A/N: It's been a while, sorry about that! Be assured that I am still working on new chapters for all of my stories, none of them will be abandoned. I'm just busier now since I've gone back to work and I was hired to work on an independent film. I'm the costume designer, creature designer, wardrobe head, script supervisor, and I'm building a big prop for this film and the closer we get to filming, the busier I'll get. After filming, sometime at the end of August, I hope to have more time for writing. In the meantime I'll keep trying to get chapters out when I can, and I appreciate your patience!
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Part 3: The Way You Should Feel
The Night Fury landed gently outside the Haddock household, cooing as his two riders dismounted. Hiccup gave his dragon a head scratch before starting to detach the packs and rigging from his friend.
"I can take all of this inside, if you have things to do." Hiccup told his dad. They had been away for a day and a night, having just arrived back at Berk during late morning. Their time together had been pleasant and fun after all the serious talks and necessary conversations had ended.
"You sure?" Stoick asked. "I should go check in with Gobber to make sure everything was resolved yesterday."
"Yeah, go ahead. I've got this covered." Hiccup assured his dad. They hadn't been away for very long, so they hadn't packed that many things anyway. Stoick nodded his head in thanks and left in search of Gobber and Spitelout for an update on things.
"Did you have a good time too, bud?" Hiccup asked Toothless as he took off the last of the bags and started detaching the saddle and rigging. They weren't likely to be doing anymore flying that day, instead getting some rest after their trip. The flight hadn't been that long, but the dragon had been carrying an extra passenger along with their supplies.
Toothless made an excited sound and did his version of a head nod, giving Hiccup his answer. The dragon had given his rider and Stoick some time on their own, wandering off to explore and play by himself, but he had spent a lot of time with the father and son as well. Toothless was part of the family, too.
"It was nice, it being just the three of us." Hiccup agreed, giving the Night Fury a quick scratch under the chin and earning a contented purr in response.
Hiccup went back to removing the flying gear and it didn't take long before Toothless was rolling around in the grass, glad to be free of the gear for a while and ready to get some much earned rest.
Picking up some of the packs, Hiccup gave his dragon a smile and began taking things inside the house. It took a few trips to take everything inside.
"I'm going to say that it's good enough for now." Hiccup announced to Toothless when he came back out of the house for the third time. "Everything's inside and... mostly put away."
With a shrug, Hiccup walked up to Toothless. The dragon sat up and stretched, waiting for his friend to decide what they were going to do next. Toothless, personally, wouldn't mind just relaxing in the sun for most of the day.
"I have mom's book." Hiccup moved his arm that the precious book was tucked under. "I don't really feel like being around people today... how about we find a nice place to relax? I can read and you can nap."
Toothless opened his mouth wide in a yawn, then cooed an affirmative response. Hiccup let out a soft chuckle.
"We'll have to walk out to the cove, since you don't have your gear on." Hiccup pointed out, gesturing for Toothless to follow behind him as he started walking up to the tree line. "And we'll have to be back in time for dinner with dad and Gobber... and, Astrid."
As they entered the forest and started a leisurely walk down the worn and familiar path to the cove, Toothless made an inquiring sound. Something was still bothering Hiccup, the dragon could tell.
"Oh... I, uh... I was just thinking of when I last talked to Astrid." Hiccup answered his dragon's inquiry. After so much time spent together, the two had become good at communicating. "I don't think she understands... and I hope that tonight, she doesn't push me into telling the others. Or... that she thinks I'm being stupid for feeling this way on my birthday."
The Night Fury simply tilted his head in response, letting Hiccup know that he could keep speaking, and that he would listen.
"I mean, she agreed not to tell them." Hiccup went on. "But she also agreed to have my back when it came to the regatta, and everyone else wanted to do a dragon race. Then, she went behind my back and worked on the dragon race anyway. She does what she wants to do, and it isn't like I want to control her or anything, I just want... I want to be able to trust her, like I used to. I want to know that if we disagree on something, she'll work with me, talk to me, instead of just doing what she wants to do without a care as to how it'll affect me. My dad made me interim chief that day, and I tried to carry out his orders to get the regatta ready, and my friends led the tribe in going against me. No one respected my position. It made me reconsider my trust in them."
