Iceland's eyebrows furrowed further with each passing sentence that escaped Finland's mouth. Had the youngest Nordic known he'd be bombarded with the most melodramatic of scenes immediately upon entrance, he would've just remained at the grocery store for another hour. Or gone home.

He had tremendous trouble following the story about Denmark's health check-up, cinnamon rolls and how peppermills tied in with 30-year-old Danes and even more so understanding what about it was supposed to be so earth-shatteringly horrible. Furthermore, why the hell was Estonia descending the stairs with a handwoven gift basket of all things and why was he handing it over to Denmark right now?

When Finland finally concluded his confusing recap of everything that had happened during the morning, Iceland could only stare at the group in silence, before inquiring in a flat, unimpressed tone;

"...And this is the reason why Dan was so upset?"

"Yes," Finland confirmed, "But we're fine now, aren't we?" he added quickly, shooting a wobbly, supportive smile in Denmark's direction.

"Yeah, I'm out of tears," Denmark nodded and wiped his puffy eyes with the back of his palm. Iceland fought against the urge to roll his eyes. Denmark was upset about getting to age up? Iceland, seemingly eternally stuck as a teenager, would pay anything for the chance to do the same. Though, maybe not age up to thirty. That was pretty ancient. So maybe he did understand a little. Even though he would never admit that.

And he didn't need to. Denmark truly didn't seem to need sympathy any longer. He cleared his throat and mustered up a brilliant smile, all dimples and sparkling blues.

"Even if I'm getting older, it's not like I have anything to worry about. I mean, look at this!", he said, gesturing around himself. "I've got everything I need to remain happy. A butt-load of islands! A big house to keep me warm! My trusty group of Nordics by my side!" He enunciated this point by putting his arms around Norway and Finland's shoulders and patting Sweden on the back. "Not only that but a brand new peppermill from Ice too. And this thoughtfully put-together gift basket! Oh man, thank you again, Estonia. Did you weave this thing from newspapers? How did you know I love eco-friendly stuff so much?"

Estonia startled slightly but gathered himself soon after. He attempted to keep his cool and nonchalantly fixed the position of his glasses; "Ah, well, you know as well as I that it's good to make by with, uh, with what you've got." Especially when everything you had at hand happened to belong to the person you were supposed to gift...

"Danish newspapers too, what attention to detail!" Denmark beamed, "And these flowers! They... they look familiar for some reason..."

Estonia choked; "OH, AH, UM, DO I SMELL CINNAMON ROLLS AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE?"

The Baltic's diversion was successful. Denmark's eyes immediately shot up from the improvised gift basket and he inhaled the air like a seasoned sniffer dog.

"Huh, now that you mention that... Norway, are you behind this?" the tall Nordic's concentrated expression turned into a grin in his neighbour's direction.

"Yes, I baked a big patch earlier. They're in the kitchen," Norway confirmed.

"In that case," Denmark announced, "I'll go ahead and prepare coffee for all of us! Can't let those delicious cinnamon rolls go to waste, after all." The Dane grabbed his gift basket and disappeared into the kitchen, whistling a cheery tune in his descend.

Once the door closed behind him, Norway, Finland, Sweden, Iceland and Estonia collectively sighed in relief. They slumped back into the sofa (mindful of the puddle of teardrops over the cushions) and Denmark's armchairs much more relaxed than a moment before.

"Looks like we have averted the crisis," Finland said after a moment of silence, wiping a drop of figurative sweat from his forehead. Sweden hummed in agreement.

"For now. Denmark's clearly in a... delicate state of mind. His mood could make another 180-degree turn if we're not careful. We can't let anything upset him if we want the conference to resume in peace," Norway mulled, solemn as he was. Finland and Sweden nodded.

"Is it really such big of a deal? He looked as normal as physically possible for him." Iceland asked in an irritated tone.

"He might appear like that on the outside, but I know he's straining to keep it together," Norway claimed. "That's why he's occupying himself with coffee. It's a telltale sign. The slightest inconvenience might spiral him into a full-blown temper tantrum."

The group shuddered at the notion they all knew to be true. They all knew that Denmark's usual, cheerful mood could sometimes be over-the-top. And unfortunately, that extended to all his other emotions as well. The shift in mood could be unpredictable at best and drastic at worst. Everyone present knew the might of Denmark's Viking-like temper tantrums, even if they hadn't occurred to their full potential for centuries now.

"And a temper tantrum is not even what I'm the most concerned about," Finland said, troubled, "it's what happens afterwards. Denmark might start thinking."

Iceland furrowed his brows once more; "Wouldn't that do him good once in a while?"

