Mamoru's usual race track from the Crown to his home was more like walking (or better riding!) on thin ice with his artificial passenger on the back seat of his motorcycle.
Even if Motoki really only meant well and there was hardly anything visible of the self-made restraints during the ride; there were traffic lights in Tokyo. Fifteen of them to be exact, located between Motoki's arcade and Mamoru's new luxury penthouse.
And every time the traffic light changed to red, Mamoru died a thousand deaths. At one traffic light, he had a Ferrari driver next to him curiously inquiring about whether bondage was even permissible in traffic, while he himself had a rather lightly dressed young woman in an unambiguous pose close to his open pants on the passenger side.
At the next traffic light a school bus stood next to him, where the children from the open windows incessantly and loudly chanted the verses of the song "who's that chick?" and at the penultimate traffic light an elderly couple in a Toyota Starlet next to him had pulled out within seconds notepad and pencil as well as their - it was probably a dashcam - camera and diligently made pictures of him and his gift tied to him.
After what felt like an eternity, Mamoru finally arrived at the underground parking garage of his apartment complex. Twice he cut his finger trying to free himself from Randy Reika, but after barely five minutes the work was done and the Sailor Moon offspring was in his strong arms. It was slightly frightening for Mamoru, but almost seemed as real as if she was sleeping peacefully.
Now just off to the fifteenth floor via the elevator and a first partial success would be achieved. Mamoru really had lots of things to do before the wedding and couldn't really afford to walk on eggshells.
Fortunately, the elevator was empty when he entered it, armed with the real doll. Unconsciously, he threw a few blonde strands in her face. This was intuitively spot on, because as fate would have it, his solo ride (not counting the Real Doll of course!) ended right on the first floor. The doors opened and Mamoru looked into quite familiar eyes.
"Good day Mr. Chiba... is... something wrong with your fiancée?"
Mr. Akyama, the doorman of the local apartment complex, entered the elevator and immediately looked most worriedly at the closed eyes of the artificial version of Mamoru's soon to be wife. As she lay in his arms, Mamoru had an idea. With a beery face, he tilted his head to the side and whispered to the doorman
"Miss Tsukino fell asleep on the way back. Too much alcohol."
"Oh, I see."
Briefly, Mr. Akyama glanced at his wristwatch, then at the supposedly sleeping fiancée's costume, and finally he looked at Mamoru conspiratorially
"Theme party?"
"Children's birthday party."
"Oh... okay."
The older gentleman frowned slightly in confusion at this statement, and finally got off the thirteenth floor with a curt greeting (including get-well wishes to the sleeping silicone-covered steel frame).
Mamoru felt relieved and took one deep breath in and out as he finally pulled the apartment door shut behind him.
He tossed the Real Doll onto his couch and sat down next to her with a loud sigh. Time to recap what had happened; he had dragged a real-life, gift-wrapped second wife in a Sailor Moon costume with the face of his best man's little sister and the name of Motoki's soon-to-be fiancée into his home while his real fiancée was unsuspectingly in the snowy mountains of Nagano with her best friends.
In four days the wedding would take place and up to now he had not got rid of the dull doll yet. In three days Usagi would be back and Mamoru had to organize some things with Motoki... so the annoying gift had to go today. The alcohol from the night before and the uncomfortable sleeping position on the floor of the arcade were still in his bones, though, and besides, his new couch was so outrageously comfortable that Mamoru's eyes got heavier and heavier while he was brooding. Only a few moments later he had peacefully fallen asleep.
A loud, penetrating ringing made him jolt up from his nap. At the sight of the disguised real doll, however, he was immediately back in reality and opened the door to see his best friend Motoki, who stepped into the Genkan somewhat contritely.
"Geez, have you been sleeping?! I called all the guys. No chance! Umino is away on business until the wedding, and the spare key to his apartment is of course with Naru, who is currently in the mountains with Usagi's other friends. Yuichiro lives in the temple, so the doll wouldn't be safe from grandfather Hino alone! Ryo is not from here and the week still in a hotel accommodated, Kobayashi lives together with five ultra-feminists and Allan already has someone who stays overnight in the context of this couch surfing thingy. The Crown is always too crowded, and at my house Reika is sick in bed and curing her stomach bug so that she'll be fit again in time for the wedding."
Mamoru rubbed his eyes tiredly at the bad news and stated with a loud yawn
"But she can't stay here either. Earlier, I ran into our doorman in the elevator. He thinks Usagi got drunk at a children's party early in the morning because her costumed rubber doll doppelganger in my arms didn't make a sound, of course."
"Well lucky you! Or do you want her to moan your name again? Well, never mind. Anyway, I got a man-sized cardboard box on the way which is outside your apartment door."