Hiccup let out a sigh, slowing as he walked. Toothless bumped his nose against Hiccup's arm, letting him know that he was there to support him and he always would be.
"I'm glad I have you, bud." Hiccup stroked the dragon's scales with his free hand, his other arm still holding the book close. For a moment, Hiccup looked comforted, then his smile faltered. "I thought for a while there that Astrid might be... maybe, something more..."
Toothless cooed when his friend trailed off and went silent for a moment. Hiccup seemed to regret what he had just said. He was looking down at the ground as he walked, both arms now holding the book against his chest, as if it would protect him.
"I'm just being stupid." Hiccup assured his dragon, but Toothless was not having it. The dragon snorted in response, letting his friend know that he didn't believe that.
"Okay, okay." Hiccup huffed. "I meant that, I thought there was something more between me and Astrid. I thought we would be... more than friends by now, but things have been kind of awkward between us. She stopped holding my hand and giving me those random kisses... Part of me wonders if, as we got to know each other better, she decided that she only wants to be friends with me. I don't know, Toothless. It's hard to read her. One moment she's making a special effort to be there for me, then the next, she's going behind my back and disrespecting me as a leader. I don't know what to think about her right now."
The two friends were close to entering the cove and as they got closer, Toothless became more aware of his surroundings. Hiccup had stopped talking and the dragon wanted his friend to know that he had his support. However, the sound of voices coming from the cove distracted him, his ears twitching.
With a blink in surprise as he realized what he was hearing, Toothless let out a sound in warning to Hiccup, but they were already entering the cove.
"What?" Hiccup looked back at his best friend as he stepped into the cove, then turned back around when the sound of voices finally reached him.
"Who brought Hiccup here?" A loud and annoyed voice broke the surprised silence. "He's not supposed to be here yet."
"Snotlout?" Hiccup didn't know what to make of the situation. All of his friends, save for Astrid, were in the cove, setting up some kind of... picnic? Or bonfire?
"Don't look!" Tuffnut shouted, jumping in front of Hiccup and trying to block his view with his hands.
"He already saw everything." Ruffnut said in exasperation.
Finally getting fed up, Hiccup smacked Tuffnut's hands out of his way and pushed past him. All Hiccup had wanted was a quiet, relaxing day to read through the book his dad had given him. Then, the day would end with a nice dinner, and that's it. Hiccup would be free of his birthday for another year, but it didn't seem like things were going to go his way.
"What are you doing here? What is this?" Hiccup gestured at the baskets of food, a couple of wrapped packages, and the fire pit that was being set up.
"Well, we were... um..." Fishlegs started, not sure if he was supposed to explain or not.
"Why didn't you tell us when your birthday was?" Ruffnut asked without warning, taking the pressure off of Fishlegs.
Hiccup nearly flinched, his eyes darting to look around at everyone and the scene before him. He felt a pang of betrayal as he thought back to his earlier fear, that Astrid would go behind his back and tell the others, because she did what she thought she should do, without considering him, sometimes.
"Yeah, we had to learn about it from Snotlout's dad." Tuffnut gestured to their friend and answered Hiccup's unasked question at the same time. Though Hiccup was relieved that it hadn't been Astrid who had told them, he also wondered why Spitelout knew. It was probably because he was a family friend of sorts and likely would have been there to support Hiccup's parents after their baby was born. Spitelout's wife had probably been there too, to help out with things.
"My dad knew, and I didn't!" Snotlout came forward, a frustrated expression on his face.
Hiccup didn't even know how to respond to that. Why should it be his responsibility to tell them when his birthday is? He didn't like his birthday, he hadn't expected his sixteenth birthday to even be acknowledged by his own father, so why would it mean anything to his new friends? The friends who had formerly been his bullies. They had other things going on that day anyway, with it having been Leap Day. Hiccup hadn't wanted to ruin their plans, just to demand they pay attention to him instead. Not to mention that, if they really wanted to know, they could have tried to find out for themselves in the past year, but they never did.
