The rest of our time spent in the goblin infested tunnels was remarkably uneventful, much to my relief now that nothing nearby was trying to kill me. The last few hours we spent traversing those cramped corridors and spacious rooms passed by quickly after we burnt the greenskins' corpses to ensure they would not cause a resurgence after we left, my two companions taking bitter solace in the sight of burning greenskins now that there were no more goblins to kill as I tried my best to ignore the scent of charred flesh spreading around us. While it was true that I could hardly stand to be around Goblin Slayer after his failure to communicate his plan of attack, unnecessarily putting our lives at risk, he proved to be quite capable of navigating us back to the surface after finding nothing else of note in the tunnels, much to my chagrin at relying upon him once more.
The captives we rescued from the goblins, broken in both body and spirit to the point that only The Emperor could help them now, did little to hamper our hour-long journey to the nearest alcove of civilization once we had stepped out of the tunnels and into a luscious field of grass. They couldn't walk on their own, none of us daring to ask why in case they could still have given us an answer, and being little more than skin draped around bones made them frightfully easy to carry.
My earlier assumption of me and Jurgen arriving on a backwater agriworld of some sort appeared to be correct upon reaching the first settlement Goblin Slayer escorted us to. From what little information I had been able to scour from him, the small rural village he led us to had apparently put out a request to whatever organization maintained order on such a feudal planet such as this, Goblin Slayer being the specialist sent to put an end to the greenskin menace plaguing them. Goblin Slayer informed my aide and I that he needed to inform the mayor of this village of his success, leaving us to our own devices while he fraternized with the inbred imbecile that required his assistance in the first place. I would have protested against him trying to take command away from me, but the tingling in my palms convinced me that perhaps it was best to let the professional take charge until I learned more about the planet I now found myself on.
Goblin Slayer walked into the mayor's modest mansion, although still quite extravagant compared to the hovels surrounding it, without another word. Jurgen interpreted our escort's leave as a moment to rest, tearing into a ration bar in the same, indifferently oblivious way he tended to devour any meal before him, displaying all the table manners of an Ambull as he did so, while I did my best to ignore the carnage beside me and inspect our surroundings in detail for the first time since our arrival in the small little village.
Thankfully that allowed me to realize just how frakked I was and how any hopes of escaping this planet in the imminent future were nonexistent at best. The buildings were primitive at best, their walls either made of quarried stone or wooden planks instead of the solid rockcrete that could be found on most Imperium controlled worlds. Not only the buildings, but the roads too seemed to have been dug out by hand rather than through the watchful oversight of the Adeptus Mechanicus, as no self-important tech priest of any standing would have allowed the dirt roads connecting the village's various businesses, homes, and houses to exist. In fact, given the general lack of machines I had seen in this village alone, I doubted that there was a single cogboy within a hundred kloms of where I was standing. Whether or not this was a blessing from The Emperor in disguise or a sign of more troubles to come had yet to become apparent. Regardless of which, there was likely no space worthy vessel on this side of the hemisphere, if there was one on the planet at all.
The people also seemed to be just as primitive as the tools and structures I had seen so far, most of them dressed in the same attire that one would commonly associate with the artistic impressions of a feudal world's peasantry in a ballroom theatre, for those of us that see color the same way Jurgen sees personal hygiene, leaving me quite surprised to see such clothing worn without the underlying smug superiority of the actors I typically saw wearing them. Earthen browns, beiges, and the occasional spot of white hidden behind a wall of dirt that Jurgen also carried with him were what most of the rabble that stopped to stare at me and my aide wore, most of their clothes tastefully thin due to the temperate climate of this world, a pleasantry I was immensely grateful for once a few of the local girls passed through my vision to wherever it was they were headed towards.
Once the gorgeous scenery had made itself scarce, I noticed that a large crowd had started to grow with us at its center. It seemed that the entire town had gathered around the mayor's house where Jurgen and I were standing in the hopes of meeting with the PDF soldier that had saved them from the greenskins that had undoubtedly been recently troubling them, as only a few of them dared to look at either of us for more than a scant moment. A few of them must have been the families of the two girls we rescued from the goblins that Goblin Slayer had taken with him to meet the mayor, no doubt holding onto the dismal hope that their daughters might one day return to a mostly normal life, but I could hardly take a guess as to who the rest were and what they were intending to do once they set their eyes on Jurgen and I. Most people seemed to overlook Jurgen's presence as best they could, the majority presumably put off by his disheveled appearance that had only deviated slightly from his natural disorderly state, and for those close enough to experience a taste of his distinct aroma for themselves, I was largely unsurprised when they took backed away from his most identifiable feature.
I must say that I was pleasantly surprised by the general reception that I received, or rather the lack thereof, further solidifying my assumption that the world we were on was not dominated by Imperium rule, if the Imperium had a presence here to begin with. Thanks to my overblown reputation that had been attributed to me for accomplishments that were mostly embellished, a rare few which I could take genuine credit for and even less that I wanted to claim, I had been expecting to be swarmed by dozens of awestruck civilians all clamoring for the attention of the Hero of the Imperium. Instead of vying for my autograph or asking me to strike a gallant pose similar to the propaganda posters adorned by the erroneous image I had cultivated for myself, they seemed no less interested in me than they were with Jurgen, although even I could see that there was a clear disparity with just how willing they were to approach me as opposed to my malodorous aide.