Confused, Mamoru looked up at his best friend.
"Yeah, and what exactly is your plan now? Put the doll in a cardboard box on the side of the road or what? For your information; we live in Tokyo. It's crawling with cctv on EVERY corner!"
"You're right, that wouldn't be so good. Okay, let's dismiss this brilliantly simple idea. Then let's figure out the best way to get rid of her otherwise."
Motoki furrowed his brow, pursed his lips, and thought feverishly. Mamoru couldn't take that time, because he was already stressed enough about his unplanned nap anyway
"Well, first of all, I have to leave right away. I have another appointment at the bridal store. I really need to go back for a fitting for the wedding suit."
Something was working in Motoki's head, which all at once put a bright smile on his face
"Well, that's perfect! We'll go with you."
"We?"
One could already say that Motoki's look was now almost sure of victory, while he continued grinning broadly
"Well of course we will! It's about time your Real Doll got something new to wear. Let's go to the bridal store!"
With this Motoki grabbed the fake Unareikasailor Whatever and marched straight towards the Genkan.
"Motoki? What are you up to?"
Groaning loudly, the blond man stuffed the real doll into the brand new box and looked over at his best friend in a prompting manner
"Give me a hand! The store is teeming with clothes and they could certainly use a new mannequin."
The idea sounded quite unusual, but in Mamoru's ears not even sooo stupid. He would almost be doing the store some good with this donation, and the fact that it was a sex doll might not even be noticed by anyone.
Half an hour later, the two friends stood in front of the bridal store with the doll packed in the cardboard box and looked at each other conspiratorially.
"If anyone asks, it's a package we have to take to the post office for my grandpa later. While you distract the saleswoman, I'll dress the doll and then position it inconspicuously in the shop window. No one will notice and we'll be rid of the thing in no time."
Somehow Mamoru wasn't entirely comfortable with this, but did he have any choice but to trust Motoki's - well thought out - plan?
As they walked through the front door, a middle-aged saleswoman with brunette, pinned-up hair, who Mamoru still seemed to have in best memory, immediately came to meet them, beaming with joy
"Ahhh Mr. Chiba, how nice to see you again! As before you look immaculate, we'll definitely only have to make a few changes to your outfit."
With a somewhat confused look, she looked at Motoki who was casually leaning against the oversized cardboard box
"And you've brought along some male reinforcements this time, how nice. Then please follow me to the men's section."
Motoki looked slightly surprised. There was a division between bridal and groom fashion in this store? As they walked down the hallway behind the saleswoman along with the box, he hissed to his best friend
"We have to end up back in the ladies' section, there's no way I'm putting a suit on that doll!"
At Motoki's request, Mamoru had an idea. And he immediately put it into action when he suggested to the friendly saleswoman
"Could we maybe do the fitting in the bridal department? The light is much better there, and I also wanted to take another look at the bridesmaids' dresses. We may need alterations there as well."
"Happy to! Your wish is my command, Mr. Chiba."
Mamoru was sly as a fox! He was thievishly pleased with his ingenious idea, and a few moments later he was standing in a large dressing room in his wedding clothes in front of an oversized mirror. The saleswoman whispered through the heavy red velvet curtain
"So, does everything fit so far?"
"Not quite" Mamoru lied, and immediately felt so cunning again as he cleverly lured the saleswoman out of sight of the box into the booth under a pretext
"There's still a thread sticking out and the vest doesn't quite fit. A little too loose. Could you take a quick look at it please? I don't want my best man to notice what I look like, if possible. It's, uh... has to do with superstition, you see."
"But of course Mr. Chiba, I'm hurrying, I'm flying!"
Motoki responded promptly, took a quick look around for safety's sake, and then quickly opened the box. With a spirited grab, he had the doll out, stripped of its blond wig and sailor dress, and blindly quickly ripped one of the dresses off the hanger right next to him.
To Motoki's surprise and great horror, he had caught a dress, of all things, that instead of a practical zipper had easily over a hundred rakes and eyelets. Sweat ran down his face as he desperately tried to put the pale green tulle dress on the doll. Highly concentrated, he fumbled one off, but in the process had fumbled just three rakes into what were most likely the wrong eyelets.
Sheer panic set in when the curtain from the booth moved all at once, but the perplexed face of the saleswoman wasn't actually that bad when Motoki suddenly heard a throat clearing behind him.
Everything could have worked out so perfectly. Everything was so well thought through. But Mamoru and Motoki hadn't reckoned with their host. Or better... without a meanwhile quite familiar face to them both.
This could not be true !!!
"Mr. Furuhata?"
"The man from the health department???"
