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Bite the Bullet: Chapter 3

The situation was not ideal.

The Candy Kingdom needed a new Baker's Shard in order to make their money worth something again, but the only way to get it was for Bonnie and Marcy to choose between two equally unpleasant options.

On the one hand, PB could simply sign Breakfast Princess' contract; effectively forfeiting her Kingdom's independence, crippling her scientific efforts and resigning herself to two and a half centuries of being the Breakfast Kingdom's lapdog. And on the other, Marceline could marry Breakfast Princess; which would be awful for a long list of reasons. Either way, one of them was going to have to bite the bullet for the good of the other, and unfortunately, neither was willing to let the other make that sacrifice.

They argued about it for days; sometimes into the wee hours of the morning. For a time, it seemed like the stalemate would go on forever.

Until…

XXX

Marceline floated over PB's empty bed for what felt like the millionth time; it was sort of her way of pacing the room without wearing a hole in the floor. It had been over three hours since Bonnie got that emergency call and she still hadn't returned. Naturally, the Vampire Queen wanted to go with her, but she insisted she could handle it on her own. So like any good friend, she respected the pink princess' wishes and stayed behind, but the waiting was starting to get to her.

For a brief moment, she considered going out to look for her friend, but just before she made her decision, the pink princess in question returned; looking very much like a zombie as she slowly staggered towards her bed and collapsed face first onto the mattress.

"Bonnie!" Marceline exclaimed worriedly as she flew down to her friend's side. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhh…" Bubblegum groaned as she gradually shifted herself into a seated position. "Colonel Candy Corn tried to use my No-Money Experiment as a way to scam a free flatscreen. The storeowner called him out on it, saying that there was no way he could normally afford such a fancy TV. One thing led to another and then the whole block started rioting."

"Good Glob."

"It took a while, but I finally got everything under control. The primary instigators are in custody and Finn and Jake are out patrolling the streets to make sure no one tries to start anything up again. A few people had to be sent to the hospital as a precaution, but other than that nobody was seriously injured."

"Well that's good."

"Yeah, but the property damage is through the roof, and the Candy Contractors refuse to do any work until they can get paid. Oh Marcy, it's a real mess down there." She said exasperatedly before quickly recentering herself. "I can't put it off any longer. Hand me the contract."

"No, Bonnie, you can't!"

"I don't have a choice. We got lucky this time, but next time… well, I can't let there be a next time. Now where did you hide it?"

"I tore it up."

"You what?"

"I said I tore it up. Bonnie, I'm not gonna let you ruin your life like this."

"Oh, Marceline…" the pink princess said with a weary sigh. "Well, it doesn't matter. BP still has the original copy. I'll go over and sign it tonight so she can give me the Baker's Shard in person. It'll be… simpler that way."

"No, I'm not letting you do this! If one of us has to bite the bullet, then let it be me."

"And let you spend the rest of your life as Breakfast Princess' plaything? Fat chance!"

"It's not the rest of my life, just the rest of hers. That's like, what? Eighty or ninety years? That's nothing for an immortal. Besides, BP can't be any worse than Ash. Heck, it probably won't even be that bad."

"Oh really? So you're perfectly fine with having to smooch Princess Egg-Breath for the next ninety years? And with having to attend all of her tea parties and slumber parties and spa days? And with being called Wifey Poo?"

The Vampire Queen shuddered at the thought, but otherwise held her ground.

"It's still better than letting you become her lapdog. I mean, what if there's an epidemic and you can't use your lab to find a cure because BP has your hands tied? People could die!" she asserted strongly before taking a quick breath to calm down. "Bonnie, you have an entire Kingdom full of morons who depend on you. I just have a Zombie Poodle that I never have to feed. It has to be me who takes a dive this time. There's just no other way."

"I know, but… I still can't let you do it." Replied Bubblegum, sounding uncharacteristically meek and frightened.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't wanna lose you, okay!" the pink princess shouted as tears started roll down her cheeks. It took a few moments, but she eventually managed to calm herself back down. "I mean… what if BP brainwashes you into being a spoiled priss like her? Or worse, what if being married to her isn't that bad and you… and you decide you actually like her!"

