Now that the furor over the disastrous UK press conference has died down, Bob has had enough of Mike and Mona's secrecy bullshit surrounding their relationship.
"JENSEN!" Bob bellows into the intercom, "My office, pronto!"
Mona drops her papers onto her desk and flies into Bob's office. When Bob says, "pronto," he's in no mood for snark or sass.
"Yes, Bob…" Mona whispers.
"I'm sick of you and Snide's pussyfootin' around."
"Yes, Bob." Mona knows exactly what Bob means by that.
"You two need to come clean with the cast, crew, press, and especially the fans. I've seen the articles. That press conference was a clusterfuck, to say the least. Upstairs is concerned with what the press is saying. Even the record label is getting nervous."
"Yes, Bob."
"Look, you know that I personally could give two shits about your personal life. I didn't hire either of you based on who you do or don't fuck or whose bed you share. It ain't my business. However, when it grabs the attention of Upstairs or others beyond this lot, then it becomes my business. Ya dig?"
"Yeah, I dig. So, how do you want me to fix this?"
"I want either you or Snide, or both of you, to sit down with Ann Moses for an interview."
"An interview?!"
"Did I just stutter?"
"No. It's just that you know how much Mike and I hate talking to the press about our personal lives."
"I know you do. And so does everyone else. You have a week for something to appear in print. Preliminary copy is due on my desk in three days. Capiche?"
"Capiche."
Mona anxiously exits Bob's office and searches for Ann. Mike sees Mona and runs up to greet her, "Hey, babe!"
Mona answers back in a low, sad voice, "Hey!"
"What's up? You look worried 'bout somethin'."
"Bob just gave me an assignment…"
"You... uh... usually like projects. What did he give ya to do?"
Mona sighs, "I have to give an interview…"
"An interview?" Mike interrupts, "With who?"
"Ann Moses. And it's about US."
"You and Ann?"
"No. YOU and I. And our marriage. And our life together. And all of the rumors that surround us because we're just trying to not live in a goddamn fishbowl," Mona bursts into tears.
Mike embraces her in a bear hug and wipes away her tears with his sleeve. He reassures her, "Babe, it'll be okay. I promise. Ann's a decent interviewer. She'll be respectful. And, uh, she has integrity. She'll print the truth in the best possible light."
Mona sniffles, "I know. I'm just worried. I don't like putting our life out there like that."
"I know, babe. Would ya like me to come with ya?"
"Sure, if you want to. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. But it would be nice if you were there with me. Besides, it'll look better if we're both there."
"Okay. When's this thing s'posed to happen?"
"I don't know. I haven't asked Ann yet. Have you seen her?"
"Try Davy's dressing room. You know that's where most of the teenybopper press hangs out," Mike laughs and Mona manages to laugh a little too.
Later that day, Mona catches up with Ann Moses and asks her for an interview.
"So, you've finally changed your mind about giving interviews?" asks Ann. It's more of a statement than a question.
"Not really," retorts Mona, "I'm doing this one against my will."
"Against your will?" questions Ann.
"Yes. Bob's making Mike and I do a 'coming clean' interview after the UK press conference disaster and the non-sense that some of the press has been printing regarding Mike and his supposed 'infidelity.' Apparently, no one in the press can properly identify who I am."
"I don't mean to pry, but can you blame them? You've threatened just about every reporter who has ever dared to ask a clarification question regarding you and Michael. Have you considered that some of your current predicament is of your own doing?"
"What's that supposed to mean? Are you saying that we deserve this?"
"No."
"Good. So, when do you want to do this interview?"
"Whenever you're available."
"Give me twenty minutes. I'll go grab Mike."
"I'll grab my tape recorder. Where do you want to meet?"
"My office."
"Which one?"
"My actual office."
"Okay."
Twenty minutes later, Mike comes bundling into Mona's office with Ann's suit case-sized reel-to-reel tape recorder. Mona double-checks to make sure the intercom button is not stuck. Ann comes in with a notepad, pen, and a stack of blank tapes. Mona gestures for everyone to take a seat. Mike pulls up a chair next to Mona, and Ann sits across from them. The tape recorder sits in the middle of Mona's desk.
"Are y'all ready?" asks Mona.
"As ready as we'll ever be," replies Mike.
Ann takes the reins, "We can start at any time. I'll give a little introduction at the beginning, and then Mona, I'll have you tell a little about yourself, and then you can begin your story."
"Okay."
Ann presses the record button on the tape recorder and the reels start turning.
Ann Moses: Every month more and more rumors fly about my friends, The Monkees. This month there are several rumors going around about Mike Nesmith and his wife Mona. Here today to set the record straight are Mike and Mona Nesmith.
