more. I just wanted to curl up into a little ball.

To make matters worse, Jessica had seen all this.

"She doesn't want to be your friend, freak!" she shouted out, eliciting snickers from several students in the cafeteria. "No one does. You should just drop off the face of the earth!"

I grit my teeth and lowering my head so they wouldn't see the tears shining in my eyes, I hurried to the bathroom. I let the water run in the sink as I tried to reel in my hurt. Whatever. Jessica could take her cruel words and shove them right up her ass.

And, I wasn't going to give up on Victoria. There was something up with her. Her hand had felt so cold when it touched me. That couldn't be normal. No person's hand could be so cold. Same as her eyes color. Victoria claimed they were contacts, but her brother also had the same eyes shade. Why? There was something about them. Something that tickled at the back of my mind. Victoria was a mystery. She was dangerous and that just made me want to talk to her more. Get closer to her.

Maybe we were just two mismatched souls in this cruel world?

Either way, I would make sure to not talk to her so publicly, so at least Jessica wouldn't see me trying and failing. I shut the water off. The razor blade in my pocket feels particularly weighted. My skin itches to use it. To feel something like control. Because if Jessica can hurt me, I can hurt myself but only as much as I allow to be hurt. Which cancels out her way of hurting me which I have no power over.

I contemplate pulling the trusted steel out but I don't. No, I know I shouldn't cut. I know it's bad. But I find solace in it. Nothing makes me feel relief like the press of metal on hot flesh. On tormented flesh. Still, I fight the urge.

I will only use it in extreme times, I tell myself. This isn't one of them. It doesn't warrant being used.

I grit my teeth and leave the bathroom, putting on my brave face.

I don't even really have time to plan how I'll get Victoria talking to me when the next day she comes up to me as I'm at my lockers. She's so silent, I don't hear a thing and I jump when I turn around and see her standing there, too close for normal. Her red eyes mesmerize me and it's not until she's clearing her throat that I realize she's said something. I stumble back against the cool locker, and it jolts me awake a bit.

Her brother James is behind her, standing silently too. He seems detached from the conversation, looking down the halls but something tells me he's listening.

"What did you say?" I gasp, trying to ease my heart rate.

"I said, I'll take you up on your offer. Show me around town. Around the school." She says this, face dead serious.

"Uh, right. Sure. When?" I can only utter one word phrases because I thought after her rejecting me that I would have to try a different way of getting to know her.

"Today," is her answer.

"After school?"

She nods her head at my suggestion.

"Right. So...you have a number I can text to meet up with you?"

"I'll find you. Don't worry about it." She says and then leaves and I am worrying about it because how the hell will she find me? And that kinda sounds creepy too. James follows after her as they head to class and I go to my own, wondering and nervous about our upcoming interaction.

The school bell rings at the end of the day and as I'm packing up my stuff to go home, Victoria's already in the doorway. "Bella, let's go," she says impatiently. The remaining students in our class all jerk their heads to look at our exchange. Victoria's never made an effort to talk to anyone else, or hang out with them. Why the sudden interest in me? My ears burn red at the attention even if a part of me likes it somewhat.

"Almost done," I tell her as I zip up my bag and shoulder it. They all watch and whisper as I leave with her.

"So, what do you want to do?" I ask as we stride down the halls. James is not with her, for once, I note. He's like a slime, always sticking to her wherever she goes. It's nice to know he can fuck off if need be. It's only really her I'm interested in. In the broken glass that cuts into my skin and embeds there, hurting me and yet making me whole.

"We'll see the town. I already know the school," she says, brisk like. We're in the parking lot now, heading towards her car. I know which one it is. The red Ferrari. How the hell did she afford one like that? She must have rich parents.

We get in, and I'm a bit giddy. I feel special that she's given me her attention. So very special. I wonder what changed her mind?

She peels out of the driveway as I buckle in. There's only silence in the car until I break it.

"You must be loaded," I tell her.

"Excuse me?" Her brow furrows up slightly as I say this. Her eyes stay on the road, one arm on the wheel, all casual like. I have a great angle to see her side profile and my eyes trace her lips, her nose, the cut of her jaw several times, soaking it all in. How can she be so pretty? It's inhuman almost. A delighted shiver goes through me.