"...I'm sorry?" Hiccup replied softly when the group just stood there, waiting for him to respond.
"You're sorry?" Fishlegs spoke up for the first time. "Why wouldn't you tell us? We're your friends, aren't we? We'd have celebrated with you."
"Ruff and I are good at parties, you should know that." Tuffnut pointed out, even though the display behind him said otherwise.
"I'd have gotten you something, but I didn't know about it." Snotlout commented, still feeling a little annoyed. Though, even if he wouldn't admit to it, he also felt a little guilty. His dad was right, he should have known, and the guilt was starting to frustrate him. Why couldn't Hiccup have just told them? "So... you're welcome for doing all that work yesterday so that you and Stoick could ditch us."
Toothless growled a warning at the group as he sensed Hiccup's mood decline and noticed as his body language shifted. Hiccup was closing himself off, he wanted to leave, he wanted to hide away.
"Uh, well, since you're here, we might as well start the party now." Fishlegs changed the subject, sparing a glance for the glaring Night Fury.
"Yeah, you shouldn't be so down on your birthday." Tuffnut pat Hiccup on the shoulder.
"Birthdays are supposed to be fun and happy!" Ruffnut added.
Hiccup didn't know how to respond to that either. He knew how birthdays were supposed to be, but they just weren't that way for him. Suddenly, he started to feel ashamed. Here his friends were, putting together a celebration for him, and he couldn't even conjure up a smile. He still longed to be relaxing in the sun with Toothless while reading his book, but wasn't this what he had wanted, a kind gesture from the people he cared about, showing how much they cared about him? But something still didn't feel quite right.
He held his mom's book tighter as the twins led him further into the cove.
"We were trying to set up for a little get-together." Fishlegs explained. "But it was very last minute..."
"We have some food and we're going to have a bonfire." Snotlout pointed to the things they had brought with them.
"Oh... well, thank you." Hiccup forced a smile, then looked a little uncomfortable for a moment. "I do have to head home for dinner in a while, Gobber is cooking for me and my dad."
Hiccup left out the part about Astrid planning on joining them for dinner, not wanting the others to feel left out, or like they were invited to come over too. Gobber wasn't planning on that many people and Hiccup liked the idea of the gathering being a smaller group.
"Oh..." Fishlegs looked disappointed, the others looking down for a moment too. "We were planning to start the bonfire around dinner time, but we didn't think you'd show up here, by yourself, on your birthday, before we were ready."
"Let's just start things early, then." Snotlout threw his hands up in exasperation and walked over to the fire pit to finish setting it up. "We can do his birthday thing now since its about lunch time anyway, then he can go home and have his dinner when it gets later."
"What about Astrid?" Fishlegs asked, looking to the twins.
"We did go to her house so we could tell her the plans." Tuffnut defended.
"But her mom answered and said she was busy." Ruffnut finished.
"Ugh, great." Snotlout stood from where he was setting up some sticks in a cone-shape and looked annoyed. "Astrid can't be here, Hiccup showed up before things were ready, and he can't even stick around for long."
"It can still work!" Fishlegs tried to be optimistic, picking up one of the presents. "Here."
After a moment of hesitation, Hiccup tucked his book under his arm again and accepted the package with a quiet word of thanks. He didn't feel entirely comfortable, and accepting the gift only made things worse because everyone looked at him expectantly. They were waiting for him to open it, to give them a smile, and show them that their efforts weren't wasted. Hiccup wasn't sure if he could do that. He felt like he was ruining things for them.
"Open it." Tuffnut urged. "Then you can open mine and Ruff's next."
Ruffnut snatched up the other package and held it, waiting to give it to Hiccup once he had opened the gift he had in his hands. She looked excited to give it to him.
Hiccup looked down at the package in his hands and began to open it while also trying not to let his mother's book fall. After a moment of struggling, Tuffnut reached forward and pulled the precious book out from under his arm, to help him. Hiccup immediately froze and followed the irreplaceable book with his eyes.
"Please be careful with that." Hiccup warned, the gift in his hands forgotten for a moment as all of his attention was turned to his book.
"I'll guard it with my life." Tuff promised dramatically, then became curious. "Why's it so important?"