Mike Nesmith: Hello, Ann
AM: Hello, Mike.
Mona Jensen: Hello, Ann.
AM: Hi, Mona. So, tell me a bit about you and how you met Mike.
MJ: I'm Ramona Jensen Nesmith, but professionally, I'm known as Mona Jensen. I was born on December 10, 1941 in East Hartford, Connecticut. I grew up on my grandparents' farm because my parents didn't buy their own house until 1950. After graduating high school in 1960, my best friend Susie and I left Connecticut and came to LA to seek our fortunes. We ended up working as roller-waitresses at Stan's Hamburger Shack. [Laughs]
AM: What was that like?
MJ: Well, Stan's is how I ended up finding work as a session musician. Mr. Huffmann, the owner of Stan's, helped make Susie and I minor celebrities.
AM: How so?
MJ: Well, back in 1958, I entered a contest to win a spot on Jack Paar's TV show. I won the contest and did my skating routine on national television. Well, Stan saw this and he recognized me when I came to apply for the roller-waitress job. Needless to say, he hired me and Susie on the spot. He also asked us to help him advertise the Shack.
AM: What did he have you and Susie do for him?
MJ: We posed for photos. We did a TV commercial. One of the photos ended up on some billboards. Stan also acted as my manager. He set up some other television appearances, including Ed Sullivan in February of '64, but I'm jumping ahead of myself.
AM: Were you on Ed Sullivan with the Fab Four?
MJ: Yes. And Davy too.
AM: You met Davy Jones then?
MJ: Yes.
AM: And what was that like?
MJ: Well… Um… Do you want the real version or the sanitized version? I don't think your readers would like the real version.
AM: And why wouldn't they?
MJ: Because Davy was a bit of a…brat…
AM: A brat? How so?
MJ: He made a rude comment to me and I almost decked him.
AM: Ahh… Well, what's the 'sanitized' version?
MJ: That I met Davy Jones on the set of the Ed Sullivan Show on the same night that the Beatles performed. No further details needed.
AM: Fair enough.
MJ: Okay. Back to the story. One day during the summer of 1961, a beat-up Rambler station wagon pulls up to the Shack. Its driver side door was so dented up, the food tray would barely stay on the door.
MN: Yup, that car was a piece of junk. So, I greet her like this, 'Hi, there!' [Mike waves]
MJ: And instead of just saying, 'hello' back, I tell him that his timing belts are worn out and need replaced.
MN: I... uh... thank her for the tip.
MJ: Then he questions my customer service.
MN: I mean, was that any way to greet a customer?
MJ: No, it wasn't. But I apologized.
AM: And then what did you do?
MJ: And then I asked for a do-over. [Laughs]
MN: And then I tell her my name and that hers reminds me of the Mona Lisa.
Mona looks over at Mike with a smile on her face and stars in her eyes.
AM: Aww! That's cute!
MN: Then I ask her if she... uh... knows of any places to hear some good folk music. She tells me about the Troubadour club.
MJ: Then he tells me I'm cute. After he and his friend finish their meal, he drives off. Later that night, he comes back with his friend, right as my crew and I are closing up. I inform him that we're closed. He says he didn't come for food. He pulls me close and kisses me. I ask him if he and his friend have a place to stay. He says they don't and so I offer for them to crash at my place. That was the beginning of our relationship.
AM: That's a cute story. So, when did you two get married?
MJ: June 21, 1963.
AM: Tell me that story.
MJ: In the summer of 1963, Susie and I go out to San Antonio to visit Mike. We were only planning on staying a week and then returning to LA. We end up staying three weeks and returning to LA with Mike and the rest of his band. While in San Antonio, Mike pops the question to me.
AM: That was fast!
MJ: We had written back and forth and visited with each other before. It wasn't like I had just suddenly shown up and he professed his undying love for me. Well… almost… [Laughs]
MN: I did propose to you in a song.
MJ: Yes! You did! And it was the sweetest thing.
AM: What song is it? Would any of our readers know it?
MN: It's an old song I wrote around that time called 'I've Been Searchin'.' I doubt any of your readers outside of Texas or LA would know it. [Mike starts singing the first few lines]
AM: Maybe someone will recognize it.
MJ: Maybe. So, now that Mike and I are engaged we decide to skip the long engagement and cut to the wedding. I call my parents and he calls his. By the end of that week, we're husband and wife and our parents are still wondering what the hell just happened.
AM: What did your parents think of all of this?
MJ: My mom was surprised because she had no idea that I was dating anyone. My dad was just simply shocked. My sister was beside herself with laughter.
