A/N: Thank you so much for tagging along with me on this somewhat crazy ride! I'm really happy to hear that you like it. I smile while reading every single review, even the cranky one saying Tucker will be a long for the ride, lol. Unfortunately, I don't write sci-fi or ghost stories, and Tucker already did his… part.

For some reason, this chapter was a pain in my ass. But after four glasses of wine, here it is.

Tatiana Manaois – Helplessly

Ryn Weaver – Pierre

KT Tunstall – Suddenly I See

Amanda hadn't meant for it to happen. It was actually the last thing she wanted and most definitely the last thing she needed.

She tried to ignore it for weeks, months. Had successfully suppressed any unwelcome and intrusive thought or feeling, almost, with a few exceptions.

FEBRUARY 2012

"I don't want to ruin your night, but there's a pretty big stain on the back of your dress." Amanda said as she eyed the woman next to her in the precinct locker room.

"What?" Olivia sounding mildly annoyed as she looked over her shoulder in an attempt to see what the blonde detective was talking about.

"Looks like a bleach stain or something."

"Shit… I'm supposed to meet D- him, in like fifteen minutes." The brunette walked over to the mirror and turned around to look at the white-ish stain. "Damnit."

"You can say David, Liv. I know you're seeing him."

"How?"

"Hm?"

"How do you know it's David?"

"I didn't, not until now." The blonde smirked.

"Ugh, that was sneaky, even for you, Rollins."

Amanda chuckled as she reached inside of her locker. "Here." She said after finding what she was looking for.

"Huh?"

"Borrow my dress."

"Funny. You're like six sizes smaller than me, Amanda."

"Not true. Come on, try it on. At least it's not stained."

"Fine." Olivia let out a little puff as she reached for the zipper on her ruined outfit. "Lock the door."

Amanda mentally kicked herself for not being able to ignore how incredibly sexy that sounded. But, sometimes Olivia had this low, deep voice and no matter how hard she tried not to, her body would still react to it.

"It smells like you." The brunette mumbled when the dress was halfway over her head.

"It's clean, I swear." Amanda said with her eyes trained on the floor to avoid staring at Olivia standing in front of her in just her underwear, and those very, very high heels.

"I didn't say it was a bad thing."

Jesus Christ, Liv. You can't say things like that.

"You can look now."

Amanda lifted her eyes and for a moment she forgot to breathe. There was something extremely intriguing about seeing Olivia in her dress.

"See. Told you it would fit."

"Yeah, except my bra is totally showing." Olivia said as she pointed to her chest.

Amanda swallowed in a desperate attempt to get her nerves under control while forcing her eyes to stay locked on the brunette's face. "Take it off."

"What?"

"Take it off, you don't need a bra in that dress."

Olivia stared at Amanda first and then down at her chest. "I can't believe I'm doing this." She muttered the words under her breath as she pulled at the straps and tugged at the fabric. She turned her back to the blonde and as much as she wanted to, Amanda just couldn't help but notice how beautiful her back was. It looked so strong, but also soft and feminine.

She felt a pang in her stomach when she watched Olivia unclasp the bra before she pulled it off.

When the dress was back on, the brunette turned around again and looked at her, apparently waiting for some kind of approval.

"There you go." The younger detective said, just a little dry mouthed. She cleared her throat carefully when Olivia smiled at her.

Two weeks later Amanda found a plastic bag waiting for her at her desk. She opened it with questioning eyes and saw a black dress and a note inside.

"Bought you a new dress. The old one had a really good time. Thank you."

When she turned around, she found brown eyes peering up at her and a second later they were both laughing, causing Nick and Fin to look at them with both confusion and curiosity.

"You're welcome." Amanda chuckled before she sat down.

At first, it was relatively easy to blow it off as just a fascination, or admiration. The way Olivia carried herself in the interrogation room, or the way she talked to victims. The way she could be so incredibly intimidating and still have such a calm and comforting presence.

She could be pretty harsh, Amanda had experienced that more than a couple of times after joining the squad. But sometimes, and often unexpected, the brunette turned into one of those friends you would want in any crisis.