Perhaps it was my weapons, the chainsword and laspistol I carried at my hip giving me a more heroic and approachable appearance than Jurgen and the bulky weapons resting on his back, or just as likely, the difference between our thoughts on personal hygiene who it should happen to. My bet was on the innocent foodstuff he only just finished slaughtering for dozens to see, remnants of which were scattered throughout his matted greying beard. I never had the chance to find out, as before I could ask, Goblin Slayer exited the mayor's home only to be immediately swarmed by the crowd that had been milling about outside and biding their time with us. As it became all but blindingly obvious now, they were here to catch a glimpse of the soldier that had arrived to help. While I was more than thankful to be free of the unwanted attention that always seemed to follow me whenever I stepped foot into a densely populated area, I couldn't help but to feel slightly vexed at how the grungy looking PDF soldier seemed to be receiving more preferential treatment than a more presentable man like myself. I personally knew that there was no helping it since the likelihood of these villagers knowing what a commissar was was next to zero, but that didn't deter my aide from voicing his own displeasure with what we saw.
"What a bunch of squig fodder." Jurgen muttered, just loud enough so that way I was the only one who could hear him as the villagers surrounding Goblin Slayer continued showering him with praise. The PDF soldier seemed to share his opinion, judging by how little Goblin Slayer seemed to care for the crowd's attention as he tried to force his way through the bodies blocking him from leaving the mayor's estate peacefully. "They should be celebrating you like that, sir, not the flunky who doesn't even have his own lasgun."
As much as I wanted to agree with him, if only to avoid another few weeks of him sulking around again, I was far too thankful that I wasn't the one dealing with the mob of fanatics for once to wholeheartedly agree. "Don't fault them for not knowing who I am, Jurgen. I doubt these people know how much either of us have done for them on behalf of the Imperium. It's only natural for them to praise whatever heroes they do know of." I told him, delicately navigating the verbal minefield laid out before me. "I'm sure we will be getting the reception we deserve soon enough once we contact the local Adeptus Arbites, PDF barracks, Munitorum branch, or whoever we can file a complaint to once we reach civilization."
Whatever further protests Jurgen had, he kept to himself, no doubt preparing to follow my words to the letter as he typically did and give whatever unsuspecting clerk he finally descended upon the terminal result of his already mounting annoyance in regards to our current treatment. Since that wasn't a problem I needed, intended, or cared to deal with, I let Jurgen happily prepare whatever string of curses he would welcome his eventual victim with and waved Goblin Slayer over to us now that he had finally broken free from the crowd surrounding him, all of whom had started to disperse and go about their daily lives as if nothing had ever happened.
"Did everything go well?" I asked him. I knew that I might as well have been talking to a wall of rockrete instead, but even something as emotive as the both of them could sometimes offer up some vital information if you knew exactly how to approach them.
"Yes." He said, sounding just as lifeless as he had when we first met him.
An uncomfortable silence settled between us as I waited for him to elaborate further, before I realized that the man I was talking to was just as sensible as Jurgen, forcing me to press him for questions once again. "Are the girls okay?" I asked him, hiding my annoyance at his omnipresent obtuseness as best I could.
"For now. A nearby temple will take care of them until they are better." Goblin Slayer said with the same dispassionate tones I had already come to expect from him, although my satisfaction at finally receiving a straight answer from him kept me from making any comment on the matter.
"The Emperor Protects." I quoted habitually, not believing a word of the pointless platitude I recited to him, yet still making an attempt to direct His attention away from the Astronomican for a moment to help the greenskins' victims. If he did have the ability to spare his time from such an arduous task of guiding all traffic conducted in the warp for a moment, it would be put to far better use helping the billions of his loyal soldiers fighting the forces of chaos and hostile xenos than helping two souls that likely never heard of him anyways. Even so, the thought had to at least count for something.
With my hollow prayer finished and my curiosity towards the fates of the women we rescued filled, knowing full well that there was little hope for either of them making a full recovery, I decided it would be best to put an end to our current line of conversation and focus more on my own well being before I was too disgusted to ask the original question I had for him. "How far is it to the nearest Administratum building, Goblin Slayer?" I asked him, hoping the answer wouldn't be too painful to hear.
It wasn't, little to my surprise, but at least my host's news wasn't a complete disappointment. "I've never heard of this… 'Administratum'," He said, his words piercing through me like a hail of fleshborers, "but if you're referring to the Adventurers Guild, there is a Guild Hall in the Frontier Town. It's two days' travel away from here."
Goblin Slayer must have noticed my disappointment at hearing his news, or perhaps the slanderous and horribly inaccurate presumptions Jurgen was muttering underneath his breath about our escort's heritage, because this time he did not hesitate to give me an offer I was in no position to refuse. "If you would like, I could take you there since I need to turn in the results of my latest quest." He proposed, no doubt believing I needed all the help I could get given how he found Jurgen and I lost in a tunnel full of greenskins.