Once again, PB's resolve crumbled and she started to weep openly. But luckily Marceline knew how to handle these kinds of situations. So after using a handkerchief on the nearby nightstand to wipe away her tears, the Vampire Queen put her arms around her and started to stroke her hair gently.

"There, there." She said over and over again until PB calmed back down. "You okay now, buddy?"

"Yeah, I think so." She replied softly.

"Good. Now let's clear a few things up." Marceline said after breaking off the embrace. "First off, you heard what Hotdog Princess said. BP's a fan of my music. She wants me, not a taller version of herself. Plus, she's like eighty pounds and I can literally turn into any monster I can think of. I'd like to see her try to brainwash me."

"Yeah, I guess you've got a point there."

"Of course I do. And second, even if by some crazy fluke I do start to like BP, there's no way I could ever love someone like her. Not like the way I love you, or the way I know you love me."

Upon hearing this, the candy princess' face turned bright red.

"Oh, come on, Bonnie. We've both known it for a while now. I mean, it's pretty obvious."

"Sigh. Just look at me. I'm over 800 years old, I can create an entire civilization out of candy, but I can't say three little words to the person I care for most. Glob, I suck."

"Hey, don't say that. You're just good with your brain instead of your heart. You don't have to say it if you don't want to."

"But I do want to. And I want to do all the things couples are supposed to do. But between my experiments and running my Kingdom and everything else I have to do, I just don't know how to make it work."

"It's okay, Bonnie. I understand. You're a Princess, and a Scientist, and a Mom, basically. You have a lot of responsibilities. I've known that since the day we met."

"Yeah, but right now I'd be willing to lose all of that to Breakfast Princess if it meant not losing you."

"That's bunk, Bonnie, and you know it. This Kingdom and its people mean more to you than your own life, so they definitely mean more to you than mine. The Candy People can't survive without your guidance and you can't guide them properly if your hands are tied. It's like you always say, sometimes sacrifices have to be made."

"I know, but… I don't think I can make this kind of sacrifice. I just can't lose you. Especially not to her."

"I understand." The Vampire Queen said before sighing uneasily. "Come'ere, I wanna show you something."

"What is it?"

"Just something cool. Don't worry, it'll make you feel better."

"Well… okay. If you say so."

And with that, Marceline put her hands on Bonnie's cheeks, gently forcing her to look straight into her eyes. And then she did the one thing she swore she'd never ever do.

"Look into the void beyond the skies. Submit your will to my Queenly Eyes." She recited softly as she activated her gift from the Empress. Within seconds, the pink princess was in a deep trance. "Bonnie, you are now under my complete control. Do you understand?"

"Yes, My Queen." She answered in a zombielike manner.

"Good. Now listen carefully. You've had a long day and you're feeling very tired. So I want you to lie down in your bed and sleep for the next twelve hours. And when you wake up, you'll be free from my control and you'll remember everything we've talked about. Do you understand?"

"Yes, My Queen."

With that said, Bonnie fell back onto her bed and fell asleep almost instantly. Marceline hated to do this to her, and she hated this power more than anything else in the world. Just the thought of enforcing her will over someone else's was enough to turn her stomach. But it had to be done. She never would've let her go otherwise.

"I'm sorry, Bonnie. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but we've run out of time." The Vampire Queen said solemnly to the slumbering princess. "Next time we see each other, I'll be engaged."

And with that, she got up and floated towards the nearest window, only for a familiar smell radiating off her clothes to give her pause.

"I should probably go home and shower first."

XXX

And that's exactly what she did.

A quick shower and wardrobe change later and Marceline was ready to go.

She'd chosen one of her favorite outfits; her black minidress with the striped stockings and purple kitten heel pumps. This was a special occasion after all; albeit one she wasn't looking forward too.

Anyway, it was around 6:00 pm when she arrived at the Breakfast Kingdom and, as expected, she was welcomed with open arms.

XXX

It had been almost a full hour since Marceline arrived and she had yet to see hide nor hair of her future bride-to-be. When she'd first shown up at the gates unannounced, the Syrup Guards were understandably suspicious, and they were even more suspicious when the Vampire Queen announced that she'd come to ask for Breakfast Princess' hand in marriage, but after one of them called it in, they were given strict orders, direct from the Big Egg herself, to let her pass.

