Shelby jumps up and takes a step back. Not sure if she heard Toni right. She plays it back in her head, hearing Toni's voice admit that her foster father gave her that bruise, that split lip.
He hit her.
He hit Toni. Toni, the girl she's known for no less than an hour. Toni, the brunette with a tough shell on the outside, but with a soft inside. The Toni who she's starting to learn about. How could he lay a hand on her? Much less a fist? Shelby's brain is wracking for a response.
Toni squints her eyes hard after too much time passes. She puts her hand to the bridge of her nose, regretting immediately that she said anything.
"Don't worry about it, I don't want your pity or sympathy or whatever." Toni covers.
Shelby's still doesn't say anything.
Toni steels herself, her guard going back up, "What? You disappointed?"
Shelby falters, "What? Of course not. I'm appalled."
Shelby begins to pace, her thoughts running around fast in her head. "How could he? I mean, he's supposed to—we're supposed to take care of you."
Toni genuinely laughs. Shelby's eyes widen, truly confused.
"Why are you laughin'? This isn't funny," she demands.
"I can see why you think that. For most people—not like your family, clearly—I'm just a paycheck."
"Not a punchin' bag, Toni." Shelby says.
That stings because Shelby is right.
"Not usually, no." Toni looks down, and starts picking at her nails. "But for some families, who aren't doing it out of the goodness of their heart," Toni steals a look at Shelby, "They just need the money for rent—or alcohol—and taking in kids pays pretty well." Toni says matter-of-factly.
"But he was different?" Toni continues, her voice going up, almost an octave higher. She clears her throat, her voice returning to normal, "It wasn't the first time. And he was a pretty consistent kinda guy."
Toni checks back in with Shelby to see if she's following. For once, she can't see what she's thinking. Shelby's hand fidgets with the cross on her neck.
Toni rolls her eyes. Stop talking, she thinks. "And I just got really lucky. The agent you saw today?" Toni thinks, but then reveals, "She goes on these unscheduled rounds with all her clients. Ours happened to be on a day he got really mad."
"Wait, you didn't tell anyone?" Shelby asks, unable to get any of this through her head. Toni scoffs.
"People lie, Shelby. Well, maybe not here," Toni motions at this house, "But out there? He'd just say I started it. That it was self defense or something." Toni's response is angry, not at Shelby, but at the situation.
"Toni, we're not them. Our family isn't doin' this because we want to make a buck or two off you. You know that right?" Shelby asks.
Toni looks back down and adds, "He always tried to hide it," ignoring the question because she really doesn't know why her family is doing this. They've got a beautiful home and beautiful children, so why do they want someone like her?
"Always?" Shelby questions.
Toni's knee bounces, she stays quiet.
"How many times did he get mad?" Shelby asks, anger starting to lace in her tone.
Toni clenches her jaw.
Shelby lowers her voice, serious. "How many times, Toni."
"Just forget I said anything," Toni states.
"How—"
"I don't know! Too many that I count, is that what you want?" Toni lashes out.
Shelby gasps. Her voice low again, "How could you even think that?" She snarls, insulted by the insinuation.
"Oh, because you're some pure Christian who didn't think I deserved it? Or that I brought it on? You were just guessing before that you thought I was the one who got kicked out."
Shelby takes a step back, shaking her head, somehow Toni has twisted her words, her intention.
"Your dad did," Toni continues, "I saw the look on his face when he first saw me."
"I'll make sure he—"
Toni steps up to Shelby again, closing the space between them, "You won't tell him anything, got it?"
Shelby, surprised by seeing Toni so up close, looks at every detail of her face, taking in Toni's strained muscles, her perfectly curved eyebrows, and her dark brown eyes, which look like they have seen too much. Shelby's eyes flit down to her lips, for just a moment, but she looks back up. Shelby nods. Not sure why, but she does, wanting to protect Toni's wishes.
"Verbal confirmation." Toni says.
"Yes, Got it—I got it." Shelby stutters.
"'Cuz it's been dealt with. Okay?" Toni scolds, staying in Shelby's face. She realizes Shelby smells like mint and coconut. It's a good mix.
"Okay, yeah. I trust you." Shelby responds quickly, and backs up, intimidated. But did she? Did she trust Toni?
_
After an awkward first dinner with too many questions and cutesy Goodkind family stories, Toni walks outside, kicking some rocks in the garden. She thinks about her own family. The Dad who was never in the picture. The drug-addicted Mom cycling in and out of rehab centers like it's a White Castle. She's never had family dinners, she realizes.
And she certainly did not like this family dinner. Scratch that, she did not like this family. The dinner, on the other hand, was honestly delicious. Dave was right about one thing, and one thing only: Jobeth makes a mean meatball sandwich.
Toni sits on the cement steps, untying and retying the laces to her Vans.
Shelby comes out of the front door. Two bowls of double chocolate chip ice cream. A peace offering.
"I'm sorry for everythin' earlier," she whispers, handing her a spoon.
Toni takes the spoon.
"So, is it always this way?" Toni asks, shoving a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth.
"This way?" Shelby repeats, unsure by what the other girl means.