As irksome as the prospect of a two day journey lead by Goblin Slayer was, trying to find my own way to this 'Frontier Town' he was headed for seemed far less appealing given the greenskin presence on this planet. Never one to let an opportunity to take the easy way out escape my grasp, I agreed to his proposition and the three of us set out immediately, Goblin Slayer at the forefront of our group as our guide with Jurgen and I marching behind him, neither of us letting both of our hands stray far from out weapons after our encounter with goblins in the tunnels we recently escaped. Both of us carried our lasguns in our arms, Goblin Slayer choosing to keep his weapons by his side and appearing quite satisfied with the way we kept ready for a possible ambush. If I didn't know any better, I would say that he appreciated how we travelled with our weapons out so casually, but then again, it was hard to tell what the monotone moron was thinking due to the helmet of his that he never took off.
I only discovered his insistence of staying fully armored during the first night we made camp that day, but from what I had seen of the man so far I was hardly surprised. I was personally amused to watch him struggle as he forced crumbs of food and a water skin through the slots of his helmet's mouth guard, fighting his meal and armor with as much enthusiasm as he did the horde of goblins we had slain. In my personal opinion, there was never such a thing as 'too careful', my long and eventful service in the Imperial Guard teaching me through my many brushes with death that few others survived alongside me due to lacking the same paranoia I always held for my surroundings. Jurgen seemed unperturbed by Goblin Slayer's refusal to take off his armor, once I finally broke down and asked him for a ration bar he had stored away for an indeterminate amount of time I wished to never discover for myself. Given the average Guardsman's attachment to his lasgun, most of whom would sooner part with one of their arms than the only thing keeping the ravenous maws of so many of the Imperium's enemies away, I wasn't surprised by his lack of a reaction at all. That didn't stop me from thinking it was completely ridiculous for Goblin Slayer to not allow himself easier access to his meal for a brief moment, or have a good laugh about it once I was out of ear shot.
Our first night together was largely uneventful as we all took turns on nightwatch duty, as was our next day and a half of travel. Apparently the goblin presence was not nearly as bad as I assumed it to be earlier, although I could tell Goblin Slayer did not share my sentiments, rambling on about something of a possible warboss or the goblin equivalent, despite my thoughts that no such leader could possibly arise given the lack of greenskins present on this world. Speaking of which, as far as backwater planets go, I don't think I could have been stranded on a better one.
Jurgen clearly didn't share my sentiments, no doubt wishing that we had found ourselves on an iceworld not unlike his own homeworld of Valhalla, despite how frakked we would have been without a few days worth of supplies to make survival possible in a subarctic climate. Thankfully we were not on a world that a Valhallan would find pleasant, as the verdant forests we were surrounded by, their leaves and nearby flowering plains all starting to bloom during what must have been this planet's equivalent of a Terran spring, allowed me to enjoy the gorgeous scenery between the brief bouts of conversation amongst us that tore me away from the beautiful flora. The sight of such land being put to waste housing such natural wonders instead of supporting the Imperium as countless acres of farmland was concerning, but not much more so than everything I had already seen so far. If anything, it just proved that I was a long way from the reaches of the Imperial Army and any attempts they would make at dragging me back to the front lines of the newest Tyrannic War and other equally hopeless conflicts that would surely follow afterwards.
I wasn't exactly considering spending retirement here instead of the paradise world I was supposed to be on right now, but as far as planets to be stranded on went, this was hardly one of the worst I could have found myself on. This was probably the one that had come the farthest from killing me, I had so naively thought at the time.
It was that thought in mind that I had begun to dread the final leg of our journey as the first large settlement we had come across finally loomed into sight, no doubt the Frontier Town that Goblin Slayer had spoken of. Considering how well everything had been going for me, something had to go wrong eventually and the twitching of my palms did not turn out to be mistaken once I finally reached my destination. As far as notable settlements go it was quite underwhelming, hardly capable of housing more than several thousand inhabitants as opposed to the tens of billions a hive city could support, depending on what one defined as 'support'. Still, it was by far the largest settlement we had come across, magnitudes larger than the other villages and scatterings of houses we had passed by the previous two days.
The streets inside the city were much more orderly than the worn dirt pathways our group had used to traverse through the forests and plains earlier, those minor throughways being little better than ruts carved out by primitive carriages while these seemed to be maintained with some degree of order. The buildings were not much different than those of the first village Jurgen and I found ourselves in, but the ones in the Frontier Town were several stories tall and packed tightly enough to create streets instead of the illusion of streets that we had seen earlier. Needless to say, being a major city in comparison to what could be found in the surrounding areas, there were far more people roaming through them despite the sun starting to settle on the horizon and bringing the last rays of sunshine with it.
