Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail. I do own Alexei. He is my character. I do not own Dora the Explorer or Bubble Guppies.
AN: I forgot to mention how Alexei looks. * smacks forehead * I was too busy making Laxus suffer, and it slipped my mind. He has blonde hair and blue eyes, in case anyone was curious. Also, there are some things Laxus might do you'll think oh no don't that. It's intentional because Laxus is still new at this. He still doesn't know the differences between an adult and a baby. Also sorry for the delay in my other stories. I'm focusing on my finals so I can get them out of the way. I only have one left. When I'm done with all of them, I'm going to update my other stories. If there are any particular things you want to see Laxus, try or struggle with let me know in the comments. I apologize for any spelling or grammar mistakes. Enjoy!
Laxus woke up to someone lightly smacking his face and tugging his hair. He woke up a snort and saw Alexei on top of him, smacking his chest. "Badamaga."
Laxus glanced at the clock. "Alexei, it's 2 o'clock in the morning. What are you doing up?" Laxus took a whiff and got his answer. He finally thought he could finally relax and catch a few zzzs. He groaned as he recalled the last few hours of his life.
A few hours ago:
The Thunder Legion bid their goodbyes, each having an excuse that they had to go do something. Freed, in particular, practically ran out of the door. But not before cleaning the pee stain. He'd do that much for his precious Laxus-sama.
That left Laxus and Alexei alone in the kitchen. Laxus took a glance at the mess on the kitchen counter, himself and Alexei letting out a sigh. "Guess it's bath time. If there's a time for bonding, there's no better opportunity than brothers bathing together." Laxus thought it was a good idea if he continued to talk to Alexei, even though he couldn't talk back. Plus, it would be strange if they were silent the whole time.
Laxus shifted Alexei to his side and found a simple green jumpsuit for Alexei to wear, and a fresh diaper. He headed upstairs to his room first and grabbed clothes for himself, placing them on his bed, and headed to the bathroom. He let the water run to fill the tub, placed some baby safe bath liquid for Alexei to enjoy himself. He gave himself a mental pat on the shoulder for remembering to get some baby bath products.
Laxus stripped himself and Alexei naked as the day they were born. He slowly eased them into the bath water. Alexei immediately started excitedly flailing his hands in the water and squealing at the sight of the bubbles.
"Yeah man. I get you. Even I get excited by the sight of bubbles." Laxus gave a tiny smile at Alexei having the time of his life. Thank God he's one of those kids who loves water and bath time. He wouldn't have known what to do if Alexei had a fear of water.
"I should get you some toys, though. For next time." He wasn't sure how long the bubbles would keep his attention. "Don't eat that." Laxus called out, swatting bubbles away from Alexei, who tried to put it in his mouth. "We'll eat after we're nice and clean." Laxus used the shower head to dampen Alexei's hair and lathered some baby shampoo into it.
Huh, he actually has a full-set of hair at this age, thought Laxus as he slicked Alexei's hair into a mohawk. Lucky bastard. I was told I was still bald at this age. Laxus recalled some of his baby photos and apparently it was true. Laxus thought his gramps were messing with him until he saw proof of it. He didn't actually have a full set of hair until after his first birthday. Not long after his mom shaved him because of a superstition, that if you shave your baby's head, their hair will grow back thicker. He was bald for the first two years of his life. Guess I can't complain about it now. Laxus thought about the current state of his hair. It was his pride and joy and took great care in leaving it flawless. I could have suffered from chronic hair loss like Gramps at this age.
Laxus started lathering his hair with his shampoo and gave himself a mohawk as well, causing Alexei to laugh. "Hey yourself," said Laxus with a grin, gently splashing Alexei, who smacked the water in retaliation, giggling. "Gahhhhhhh."
Alexei let out an adorable sneeze. "Achoo." The force of it caused the foam in his hair to shoot forward into the water, to Laxus's amusement.
Laxus, feeling the water start to get cold, decided to quickly rinse them both and get out before Alexei caught a cold. Laxus used the shower head to rinse the shampoo and soap off of Alexei first and then himself after. Laxus closed his eyes to rinse the shampoo out. If he was paying attention, he would have noticed something interesting.
As Laxus rinsed the suds off himself, Alexei was watching the water coming out of the showerhead attentively. "Booo." His hands glowed for a second and suddenly the water came gushing out twice as fast, causing the shower plate to pop off onto Laxus's face. "Hehe."
"Ow," cried Laxus when something hit him in the face. He couldn't see because water was shooting at him too fast. He scrambled to close the shower head and spit the excess water out of his mouth.
Laxus looked at the showerhead and back at Alexei, who was putting his fist in his mouth. Nahhhhh, it couldn't be. Probably something is wrong with the pipe. I'll call the plumber tomorrow.
