Cristina flattened her hands under the steady flow of the sink in the scrub room and inhaled deeply. A left ventriculotomy - she would have killed for this procedure had it been on anyone other than Meredith Grey. She had already resolved not to touch anything, and let Burke do all the work. There was already too much of Meredith's blood on her hands.

The door opened and Burke joined her at the sink. "Ready?" he asked her.

Cristina shrugged. "I guess so. I don't plan on… doing anything, just so you know. I just want to be there."

Burke eyed her critically. "You could always watch from the gallery, Cristina. You don't have to-"

"No, I do," Cristina cut in, urgently. "Mer would, if it were me with the piece of a bomb sticking out of my heart." She paused for a moment, gathering herself, and Burke allowed her to. "Izzie gave the blood?" she asked offhandedly.

If Burke noticed the change in subject, he didn't let on. "Yes, she did."

"How's Shepherd?"

"What?"

"Oh, come on," Cristina scoffed. "Don't tell me that he doesn't still have the hots for Meredith."

Cristina swore she saw the corner of Burke's mouth tilt slightly upward. "Now's not the time," he said, resuming his professional manner and flicking the water off his hands. "Let's go."

He disappeared into the OR, and Cristina only hesitated for a moment before following him.

XXXX

Burke and the circulating nurses hovered around Meredith's chest while Cristina sat by her head, reassuring herself that there was still breath in her body. The chief had already entered a few times just to stand and watch anxiously. Eventually, however, he resigned himself to the gallery.

"You were right, Cristina," Burke said, causing Cristina to look up abruptly. "The shrapnel entered at the left ventricle. Should be easy enough to patch up."

"Mmm. Go me," Cristina muttered, running her thumb over Meredith's limp hand. Of all the times to earn Burke's praise…

At that moment, the monitors began beeping erratically. "She's crashing," Burke announced. "There's a bleeder."

"No!" Cristina jumped to her feet and ran for the paddles. "Meredith, don't you fucking dare!"

"Clamps," Burke ordered. The scrub nurse sprang into action and began handing over instruments with an urgency that Cristina had previously thought nurses to be incapable of. Cristina crossed the room in a few long strides and stood uselessly by the table, holding up the paddles should they be needed.

Burke was working furiously. In the gallery, Dr. Webber had disappeared- until he suddenly burst into the OR, holding a surgical mask up in front of his face. "Get it under control, Dr. Burke!" he yelled as he fumbled to tie the mask behind his head. "I do not want to be the one to explain to Ellis Grey that her little girl died on my operating table."

One of the nurses pointed at the monitor. "She's coding." Within seconds, the droning noise of a flatline penetrated the room. Cristina froze.

However, it seemed she was the only one to do so. "Charge to 200, Yang!" the chief commanded. Cristina simply stared at Meredith's still form on the table, and cursed herself for not checking under her scrubs the first time around.

"Yang!" Dr. Webber barked. Wide eyed, Cristina broke out of her stupor and stared towards the chief. "Oh, for crying out loud-" He grabbed the paddles forcefully from her hand, charged them, and placed them to Meredith's chest.

The monitor beeped once and then… nothing.

"Charge to 300!"

Cristina came to the sudden realization that she didn't feel like standing around and watching Meredith die. Tearing off her mask and scrub cap, she fled the room, letting the door slam behind her.

XXXX

Yup, thats 2 chapters. if you review both I'll post 2 more tomorrow ;)