As for the people themselves, they were another matter entirely that shook me to my core and made me wish I had agreed to take job at the Schola Progenium on Perlia for my retirement where I could take solace knowing I was well within the Imperium's borders instead of the Emperor forsaken planet I now knew we were on. Everywhere I could see, there were xenos mixed in with the humans I believed to be this planet's exclusive colonists. I didn't see any of them sporting the single braids or alien architecture that would have led me to believe that this world was under Tau control, revealing a brand new assortment of problems in the process that I thankfully wouldn't have to deal with, but that was of little comfort. Humans, Eldar, humanoid xenos that looked like a deranged taxidermist or Magos Biologis had been inhaling some promethium fumes before conducting a few experiments on them, and various other repulsive life forms roamed the streets much to my dismay. As discomforting as I found them to be, I knew that Jurgen was far less diplomatic than I was when it came to dealing with nonhuman threats, so I spent what little time I wasn't gawking at the various xenos placating my aide as best I could.
Fortunately, he seemed to have the common sense to realize that, despite our vastly superior weaponry compared to whatever these primitive xenos possessed, we were hopelessly outnumbered by them. Much like the tyranids I had come to dread, we had no chance of standing against all of the xenos within the Frontier Town on our own and starting a fight while surrounded by them would be suicidal. Jurgen was upset by my order to holster his weapons, the only exception being if either our lives were in immediate danger, more so than they already were by being so close to the xeno scum surrounding us, but unlike him I believed that not dying for the Emperor in order to rid the galaxy of a few xenos that weren't actively antagonizing the Imperium, as far as we knew, would be in both of our best interests. This world already had a greenskin infestation to deal with, so I was sure that whoever was in charge wouldn't mind having a man of my reputation capable of forging an alliance with powers far stronger than anything this planet had ever seen would land us in quite the comfortable position if they were of a reasonable persuasion. If they were not, then I was fairly sure that a demonstration of Jurgen's melta would also get the point across as effectively, if not more so.
It was with a heavy heart upon realizing that my hopes of a quick escape of this planet were gone, left to die after being trampled by crowds of xenos I had seen earlier, that we finally reached the doors to the Guild Hall of the Adventurers Guild. Now that I knew that we were no longer going to be meeting the warm reception I had been expecting until now, I prepared myself for every possibility that we would come across the moment we stepped inside those doors and met whoever was managing the defenses of this sector of the planet. While I was somewhat thankful I wouldn't be dealing with a grox-brained PDF detachment as I had previously feared I would, I was far less enthused with knowing I had no leverage to use against the equally inept idiots that I would more than likely need to build rapport with until I managed to contact the Imperium. That of course, assumed I still had the capability to do so from this primitive planet.
The galaxy is a big place, and I still had no idea where frak I am was after travelling through the portal opened by the chaos cultists that ruined my prospects for a peaceful retirement. I had faced countless other horrors far worse than a bunch of self-serving xeno scum that had about as much sense as the typical PDF commander and lacking even the most basic lasguns their Imperial counterparts had at their disposal, I thought in a vain attempt to encourage myself. Jurgen and I had come out virtually unscathed through far more dangerous incidents in the past, but that did not mean I was pleased with finding myself in one that was equally as absurd.
Apparently I had forgotten to mask my dismay at my recent findings, because the grungy little space marine imposter managed to notice a change in my usually unflappable appearance. "Do you need something else?" Goblin Slayer asked me, breaking me out of my concentrated attempt to assemble some fleeting illusion of courage as I prepared to enter the Guild Hall.
It seemed that my lectures to him had paid off, many of which had been directed at his tendency to leave important things unsaid to the detriment of those around him who lack the same knowledge as him. Initially, I used my decades of experience as a dissembler learned from fraternizing amongst the nobility from my time serving under Lord General Zyvan to press Goblin Slayer for information about this planet, although I honestly doubted I needed to try so hard given how dense the man was. My inquiries were about as useful as an ork sniper, Goblin Slayer either not knowing the name of the planet he was on and anything that didn't relate to goblins or, more than likely given the overly straightforward sense of duty he shares with Jurgen, not caring about anything other than the duties bestowed upon him. Upon realizing that he had nothing to teach me, I took it upon myself to implant the bare minimum amount of information required for Goblin Slayer to not be a hazard to anyone in his squad through that dense head of his, should he ever decide to stop working alone. I spent many more hours than I would have liked drilling some common sense through his dingy helmet, but it seems my efforts weren't completely lost on him now that he was asking me a question of his own volition. I could only imagine what look had been plastered on my face to make him take such an extreme course of action though. For him to notice it, it must have been extreme enough for even a Tau ignorant about humanity to realize I was at a complete loss of what to do.
"Yes, now that you mention it, it seems I do." I admitted, trying my best not to expose my obvious disgust at what I had seen inside the city so far. There was no telling how far away I was from the Imperium I represented, with little hope of me being able to find someone in a position of authority high enough to get me off of this planet even if I hadn't been lacking the connections to do so. It was then, as if The Emperor Himself offered me a mug of tanna tea, that I had an idea of how to move forward. "How well established is this Guild Hall of yours?" I asked him.
My plan, as risky as it was, seemed entirely foolproof at the time. As I was technically a well known figure amongst the Imperium and had negotiated a truce between Zyvan and the Tau forces that fended off the Tyranid Hive Fleet that tried to consume all of Fecundia, I had plenty of confidence that I could do the same again even if no one here knew exactly who I was or the powers I represented. So long as I kept a straight face, made myself appear as overbearing as possible, and said things so outrageous to these people that they would have no choice but to believe me upon my entrance, I had no doubt that I could string them along just as well as I had done with that exceptionally psychotic Inquisitor on Periremunda while I was still serving with the Valhallan 597th. While I had no idea what exactly I could make them do for me as a phony envoy of the Imperium, that was something I could figure out once I no longer needed to convince them that I was one.