Finland shook his head; "Not when the stuff he starts thinking about includes things like inviting a big group of high-ranking Swedes to an important meeting after a coronation party and it ending up as-"

"-Okay, I get it!" Iceland stopped Finland from finishing the sentence. That convinced him enough. The teenager turned his gaze back to his older brother. "What can we do to keep Dan from getting upset?"

"Humour him, distract him, whatever it takes. Avoid the word 'thirty' at any costs. And not speak a word of any of this to anyone. We don't need any misunderstandings or people questioning him. As long as this stays between us, peace is guaranteed," Norway ordered. His unusually wordy speech more than convinced the urgency of the situation. Everyone nodded in agreement and the group soon fell into a silence that felt decidedly heavy. Finland broke it by saying;

"Uh, that gift basket you made was really nice, Estonia."

"Oh, yes. I'm glad Denmark liked it," Estonia responded just as awkwardly as his best friend had. Norway sighed, but regarded the Baltic with surprisingly soft words;

"You do have a surprising amount of tact. I guess you can have your phone back now. As long as you follow our agreement and keep your mouth shut." Soft for Norway, anyway.

Finland dug the confiscated phone from his pocket and handed it over to his friend. Estonia happily accepted the device and immediately began scrolling through his feed. He let out a small, dignified laugh at Norway's statement and nodded;

"Oh, of course not. You know how it is. If I as much as whispered a word to Lithuania and Latvia, Poland would know in mere minutes." The Nordics hummed in agreement. Poland obtained the best gossip immediately as it as much as briefly surfaced. It had always been that way. Even before the internet and instant messaging apps. Somehow. Estonia continued;

"...And once Poland knows something, so soon does the entire-"

Time seemed to stop for the young Baltic right then and there. Estonia's eyes widened behind his thick glasses. He visibly swallowed. The Nordics stared at the young man, all seeing drops of sweat and fog forming behind the Estonian's lenses. Although they had yet no idea of what had happened, they all feared the worst.

"Oh no," Estonia uttered, panic apparent in the way his phone-wielding hands shook.

"What is it?" Finland demanded, starting to feel the panic himself. But before Estonia could respond, the kitchen door opened.

"What is what?" Denmark inquired with a smile, carrying a large tray with a pot of coffee, cups and steaming-hot cinnamon rolls. Everyone looked at him, stunned before Estonia said;

"I was just about to say that... uh, that I was feeling a little chilly. It is already February after all, isn't it? Aren't you guys feeling a little cold as well?" He regarded the Nordics with a subtly desperate expression that forced all of them to awkwardly nod and hum in agreement.

Denmark's face melted into concern for his companions. He placed down the tray of coffee and smiled apologetically.

"Oh man. That's my bad, so many guests and I don't even have the fireplace running. Mind if I go fetch firewood from the woodshed?"

Estonia looked like he had just won the lottery.

"Oh no, not at all. Take all the time you need!" he exclaimed. "It's not even that chilly."

"In that case I'll stay for a bit and chop some more wood for later. Always winds me down after excitement!" Denmark announced. The others nodded and waved the tall Nordic off with strained smiles. As soon as he had disappeared from the back door, they closed in on Estonia and bombarded him with questions;

"What is it?"

"What happened?"

"Hm?"

Estonia opened and closed his mouth, bewilderment again apparent all over his features.

"I, I don't understand!"

"What is it?" Iceland pressed impatiently.

"Poland just tweeted that Denmark is retiring and that he requires someone to inherit his nation!"

"WHAT?" the Nordics yelled.

"And it's not just Poland," Estonia continued in a wavering tone; "Russia tweeted about it earlier too, Australia as well. Hundreds of re-tweets from countries across the globe. The Italies are expressing their condolences, Prussia's got it on his blog and America has created a Facebook event for the occasion!"

"How the hell did they end up with such a conclusion? How is this possible?" Norway questioned, voice as flat and yet as urgent as a flight attendant urging passengers to put on their seatbelts. He snatched the phone from Estonia once again and shot a seething glare in the Baltic's direction. Estonia was quick to defend himself;

"I swear I've got nothing to do with this. You had my phone and I've been with you guys the entire time. I couldn't possibly have leaked the info online!"

"That's true," Finland nodded. "But it couldn't have been any of us either. And no one else knows anything about this, right? Who could've possibly-" The realisation struck them all like a bolt of lightning. Their voices rang out at once;

"Sealand!"

At that same moment in the attic, a small micronation sat in the midst of old cardboard boxes, busy with his phone against his ear. From the other line, a very particular kind of shrieking could be heard.