"Baby pictures, stories of injuries from the playground, and other performative family rituals on display?" Toni says, pragmatically. She's not trying to be rude, just wanting to measure what her current prospects are, living at the Goodkind's.
Shelby knows Toni is constructing this intricate wall to keep people out.
Toni continues, "I mean, it can't be all sunshine and rainbows at the dinner table every night at 7pm sharp," she imitates Dave, lowering her voice.
Shelby stiffens for a second, her eyes shoot to Toni, who doesn't notice, she's too focused on the ice cream. Shelby relaxes, and rolls her eyes, trying to come up with a response, "I don't know, it's like every other family—"
"It is not like every other family," Toni interrupts.
Shelby nods, amending, "Here, I guess. But that's only because I haven't lived anywhere else. This is all I've ever known." She adds, "You don't have to tell me about yours."
"Good," Toni snarls.
"Well, it's just what my family does. We value those stories, and we're sharin' them with you so that you see—"
"See what?"
"That we can be fun. This can be normal, or a new normal. With homework, maybe even basketball practice or somethin', and carnivals. Carnivals for sure," Shelby smiles.
"How many times does the circus come through? Or does it just never leave?" Toni jokes, taking another scoop of ice cream. She looks at Shelby's bowl which is almost empty already. Toni's secretly impressed.
"I really like my siblin's, and I'd really like if they have some sort of friendship with you, you know," Shelby looks down, clinking her spoon in her bowl, thinking. Wanting to say more, "My brother's got a lot of pressure to be all tough, bein' the second man of the house and all, but I just don't think he's good at sports…" She trails off.
"You want me to train your brother?" Toni turns her head, surprised.
"Well, I was thinkin' about it," Shelby admits.
"What's he not good at?" Toni inquires, she could train him, she thinks.
"He's not a strong swimmer, although his best friend's got a pool. And um, well, you saw that he does run fast," Shelby continues, Toni nods, listening intently. "I know he's not nearly done with growin'. I'm sure he'll be six-foot-super-tall. Could be an option?" Her voice goes up, not sure.
"Hand eye coordination any good? Throw, catch?" Toni interrogates, becoming more invested.
"I mean, we don't run any drills here?" Shelby looks over at her, seeing how seriously Toni is being, but Toni just shrugs.
"We can change that," Toni replies. "And by the way, he doesn't have to be good."
"Really? I didn't peg you to be one of those 'if he's havin' fun' type," Shelby mocks.
"He doesn't have to be good to train with me, but he'll be good when we're done," Toni smiles, it's cocky and she knows it. "Although," she finishes, "there is a freedom to putting strength into something tangible. Running, chasing, catching. It's a good outlet. Even if I don't use it all the time."
"I appreciate you doin' that for him. It means a lot to me, Toni," Shelby returns.
Toni avoids her gaze. She chews on the inside of her mouth, trying to suppress a growing smile from hearing her name in that southern drawl.
Shelby finishes the last couple scoops of ice cream. She gasps. Brain freeze.
"Just put your thumb on the roof of your mouth," Toni responds, Shelby whips her head back to Toni.
"What?" Shelby tenses.
"Woah chill, it's the fastest way to get rid of a brain freeze," Toni furrows her brow, trying to decode what that meant. "Didn't you know that?"
Shelby tries to recover with a small nod, she looks over at another house, and fiddles with her mouth.
"See? Goes away, right?" Toni watches Shelby.
On edge and annoyed, Shelby mutters, "My dad can be an abrasive asshole"
Toni whistles, both surprised and impressed, "You say your prayers with that mouth?"
Shelby coughs out a laugh, "I'm not some goody-two shoes," Shelby tries to tease, "I've kissed boys and stuff," Shelby continues, and Toni stiffens. "And this mouth of mine has even eaten some foods that may not have grown directly from the ground, God-forbid." She puts her hand up to the sky, as if taking an oath.
"More like Dave-forbid," Toni counters, smiling.
Shelby doesn't return it. Her body recoils away slightly, Toni's comment crossing the line.
"I can make those jokes. You can't," Shelby objects.
Toni turns her head to look at her, eyebrows raised. "You don't know him yet," Shelby finishes, not looking at Toni, but feeling her stare.
Toni wipes off the dirt from her hands and stands up, "I know enough."
"Now who's the judgmental one?" Shelby stands, too, wanting her height to taunt Toni.
"Never preached that I wasn't," Toni turns to face Shelby and steps closer to her, "See... That's the difference between you and me. I don't slap on a fake face in front of someone I'm afraid of. Someone who might criticize me for who I am or what I do. Or who I've loved..." Toni adds, this gets Shelby's attention.
"I get enough of that just by being gay in Texas," Toni reveals.
Shelby gasps.
"And I confront it head on," Toni finishes, and walks past Shelby to enter the house, smiling hard. She knows that Shelby now has to keep this secret between them. With her family, in that house, with all those crosses. Toni knows that's going to be a challenge.
Toni's mind flashes to a scene where Shelby tells her father, but she shakes her head. For some reason, Toni just knows that she won't.
Toni doesn't wait around to see Shelby's lingering reaction. Although she wishes she did, she thinks. Just to see her face.
Thank you for reading, Besties! As always, let me know your thoughts. I am truly loving writing this story!