Thankfully, and to my complete lack of surprise, Goblin Slayer seemed to have no idea what I was trying to ask him and pondered my question as if I asked him the true meaning of life. That wasn't necessarily a bad thing, as the less people that knew what I was planning to do, the better. "What do you mean?" He asked.
"Let me rephrase my question then: Is this Adventurers Guild in any way related to a kingdom or empire?" I asked him, hopeful I conveyed my meaning in such a way that even a dimwitted planetary governor could understand while missing the true intentions behind my question.
"No." He said, and I was about to curse my rotten luck until Goblin Slayer continued without me needing to prompt him once. It appeared he picked up my lessons far better than I could have ever expected. "The Guild isn't controlled by any one kingdom, but all of them have connections to high ranking adventurers and can ask the Guild for help with certain tasks." He continued.
Well, to me it almost sounds like this Adventurers Guild is no different than the Imperium, if you were willing to take a few liberties due to their smaller scale. With these higher ranking adventurers sounding like the local equivalent of a planet's Arbites representative, complete with the pros and cons that come with those eccentric yet effective arbiters of justice, perhaps I might have a way to enjoy my time on this planet in comfort after all. Only time will tell though.
"Thank you for your help, Goblin Slayer. Although I have nothing to offer you now, should I ever be able to help you in the future, do not hesitate to ask me for assistance. I will do everything I can to return the favor you have done for me." I said in an attempt to leave a lasting impression on him.
I had no intentions of helping him in person, having a suspicion as to whatever help he might ask of me in the future relating to greenskins in some way, but considering how much respect one remote village held towards him and how hard it likely was for news of people like him to spread, building an amicable relationship with him now seemed like a good idea in hindsight. If I had known just how much danger those words would soon put me in, I would have never said another word to Goblin Slayer and did my best to forget that he ever existed.
"I see." Goblin Slayer droned, giving me a stiff nod in what I assumed was a farewell and entered the Guild Hall before me.
With him out of the way and no one nearby, human or otherwise, I addressed my aide to inform him of what role he would play in order for my plan to work so that the both of us could salvage some enjoyment from my ruined retirement plans.
"Jurgen, ready your lasgun but do not turn off the safety." I ordered him, carefully emphasizing the final part so as to avoid a bloodbath that would end with both of our deaths. He complied, although with visible reluctance. I couldn't blame him because I would have at least attempted to argue against such an absurd order in his position. Thankfully, Jurgen followed this order as well as any other I had given him, an aspect of his character I was immensely grateful for since I also had my own reservations about the gamble I had just devised for us. "I'll need you to follow my lead and act as my guard until I tell you otherwise."
"Orders, sir?" My loyal aide asked.
"Treat everyone in this establishment with the utmost respect, the same you would show to the officers and aides we have been liaising with these past few decades." I told him, hopeful he would behave himself for once. "We are in hostile territory now, and the only weapons that are of any use to us now are whatever negotiations we can make with the xenos loving fools running this place."
Knowing Jurgen, he could just as easily find a reason to use the melta strapped to his back just as easily as he could ignore everyone inside the Guild Hall. Making my entrance with him at my side was a risk, but if I was going to put on a believable act for my intended audience, I could have no man more loyal than Jurgen at my side to give off the impression of a man of regal importance. Carefully nurturing my unwarranted heroic reputation amongst the common troops taught me exactly how important appearances could be long ago. All I needed to do was make a flashy enough entrance, have a mildly respectable armed entourage following behind me, and put on a courageous persona once more and with some luck I would be sipping on some vintage amasec by the end of the day if everything goes right.
I gave my aide a brief inspection and, deciding that he was as presentable as he would ever be, adjusted my own uniform and weapons for a moment to perfect the look that so many of the Imperium's citizens have come to associate with the propaganda posters I adorned. Years of posing for those damnable things had given me plenty of experience towards making myself look more respectable than I truly was, more so than my attempts at maintaining my fraudulent reputation had done. After a moment of internal debate as to what I should do with my hands, I decided it would be best if I kept my weapons holstered and a hand kept on each of them, giving myself the illusion of a warrior that was ready for battle but not overly eager to start any unnecessary fights. With Jurgen keeping his own weapon at the ready and following behind me, I had no doubt that he would provide enough discouragement to prevent anyone from calling me out until I had someone, preferably all of the high ranking members and staff inside the Guild Hall who I would rather not waste time dealing with otherwise, willing to take my side should things start to escalate out of control. It was very unlikely such a thing would happen, but as they always tended to go that way regardless whenever I was present, I made sure I was prepared for the worst.
