Yakshas Grief
I haven't died yet, and I have a week or two till my next exam soooo hopefully I get one more update out! I struggled over what to write for Zhongli for a bit, and then to top it off I got Jean instead of him from the banner :/. But since I was saving, I still have almost 60 pity, so there is still a chance!Anyway, I have no clue if this is OC or OOC or even resembling cannon but it's fine. Enjoy
To say that I have lived a long time would be both an absurd and redundant statement. Having lived through 6 millenniums, I have seen worlds and ages that humans barely remember anymore. I have known a world filled with gods, and I have killed many of those. I am the god of war, the lord of geo, the prime of the adepti, and I remember all; the god of history. But it is only recently that I have become mortal, truly mortal. In the past I may have toured my realm under the guise of a morral, but I am now without my gnosis and have left my power and rule to the Qixing and remaining adepti. It is interesting to know how mortals feel, they feel everything more intensely, like how a fire burns brighter for its inevitable demise. Master Hu Tao has talked endlessly on the subject, in part to gauge my reaction and partially because there are few who suffer to listen to her rants. It only serves to show me how different mortals are from the adepti, but it also gives me grief. Adepti are not immune to grieving, however there wasn't much time to do so during the war and subsequent battles. But I realise that it was a misconception on my part, my peers in the adepti were always grieving, just silently. Perhaps the yakshas were the best example of this, a tight knit group but one that never hesitated and carried out their duties even when one of them fell; they definitely mourned their comrades in their own way, it was my failing to have not realised. So if neither adepti or mortal are exempt from grieve or other mortal emotions, then it was I who didn't feel. I feel this more clearly now that I am mortal, but I had known this even during the war. So many of my friends and peers died then, that perhaps it was a coping mechanism to distance myself from all others. I had only cultivated cordial relations required by the contract. I was the one who didn't feel mortal emotions, and now that I am mortal, the grieve and happiness of several lifetimes are crashing into me. I mourn old friends and children who died before their time. I mourn people who I have pushed away and hurt. The Adepti were probably most hurt by my supposed death and while I gave some of them a vision to show that I am still alive, I have been avoiding one in particular. The sole yaksha, Xiao, Barbatos had always questioned my decision to bound him to myself after I saved him. Before descending, I had been taking care of him, giving him medicine and treating his wounds. I knew then that he was becoming attached to me, past the expected respect of a yaksha, but I realise that I have hurt him. He has never known freedom, I saved him only to chain him again. Then I become the parent he never had and fake my own death. Yes, he is perhaps the one I hurt the most. I zone back into the world beyond, before hearing the words from Ningguang asking why demons were being seen. "There have been sightings of a masked man fighting for days". My blood froze. I resolve myself to ask Master Hu Tao for a few days off to prepare for the eventual confrontation.
Holy Crap, that was hard. I honestly hate this chapter, but I can't think of anything else to write for Zhongli. Next time I'm gonna introduce Hu Tao to Xiao. If anyone has any good Zhongli Headcanon to replace this mess of "I mourn dead people, how sad" then please tell me. Next chapter should be out in like two (2) weeks.