CHAPTER THREE :Tris - turns 16 years old

It was 2.45(am).Due to a dim moonlight ray entering from the window, I could see my Uncle sleeping on the floor on the right side of the staircase. I remember, it said in the Abnegation manifesto that 'One should completely forget their desires and only live to serve others.' I never understood how one can even live after forgetting their own presence. I mean what's the use of a life like that. And the most pressing thing is that we weren't even allowed to question this logic because they were made a long time back to keep the world at peace. My mind screams from inside when one is expected to follow these rules but I contain things in.

I was eagerly waiting for the sunrise because that's when my Uncle would give me the most precious thing, for which I wait every year. It's my father's letter, before he left me, forever. He wrote me few letters when he was suffering from the plague and left those with my Uncle.When I was 5 years old he would cook for my Mom and me everyday, cut my hair every Sunday till shoulder length similar to my mom. And when I used to fight saying "No! I like long hair, Dad I don't want to cut them." He never used to reply but always gave me a side smile and said "Okay, maybe next time."

Tears rolled down from corners of my eyes, remembering all the time that we had spent together. I love and miss them both everyday, every single moment. I inhaled in to lighten my lungs filled with heavy sores, unforgettable memories and sleepless nights.

I hardly slept yesterday night. I started my day by cleaning the two rooms and cooking for everyone. It was my turn to make breakfast for my Uncle and myself. While heating some tea and roasting some bun, I thought about Tobias. What is he planning to do in the choosing ceremony and maybe I know his choice already! Anyway,we weren't allowed to discuss our choice with anyone. That's because 'faction before blood!'

I wish we could celebrate and be loud this time because it's a big deal. We both are independent citizens of this country now. We will now take decisions for ourselves and live life whichever way we want to. I remember last time, we secretly celebrated and had our own mini-party with pancakes and sweet potatoes. We were at the edge of getting caught by my Uncle, after he saw some spilled food on the ground. Anyways we didn't, so it doesn't even matter now. However, the letter matters! I can't keep calm in anticipation of reading the letter, then meeting Tobias and telling him what my dad wants to say and the jokes that my dad cracks in the letter, to make us smile. That's how my day feels complete, when I share what I am thinking with him. I don't think anyone else understands me better than him. Not even my Uncle. Well I can't judge him because I never shared anything with him.

My Uncle got ready wearing the same gray pair of pants, a dull red shirt and another gray jacket upon it. My eyes were shining brightly and I hoped he knew what was today? My excitement was more for reading the letter that my Uncle will give me,than to turn 16, an independent girl. My Uncle walked towards me, with undisturbed eye contact. His hands were folded back behind his back as if he was hiding something. He stopped in front of me. I had to look up to keep looking at him but my neck gave up. Then I shifted my point of contact to his hands. Before I could peek in, he held his hands out, offering me the letter and said, "Here, happy 16 Tris, all the best, get ready tomorrow we have to go to give your aptitude test. How are you feeling?"

I already had mixed feelings but I nodded and said, " Ummm...I am excited maybe. I'll be ready on time tomorrow." I don't know why I can't open myself up to him. All these years. I just can't share what I am actually feeling. This understanding gap bothers me sometimes but then I let it be because it doesn't even bother him. I took the letter that he handed me. I could already feel the love and wishes that my parents have written in it.

I wished him a good day "Have a good day!" and went into the tiny,cozy store room to make myself comfortable. This is where I usually go and have gone all these years. I could feel the roughness of the envelope before opening it. I don't know why but this time I am feeling different. I don't know why but my instincts said as if there's going to be something unexpected. Anyway, I tore the envelope from the side.