It was while striking a reasonably eye-catching pose that seemed adequate for Hero of the Imperium, Jurgen's glowing approval giving me the confidence in it that I sorely lacked, that I finally opened the door to the Guild Hall and stepped inside with as much dignity as I could muster. The door I nearly tore off it's hinges let out a deafening creak that all but made my entrance impossible to ignore to the denizens of the Guild Hall, leaving me to stare at quite the sight before me. I was a little disappointed to discover I had gallantly barged into what looked like a glorified pub filled with xenos patrons as well as more of the sympathizers I had already seen instead of a more pompous group of nobles and the such fraternizing with each other, but no less welcoming because of it. If anything, the humble origins of the rabble both seated and standing around the pub would only aid my attempts to draw as much attention to myself as possible, most of them no doubt wondering who the frakking idiot was that had so brazenly presented themselves in a lowly bar like a king addressing his adoring masses. I couldn't see Goblin Slayer within the sea of faces that had all turned to stare at me with mixed looks of amazement, confusion, and a few of unhidden disdain, but I had no doubt that he was among there somewhere, too focused on goblins to care about my entrance.
The familiar odor of my aide soon wafted in behind me, and the general aura of surprise amongst my audience changed to one of belated understanding and disgust as they saw him take my side like the loyal soldier that he was. I had seen Zyvan perform this same maneuver several times myself, the Lord General striding into meetings with a dominating presence only heightened by his honor guard following him from behind that added further onto the impression of absolute authority he gave off. Although Jurgen was perhaps the worst possible person to have as my honor guard when taking only his physical appearance into account, the way he followed my lead as if it was no more difficult than breathing for him more than made up for what his lack of cleanliness lacked. The way I could see him brandish the lasrifle in his hands towards the crowd from the corner of my eye also might have had something to do with their sudden respect too. It was hard to ever be certain with xenos and their sympathizers.
With Jurgen making it physically impossible to turn back now, my stage now set to perfection and a path to the counter at the other end of the Guild Hall opening up as if a sign of approval from The Emperor himself, I started to walk forward with the slow, deliberate stride that befitted men with far more integrity than myself. Everyone that found themselves between me and my apparent destination no doubt discerned where I must have been headed for when I myself had neglected to figure that much out earlier. It was a slight oversight on my part, forgetting to ask Goblin Slayer who I should talk to upon entering, but not knowing who to talk to or what to say had never stopped me in the past and I certainly wasn't going to let it start now. I proceeded with the same regal act with which I had entered, slowly scanning the faces around me that were studying me in an attempt to determine my origins or intentions for intruding on whatever revelries I had interrupted, as well as a few recoiling in horror as they received a noseful of eau de Jurgen upon discovering he smelled exactly how he looked.
For a moment, I thought that my plan was going to finish in the same spectacularly flawless way as it started. I had almost made it to the counter and the assembly of women that were already scrambling to accept me and the nonexistent message I had for them when I found that the universe had something else in store for me, my destination being cut off by an ornate spear thrusted in front of my face that hardly seemed fit to be used as anything other than the crowning piece of décor on an already gaudy collection of archaic weaponry. No sooner had my palms flared up again with a sense of familiar foreboding that the owner of the spear joined his weapon in an attempt to stand in my way, and for a brief moment I regretted everything I had done until then.
The man that interrupted my parade through the Guild Hall wore an ornate blue armor sporting an exquisite golden trim surrounding each plate of metal that it was composed of, making him look like an anorexic Space Marine despite being just as tall and muscular as I was. Unlike Goblin Slayer, who I regrettably expected to be the standard for adventurers in regards to their appearances and how willing they would be to interrupt me, he did not wear a helmet to accompany his immaculate armor and looked quite young for his age, not much older than a fresh recruit to the Imperial Guard. He looked smug, arrogant and more than satisfied with himself for getting in my way in the same way that all frakking new guys to their respective regiments did, making me feel just as apprehensive about what I would need to do about him as I would with the FNGs. I also noticed a small silver tag hanging from his neck, not unlike the one Goblin Slayer wore, convincing me to take a moment to inspect the other adventurers around me in search of similar tags.
Unsurprisingly, I found that most, if not every adventurer in the Guild Hall, was wearing a tag around their neck, one of an assortment of eight colors from what I could see. Those tags were more than likely some indicator of their status if I were to hazard a guess, some distinctive meaning behind them as obvious as that of my red sash, the exact meaning of which was lost on me. With that said, given how this Spearman had the same tag as the man that led me here and was presumably able to fight off hordes of greenskins with similar ease given the arrogant look on his face, I assumed they had to be of an equal standing. I stood there for a moment, desperately hoping that Horus himself would somehow strike him down at my feet, before addressing him as hesitantly as possible in the hopes that someone else would talk some sense into him before I could. No one did, as they were all too busy watching on in fascination as one of their own confronted the pompous idiot that had barged in on them, and I once again wished I could turn tail and run despite knowing any attempt to do so would ruin my credibility amongst these adventures in the future.
"Is there something that I can do for you?" I asked the man in front of me, careful not to let my palpable fear slip in my voice nor dismissive of his presence in case that caused him to show me just how skilled he was with his weapon.