Since then, she'd been sitting in the parlor, on a loveseat made from a giant poppyseed muffin, waiting for her soon-to-be fiancé to join her. It had only been about fifty minutes, but it felt more like fifty years. The waiting, the anticipation, the knowledge that at any moment Breakfast Princess could come through that door and she'd have to start sucking up to her; it was almost intolerable. But fortunately, before her anxiety could overwhelm her, BP strolled into the room.

"So sorry to keep you waiting like this." She said in a posh but apologetic tone as she gracefully walked over to join her guest on the loveseat. "I was in the middle of a mani-pedi-facial-bacon wrap-foot massage when you stopped by. You really should have called first, Marceline. It would've given me time to make myself presentable."

"I know, and I'm sorry, Breakfast Princess, but…"

"Now, now, what's done is done. No need to dwell on it." BP said politely; in spite of how rudely she'd interrupted her. "And please, call me Barbie."

"Oh… okay, Barbie. And you can call me Marcy if you want."

"Sounds good to me, Marcy Poo~" the shorter princess said in a playful manner that made the Vampire Queen's skin crawl. "So, tell me, which one of my besties told you my little secret?"

"W-What? I don't know what you're talking about." Marceline lied, a little flustered by the unexpected question.

"Oh please, I may be a fool in love, but I'm not stupid. Do you honestly expect me to believe that you suddenly decided you wanted to marry me for no reason? So who told you? Heloise or Wilma?"

"Sigh. It was Hotdog Princess." She admitted; realizing she'd been caught.

"I figured as much. And I bet she made PB pay through the nose for that intel too."

"You have no idea."

"HA! Classic Heloise." BP said with a playful giggle. "Did she tell you she's the reason I fell in love with you in the first place?"

"No, she didn't mention that."

"Oh, it's such a charming story, I think you'll enjoy it. It all started about two years ago, the girls and I were having a sleepover at Wilma's place, when Heloise started poking fun at my taste in music. She dared me to listen to what she called 'real music', which in this case just happened to be one of your CDs, and by the time I'd finished I was totally smitten. You have the voice of an angel, and your lyrics… well, beneath all that grunge and grime, they scream of a poor lonely girl just looking for warmth and love."

"You're too kind." Marceline said politely, not really sure how she felt about that description.

"I didn't say anything at the time, but I knew then and there that someday, somehow, I'd make you mine. And now here you are, asking for my hand in marriage, just like in a fairytale." Barbie said dreamily before her expression suddenly turned serious. "But I'm afraid I must decline."

The Vampire Queen just deadpanned.

"What?"

"Oh, don't get me wrong. I still want to. Heck, I'd like nothing better than to make you Mrs. Breakfast Princess right here and now, but not if you're expecting me to let Princess Bubblegum off the hook in exchange. Love may be bliss, but business is business. No hard feelings, I hope."

"Are you kidding me?" Marceline asked furiously. "You mean I flew all the way down here and told like twenty of your guards that I wanted to marry you for nothing? Good Glob! It's probably all over the internet by now!"

"Don't worry, my guards know better than to post anything about my private life. This meeting stays between you and me." Barbie replied casually; which was honestly a huge relief. "And again, I'm sorry you made the trip for nothing, but you really should've called first. Then I could've told you I'm not willing to bend on this deal."

"With that stick where it is, I'm surprised you can sit down."

"Hey, there's no need to be rude. I'm not the bad guy here."

"You are exactly the bad guy here!" Marceline exploded suddenly, however Barbie appeared to be unfazed.

"No, I'm not. I didn't destroy the original Baker's Shard. Nor did I steal the one I have now. All I did was dictate my terms for an exchange after PB told me I was free to do so. I have done nothing illegal, which is more than I can say for your friend."

"Look, I know she's not perfect, but can't you just cut Bonnie a break? This whole thing is really upsetting her."