"It's... it's just something that can't be replaced." Hiccup answered vaguely, not wanting to bring up his mom and risk getting emotional or having to explain everything.
"It'll be fine, open your present." Ruffnut assured Hiccup, excited to give him the gift from her and Tuffnut next.
Eyes lingering on his book, Hiccup couldn't help but feel on edge as he finished opening the gift from Fishlegs. He was grateful that his friends had made the effort to get him something for his birthday, but his mom's book was special and nothing could surpass the gift that his dad had given him.
Once the parchment paper had been torn away and dropped to the ground, Hiccup turned over the present in his hands. It was another book, and Hiccup wasn't surprised by that. The shape and weight of it in his hands had been familiar to him, besides, it was from Fishlegs. This book had a title imprinted into it and it appeared to have something to do with botany.
"I got that from Trader Johann a while ago, it's about plants that have an affect on dragons." Fishlegs explained. "It was originally written for people to use against dragons... there aren't very many books out there that show dragons in a positive light..."
Hiccup looked up at Fishlegs, after having leafed through some of the book's pages. Fishlegs was obviously worried that he wouldn't like it and he gave his friend a reassuring smile.
"The information is still very useful!" Fishlegs assured. "I even made some notes in it. It has information on plants that can be harmful or good for dragons, and I thought that was something you'd want to read about. You know, to help the dragons... not use it against them."
"Thanks, Fishlegs." Hiccup interrupted his friend before he could continue rambling about the gift. The knowledge would be useful and the book probably held some information that he didn't already know.
"Open ours next!" Ruffnut plucked the other book out of Hiccup's hands and replaced it with their gift. Hiccup gave her a smile and opened the present, quicker this time. This gift was also a somewhat familiar shape, though it definitely wasn't a book. Hiccup had an idea of what it could be, but it was from the twins, so he figured his guess could be way off.
"An inkwell?" Hiccup stated, though it sounded more like a question, once the paper was torn away. For all he knew, the ink had already been used up and it was filled with something that would explode.
"Tuff said that he remembers you running out." Ruffnut explained.
"Trader Johann hasn't been around for a couple weeks, so we asked around and managed to find some ink." Tuffnut smiled proudly. "It isn't completely full though."
"That's okay, ink is hard to come by." Hiccup assured them as well, about their gift. "Thanks, I appreciate it."
There was an awkward pause and Hiccup didn't like feeling uncomfortable around his friends. He hadn't felt this way around them since before they were friends and his company had been unwelcome. The situation was different, since they were here to celebrate his birthday with him, but it still felt so... forced.
"The fire pit is ready, so let's just have our daytime bonfire and eat." Snotlout broke the silence, indicating that Hookfang should light the cone of sticks he'd built up.
The twins set Hiccup's things on the ground, including the inkwell Hiccup had been holding, and invited him to sit by the fire. It seemed odd to them that they had to keep ushering Hiccup around, he was acting very strange. He was being very distant and almost shy.
"Relax, Hiccup." Tuffnut instructed when his friend seemed to want to linger back, his eyes looking to the two books and the inkwell sitting on the ground a short distance away.
"It's your birthday, lighten up." Ruffnut put an arm around Hiccup, noticing as he tensed, and offered him a seat next to the fire. With some reluctance, and a glance back at his things lying on the ground, Hiccup relented.
Try as he might, Hiccup couldn't bring himself to focus on his friends and their attempt at a birthday party because the fact that his mom's irreplaceable book was sitting on the ground next to an inkwell wouldn't leave his mind. Hiccup felt socially trapped, and it was a feeling he hadn't felt in a long time, not since before he had befriended Toothless and every one of his actions seemed to offend or upset somebody.
Hiccup wanted to go and get his mom's book, but if he brought that to the fire with him and left the other gifts, it would seem like he didn't appreciate them. However, it would be odd for him to pick up all of his gifts and then set them next to him as he sat back down by the fire, it would make him look possessive or draw attention to his mom's book, but leaving it there only served to put him on edge, because he feared something happening to it.