Laxus rose from the bath with Alexei in his arms, grabbing a towel to dry himself and another to gather Alexei in, who was squirming and trying to climb out of Laxus's arm. "Bahhhhhh." He was watching all the water go down the drain.
"Woah!" Laxus felt his heart stop when Alexei tried to leap out of his arms but caught him at the last second. "That's dangerous Alexei. Don't do that. I guess you're hungrier than I thought." His voice trailed off as he headed towards his bedroom.
Laxus laid Alexei and the towel he was gathered in on the bed. The minute Alexei was on the bed, he tried to crawl away. "Hold still Alexei," said Laxus, trying to keep him still to put on a diaper.
Laxus let out a sigh. "Let me put something on. Standing here butt-naked in front of you just looks wrong. It's like I'm exposing myself to you." Laxus kept a careful eye on Alexei, who put his foot in his mouth, walking backwards to his underwear drawer. The least he could do is put his junk away. He added, "By the way, if someone does try to expose themselves to you, let me know and I'll barbecue them for you. There are lots of perverts in this world." A thought popped into his head.
Lemme check the sex offender register. Gotta make sure there aren't any pedophiles around here. If they are, I'm gonna have to take care of them. Best to take care of a problem before it happens, thought Laxus, putting on his boxers and a pair of sweatpants. He headed back towards Alexei.
"Now to put on your diaper." Laxus rubbed his hands together in anticipation. Wait, it might fall again because it's too loose. Laxus grabs Alexei again and places him in the middle when he tries to crawl off again. I need tape or something to tighten it. Laxus looks around his room to see anything he can use. "Stay still." He catches Alexei who tries to slide down, placing him in the same spot again. I can't go downstairs to get tape because Alexei keeps moving around. Laxus looks down and sees the drawstring from his sweatpants. Guess this will do.
Laxus takes his drawstring out and catches Alexei again who tries to roll over the bed. "Sheesh. Hold still." Laxus puts on the diaper and wraps the drawstring around like a belt to prevent it from falling. "There we go. Now for your clothes."
Laxus attempted to put the onesie on Alexei, but every time he put Alexei's limb through one part, he'd immediately take it out when Laxus tried to put another in. This went on for 10 minutes. Finally, through some miracle, he was able to dress Alexei.
Laxus put on a shirt and headed downstairs with Alexei in his arms. He went to his living room, placing Alexei on the couch, and turned on the tv. He shifted through channels to find something appropriate for Alexei to watch to keep his attention while Laxus made food.
Sports channel popped up. "Not that." News channel popped up. "Not that either." Porn channel channel popped up. "DEFINITELY NOT THAT!" Laxus quickly channeled the channel when the image and sound of a woman riding a man popped up. He looked back at Alexei with pink cheeks and sighed in relief when he noticed Alexei paying attention to his foot. He went through a few channels more when he decided to stop on Nick Jr. An image of merchildren singing Bubble Guppies and dancing.
"Okay, this seems appropriate." Laxus looked back at Alexei to see him swaying his head back and forth to the song, smiling. "And it seems you like it as well." Laxus stood up. "Stay here." He headed to the kitchen.
Laxus took out all the baby stuff he bought and organized them into piles; bottles, pacifiers, nipples, diapers, baby formula, baby food, etc. He read the instructions of the bottle and nipple. Prior to use, please sterilize bottles, nipples, and pacifiers. "How the fu-fudge do I sterilize these?" Laxus almost let out an f-bomb, but caught himself when he heard a happy squeal from the living room. He forgot he can't curse as freely as he used to.
Laxus searched on his phone for how to sterilize. He read the search results. "Oh, it's just boiling them in water for 5 minutes. I thought it meant something else." He let out a laugh of relief. I thought it was some rite of passage or ritual for babies. "They could have just said that on the instructions. There's people who are clueless and new to this like I am," he muttered under his breath, filling a clean pot with water, turning on the stove and letting it sit until 5 minutes passed.
"While that sterilizes, let's take a look at what we have to work with food wise." He bought a variety of baby foods, apple sauce, biscuits, yogurt, etc. The only thing he got a lot of was baby formula. The box said number 1 on the continent.
Laxus took out the packet of baby formula out of the box. He tried to open it by grabbing the two sides and pulling it, but it didn't work. Laxus used more force, and the packet opened with powder flying in his face.
"Cough, cough," Laxus tried to clear his mouth and nose. Luckily, it didn't get into his clean hair.
Laxus felt something grabbing his leg and looked down to see Alexei trying to stand up, using Laxus's leg as support. "Goo."
"Alexei. What are you doing here? I told you to stay in the living room." Laxus gathered Alexei in his arms. He thought he liked the show.