The Spearman smirked, apparently amused at having forced me to acknowledge his presence for some reason, as if that was something for him to be proud of. I couldn't fathom what was running through his mind, although given my run ins with other commissars who had sported his same indignant look when they believed my reputation to be entirely farcical instead of only the vast majority of it being exaggerated, I knew that whatever it was that he wanted, it would ultimately end in him triumphing over me in some meaningless way to inflate his own ego or by me shattering it completely. In any other circumstances, I would have told him to frak off and grab a porn slate from Jurgen if he was that desperate to stroke his own ego, but given my need to appear both respectable and powerful, I had no choice but to play along with whatever game he had in store for me.
"Yeah, you can tell me who you are and why you think you can just walk in here like you own the place." The Spearman said, now leaning on his spear as he treated me like some spoiled noble that had no idea how the real world worked, not unlike himself if I were any judge.
I resisted the urge to swipe out the butt of the spear he was leaning on as I prepared to answer him, but Jurgen was there to intercept the question for me in a way that would both help and haunt me for a long time to come. "Watch your tongue. You are speaking to Commissar Ciaphas Cain, Hero of the Imperium. You should be showing him the utmost respect he deserves." My aide said, unwilling to let this idiot insult me any more than anyone else did in the past and making no attempt at hiding his contempt for the Spearman.
The target of Jurgen's ire flinched away after receiving a full blast of my malodorous aide's halitosis that could even discourage an ork from charging at him, but much like the blood lusting greenskin he acted like, the Spearman soon rallied back with more vigor than before.
"Hey! I don't know anything about this so-called 'Hero of the Imperium' nonsense," He said, finally making it all but obvious I was now on a planet where The Emperor can't save me now, "but I'm the 'Frontier's Strongest' and I have never heard of someone like you before! What's a noble like yourself doing so far away from your mansion, Commissar?"
I thought that would be the end of his little rant, seeing a slight opening to insert myself through and leave him behind, but once again he moved the head of his spear in front of the face to discourage me from passing him. Apparently making an arse out of himself once hadn't been enough, although the crowd around us was starting to speak with far less enthusiasm now that I hadn't lost my temper to his obvious attempt to anger me.
I thought his next attempt to rile me up would be just as pathetic as his first. Oh, I'm sure everyone present was surprised as me to see just what fecal matter spewed from his mouth next.
"Do you need your stupid, dirty little manservant to protect you when you can't fight your own battles?" He goaded, trying a new line of attack and displaying a line of thought I did not believe him or his woefully low intelligence to be capable of.
"What did you say about Jurgen?" I asked him, allowing a small portion of my now rising temper to slip into my voice.
Spearman clearly didn't care to repeat himself or notice how tightly I was gripping onto the hilt of my chainsword now, apparently having found something to laugh at when he was moments away from crossing a line there was no coming back from far more worthy of his attention. The adventurers around us seemed to have taken notice of the way my posture changed at his obvious attempt to drag me into a fight of some kind, many of them placing hushed bets on who would win if we would come to blows. The discouraging lack of people willing to place both their faith and coin on me didn't hamper my decision to give in to the Spearman's obvious provocation, if anything, hearing Jurgen flick off his safety and attempting to get in on the action only made me feel better about not backing down peacefully.
"I said your little manservant is a dirty, smelly, ugly little man that looks more worthless than Goblin Slayer." He whispered to me, and it was with every once of restraint in my body fighting against the urge to draw my chainsword on him that I hadn't ruined the mysterious and noble appearance I had only just started to build up.
I would have brushed off his childish attempts to rile me up then and there after ensuring that Jurgen didn't get any funny ideas once he had his moment, but the frakhead just couldn't keep his mouth shut and had to personally attack my aide. There were only two things in life that I value as much as my own well being, and Jurgen was one of those things. An insult to a man far braver, humbler, and deserving of my ill gotten fame that had saved my life innumerable times was not something I could let slide so easily.
Luckily for both of us, one of the women that I had spotted behind the counter decided to insert herself between us and push us apart just as I let my thumb hover over the activator of my chainsword. She was a sweet looking girl with pale skin and a full figure that looked strikingly similar to Regina Kasteen, although the hair of the woman separating me for the Spearman had a braid of golden blonde hair instead of crimson and eyes of the same unusually striking color. Her suit looked more appropriate on an administratum drone rather than a girl you would find in a pub that could be found on any seedy corner of the galaxy with barely any effort, but didn't take away from her charm in the slightest. Overall, she was one of the last people I would have expected to intervene between the heated discussion between me and the idiot that insulted Jurgen moments before it erupted into violence.
"Spearman! Stop harassing the Hero of the Imperium!" She shouted, surprising us both with her outburst. Spearman seemed physically pained by her intervention, a flustered look of regret that seemed to be for a reason other than the embarrassment at having caused a scene and only now realizing it, if I was reading him correctly. As for me, I kept the small scowl on my face in order to keep up the illusion of the unshakable presence I was aiming for and looked down to see what our mediator intended to do next.
The Guild Girl seemed to have noticed I was staring at her immediately, and quickly removed her hand from my chest as a small blush spread across her cheeks. "S-sorry about that, Hero of the Imperium, sir." She stammered out in a quick attempt to mend any bad impression I might now have of the establishment both she and the Spearman were a part of.