Shaking his head to clear it, Hiccup forced a smile and accepted some food. He was just being over dramatic. The book would be fine. If he really wanted it, he could explain its importance to his friends. Though, he wasn't particularly interested in bringing up his mom and telling them about the book, he might get emotional and be unable to control himself. The last thing he wanted to do, was to cry in front of his friends on his birthday. They were already telling him how he was supposed to be feeling and acting on his birthday, getting upset over his mom's book would only make them more annoyed with his behavior, would only serve to disappoint them after the effort they went to on his behalf.
"Hiccup?" Fishlegs' voice broke through Hiccup's thoughts. Apparently, he'd had to repeat Hiccup's name a couple times.
"Sorry, what was that?" Hiccup forced himself to relax, realizing how tense he had become. He lowered the pastry he had been given so that he wasn't holding it up in front of himself in an unnatural position anymore. Hiccup blushed, he had been staring blankly ahead, tense, and holding his hands in the same position they had been in when he had been accepting the food in the first place.
"Are you okay?" Fishlegs asked after a moment.
Hiccup looked around at the group. Some of them were cooking fish or chicken over the fire, others just eating from the food that was already made. They had been talking, it seemed, and then they had tried to bring Hiccup into the conversation and he'd just been lost in his own thoughts.
"I'm fine." Hiccup answered quickly.
"You're acting weird." Snotlout pointed out rather bluntly. "We did the best we could, you know, since we only learned about your birthday yesterday."
"I know, and I really appreciate all of this." Hiccup assured them, not wanting to make them feel bad, and he really did appreciate it. However, Hiccup had been looking forward to a nice day of relaxing with Toothless, and looking through his mom's book. Though, it made him feel bad that he wanted that more than this gesture from his friends. This get-together with his friends was draining, during a time of year that was already dragging him down. Forcing the social interaction, trying to please them, assuring them that their efforts were appreciated, dividing his focus, his mind lingering on his mother's book... this was going to be a long day.
"Really? You don't seem to be having a good time." Snotlout seemed less annoyed by this point and almost concerned, like he thought that it was his fault that Hiccup wasn't having a good time.
"I am, really." Hiccup insisted. "I'm just a little tired from traveling with my dad. We wanted to get back early. I'll be fine." When they seemed to accept his answer, he continued. "What were you talking about before?"
The group settled back into their conversation, Hiccup making more of an effort to join in and participate. His friends had gone to the effort of putting this together for him, but he somehow felt like he was the one trying to please them instead.
—
It seemed like forever before Hiccup was finally able to excuse himself and leave the little, makeshift party. His friends had tried and Hiccup was appreciative of their efforts, though he didn't like how he had felt so awkward around them.
His gifts in his satchel, save for his mom's journal that was finally tucked safely under one arm, and Toothless walking beside him along the familiar path back home, Hiccup couldn't help but feel somewhat disappointed. Hadn't his friends given him something he had thought he'd always wanted for his birthday? They'd reached out and done something for him, had put together a celebration for him. However, somehow it only served to make him feel even more alone on his birthday. Hiccup wasn't sure if he could pinpoint exactly why he felt that way, though. Maybe it was an effort made, too late. He already hated his birthday and he didn't think anything would change that at this point.
A familiar sound from Toothless alerted Hiccup that they were almost home, and that someone else was approaching him. Coming from the opposite direction and headed for the Haddock household was Astrid, a covered basket in hand and Stormfly following behind. Toothless bounded away after his friend, leaving Hiccup and Astrid to talk alone.
"Welcome back." Astrid greeted with a smile. "What were you doing in the woods?"
"Oh, uh... I was going to relax and read, but our friends found out it was my birthday." Hiccup responded uncertainly. "They threw me a little party at the cove."
"They found out?" Astrid asked, then rushed to assure him. "I promise I didn't tell them!"
"I know you didn't." Hiccup didn't want her to blame herself. "I guess Spitelout knew, for whatever reason, and told them."
"Huh." Astrid considered before moving on. "How did it go?"