Both the saleswoman and Mamoru emerged from the booth highly surprised, the brunette woman's attention being more on the rubber doll in the half-stretched pale green dress than on the two men in front of her
"But... what are you doing?"
Distraction has always been an effective way of defense, so Motoki put on a reproachful face toward the inspector, crossed his arms, and passed the question directly to him
"Yeah right, what are you doing here anyway? As far as I know, they sell bridal fashions here and don't have any cooker hoods to check through!"
With a raised eyebrow, the person addressed replied in a slightly annoyed tone
"It's none of your business at all, but my daughter is getting married in a few days and I'm supposed to pick up the wedding dress for her here. And you? Are you looking for more costumes for your... 'theme party'?"
Now Motoki was truly in a pickle. He needed a pretty good explanation for this highly awkward situation he was in right now. And he found it - to his own amazement - quite quickly.
Geez, what a plausible one it was!
"Well... to be perfectly honest, my little sister Unazuki has a really big dream. She would like to have the appearance of Randy Reika... A... famous... Porn actress."
Theatrically, he let his eyes wander to the doll in his hands
"She already had a nose job and a cheek injection and a chin reduction some time ago, and now, just before my best friends wedding, she decided to have liposuction at the waist and a breast augmentation as well, so that she can match her great role model to the fullest."
"Please... what?"
came back from all three sides partly quite stunned. Motoki put on a deadly serious face and continued unperturbed with his extraordinary explanation
"That's why she asked me to bring a silicone version of her great idol here, so that you can alter the bridesmaid dress to fit her new proportions while she's away. This is her bridesmaid dress, isn't it?"
At this, no one said anything at first.
Motoki was already slightly worried that he might have overdone it a bit, when the saleswoman suddenly started to laugh uproariously and then spoke with a great sense of relief
"Oh dear..., well if that's the case! And here I thought you were going to marry your rubber doll and pick out a dress for the occasion. There are really crazy people nowadays, you have no idea what kind of wishes some people come to us with. Just the other day I had to make a tailcoat for a turtle that a man in a bunny costume wanted to marry. There are things, honestly! And if your sister wants it that way, we will of course alter her dress accordingly. Wait a second... I'll just take the measurements, then you can take the lady back right away."
Mamoru didn't dare to look his best friend in the eyes, but would have preferred to sink into the ground immediately. The health department guy still stood rooted to the spot, scratching his head in obvious confusion at Motoki's truly abstruse explanation. The latter, however, artfully and without any shame held out the Real Doll, now barely dressed in red underwear again, to the saleswoman. With a measuring tape packed the friendly woman took the measurements of the real doll at the appropriate places and turned again to Motoki
"We can easily do that within a couple of days. I'll get back to you directly if that's okay with you?"
"Oh yes perfect." Motoki fluted back, putting the doll in the box, grabbing a befuddled Mamoru who was still in his wedding suit and marching straight towards the exit.
"Here are your pants and jacket, Mr. Chiba!"
the saleswoman pressed his clothes into Mamoru's hand in a bag and waved goodbye happily, but the two men were already on their way to their next destination... Mamoru didn't have a clue where to go next for both of them, or rather all three of them.
When the box and its explosive contents were finally stowed in the trunk, Motoki slammed the lid shut and looked at Mamoru challengingly
"Well... that didn't quite work out as expected, but it's not the end of the day yet."
"Motoki! You sold your little sister to the woman at the bridal store - and also to the inspector at the health department - as a deranged, fanatical fan of a porn actress whose entire purpose in life is to have the same sinful body operated on as this silicone steel frame here... are you actually completely batty? are you actually completely crazy???"
"Oh well, Unazuki will never get to see the woman and the guy, and when her dress gets tighter on her stomach, she'll think she's eaten too much anyway. It happens almost weekly that she complains about her figure. She will never notices the amendments. Besides, she will have more room on top in this dress, it's much more practical, don't worry too much about it. What's more important now is a good plan on how to get rid of Randy Reika once and for all!"
Mamoru crossed his arms and returned a tired smile to his best friend.
"You'd sell your soul to the devil too, I'm sure of it now!"
Motoki grinned wryly and opened the driver's door
"I'm doing all this just for you. After all, that's part of the job description of a best man! Now get in the car, or don't you want to have a wedding?"
Slightly concerned, Mamoru sat down in the passenger seat, fastened the seat belt, and looked questioningly at Motoki
"So what are you planning to do next? Are you going to throw her in the ditch somewhere after all?"
Before Motoki could answer, Mamoru's phone rang
Of course, it was his sweetheart.
"Maaaaammmoooo!"
"Hello Usako."
