Getting lost in her thoughts of all that she was told, Jacqueline tries to decide what all she should let the writer in on. Seeing Jane a wreck like she is now is hurting Jacqueline more than she wants to admit. It has been a really long time since someone has gotten through her walls. Jane has become such a huge part of her life, even from the professional standpoint. It took everything in Jacqueline not to just give Jane the money to freeze her eggs. Which is why she published the article in Paris. Knowing that the board was gunning for her job. Watching Jane with Ben and even more recently Ryan was like being stabbed in the heart.
Jacqueline might be married to Ian still but they haven't been together in a very long time. They have 2 boys together, James and Conner, and still live together, though in separate bedrooms. They're just hasn't been any reason to divorce and make the boys go through the hassle of the press, with Jacqueline being the Editor in Chief of Scarlet Magazine. They still play the part of a happy married couple for work functions but Jacqueline's heart hasn't been there in a long time.
Running her hands through the sleeping girl's hair she can't help but to also kiss the top of her head. This is everything to Jacqueline, all she's wanted since before Jane came back after leaving for Incite. It broke her when Jane felt like she had to leave, leave me, was always how she felt. Which is why when Jane first asked to have her job back she had to tell her NO although all she wanted to do then was open up her arms and embrace the girl.
The night of the Mandy awards was one of the hardest nights in her life. To be in the same room as Jane for the first time in months was both thrilling and nerve wrecking. Jane looked amazing in the black off the shoulder dress she wore that night. The editor couldn't keep her eyes off her. When Jane pulled her aside to let her know that a woman came forward and was victimized by the same guy that assaulted her years before it broke something in her. Struggling with that revelation not knowing what else to say she walked away. Sitting across from Jane at the table before she was called as the winner. She couldn't have been more proud, and decided right then she wanted, no needed, her back at Scarlet.
That next day Jacqueline had Andrew, her assistant, call Jane in to Scarlet and let her know just that. What sealed the deal was, she got the email of Jane's article that she wrote as a follow up to Carry the Weight, The Domino Effect : How One Voice Can Inspire A Movement. Showing that she wasn't fearful, by using the story even if it hurt. She told Jane that Scarlet missed her, that SHE missed her. It was the closest thing to the truth she has ever admitted to pertaining to Jane.
Feeling Jane stir, breaks Jacqueline from her thoughts. "Sorry." slips out panicked from Jane's lips as she sits up quickly. Freaking out from how she ended up in the women's arms.
"Jane, it's okay. You obviously have been holding that in for a while now." Jacqueline soothes the girl not wanting her to completely freak. "I'm glad you told me." sweeping the hair from Jane's face, slipping it behind her ear. "Can I ask, how long you've been dealing with your feelings...um about me?" she softly chokes out.
Jane glances down to her lap. "Always."
"Oh Jane" cries Jacqueline. Not being able to stop the tears at the corner of her eyes.
"I'm sorry, I didn't want to. No I, Jacqueline I have always admired you. From before I even became a writer. You Inspire me every day. You have grown to be one of the most important people in my life." grabbing Jacqueline's hands in hers. "I left Scarlet because I couldn't be around you constantly without my feelings developing more than they have already. I have fallen in love with you Jacqueline even when I know I shouldn't have. You chose me to tell your story about your assault, that made me fall deeper in love with you, for seeing how far you have come since then, how could I not but love everything about you. Jacqueline you are gorgeous, smart, dedicated, the most compassionate person I have gotten to know. I want nothing more but to know every part of you. I have also come to realize that I can't stop falling. I wasn't in love with Ryan, nor did I love him. Just so you know. He cheated on me as you know, and that hurt, but not as bad as watching you with Ian at Scarlet events."
Shocked from the monologue, Jacqueline can't help letting out a sob. Squeezing Jane's hands in hers. "Oh Jane! It's been just as hard for me. I'm your boss though, I wasn't going to do anything to make you uncomfortable or pressure you. I have come to care about you so much. I can't even tell you when the lines started to blur. You opened up about the BRCA 1 Mutation, about your mother. It meant so much to me. I hope it wasn't just for pushing you to write the article though."
"No, it wasn't. I wanted you to know why I was having trouble. You pushed me to accept that part of my life Jacq." Jane interrupts, ensuring the older woman.
Sighing in relief, Jacqueline wipes her eyes. "That's good to know." she whispers out softly.
"Jacq" The writer whispers just as softly, while lightly running her hand down the side of her editor's cheek. "I hate to ask this now, but what about Ian?" her hand falling to her lap.
