Solitary Confinement

'This is just Playa Des Losers.' Was Courtney's first thought at entering the losers island. There was no swampy atmosphere or rotten wood or creepy mountain caves, it just looked like a resort. A clean resort, with a pool outside and a little tent with tables to enjoy food at, she stayed outside just looking at it for a while.

The trip took all night, so she slept on the boat. It was the next day, and if all eliminations took this long, someone should arrive tomorrow.

She stood outside, She didn't really need to go inside, did she? She was eliminated, She could do whatever She wanted. She went to sit in one of the chairs next to the pool, it really wasn't as fun if she was fully dressed. She wondered if maybe there'd be some spare swimming suits inside the resort, that used to be the case with the original Playa Des Losers so why wouldn't it be with this one.

Courtney felt bad, there was no other easier way to put it. She felt bad about herself, she felt bad about coming here, she felt bad about losing, there were just a lot of things to feel bad about.

She'd rather not think about it, as it was usually her policy with these kinds of things. Push people away, don't go to therapy, nobody needs to know. But there was something about this specific situation that she couldn't just push away that easily. What was it exactly that was torturing her head?

Coming to the show was clearly the wrong choice. Courtney liked to think she had abandoned the side of her that needed to win this stupid competition, but the truth is being invited back gave her some resemblance of hope. Resemblance of hope that simply did not exist anymore. First boot, you did it again Courtney, great job, what a player you are.

But it was fine, right? She didn't need to win this game. The only thing this TV show had ever done to her was deteriorate her mental health and devalue her as a human being. She met some of the worst people of her life in this nightmare, but also some of the best...

What does it mean when the people you think are good don't like you back? Was an answer Courtney didn't want to occupy her head with right now. She needed a distraction, anything really, maybe there was a pool table or something similar inside. This is a resort, right? There must be some game room or something of the sort.

She stood up from the chair trying to clean her head off this useless downwards spiral. She didn't need this stupid lamentation, it was not going to get her anyways, what she needed was to find something else to think about.

She went into the resort. There was a little reception desk but no one was in it. There was a pair of keys laying on it though. Assuming they were for her, Courtney grabbed them. If these are the keys there must be a room to go with them. Courtney started looking for her room then. It was probably upstairs. There was a door with the sign "diner" on it but she didn't really feel like eating at the moment. She decided to go up.

She eventually found her room. There were eight rooms, they all had their faces on them, so naturally, hers had her face. She entered the room and laid on the bed. It was a dark green room with a lot of books in it, all her stuff was there, her phone and other clothes, nice. She layed down and tried to think of something else, something nicer. Like this resort! This resort was really nice and pretty… Why did she return to Total Drama?

If she was so dead and tired of this never-ending cycle of never learning her lesson and falling into the same traps over and over again. Why come back? Why did she keep torturing herself like this? She knew she should've cared for her friends, Ishe should've prioritized her relationships to the competition. But she couldn't, and every time she did something bad happened. she trusted Duncan and he betrayed her, she trusted Gwen and she kissed her boyfriend, how was she supposed to not think only of herself when thinking of others is so obscenely punished.

But she wanted to make amends, that's why she came back. Because she thought if she didn't want to win the competition anymore that maybe she could recover the only person she ever felt liked by her in her life, Gwen. And that maybe if she didn't care about the competition she could make some new bonds… But she did care, it was never that easy, it couldn't just have been an easy season, everything needed to be complicated, she suddenly needed to win again.

And for what? To be booted off first? No friends, no money? Just a girl alone, laying in bed, doing nothing. Maybe she did need a drink. Courtney stood up from bed and went downstairs to the little "diner" room. Inside there was no one, as expected. She sat alone at a table… There's really nothing to do but sleep.

Why was she like this? Why sis she keep doing this to myself? Why couldn't she care for other people like normal human beings do? Why couldn't she just have nice conversations, without thinking the other person was stupid or wasting her time, without thinking she was better than them every second every time. She just wished she could talk to Gwen, cause maybe if she heard this she would know she was not a bad person. Or maybe, just maybe, it'd be worse, it'd be-

"Hey there! I'm so sorry I wasn't here, I was cleaning the bathrooms up for when you arrived."

"AH! What in hell… Who are you, don't scare me like that!" Courtney was not bothered about being interrupted at all really, she was relieved someone would take her away from her merciless thinking.

"My name's Mathew, I take care of the hotel."

"Of all the hotel?"

"Yeah! I do pretty much everything… Including bartending actually so if you want anything just hit me up, ok?"

"Actually… If you could get me a beer that would be great."

"How old are you again?"

"19."

"Right, right, coming right on miss."

Courtney watched the boy serve the drink. She knew she would've brought it to her table, but she decided to actually stand up and go sit at his bar thingy.

"I was going to bring it to you!"

"I know, I just felt like walking, it's no big deal." Courtney takes a first sip, and as quick as the first, a second one. Soon, the glass is empty, and the boy stands there impressed.

"You really looked like you needed that."

"Perhaps something stronger."

"Feeling not too great huh?"

"Not great at all really."

"Well, losing can be tough but don't worry, you're famous! You technically already won"

Famous… Courtney let out a sigh. "Do you ever feel you want to change everything about yourself?"

"Not really, I'm pretty content with who I am."

"Well I'm not, and it's harder when you're famous and known for being one person and you want to be another."

"Hm, I guess that must be hard."

"Because when we're teens we're supposed to try personalities out and make mistakes, right? But when those mistakes are broadcasted to the world and you are expected by thousands of people to keep repeating them, what happens when you grow up? Do you just pretend you didn't? Do you let everyone down?"

"I uh… Don't know about that miss."

"Sorry I just feel… It doesn't matter." The boy cleaned a glass very uncomfortably. Maybe this was Courtney's chance to be nicer. "What did you do today?"

"Me?"

"Yeah, what's up with your life?"

"Well I cleaned up the hotel room for you, that was pretty much my day."

"Well, there has to be something else, come on… I'm famous, you can't hide shit from me."

"Well uh… There's this boy I'm texting."

"What's his name?"

"Mark."

"Another M name! Nice."

"Yeah! I always joke about us being the m&ms."

Courtney let out a little laugh. "And you're getting to him?"

"Well, I don't know if he likes me yet."

"Do you think he does?"

"I sure hope so! It would be nice for a change."

"Do people not usually like you?"

"Not really no."

"Well, that's what everyone says at… How old are you?"

"I'm 20, actually."

"Oh fuck, you look younger than me."

"But I'm not! Surprise!"

"I guess Chris wouldn't exploit kids… Or maybe he would, who am I to tell?"

"I've seen the kids, no need to speculate."

"Jesus… It's kind of lonely in here, I don't like being alone with my thoughts"

"Well, you won't be alone forever! The next eliminated should arrive tomorrow."

"I see…" Courtney stands up. "Well, it was a pleasure meeting you Mathew."

"All mine! See you tomorrow!"

"See you…"

She went back to her room and laid in the bed. She was a good person, She could do this and be better. Closed her eyes and went to sleep.

N/A: First Playas chapter! These are going to be a regular thing, that's why the fic is 13 episodes long with only 8 contestants. They're shorter, and more character focused, so more concise. I hope you enjoy them.

I always thought how it was weird that the show made Courtney learn the same lessons over and over again so I made it an issue of self awareness but inability to act upon it. She came back to the competition to make amends and only for that, so maybe being left out by the entirety of the cast will be a sort of rock bottom for her she can improve from.

Next chapter is more competition. A really funky one as well, where the competition is subverted a little bit. Hope you enjoy.