Alexei, at the sight of Laxus's powdered face, started to cry. "Ehhhhhhhhhhhh." The sight and smell of white powder made Laxus look unrecognizable to him.
"No. No. It's okay," said Laxus in a panicked voice. He grabbed a towel and wiped the powder off his face. "Look. It's still me! See."
Alexei's cries turned to whimpers as he slowly calmed down.
"Come on. Let's go put something else to watch." Laxus headed back to the living room, momentarily forgetting the pot on the stove. He noticed the show went to commercial.
No wonder he lost interest, thought Laxus, placing Alexei in his lap, grabbing the remote again. What kind of baby would be interested in car insurance?!
Laxus thought it was a better idea to go to YouTube and just put something on loop. This looks promising. The name of the video said Dora The Explorer. "That will be you in the future. Going on adventures with your friends." Laxus turned to Alexei and pointed to the t.v.
What's that smell, thought Laxus, when the smell of burnt rubber wafted by his nose. His eyes went wide open in recognition when he realized he forgot to check on the pot after 5 minutes. "Stay here," he orders Alexei again, placing him on the couch and runs to the kitchen.
Laxus was greeted by the sight of smoke, melted plastic and burnt rubber, stuck to the bottom of the pot. He let out a sigh. "At least I didn't put everything at once." He threw the entire pot in the trash and started the entire process again. Thank God he bought extras of pacifiers, nipples, and bottles. This time he paid attention and when opening the baby formula he used scissors.
Laxus read the directions on the box. Place one scoop of baby formula per 2 oz of water. Laxus checked the bottle, and it held 4 oz.
"1 scoop per 2 ounces would be 1, 2. 2 scoops!" Laxus did the math in his head.
Laxus took the measuring spoon that came with the box and carefully tried to measure out a perfect scoop. The first time it was too much, so he dumped it back into the bag. Next one was too little, so he dipped the spoon again to add more, but then it was too much, dumping the whole thing again.
Finally, Laxus thought, carefully lifting the spoon so he could dump it in the bottle. The perfect scoop. Laxus was about to turn the spoon to place the powder when he felt someone grab his leg again, causing him to dump the powder onto the counter instead, creating a mess. Laxus let out a groan and looked down to see Alexei standing, using Laxus's leg as support. "Abu."
Laxus sighed, placing the items on the counter. "I should be angry at you, but because you are standing, I'm going to let this slide. I didn't even know you knew how to stand. Pretty soon you're going to be walking, which is something we are going to work on. Think of it as a training session," he added, holding Alexei with one arm. Maybe Alexei learning how to walk and walking on his own will make things easier for Laxus in the long run.
"Gahhhhhh." Alexei screamed when he saw the bottle. He knew what that meant. Food time.
"Well, little buddy, you're going to have to wait a little longer. I know you're hungry but you keep distracting me." Laxus placed two scoops, using his finger to remove the excess. Why didn't I think of that before? Laxus was tempted to smack his head. He poured water, placed the nipple, and shook the bottle like the directions told him to. What time is it? Laxus glanced at the kitchen clock, which read 8:30 p.m. Woah. Time went by fast.
Alexei was trying to reach for the ready bottle from Laxus's hand. "Ehhhhhhhh." He was hungry.
Laxus walked upstairs to his bedroom, grabbing the dragon plush on the way. After Alexei was fed, he was going to put him to sleep, since it was getting late. Laxus placed Alexei on his pillow and gave him his milk, which Alexei greedily sucked, spitting out his pacifier, holding the bottle with his own hands.
Laxus walked to his sliding closet and took out all the spare pillows he had. He was going to create a pillow barricade tonight so that Alexei wouldn't roll over and fall into his sleep. After making sure the left and bottom side of where Alexei was going to sleep were completely bordered with pillows.
Laxus took the empty bottle and placed it on his nightstand. "Hey Alexei. Cool trick isn't it?" Laxus changed his sweats into night pants and showed Alexei his sliding closet, sliding it open and close for Alexei, who was laughing, finding the action quite amusing.
… He was going to regret this action later.
Laxus laid himself next to Alexei and gave him his pacifier and dragon. "Let's put you to sleep so that I can go downstairs and clean up. Plus, we have to walk up bright and early because your crib is coming tomorrow. If we have the time, we can go to the guild and meet everyone," Laxus explained to Alexei, gently patting his leg.
Two Hours Later
Why isn't he sleeping? Laxus thought, looking at the ceiling in disbelief. The light was off, and the sound of Alexei sucking his pacifier was the only thing being echoed in the room. It's been two hours, and all Alexei has done is constantly shift himself, climb all over Laxus, or play with his dragon. At least he liked the dragon.