"She's only upset because for the first time in her life, she's being held accountable for her actions." Barbie replied sternly. "And as for 'cutting her a break', I think she's already had more than enough of those. For as long as I can remember, her reign has been one scandal after another and every time everyone just automatically forgives her. Well I'm sick of it, and I'm not the only one. Flame Princess and several others are too. PB needs to be reined in once and for all. End of discussion."

Upon hearing this, the Vampire Queen slumped into her seat and sighed defeatedly.

"Guess this was just a huge waste of time. Might as well leave."

"Aww~ You poor baby. You've had such a hard day. Why don't you stay the night?"

"Why bother? You just said you're not gonna change your mind."

"True, but maybe I can change yours. If you catch my drift."

"Hard pass."

"What's the matter? Afraid I might steal your heart?"

"No, I'm afraid I might lose my lunch."

"Oh, that crude sense of humor of yours." BP said teasingly. "But suit yourself. I can't force you to stay here if you really don't want to, but please, go out the front gate, I just had the windows replaced."

Marceline prepared to levitate off of the loveseat and storm out of the room in a huff, but at the last moment she decided to stay where she was.

She had a lot more to say.

"You're delusional, you know that?" she asked the tiny monarch acidly. "There's no way in heck I could ever love someone like you. Especially not after what you've put Bonnie through these last few weeks."

"I don't know. Stranger things have happened. Just look at Flame Princess and Cinnamon Bun." Barbie replied casually; still acting like she was in control of the situation. "Personally, I believe that under the right circumstances, almost any two people can find enough common ground to fall in love and live happily ever after, if they're willing to put in the work. And as for PB, her pain is largely self-inflicted, and not underserved."

The Vampire Queen growled at this.

"Marceline, you think I'm the villain here, because I've made enemies of people you care for, but if you stopped to think about things objectively, you'd see that I'm not the one at fault. Take last Princess Day for example. LSP crashed an important summit she wasn't invited to just so she could make a scene and be the center of attention, and when I called her out on it, she threw a tantrum and vandalized my palace just to get even. But in the end I chose not to press charges, because I decided she wasn't worth the effort. And as for Princess Bubblegum, she's violated not only the laws of her own Kingdom, but the international laws of Ooo and has endangered public safety on dozens of occasions and hasn't received so much as a slap on the wrist. If my reaction seems harsh, it's only because it's cumulative."

"Well… what about me? I've done tons of bad stuff over the years, including help LSP wreck your castle. So why do I deserve a pass and not Bonnie?"

"Because you've proven to me that you deserve it."

"Say what now?"

"Look, Marceline, I admit it, at first I only wanted you for your voice. I wanted to marry you so I could keep you all to myself and have you sing to me every day. But after doing a little digging, my feelings for you evolved into something much more wholesome." Barbie replied with an amorous flutter of her eyelashes. "I've found that you possess many, many attractive qualities. Your sense of loyalty for one, albeit sometimes misguided. And then there's your uncompromising moral code. Oh sure, you do bad things from time to time, but you've never done anything truly cruel or vicious; at least not to anyone who didn't deserve it. You refuse to drink blood in spite of your natural instincts. You'd do almost anything for a friend in need; even your actions on Princess Day were born from a sense that someone had been wronged. And let us not forget your most recent act of heroism; when you willingly gave up the thing you wanted most, a normal mortal life, in order to fix a problem you were partially responsible for. Why, I'd even go as far as to say your moral code is as strong and unyielding as my own."

As much as she hated being compared to Breakfast Princess, Marceline couldn't help but blush at the compliment. She had never heard herself described in such a way before.

"Then there's your softer, sensitive side; the part you try to keep hidden." Breakfast Princess continued. "You have a remarkable capacity for empathy, did you know that? The way you forgave those ignorant farmers who falsely accused you of attacking their cows, or how you've befriended the Ice King; someone most people, myself included, have been content to simply write off as a nuisance. Then of course, there's that time you risked life and limb just to reunite with your long lost dolly. Not gonna lie, the first time I heard that story, I teared up a little. PB may be made out of sugar, but you're Ooo's real biggest sweetie pie."

Barbie chose to punctuate that last statement by playfully booping Marceline on the nose; much to the latter's displeasure.

"How the junk do you know all this stuff? What? Are you stalking me?"