Grasping Jane's hand, not wanting her to retreat. "Ian is a long story...We've been married for twenty years, we have two amazing boys together, but we aren't -as they say in love with each other. I haven't been in love with him in a very long time, Jane. We don't even sleep in the same room."
Jane's eyes hold onto Jacquelines, as she squeezes Jacq's hands to let her know she's listening. "Ian and I coexist for our boys and we've lived this way for so long, there hasn't been a reason to upset things. We are so used to everything as it has been for years that there hasn't been any reason to change things. " The editor's hand on Jane's cheek. "Until you." is barely heard.
Leaning into the Editor's touch. "Oh Jacq, I wish you would have said something, anything. When you invited me into your home, when I met Ian and your boys -you all seemed so happy. The perfect family. I loved seeing that part of you but I also hated that HE got to see more of you then I would ever get to see."
The ladies are interrupted by the shrill of Jane's phone. "You should get that." the editor whispers, pulling away adjusting herself on the couch.
Shaking her head "I don't want to." is whined out.
Jacqueline laughs out loud at Jane's cuteness. "Jane, answer it."
Checking the phone she sees the hospital calling. Oh shit she thinks, answering the call.
"Hello. Yes this is her." sitting up straight glancing at the woman next to her. "My pre-op is scheduled for tomorrow. Okay thank you. Nine thirty a.m. Okay. see you in the morning. Bye." hanging up the phone. "So that was to let me know when my pre-op appointment so they can schedule my surgery."
Shocked "You're having surgery?"
"My preventive double mastectomy, I decided to proceed with the surgery." Jane fidgets. "I um, um found a lump in my breast. It was benign but it shook me."
"Oh sweetie." Jacqueline pulls Jane in her arms. "Why didn't you.." but stops herself. It wasn't her business. Sighing. "That's scary. I'm sure that wasn't an easy decision."
"It wasn't easy. It was the hardest decision in my life so far." Jane breathes out. "I wanted to tell you, I was going to tell you. Obviously, I'll need time off but I just got my Vertical and I just wanted time to relish that." Jane pulls back so she can look at her boss.
"What do you have to do for your pre-op in the morning."
Smiling at the older woman "I just have to go in and they make sure everything is ready and okay for them to schedule my surgery for next week."
"Would you be…" sighing "I'm sure Sutton and Kat have you covered."
"No what were you going to ask Jacq?" Jane implores as she grabs her hand.
Tangling her fingers with Jane's, the Editor looks at Jane softly. "Can I take you? I understand if you don't want me there. I just really would like to be there for you, anyway you would let me."
Tears glistening in the editor's eyes, Jane brings her fingers up wiping away the tears. "I'd be honored, if you're sure you want to. I have to be there at nine thirty."
Smiling, Jacqueline can't help but to glance at Jane's lips. They are so close, but not wanting to take that step after such an emotional day -Jacqueline looks away.
Feeling disappointed, but understanding at the same time, Jane pulls herself away. Reaching to drink her now cold tea. "Our tea is cold." she laughs.
Jacqueline laughs softly "Well you did fall asleep on me."
"Well you try having a breakdown." she snickers softly
Jacqueline just smiles, reaching for her phone, checking the time, she notices it's already mid afternoon. Hearing Jane's stomach growl, looking towards Jane who looks away embarrassed. "We should probably feed you."
"I am getting hungry. Do you want to order something? What are you in the mood for?"
"What about chinese? I'm in the mood for some Orange Chicken."
"Oh Jacq that sounds amazing actually, make it two orders with fried rice and some potstickers." Jane moans in want.
Jacqueline laughs, raising an eyebrow at the girl. "Sounds good." Calling in the food order before sitting her phone down on the table again. "Should be about thirty to forty minutes."
"Do we want some wine to go with it? I have both Red and White." Jane asks standing up heading to the kitchen.
"Some White would be great darling."
Jane takes out a bottle of White and opens it before setting it on the counter to breath. Taking out two glasses, setting them next to the wine. "There, all set. We can eat at the counter or the couch when the food gets here."
Nervously Jane leans against the counter, taking a moment to go over everything discussed so far. Still not sure exactly where she stands with her boss, not believing that she even has the slimiest of chances even with all the evidence pointing otherwise. Not wanting to lose that hope yet she deeply inhales and breathes out.
Jacqueline, curious at what happened to Jane, heads into the kitchen. Not liking the panic she sees on the girls face -rushes to her side. Hands grabbing her face "Jane, look at me. What's going on pretty girl?"
"What's happening?" the writer sobs out -pulling away from the editor. "Between us? It's not all in my head is it?"
"No of course not." stepping towards the girl before thinking twice. "Jane" deeply sighing. "You mean so much to me, you have always meant more to me than you should - more than what is okay for a boss to care about their employee."