Hiccup had to gather his thoughts for a moment, before he could answer her. "It... wasn't quite what I expected it to be. I don't know why that was something I wanted for so long. I didn't like being the center of attention, and I felt obligated to have a good time. I felt bad for not really having fun, and I feel tired from trying to engage with them. I think... I prefer to keep things small, for my birthday."
"Do you... do you usually feel that way? When you spend time with them?" Astrid seemed worried.
"No." Hiccup answered immediately. "Usually spending time with them feels more... natural. This time, it felt forced. But it's probably just me. I had an idea in my head of how I wanted the day to go, and then I was surprised by them, and I ruined their plans when they were just trying to be nice."
"Everything is always your fault, isn't it?" Astrid pointed out.
Hiccup flinched at her words, taking them the wrong way. That was exactly how he was feeling, that everything that went wrong with the party his friends had arranged for him, was his fault. He'd ruined his own party for the people who had wanted to do something for him. Why couldn't he just feel happy like everyone else? Why did he dwell on all the things that had hurt him in the past, rather than just casting those feelings aside and moving on? Why couldn't he be like everyone else?
"Hiccup?" Astrid moved closer, seeing Hiccup's reaction to her words. Without thinking, she set her basket on the ground so she could snatch up his hands and wrap them up in her own. Hiccup wasn't meeting her eyes, looking away and at the ground instead. "I only meant that you have a tendency to blame yourself for things when you shouldn't. It isn't your responsibility to make sure everyone is happy, and especially not on your birthday."
"I didn't want their efforts to be wasted." Hiccup said quietly, still not meeting her eyes.
"They weren't, you're worth it." Astrid assured him.
"I tried to have a good time, but... I just couldn't bring myself to be happy." Hiccup admitted. "I'm supposed to like birthdays. They kept telling me that I should be happy."
It had been a long time since Astrid had gotten so close to Hiccup and part of her was hesitant. However, Hiccup was down and even if they hadn't ever addressed what they were to each other, or what they wanted to be, that wasn't going to stop her from comforting him.
Astrid leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Hiccup closed his eyes, welcoming the comfort that her closeness brought, allowing the touch. Astrid lingered there, her lips pulling away slightly but her face still hovering near his. Eventually, their foreheads touched and they remained close, feeling comforted by the other's presence.
Nothing needed to be said between them. If Hiccup couldn't bring himself to enjoy his birthday, Astrid would still be there for him. Hiccup didn't have to force anything, he didn't have to pretend around her, and she would still be there. Hiccup felt like he could finally relax.
After a moment, Hiccup finally opened his eyes and let her draw away from him. She was smiling at him and still holding onto one of his hands.
"What's this?" Astrid gestured to the book that was tucked under one of his arms.
"Something my dad gave me." Hiccup explained, not feeling pressured to talk about it or worried about showing emotion around her. "It was my mom's."
"Oh? That's a special gift." She didn't pry.
"I was hoping to read it today, at the cove. In peace."
"Sorry I wasn't at the party." Astrid let go of his hand after giving it an encouraging squeeze, then picked her basket back up. "My mom told me that they stopped by to see me, I guess it was to invite me along to your party. I could've put a stop to it if I had known, but my mom was helping me with these."
Hiccup looked down in curiosity at the basket as Astrid lifted it up, indicating what she was referring to.
"I hope that's not a cake." Hiccup teased.
"It's not." Astrid said with some exasperation. "I know you have a thing against cake on your birthday, so I figured you'd be okay with cookies. Except, baking isn't exactly my forte, so my mom was helping me all day."
"It took you all day to make cookies?" Hiccup asked with some surprise, immediately regretting his question as soon as he saw Astrid's expression.
"I did it for you." Was all Astrid said in response and Hiccup knew that even if the cookies she had made tasted as bad as her yaknog, that he was going to eat them anyway.
Suddenly the front door of the house burst open and Gobber peeked his head out. "Are you going to stand out here all day, or are you coming in?"
As fast as he had appeared, Gobber had disappeared back inside, leaving the front door open a crack. Hiccup could feel a blush creeping onto his face as he wondered if his father and Gobber had been watching him and Astrid this whole time.
"Come on." Astrid ushered Hiccup toward the door. "I bet Gobber made something delicious for dinner."