"So Denmark's already on his last leg, ja?"

"Yeah, he was all bundled up on the sofa crying. I really thought it's because he smokes so much but I guess he's just old."

"Gott damn. I thought I wouldn't live to see the day."

"Prussia, you still haven't answered my question about the retirement homes..."

Norway, Sweden, Estonia and Finland all managed to burst through the attic hatch at once, thus remaining stuck at the entrance, squashing each other, legs freely dangling down from the small hole. Iceland remained on the floor, looking up to the group with a look of total disapproval.

Finland managed to wiggle his way through first and raised his voice in a stern, only for special occasions-manner;

"Sealand! What in helvetti are you doing?!"

Sealand looked at the nations nonchalantly.

"I wasn't sure what was gonna happen to uncle Denmark now that he's all old an' such, so Estonia told me to ask Prussia," he simply stated, pointing at the baffled Baltic. Four pairs of eyes turned to him. "But that's-" Estonia exclaimed, pausing soon after. "...That's... actually true... But that was just a -"

Norway groaned and pulled himself up next, simultaneously pushing Estonia down the ladder and making him fall against the floor below mid-sentence. Iceland barely got out of the way in time, seeking refuge behind the ladder.

Norway walked up to Sealand, took the phone from his hand (this was starting to become a trend for him!) and put it against his ear in his silent, bold manner. Sealand scurried over to Finland and Sweden, for some reason feeling like he was about to receive the scolding of his life.

"You, are you not busy being abolished for your crimes against all humanity?" Norway spoke into the phone, tone as unwavering as ever.

"Ja," Prussia's distinct, grating voice responded without pause "but not when there's new no-man's-land to conquer!"

"Denmark is the opposite of new, he is ancient!" Norway opposed.

"Ja, that's why he's retiring, right?"

"No, that's not what I... Listen, whatever you've heard is completely false. Denmark is not retiring."

"Psht! Of course you'd say that. As if I'd believe you. Look, just because you five losers used to go on mushroom-induced fishing trips together at some point in history doesn't mean the rest of you can just automatically call dibs on Denmark's earthly remains. It's anyone's game right now! And by anyone I mean me! Bye!"

"Prus-!" The line beeped, indicating that the call was over. Norway frowned and put the phone down, defeated.

"What did Prussia say?" Finland quipped.

"He didn't believe me. And he also reduced the Viking era to a trippy fishing trip. Isn't this catastrophic?" Norway sighed.

"Not really. I think his analogy was spot on," Iceland shrugged, head now peeking from the attic entrance.

All eyes turned on him.

"...I wasn't referring to the fishing trip comment," Norway glared at his brother.

"I know you weren't," Iceland glared back.

"SO what do we do now?" Finland cut through the passive-aggressive atmosphere before it would distract them from the matter at hand. "Everyone thinks that Denmark is retiring and are after his place as well. Surely there's nothing we can do to resolve this without telling him?" Everyone went silent to think about it, soon coming to the sad conclusion that they were out of options.

That is, except for Sweden, who hadn't voiced his thoughts save for a couple of grunts here and there thus far.

"...Not necessarily," he said. The rest turned towards the tall Nordic, surprised.

"What do you mean?" asked Finland.

"Estonia," Sweden called out, looking down past Iceland who was now standing on the ladder. Estonia, sprawled down on the floor below, responded with a hum. Strained, due to the air having been knocked out of his chest.

"Didn't ya say 'Merica had created an event on Facebook?"

"Uhhuh," the aching Baltic confirmed, "he's proposing that we all hold a grand competition to decide who gets to inherit slash become the new Denmark. You know America... all about the spectacle..."

Sweden lifted his gaze back up to look at the rest of the Nordics. A moment of silence passed between all of them, the dim light of the attic illuminating them as they wondered whether Sweden was implying what they thought he was implying.

"You're saying... we should participate in the competition?" Finland looked utterly confused.

"I'm sayin' we should win it," Sweden corrected.

"Win a possibly dangerous competition against all our international colleagues for a prize that doesn't actually exist, behind Denmark's back, just to prevent him from getting upset?"

"Mm."

"Okay, just checking! Sounds good!" Finland put his thumbs up.

"We must do it," Norway nodded.

"Can I compete too?" Sealand asked.

"No," said Sweden.

"I'll join the event on Facebook and invite you guys to it," said Estonia.

"This is beyond stupid," said Iceland.

A:N: Thank you for reading the new chapter of Midlife Crisis! It's been in the works for a long time. Hope you enjoyed it and even snickered once or twice. See you next time!