AM: Why was your sister laughing?
MJ: Because my sister…
MN: Because Lizzie thinks I'm 'goofy looking.'
AM: Really?
MJ: When my sister Lizzie came to visit this past summer, she didn't believe that 'Monkee Mike' and 'Mr. Mona Jensen' were the same person.
AM: [Laughs] I'm sorry, but that's sort of funny. Mike, how did your parents react?
MN: Both my ma an' step-pa thought Mona was from a ranchin' family an' were... uh... disappointed when they found out she was from a family of small dairy an' tobacco farmers.
MJ: I think she was more disappointed about the tobacco part than anything else.
MN: Yeah, sure...
MJ: So, after our shotgun wedding, we return to LA with the rest of Mike's band. By this time, I have joined them on banjo.
MN: Once we get to LA, me an' our bass player John London go back to Texas for a three-week tour of public schools that the cousin of our other guitarist, Bill Chadwick, had set up prior to Mona comin' out to visit.
AM: So much for a honeymoon.
MJ: What's a honeymoon? I think those only exist in movies.
AM: So, what happened while Mike was gone?
MJ: Disaster, that's what. The girl who had set up this ill-fated tour had embezzled all of the tour money, so not only were Mike and John broke on the road, we were all broke back home.
AM: What about you and Susie? You had jobs.
MJ: Well, we were supporting eight people. The money only stretched so far. By the time the rest of the band had found jobs, they didn't get their first paychecks until after Mike and John returned. I had to ask my mom for an emergency loan so Mike would have enough money to get back home to LA and we'd have food on the table.
AM: Did she loan him the money?
MJ: Yes.
AM: That sounds rough.
MJ: It was.
MN: Mona was furious when I walked through that door.
MJ: I don't know how many times I went from yelling to sobbing and back again.
MN: I deserved it, though. I shoulda realized earlier that the money wasn't goin' where it was s'posed to go. John an' I shoulda packed it up an' returned to LA.
MJ: Well, that's the past. We survived and now we have a story to tell!
AM: So, take me to the present. How did you get a job with The Monkees?
MJ: Like Mike, I answered an ad in Variety.
AM: Was this before or after Mike?
MJ: Before. I think it was about a month or so before.
AM: What specific job was the ad for?
MJ: Production Assistant
AM: Had you ever done that kind of work before?
MJ: No, but the ad said that no experience was necessary.
AM: Did the ad mention anything about The Monkees?
MJ: No. It was just as vague as the cattle call ad that Mike answered.
AM: Cattle call ad?
MJ: That's industry-speak for an open audition. I learned that term from Micky. [Laughs]
AM: Oh, okay. Did you ever see the ad that Mike answered? Did you know about it?
MJ: I knew there was going to be a cattle call. Part of my job was setting up and running the check-in process. I didn't write the ad. I had nothing to do with that part. I set up the sign-in tables in the Lobby, processed intake sheets, and led the auditioners to their interviews.
AM: Were you in charge of anything at this point?
MJ: If you mean like I am now, then no. I guess you could say that I led the Lobby crew. All of the production assistants were at the beck and call of Bob and those directly under him. We went where we were supposed to go, when we were supposed to be there, and did what we were supposed to do when we were supposed to do it. Bob and I hadn't developed our... unique rapport... yet.
AM: How did you find out that the ad was for the same production that you were hired for?
MJ: When Mike comes strolling in and comes directly to my table to sign-in.
AM: How did you react? Were you surprised?
MJ: Yes. When Mike came in, I was surprised, but I hid it. I played it cool because even at that point I didn't want to let on that I knew anyone. I had seen many people I knew from the club scene. I treated them with a bit of professional indifference. I'd smile at them to show them that I knew them, but I didn't give them any type of preferential treatment. However, soon after Mike came in, I was called away into Bob's office and still had Mike's paperwork in my hand. Bob snatched it from me and called Mike back. I scurried away to complete Bob's task and he interviewed Mike. Bob closed that phase of the process soon afterwards.
AM: Do you feel as though you had had a hand in that?
MJ: No. I did give Bob my opinion about some of the applicants. I'd make gestures such as slitting my throat if I felt a candidate wasn't worth Bob's time. However, I was poker faced about Mike.
AM: What was Bob's reaction when he found out that Mike was your husband?
MJ: He told me he wished I had told him sooner.
AM: Why?
MJ: Because then he wouldn't have had to hold a cattle call in the first place.
AM: What do you mean by that?
MJ: Let's just say that Michael was the only Monkee who was actually picked from the cattle call process.