Jacqueline has her back to Jane. "Jacq, I'm sorry. I just can't wrap my head around all this I guess. To know now about Ian, it's a bit mind boggling. Thinking you were happily married to now knowing that you aren't even physically together, it's everything that I have wanted for so long and it's like right there in my reach. It just seems too good to be true."
Turning around when feeling Jane's hand on her shoulder she turns to face her. "It's not Jane. It's not out of your reach. I'm standing right in front of you darling. It's just not as simple as two people liking each other and getting together though. I am your boss, and the board wouldn't like it if they were to find out. You know that Jane."
"I don't..." Interrupted by a knock on the door. "That must be our food." she sighs out.
'I'll get it darling, go ahead and pour the wine." squeezing Jane's shoulder in passing.
Paying for the food and returning, sitting it on the counter before taking a stool. Jane poured the wine in the glasses before walking around the corner and taking her seat next to Jacqueline at the counter.
Opening the containers of food. "This all looks so delicious." Jane says, licking her lips.
"It does." smiling at the young lady. "Here's your Orange Chicken, Fried Rice and Potstickers." handing over Jane's food to her.
Looking at Jacqueline before taking a bite of her food. "Jacq...Thank you for this." slips out once the food is swallowed.
"Jane you don't have to thank me. We needed to eat."
They both dig into the food enjoying the company of one another. Just when they were about done, Jacqueline's phone goes off startling them both. Getting up to grab her phone from the table, she squeezes Jane's shoulder on the way by. Checking the screen, It's a text from her son. When are you picking us up from grandma's? We've been here all day you know.
Hearing the sigh from the other woman, Jane asks "Everything okay?"
Walking back over to Jane "Yes. Just James, he's tired of his grandma already and is wanting to know when I was coming to get them." as she sends James a text back letting him know she will be to get them soon.
"You didn't have to stay all day with me Jacq. I know what your boys mean to you."
Taking the girl's hands in hers. "Oh darling no. I wanted to be here." Cupping Jane's cheek. Jane leaning into the touch. "You didn't keep me from them. They were at their grandma's today anyway. They just don't like staying with my mother longer than they need to." she giggles out.
"You should probably get going then. I wouldn't want them thinking I'm trying to keep you from them.. I mean if they even know where you are." comes tumbling out as she pulls away. Not sure how she can be so scared and assured at the same time. Feeling ashamed of the last words. "Sorry"
Jacqueline, a bit hurt by the last sentence, softly whispers " Oh Jane" grabbing her hands in hers and bringing them to her face, she softly places kisses on the writer's knuckles. "I told both boys I would be with you today. They know of my feelings for you Jane. I have always been honest with them. They just want me to be happy and they know that their father hasn't made me happy in a long time. They know we sleep in different bedrooms. They are smart kids. Jane, I told you -you are important to me! I want to explore this darling." kissing the knuckles over and over. "I want to know what it's like to kiss your sweet lips and hold you close when you're not passing out from crying yourself to sleep. I just don't know what to do about the board." she sighs deeply irritated thinking about the board. "But I will not hide whatever this is from those closest to us. I will not be ashamed of you Jane!"
With tears falling down her eyes Jane pulls the editor's hands to her lips, kissing her knuckles now. "Oh baby." Jane's eyes went big with the slip up dropping the hands in hers. "I'm sorry."
Grabbing the hands back not letting Jane pull away, Jacqueline just smiles at the writer. "Oh darling, It's okay. You can call me baby, if you want to. I kinda like it, coming from you." she squeezes Jane's hands in hers before sighing "As much as I want to stay here with you all night, I should go and pick the boys up."
"Okay. You're still wanting to take me in the morning to my pre-op?"
"As long as you still want me to I'll be here at 9 am darling." The editor tells the writer as she stands up. Glancing to the counter and the mess still there.
Jane saw the look. "I'll take care of the mess. You just go get your boys." standing up to escort the other woman to the door.
Opening the door, the two just stare at each other. Seeing the lip glances but not ready for it yet, Jacqueline brings her hand to Jane's face skimming the lips with her thumb. "I want nothing more darling, then to take you in my arms and kiss you, but there's still so much that needs to be discussed." instead kissing the girl's head. "Soon I promise. I'll be here in the morning."
Inhaling deeply from the lips on her forehead. "I understand. Thank you for being reasonable. I'll see you in the morning. I hope you have a goodnight with your boys."
"Goodnight Jane." is said as Jacqueline walks down the steps to her car, glancing back at Jane before getting in, starting the car and driving away.