"Mamo-chan! You won't believe what the girls organized for me today! A cosplay! We're all going dressed up as Sailor soldiers to some VR theater and chasing bad guys there! Except for Naru and Unazuki, they play the victims! Isn't that totally cool? Oh, I'm so looking forward to it!"
"I'm glad you're having so much fun, Usako."
"But I also miss you so terribly! Do you have any fun plans for today? Are you doing something with Motoki?"
"Oh, speaking of him... we just picked up my suit together and are off to..."
"...to the recycling center."
"To the recycling center?" repeated Mamoru Motoki's words into the phone in slight disbelief
"Uhhh, errr...okay, well have fun with that. I have to change quickly now and do my hair, I'll be off later. Take care Mamo-Chan, I love you to the moon and back in any of our lives!"
Mamoru looked with two raised eyebrows at Motoki, who had both eyes firmly fixed on the road traffic
"So not the ditch after all?"
"Nah, I was thinking of something much simpler. We're going to the recycling center. I really can't saw the doll in half or anything, that would be almost... Murder, as real as it looks. But if we just dump it in the recycle bin, the press will come and I won't have to watch the drama because the cardboard will wrap it."
Mamoru wasn't quite sure if Motoki would really be able to do that, but at the same time a certain relief spread through him. It would actually be quite an elegant solution. The option to keep the doll did not present itself to him in any way. Usagi would freak out, stone him and call off the wedding immediately, if she would get to see the doll and learn the story behind it.
After another half hour, they finally arrived at the dump and together heaved the box out of the trunk.
"Give it to me, Baby!"
Mamoru looked at Motoki uncomprehendingly
"What do you want me to give you?"
"Did you just talk to me?"
"Yes yes yes OH YES!"
"Damn it! The switch must have come loose from its mooring while we were driving."
Motoki looked around frantically, pulling Mamoru and the wrapped, muffled moaning doll along with him, and headed straight for a large orange dumpster labeled "Cardboard only - no waste paper!"
Besides them, there were only a handful of other people nearby who seemed busily disposing of their trash properly in other containers. No one would notice that the two friends were about to improperly throw away a Real Doll.
Motoki took one deep breath and then looked at his best friend with a steady gaze
"On the count of three, we'll throw her in and then the press will do the rest. One, two-"
"Hold on! Wait a sec."
The two men turned around startled to see a tall, bearded man dressed in orange with a cigarette butt in the corner of his mouth and a very suspicious expression on his face walking tightly toward them
"You'll have to empty the box here first before you can throw it in there. That's because most people are too happy to overlook plastic and Styrofoam packaging, and then the waste paper gets contaminated."
The employee at the recycling center didn't even give Motoki and Mamoru a chance to answer, but looked directly into the contents of the huge box with his waste separation expert gaze
"May I have a look? Ahhh yes."
Completely unmoved by the unusual sight, the skilled worker continued with his instructions
"So the cardboard box belongs in here, but the frame is made of steel, that has to go for scrap, is the skin made of silicone? Hazardous waste. Is that plastic hair or real hair? Depending on that, it is disposed of in the residual waste and that costs. Goes by the liter. Any other materials in it? Cork, porcelain, plastic...latex?"
"Uhhhh, Mamoru!"
"Okay, there's still electronics built into it, so that'll have to go with the small electrical appliances. Do you need a cutter knife or a saw?"
"No! I've changed my mind. I'll take it... that...her back, thanks!"
Mamoru pressed the cardboard box protectively against his body and ran back to the car as fast as he could with the 26kg doll
"I'm never going back here again! That recycling guy is out of his mind! God he's petty!"
Motoki yipped after him and helped Mamoru load the almost-disposed-of doll back into the car. He earned a bitter, highly reproachful look from his best friend
"Motoki, these are all completely ill-considered rash actions! It will never work like this. We need a proper, well thought out plan."
Motoki sighed deeply, flipped the trunk lid closed, and dropped into the driver's seat next to Mamoru
"Yeah, you're right. We've admittedly been a bit naive about the whole thing so far. It needs far more drastic measures. But I still have some equipment to organize for that."
Mamoru let the seatbelt click into place and rubbed his eyes wearily
"Okay, but nothing more is happening today, please. I have a lot of phone calls to make because of the final preparations for the wedding."
"All right. We'll just leave the doll in the car overnight. I'll pick you up first thing in the morning."
"Yes yes yes yes OH YES!"
Completely unnerved, the two men looked at each other
"It's louder now, must have only 'clicked' once."
"When we get to the underground garage, I'll turn her off. After all, we now know how her... it works."
Motoki hit the gas and drove as fast as Tokyo traffic would allow back to Azabu-Juban. They would surely come up with a super idea on how to successfully get rid of the Real Doll.
Tomorrow would be the perfect day for it.