AM: Interesting. So, would you say that the reason why you kept your marriage secret was to avoid accusations of favoritism?
MJ: Yes, that's a big part of it. At that time, I had no idea about how the press would accuse the guys of not playing their instruments or that they were fake or any of that BS. But I knew my husband well enough that I knew he valued (and still does) accomplishing things based on his own merit. Meaning, that if I had helped him get the part, that would have diminished its value to him. Not that he'd be ungrateful, but that he'd feel it was unearned.
AM: That's a wonderful insight into Michael's character. Why else have you kept your marriage secret?
MJ: [Agitated] Well, for one thing, I don't think it's anyone's goddamned business who the fuck I'm married to.
Mike touches Mona's leg and gives her a reassuring look. He mouths, "It'll be okay."
MJ: [Sighs] Sorry for that momentary outburst. The fishbowl gets to me sometimes.
AM: Take your time.
MJ: Like I've told my sister Lizzie, it also makes my job easier. Well, it did in the beginning.
AM: How so?
MJ: If people on set don't know that I'm married to a Monkee, they'll respect my authority more. I wear a lot of hats and I relay a lot of messages from those higher up the food chain than me. I'm also the unofficial mediator of most people's disputes, including people who have disputes with Michael.
AM: That must put you in a difficult position.
MJ: Sometimes.
AM: So how does not knowing you're Mike's wife help those who may have a dispute with him or involving him?
MJ: They're more likely to come to me with their issue. They're happier with the outcome and less likely to accuse me of either taking his side or being too 'soft' on him because he's my husband.
AM: Do you think people who already know you and your ways of resolving conflicts would change their minds about you once they found out you're married to Michael?
MJ: Yes.
AM: What if I told you that that's not the case, and I have proof?
MJ: What proof do you have?
AM: Have you noticed anyone treating you differently lately?
MJ: No. Should I?
AM: You do realize that the press conference removed any doubt that anyone around here may have had that Mike's your husband? Besides, about 95% of the cast and crew has been to your house at least once or twice. Your ruse evaporated about six months ago.
MJ: So, what's the point of all of this?
AM: So everyone can hear it from your own mouths and not the rumor mill. Besides, the fans aren't as well-informed about the lives of Mr. and Mrs. Nesmith as the cast and crew are.
MJ: I just hope everyone doesn't laugh at me.
MN: I'll pound every last one of them if they do. [Mike winks and chuckles]
AM: Let's go a little deeper into this press conference. What happened?
MJ: So when we were in the UK last month, this guy from one of the British music rags shoves an article in Mike's face that had some dark and grainy photos of him and I at various venues and the headline screamed, "Monkee Mike Caught With Another Woman." Keep in mind that none of these jokers has any clue what I look like or who I am.
AM: So what happened next?
MJ: Mike just throws the guy his typical angry glare and I take over and ream the guy a new asshole, which pretty much stops the presser cold. I then motion for the guy to come over to me and I threaten him with legal action if he doesn't retract his article. He refuses to retract it and I revoke his press credentials right then and there. I then have security escort the guy out of the hotel. I pass the guy's creds onto [Bill] Chadwick and he gets on the horn with Legal back here. Next thing I know, I'm in a whole lot of hot water, and not just from the tears streaming down my face.
AM: Michael, what did you think about all of this?
MN: At first, I was... uh... stunned. I think everyone, including Mona, expected me to... uh... explode on the guy, but she... uh... beat me to it. [Mike laughs] I certainly wanted to.
AM: Michael, you showed incredible restraint in the face of a volatile situation.
MN: Naw. Mona just... uh... took the wind out of my sails is all. If she hadn't intervened, I probably would've clobbered the guy.
AM: So, just for the record, the 'other woman' in those photos was you, Mona. Correct?
MJ: Yes. All of those pictures were of me. I recognized each of the outfits in the photos.
MN: There is no 'other woman!' One's enough for me! [Mike winks at Mona]
AM: Well, now that that's cleared up, that's all I have. Do you two have anything else that you'd like to add?
MJ: No.
MN: No, ma'am.
AM: Well, thank you Mike and Mona Nesmith for taking the time to give us this interview.
Ann pauses for a few seconds and then announces, "Interview over." She stops the tape recorder.
Mike, Mona, and Ann all get up and Mike and Mona each shake Ann's hand and thank her for giving the interview. Ann carefully removes the tape and places it back in its box. After he finishes winding up the cord, Mike picks up the tape recorder. He exits out the door. As Ann leaves out the door, she informs Mona, "I'll type up the transcript tonight and put it on Bob's desk first thing in the morning."
"Thank you, Ann. I appreciate all of this."
"You're welcome."