I personally didn't hold any ill will to anyone other than the individual that had taken it upon himself to go out of his way to antagonize me, but I decided to ease into a small smile at her attempt to subdue my already diffused anger. Jurgen no doubt appreciated the sudden respect being thrown my way, no doubt placated by her intervention, and it felt wrong to not take advantage of the sudden opportunity she presented before for me.
"Your apology is unnecessary, as it wasn't you or this organization that decided to attack me and the Imperium which I came here to represent." I told her, holding back the urge to laugh as both she and Spearman went pail at my sudden declaration.
"You're a foreign ambassador, Hero of the Imperium?" The Spearman sputtered in disbelief, only now realizing just how badly he almost messed up if I wasn't talking out of my arse.
"Yes, and I would prefer you to use my title of 'Commissar' over my other one if it is all the same to you." I told him, and the surrounding crowd that continued to watch the drama unfolding before them. "I've always found the title bestowed upon me by the people of the Imperium to be far too gaudy to take seriously, no matter how insistent they are on using it."
While the distinction felt unnecessary, I wanted to distance myself from the overbearing title and the responsibilities it had tormented me with as much as possible while also wanting to flaunt it just a little bit more. I had not doubt that 'Hero of the Imperium' would be one of many titles attributed to my name on this planet if everything went right for me, but if possible, I would rather have people refer to me as Commissar or Cain in person whenever possible and I damn well intended to start drilling the idea into people's heads now before they got any bright ideas. With that said, if people preferred to shower me with luxuries more for being the Hero of the Imperium than a humble commissar, then I would be more than happy to stomach my discomfort in private.
"Uhm, sir Commissar, I am so sorry about what happened earlier." The Guild Girl hurriedly said in her attempts to appease my nonexistent wrath. "If there is anything we here at the guild can do-"
As entertaining as it was to watch her panic in an attempt to save face, I had better things to do that enjoy a random civilian's frantic attempts at currying my favor. "Don't worry, I know who is at fault here." I said, casting a pointed glare at the Spearman who found it far harder to keep himself standing as tall as he had earlier. "Anyways, perhaps it would be best if I could discuss my reason for coming here in private. I would hate to have my opinions tainted should anyone be so bold as to take it upon themselves to interrupt my vital duty to The Emperor once more."
This time, it was the Guild Girl's turn to shoot a seething glare at the Spearman who fell to his knees as if he had been shot in the chest with Jurgen's melta, assuming his lower half would have escaped unscathed, which I highly doubted. I, for one, only allowed myself a small smirk at the sight of him in complete and utter defeat, as well as stifling a laugh when Jurgen took a guess at where the adventurer was keeping his helmet stored.
While my entrance to the Guild Hall and the Adventurers Guild as a whole had been less than pleasant, it had not gone nearly as bad as it could have, I thought. If I knew just how wrong I was, I would have kept on walking to the next closest town and asked the archbishop there for help.
Author's Corner:
Our HERO OF THE IMPERIUM has finally made contact with the Adventurers Guild, and after putting an arrogant brat in his place, is on the cusp of making the reason he is there clear to the world after a tense introduction.
Now, as much as I hate the overused 'bully the new guy' trope in most stories and books with a Guild of some sort, let's be honest here, Cain's luck wouldn't allow for anything else to happen. It wouldn't be the first time his usual swagger and heroic façade has gotten him into trouble, or out of it.
Anyways, onto another batch of comments.
Wanka: Cool story. Only mistake I caught is that you keep referring to the Imperial Guard/Astra Militarum as the Imperial Army…
Confession Time! I know hardly anything about W40K outside of the Cain series, a certain TTS series, memes, and a few hours (days) of 'rabbit hole' research on a few wikis. I was formerly under the impression that the term 'Imperial Guard' technically referred to the entire Militarum and, when referring to the planet side Army or space based Navy, a distinction could be made between them using those two terms. I'll be amending that error… eventually…
Evowizard25: (Big comment, too lazy copy/paste certain excerpts)
Considering how Cain seems to be a perfect character to insert in all sorts of outrageous crossover scenarios, considering his own adventures are insane on their own, I was surprised to see just six stories including him in the crossovers section.
To everyone who thought I forgot about the rescued women in chapter 2:
Believe it or not; I had this entire chapter finished before I posted chapter 2, barring the few typos I corrected and responding to these very comments upon a final proofreading session. Taking some inspiration from the source material, I thought it would be best to just mention those two in passing since they have hardly anything to contribute to Cain's self-focused narrative as he does with most events that don't really involve him. Don't be too surprised if this happens again.
Talos-9: Shouldn't have Jurgen's blankness stopped the Goblin Shamen from casting? Or is it different magic with different rules, much like the Hrud and Kroot?
My answer to the first question, although admittedly weak, is range. Jurgen's powers have a range, one that Cain knows and we don't. Going off of the books though, to completely negate a psyker power or daemonic presence, he needs to be pretty damn close to completely negate a psyker or daemon's powers. As to the latter, call me Sergeant Schultz, because I KNOW NOTHING… and I sure as hell ain't telling anyone the truth until I have to. :p
Well, that's it for me. Take care y'all!