The caring, empathic and almost motherly friend that always knew what to do or say to make things just a little bit better.

MAY 2013

"You didn't have to drive me home, Liv." Amanda said before wincing a little as she turned around the key. Because of the drugs, it didn't really hurt, but her entire body felt off, stiff and a little wobbly.

"It's the least I could do, after… what happened."

Amanda was surprised by the emotion in Olivia's voice. But she quickly decided to rationalize it, thinking she was just emotional because a fellow cop had been shot. They had both lost colleagues that way and close calls were always scary.

"And we're supposed to look after each other, right?"

"Right." The blonde smiled a little shyly as she closed the door behind them.

"Ok, let's get you to bed."

"You're not even gonna buy me dinner first?" Amanda's playful comment was followed by a wink.

"Good to see that those painkillers are still working." Olivia laughed as she gently placed her hand on Amanda's arm, the one that wasn't currently trapped in a sling.

"Wait, I think I want to shower first. I feel disgusting."

"You sure you're up for that?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"Ok, but I'll wait here, just in case."

"You're stubborn."

"Yup."

Not only did Olivia wait, she helped the wounded detective change the bandage on her shoulder and then she somehow managed to scramble together a meal that she practically force fed the detective.

And when she eventually left, Amanda was sleeping peacefully.

She didn't necessarily understand why or how, but even through painful challenges and major turmoil, their friendship hadn't just persisted. It had strengthened. And after eight years, she finally found that for the most part, she had managed to let go.

That's why it almost felt like a cruel joke when Olivia, definitely under the influence, unknowingly decided to stir things up.

DECEMBER 2019

"I really hate these parties." Olivia muttered before bringing the glass of white wine up to her lips.

Amanda looked around the room for a short moment. "Let's sneak out."

"We can't do that."

"Why? Why is it so important that we're here right now?"

"We can't just leave."

"We don't have to leave per se." The blonde said with a mischievous grin on her face.

Amanda grabbed the captain's hand and pulled her towards the elevator. Suddenly she stopped dead in her tracks and turned around. "Wait. We need something to drink. Go grab that bottle of scotch in your office."

"I don't have-"

"Funny. Go, get it. And your coat and scarf. Meet me by the elevator."

Five minutes later, Amanda opened the door to the roof.

Olivia had been up there a few times, but she had never noticed the plastic box Amanda was currently opening.

"Here." The blonde said as she handed her one of the two blankets. "I used to come up here to smoke."

Olivia grabbed it a little hesitantly. "I can smell that."

"Do you want the blanket or not?"

"I want it."

Amanda placed the other one on the ground and motioned for Olivia to sit down. "Ladies first."

When they were both seated, the captain unfolded the blanket and put it over them, a little surprised at how comfortable this was, in spite of the cold December air.

"I kinda feel like a teenager ditching class."

"Hey, we're both single parents, we never go out, can't we just allow ourselves to be a little bit naughty?"

"Yeah, I guess we can." Olivia grinned as she grabbed the bottle from Amanda's hand, only then realizing their mistake. "We didn't bring any glasses."

"We really are like teenagers."

Neither of them knew exactly how it happened, but while passing the bottle back and forth, their conversation had turned into some kind of truth or dare. Only there were very few dares involved.

The captain laughed so hard that she cried a little when Amanda shared her most embarrassing story from college. It involved lost keys, a lot of tequila, a sudden need to pee and a very strict dean. And Amanda rolled over laughing when Olivia told her the story about when she got high on mushrooms and literally lost her mind in the interrogation room.

"Ok, truth time, Rollins." The brunette said before taking another sip of the bottle that was now missing a lot of its original content. "Craziest place you've ever had sex?"

"Oooh, good one. Probably the high school football field. Right in the middle of it." Amanda winked jokingly before she lifted the bottle from where it was resting in Olivia's lap. "You?"

"Here."

"What? The precinct?"

"No, literally right here, the roof."

The detective gasped and gave her a playful push. "Captain Benson! I want details."