"I hired a private investigator some time ago, but since you're so old he could only turn up so much. The rest I got either through the grapevine or my own observations." Barbie clarified. "But anyway, I think what I find most attractive about you, aside from your heavenly voice of course, is that remarkable brain of yours. You're over a thousand years old, you lived through the Mushroom War, which means you can see the world in a way no one else can. It's what makes you such a brilliant lyricist."

"Look, as much fun as it is to sit here and listen to you kiss my butt, it's not helping Bonnie. So what's it gonna take to get you to rip up that stupid contract and hand over the Baker's Shard?"

"I don't see why I should. PB is still as arrogant and irresponsible as ever. And if I give her the Shard now, with no terms or restrictions, she'll just go right back to endangering people's lives with her experiments and nosing her way into other people's business. Sorry, Hon, but no deal."

Marceline wanted to go full feral mode on Breakfast Princess right then and there, but she knew losing her temper wouldn't solve anything. Bonnie was counting on her, so she cooled herself down and tried to play it smart.

"Listen, Barbie, I can't defend everything she does, but I've known Bonnie a lot longer than you have and she's not the monster you think she is." The Vampire Queen said in a calm but determined voice. "Everything she does, she does for the good of her Candy People. They mean more to her than anything else in the world. She was willing to give up everything and sign your contract just for them, but I tore it up and knocked her out. She even forfeited her job as Secretary-General to Hotdog Princess just to get her to tell us you had a crush on me."

"Huh… I didn't know that." The shorter princess said; clearly thrown off by the reveal.

"I figured, and I know it doesn't really make up for any of the stuff she did, but can't you find it in your heart to cut her some slack? Please, do it for me. You can call it a… wedding present."

"I already told you, I'm not…"

"I'm not asking you to let her off the hook, I'm just asking you to give her a chance to prove she can do better." Marceline clarified. "Just meet with her to hammer out a better deal, something that lets you both get some of what you want. And then we can, you know… get married. What do you say?"

This next part wasn't going to be big on dignity, but she could tell Breakfast Princess was starting to weaken, so she needed to bring out the big guns.

"Pretty please, Barbie Boo~"

It was an underhanded tactic, and a disgusting one at that, but it was effective. Barbie's face looked like a cherry tomato and her eyes were glazed over in what could only be described as pure, unbridled joy. She stayed like this for about a minute until she finally snapped out of it, and it took another two before she spoke up again.

"I… I suppose I may have been a bit overzealous while writing out my demands." BP said, trying very hard to sound like she was still in control of the situation. "And perhaps it would be for the best if I had someone by my side to make sure that doesn't happen again. Someone with a unique perspective on things and an uncompromising moral code."

"So, does this mean we have a deal?"

"Yes, I accept your proposal and I swear on my word as a princess that I will begin renegotiating the contract with Princess Bubblegum just as soon as we're married. I can arrange for a simple ceremony as early as tomorrow morning. If that's alright with you?"

"Sounds good to me." Marceline replied; she had always hated long flowery ceremonies, however she secretly hoped she still got to wear a dress.

"Good. Now, I already know your sense of loyalty and moral code would never allow you to cheat on me, but I hope you realize that a person in my position cannot have her reputation sullied by something as unseemly as a divorce. So if we go through with this, it's 'til death do us part. Can you handle that?"

"I never go back on my word." The Vampire Queen replied bluntly. "Ever."

"I assumed as much, but I just had to make sure." Breakfast Princess said, just as her stoic, matriarchal façade gave way to her true amorous feelings. "And since we've nothing left to discuss, what do you say we seal our little agreement with a kiss? Sound good, Marcy Poo?"

"Sounds great, Babe." Marceline purred sensually in spite of her own anxiety.

Then without another word, Barbie closed her eyes, pursed her lips and slowly leaned into her new lover's face. Marceline hesitated for a moment, but then remembered just what was at stake and steeled herself for what was to come. So with Bonnie in mind, the Vampire Queen puckered her own lips and quickly closed the gap between them.

And as their mouths connected, she thought to herself sardonically,

'Just call me Mrs. Egg-Breath.'

End Notes:

This took so long to edit.

One chapter left.

See you next time.

Peace.