I even gave him a stuffed animal to sleep with and fed him! Is it because we passed the deadline for sleeping!? Laxus read that babies Alexei's age should be in bed around 7 or 8 and it's almost 11 now. He slept a lot today.
Laxus searched on his phone for how to put a baby to sleep. Is your baby going through sleep regression? Here are some solutions to help get your baby to sleep.
Keep the lights and your voice low.
Yeah. I already did that. Better yet, I haven't even talked. Laxus rolled his eyes at that suggestion and went to the next one.
Provide a stuffed animal to help with separation anxiety.
Did that too! Can someone suggest something I haven't done yet! Laxus scrolled to the next one.
Rock them in a chair and sing them a lullaby before putting them back in bed.
Chair? By chair, do they mean couch? Laxus read the second part and shook his head. Hell no. There's no way. I'm singing him a lullaby. I don't even know any! Most of my musical choices are rock and heavy metal! There's nothing soothing about that. But I know where! An idea popped into Laxus's head. He could just play a lullaby on YouTube.
Laxus looked up from his phone when he heard his closet door slide open. He looked beside him to see Alexei and a couple of bottom pillows missing. He got up from his bed and was greeted to the sight of Alexei sitting in his closet, throwing his clothes around hazardously over the room.
Laxus smacked his forehead. You idiot! You fucking taught him how to open it! Not so funny now, is it! Laxus didn't know if he should feel impressed or embarrassed at the fact Alexei copied his action so quickly.
After Alexei had his brief bit of fun, he tried to close the closet with himself in it, but Laxus used his foot to block it. "Hehhhhhhh." Alexei cried in frustration, trying to put more pressure on the door.
Laxus crossed his arms over his chest and gave Alexei a disapproving look. "Haha. Nice try. You can't out cute your way out of this one. You're a smart little baby, huh? You'll get your own room when your crib comes in tomorrow. Until then…" Laxus picks up Alexei and closes his closet, heading back towards his bed. "... you're going to learn how to share like all good little boys do."
Laxus set up the tv in his room and put on Sweet Dreams (Goodnight Song). As the song was playing, Laxus noticed Alexei's eyes starting to close. That's it! You're almost there. NOOO!
The video changed into Dora the Explorer, and Alexei's eyes were wide open, observing the show.
One Hour Later
Stupid show. Laxus thought, watching the show along with Alexei because there was nothing else to do. Every time he tried to change the video Alexei would let out a high-pitched scream or cry so he just let him watch it. Stupid girl with football shaped head. Looking very kickable by the minute.
Dora was trying to find the key to the blue gate. "It's right there Dora! Are you freaking blind? Why are you asking us? You're the one with the map!" Laxus shook his head in disbelief. "This chick has problems, bro." Laxus looked to the side and saw Alexei fall asleep. He turned the tv off and went downstairs to clean everything up, bringing all the baby stuff upstairs into his spare bedroom, including his room as well to have some things on hand, and hit the hay at midnight.
Back to the present
Laxus looked at the spot where Alexei was supposed to be sleeping and noticed the poop stain, groaning once more at the cleaning he had to do. When Alexei moved from one side to the other, some of it probably slipped out of the diaper because it was big. Luckily, not a lot of poop was on the bed. He could just take out the bedsheet and replace it with another in the morning.
Laxus gathered some clean clothes for Alexei, wipes, and diapers to change him with. The shirt he picked was interesting. It had a picture of a dump truck and read Little Dumper.
How convenient, thought Laxus with a grimace, trying not to gag when he changed Alexei's diaper, running to the bathroom to throw it away. He quickly cleaned Alexei up, put on a fresh diaper, and dressed him, placing him back on the bed.
Laxus laid beside Alexei again. "Now. Let's go to sleep." Laxus shut his eyes again.
4 hours later
"Wahhhhhh," cried Alexei, fussing in Laxus's arms.
"I fed you. I changed your diapers. I gave you your toy. Why do you keep crying," said Laxus in a defeated tone, rocking Alexei back and forth to calm his crying but to no avail. With all this crying, even Laxus was tempted to cry in frustration. Laxus's hair was wilder than usual due to the amount of times he pulled his hair in frustration.
Alexei hasn't slept since 2 meaning Laxus hasn't slept since 2. Laxus only got two hours of sleep and it is currently 6 o'clock. He didn't know what the problem was and why Alexei was still crying. He eventually cried himself to sleep.
Finally, thought Laxus, placing Alexei on the bed. Peace and quiet. He was going to sleep as much as he could before Alexei woke up again.
Laxus's head hit the pillow and just as he was about to shut his eyes, he sat back up with a wild look in his eyes at the sudden sound.
The sound of excessive door ringing echoed through the house followed by a scream. "SPECIAL DELIVERY!"
Laxus felt his eye twitch. He was going to kill that son of a bitch.