"You're not getting any."

After a few minutes, Amanda gave up on the battle to find out who, when, why, how. "Fine…" She sighed wistfully. "Biggest regret?"

"Hmm… I think a few years ago I would've said not getting pregnant when I was younger. But now… I'm not sure. Not traveling more before I became a cop maybe? Maybe not making things right with Elliot, but that's more on him than me. What about you?"

"William Lewis."

It was the scotch. That fucking brown liquid was like a truth serum for Amanda.

"Sorry… Sorry, don't know why I just blurted it out like that." She mentally berated herself for being so incredibly stupid and thoughtless.

"I'm a little confused."

The detective bit her lip and looked up the sky for a moment, realizing that her biggest regret might've been this very moment.

"I… Ever since what happened… I always thought that it was my fault. I mean, if I hadn't brought him in, he wouldn't have met you. And he wouldn't have-"

"Amanda, is that really how you feel?"

"Yeah."

"You never told me."

"I didn't want to bring it up. And I'm sorry I told you like this."

Olivia grabbed the bottle from Amanda's tight grip and placed it on the ground. For a second Amanda feared that she had ruined absolutely everything. But then, two hands suddenly cupped her cheeks.

"Amanda, I need you to listen to me. Ok?"

"Ok." The blonde whispered, a little stunned by the sudden physical contact.

"I have never, ever, blamed you for what happened. You did your job, and if it hadn't been me, he would've hurt someone else. He probably would've hurt more people, too. What happened to me, was not your fault. Do you hear me?"

As much as she wanted to, Amanda couldn't stop her tears from falling. She had been carrying this guilt for such a long time but she hadn't realized just how much it had been suffocating her, dragging her down.

"And I would've done the same thing, if that was me in the park. Would you have blamed me if he had taken you instead?"

"Never."

"Exactly." Olivia smiled at her then, a sad but heartfelt smile that made it a little easier to believe her.

The captain used her thumbs to wipe away Amanda's tears. "I'm so sorry that you've felt this way. You're an excellent detective, but more importantly you're a really good friend. I don't tell you that often enough."

"Thanks." She tried to smile, but she was too preoccupied with not showing Olivia how nervous she was making her.

"And you're…"

"What?"

The brunette's eyes locked with hers and every second that passed before she spoke again felt like hours. "Really pretty."

Their faces were so close now that Amanda could feel Olivia's breath on her skin, and all she wanted to do was lean in, just a little bit closer. But she couldn't move. She was frozen to her spot, and the captain's surprisingly warm hands were still holding her cheeks.

She kept waiting for the other woman to pull away, but instead she caught Olivia looking down at her mouth.

"Liv…" She heard herself whisper, so close to breaking free from years of self-discipline, and ask the brunette to kiss her.

Suddenly the door swung open and both women leaned back and away from each other.

"There you guys are. Been looking everywhere for you."

Whatever had just happened was definitely over, and Amanda couldn't decide if she wanted to thank Carisi for picking that exact moment to interrupt them, or if she wanted to punch him in the face and push him over the ledge.

Amanda didn't know how long she'd been sitting in the parked car when she finally managed to pull herself from her thoughts and the memories that had filled her head while driving to the shooting range.

For so long, she had managed to keep her feelings at bay, not letting them interfere with the job or her life outside the precinct. She realized then that she wasn't entirely sure if she could do it anymore.

Had she just imagined what happened on the roof back in December? Had it all just been in her head? Hadn't Olivia called her pretty and looked at her lips like she wanted to kiss her?

Maybe it was just because of the scotch. Probably. She decided then to accept that as the final truth, but not without feeling just a little heartbroken.

I need to get over this, once and for all.

Just as she opened the door to get out of the car, her phone vibrated in her pocket.

"Just wanted to say thank you for being here today. It helped, not being alone. Can we have dinner this week? There are some things I think we need to talk about."

A/N: Poor Amanda, so in love. Will they get around to have dinner? What does Olivia want to talk about? Is she keeping the baby? TBC.