"Like, have a lot of money. To own this type of car."

"I don't have parents," she snaps back. "It's only been me and James for as long as I can remember. Our parents abandoned us a long time ago."

"Oh, sorry," I say because I've broached a sensitive topic. I didn't mean to. But it's clear Victoria is hurting by the way she says this roughly, as if trying to distance herself. It doesn't answer why she has such an expensive car, and such nice clothing, but who am I to ask anymore. I don't want to ask and get an answer that's depressing like this one.

"It's fine," she sighs out, reeling back her anguish. "Now, tell me where I can park in the town area and we can walk around a bit before it gets too dark."

We arrive at town quickly, Victoria parking her car in a parking lot to avoid it getting dinged on the street. This, I find is very refreshing. Her and me, heading out. The thrill of her being a stranger excites me and makes me finally not feel bored in this small town. I can tell, smell on it on the wind like one does with an approaching storm, that something big is coming. That something new will happen, because of Victoria and her brother. I can't explain why I feel this way.

Just that I do.

And these days, I latch onto any feeling that isn't me being sad.

And it's only a matter of time before I am to be proven right. Not that I know it yet.

We begin to walking, and she looks at me, waiting. I almost forgot why we were here, so wrapped up in my thoughts. "Anything you'd like to see in particular?" I ask her. "I'm afraid the tour won't be long."

"Any bar areas?" she asks.

"Aren't you too young to drink?" I question, playfully.

She gives me a sly look but doesn't answer. What could that mean? Does she have a fake or something? She certainly seems cool enough to do that.

I show her the requested area and then show her a couple more spots. Such as the best and only diner in town. The movie theater. Some small boutique shops. And a local cafe full of teens and college kids. It's late now. Almost dark and she looks at her watch, which is a Rolex naturally. "I should drive you back home. Where do you live?" she says. It only seems fit, given she drove me here and I left my truck at the school. Actually, how would I get my truck back? Seems I would have to ask Charlie to drive me to the school parking lot so I could get it later tonight. He would not be happy about that, but he would be happy I'm making friends. He knows how much I could use one. One that wasn't just Angela.

I tell Victoria my address and she drives me there. On the drive back home I can't help but look at her again. She's so gorgeous. Red bright hair, perfect facial features and a fit body many teenage girls would kill for. But there's more to her than just her looks. So much more. And I want to find it. I want to get to know her better. Do I dare to dig deeper under her veneer?

Is this...is this a crush?

I wouldn't be surprised if it was.

I've always fallen for the bad type. The wear leather jackets and smoke cigarettes while I break your heart because I'm so hot type. She's like that, sort of. She drops me off without anything but a quiet thanks for my time.

I don't want this to end yet. I want to talk more to her. "So, thinking of hitting up those bars later?" I ask playfully.

"Maybe," she shoots off before she backs out of the parking lot and guns it down the road. I stand there until I can't hear her car anymore. I enter home, Charlie standing in the hallway when he hears the rattle of my keys. "Bella, you're home late," he says, and his tone sounds like he is unsure whether to be upset or happy.

"I was out with the new girl," I say as I tug my shoes off.

"The new girl?"

"Victoria Sutherland," I say, shrugging off my bookbag. "I gave her a quick tour of the town. Thought she might need it."

"Oh, that's great," he smiles tentatively. "I'm glad to see you can get along with someone your age. Is she nice?"

"She seems nice," I tell him. "But I do need a tiny favor. She drove me here, so I left my truck back. Could you help me get it?"

He glances at the clock. It's eight pm. "Alright. We'll go at nine. I wanna finish watching the game first."

"I'll do some of my work," I tell him and go upstairs. As I sit at my desk, my mind keeps going back to Victoria. I wonder what she's doing now. I wonder what is the story behind her parents, behind her apparent wealth. I can feel there is a sadness in her, welling from deep within. A kindred soul like me. Old and wise.

I feel eyes on me suddenly. A prickling sensation down my back. I sit back in my seat, look out the window where my drapes are open, the window cracked wide to let the cool breeze in. I stare but I can't see anything out in the dark. I rise and approach it, pressing my face up against the glass.

Nothing is there, yet I still feel the gaze.

I decide to draw the curtains and turn back to my work.