Hiccup gave her a smile and followed behind. He hadn't been able to spend the day doing what he had wanted, and even though his friends had made an effort, Hiccup hadn't been able to enjoy the little party. Not with everyone telling him how he should be feeling on his birthday. However, he knew that no one at his birthday dinner was going to judge him for being a little down, that they would let him be and just try to make him feel cared about on his special day.
—
Blinking his watery eyes, Hiccup was forced to set his mother's book aside for a moment as the emotions hit him hard. He had been waiting to read the book his father had given him, since that moment, and after his pleasant birthday dinner, after Gobber and Astrid had left, and Stoick had retired for the night, Hiccup had lit a few candles in his room and finally dived in to the book.
It had mostly been some doodles with an unpracticed hand at the beginning, then some notes while she had been taking lessons to become a healer. But then, his mom had started to express some of her feelings in the book, about how she wasn't much of a warrior or a fighter, how she had decided to take the path of a healer instead, because she didn't fit in. She hadn't been sure if being a healer was the right path for her either. She felt the need to please the people around her, to help everyone, because she didn't know what else she could do for her people and because it was her way of trying to be accepted.
What Hiccup's mother wrote in her book, matched what Stoick had told him while they had been away. Stoick had been there to support her, to make sure she didn't wear herself thin. Stoick had promised to do that for his son too, because Hiccup was prone to doing the same thing. It was reassuring, knowing that he had people behind him now, people who cared and would be there for him.
In that moment, Hiccup felt an undeniable connection to his mother. She had gone through something similar to what he had gone through. She had been different, she had struggled to fit in, and she had found her support eventually.
If only she had been around when he had needed her most.
A deep feeling of grief settled deep inside of Hiccup as he began to process a loss he had been too young to comprehend at the time his mother had been lost to them. He had felt sorrow at his lack of a mother before, but this time it was different, this time he had seen a glimpse of who she had been. It was like he was losing her all over again.
It suddenly made sense to Hiccup, how his father had held to his grief for his wife after all these years. How Hiccup's birthday had been a reminder of that loss, every year. Stoick may not have handled that grief well, had done his son wrong, but Hiccup felt like he understood better what his father had gone through, what he was still going through.
Wiping at his eyes, Hiccup stood from his bed and gestured to Toothless that everything was okay. Carefully, with the limited light, Hiccup made his way down the stairs and to his father's room.
At the door, Hiccup hesitated, worried about disturbing his father. However, after a quick moment of thought, he decided to enter, pushing the door open slowly and quietly.
The room was lit by a soft, orange glow, a lone candle on the bedside table flickering. Stoick was still awake, and he sat on the edge of his bed, his back to the door.
"...dad?" Hiccup broke the silence, feeling the need to whisper even though it was just the two of them and neither was sleeping.
"Son?" Stoick twisted his body so that he was partially facing the door. "Is everything okay?"
"I'm fine." Hiccup assured him, then slipped inside the room. "Are you?"
Stoick looked forward again, not answering the question. For a minute, Hiccup wasn't sure if his dad would answer, if his presence there was even wanted.
"I was thinking about your mother." Stoick finally stated.
"I figured..." Hiccup stepped closer to the bed, though his dad sat on the opposite side and out of his reach. "I was reading her book."
Stoick hummed in response.
"I'm sorry." Hiccup suddenly apologized, getting Stoick to turn and face him again, a questioning look on his face. "I don't think I fully understood your grief before... but I feel like I know mom better now, and... I feel like I just lost her."
With a gesture, Stoick invited Hiccup to join him. Hiccup stepped around the bed and sat by his father's side and Stoick placed an arm around his shoulders.
"She was a lot like you." Stoick said, grateful for his son's presence. His thoughts of his late wife had been making him sad. He hadn't been able to sleep.
"That's what I keep hearing."
"She loved you." Stoick assured his son, not wanting him to feel badly about having never really known his mother. "I think she would have liked the way you've changed Berk for the better. She'd be proud of you."
"I think she'd be proud of you, too." Hiccup told his dad as he smiled up at him. "You embraced change. You changed your way of thinking about the dragons."
"After making plenty of mistakes."
"Well... same." Hiccup let out a soft laugh that Stoick echoed. "I wish she were here with us."
"I know, me too." Stoick went back to his former melancholy, he really wished that Valka was there to see the person their son had grown into.
The father and son fell into a peaceful silence for a while, just seeking comfort in each other's presence. They'd both come to understand each other a little better over the past couple days, and to Hiccup, that was a pretty good way to spend a birthday.
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A/N: There should just be one final chapter after this one. I'll try to get it out faster this time, but the next update should be for "Deviation." I'll try to keep you guys updated on my profile/bio, with my update schedule.
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CHSHiccstrid: I'm glad the feelings I'm trying to portray are coming through well, in my writing. The gang just planned a last minute party, and their intentions were good, it just wasn't well received by Hiccup, who has come to hate his birthday. I like Astrid too, and I hope I'm writing her well as the supportive friend/girlfriend, even if things have gotten a little complicated between her and Hiccup as they have started to grow up. The next update will probably be for "Deviation," haha, but I will also try to get "Forge Window" finished soon too!
Silver Sentinel: It seems as if time got away from Gobber and he didn't realize just how much Hiccup had grown up. He does care, even if he doesn't know how to show it. I tried not to fall into any cliches, but I was also just writing it the way I felt things should play out. I'm glad you liked the talk between Hiccup and Stoick, it was something that they needed. Hiccup especially had some things he needed to get out. I hope you liked this new chapter too!
Livre'YsARI: Oh wow, I didn't know my writing could get such a physical reaction out of somebody! I do write a lot of angst, haha. I am fully recovered, thanks! I've just been busy as my life started going back to normal, and with me going back to work which means less time at home, writing. Thanks so much! I'm glad you like my stories. I have a chapter of "Deviation" I hope to finish soon, then I want to finish "Forge Window," and I've got some chapters for all of my stories in the works. Hopefully I can get those out soon! Thanks for your concern, I'm doing well! I recovered from being sick, it's work that is taking up my time and preventing me from writing. I'll do my best to write whenever I have the time! Thanks for all the reviews and the support!
KN Hudson: It's true, Hiccup and Gobber are very close and I think Gobber sees him kind of as a son. I agree, Hiccup has always been talented in the forge. He wasn't appreciated before and he did make mistakes as he was learning, but he did manage to make Toothless' tail fin, though there was much trial and error as he worked on it. It was about time that Stoick made an effort to celebrate his son's birthday despite his feelings of loss towards his wife. It was a nice gesture for Stoick to put his son first for once. I think things would have gotten a little awkward between Hiccup and Astrid as they started to grow up. Astrid probably stopped with the random kisses because they would have had more meaning, and maybe Hiccup would have started to question if she really did like him as more than a friend. Teenage love drama, so fun. They'll work through it eventually, haha. It's good that Hiccup can at least be completely open with Toothless about how he feels. His feelings aren't completely addressed in this story because I expand on them more in "Deviation." Stoick is trying to make things right, and even if not everything is fixed here, he does make a lot of progress with his son.
PlatinumInk-ed: Thank you! I am working on my stories when I can, it is just taking me more time to get things written than before. Thanks for the review, I hope you liked this new chapter!
Whiskerface: I'm glad to hear that you liked the last chapter! Hiccup's sixteenth birthday must have been weird for him because he is used to spending them alone and sad, but this time he had Astrid and Toothless, then his dad also acknowledged it. Hiccup has always wanted people to make him feel cared about on his birthday, to have birthdays like everyone else's, but then when he gets that, it doesn't feel right to him. He's used to being alone and feeling forgotten, he doesn't know how to deal with having people acknowledge his birthday. At least Stoick made a point of showing that Hiccup is a priority to him, that he loves him. Haha, yeah, the gang doesn't like to listen, do they?
httyd1y2: Thank you! I'm so glad you like the story. I like Hiccup and Stoick, father/son moments too! I hope you like this new chapter! Most of my stories have a lot of father/son moments between Hiccup and Stoick, so if you're looking for more of that, I recommend my other stories. Thanks for the review!