CW/ homophobic slurs
chapter III
"Take a left here," Remus pointed. He hoped he was right about the directions. The last time he'd been on this street was a few years ago.
Sirius followed everything promptly. Their conversation had been cut short by Samantha, who had finally woken up properly. Remus didn't want to chat as much with someone else in the room.
They had arrived in Manchester safe and sound and were on their way to a place where she could drop them off and go her own way.
Remus wasn't sure about his choice of location, but it was the only one that came to mind in the city. And, to be completely honest, a part of him still wanted to go there and see how a certain someone was doing. It went against his apocalypse plans of not looking back, but when in Rome…
He looked around at the scenery, recognising it instantly and being transported back to simpler times. The last time he stepped foot in Manchester had been a few years prior. The street they were driving through hadn't changed a thing.
"There it is," he pointed out to Sirius once he saw the familiar brick house against others that looked pretty much the same. The only discerning feature was the green Ford Cortina parked in the garage.
Sirius parked in front of the house with ease. He would never admit it, but he was probably a better driver than Remus would ever be.
"Thank you so much, Samantha," Remus said before opening the car door.
"No, thank you two for giving me some time to rest," she said nonchalantly. "And for the substances to wear off," she laughed loudly.
"Well, it was a pleasure being your driver," Sirius said with a head bow.
He just couldn't contain himself, could he?
She looked at him dead in the eye and sighed, "If only the world wasn't ending."
The comment appeared truly sincere, especially as she raised her hand to tuck a loose strand of hair that fell on Sirius' face behind his ear. His cheeks flushed slightly and Remus suppressed a laugh, leaving the car and leaving him to fend for himself.
"Thank you," he heard Sirius say before he too emerged from the car.
Samantha didn't bother to come out and enter the car through the driver's door when changing seats, instead opting for the uncomfortable scoot.
"Bye, boys!" She said in a sing-song manner before driving off.
They observed the car go from the safety of the curb.
"I hope she doesn't hit her car," Sirius said.
"That'd be tragic," Remus observed before turning to Sirius with a smirk. "By the way, does your 'charm' always get you into uncomfortable situations or…?"
Sirius opened a smile, "No, usually they are very comfortable ones."
Remus snorted, "Oh, I bet."
With nothing left to say, he now had to confront the reality of what he planned on doing at that moment. With a deep breath, he stared at the house.
"Who lives here?" Sirius asked.
"My ex."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
He gathered up his courage and took a few steps forward to the front door with Sirius trailing behind him.
"And did you end on good terms?"
"It's… complicated. We haven't talked in ages," he explained. "We broke up when I figured out I… liked both. I needed some time to… y'know. It was fine."
"And that's when you moved to London?" Sirius asked.
"Yeah, pretty much," was the answer Remus was willing to offer at the moment.
"I hadn't pegged you for a Northern man." Sirius grinned.
Remus shrugged, not sure of what to answer. The door stood in front of them as a reminder of what they had actually come to do here. He focused his attention on the task at hand and went to knock on it.
He raised his fist to do so, but before he could, the door flung open. On the other side of it stood Mary, looking better than ever.
"I knew I wasn't crazy when I heard none other than Remus Lupin talking outside my door!" she said with a bright smile.
"Wait, your last name's Lupin?" Sirius questioned beside him, slightly bewildered.
"Hi, Mary," he greeted with an awkward wave.
"Yes, it's redundant, isn't it?" Mary said to Sirius before turning her attention back to Remus. "Don't give that weak wave, come here!"
She came forward and wrapped her arms around him in a bone-crushing hug. "I thought I'd never see you again," she said quietly with her face resting on his shoulder.
The selfishness of the situation made a wave of guilt wash over him. She had said it so sincerely; it struck a chord with him. He had once loved Mary; he had been so caught up in his own stupidity over the past few weeks, only thinking about himself, that he failed to think that yes, other people could also have loved him. He hadn't expected her to welcome him with open arms. It took him by surprise.
Remus hadn't bothered to visit anyone because he truly thought no one had loved him as much as he had loved them. Mary's choked up voice and warm embrace told him the contrary.
He felt like an arse.
"I'm sorry, Mary," he said while burying his face against her soft hair.
She laughed weakly, "I'm over it. We're all going to die, anyway."
She pulled away and he let her go reluctantly, a smile was still plastered on her face.
"And who's that?" She looked over at Sirius, who stood awkwardly but with a kind smile beside Remus.
"Sirius," he shook her hand. "I'm Remus'... travelling partner?"
She looked at Remus with a tilted head.
"Something of the sort," he explained, "it's complicated."
"Tell me all about it over some tea. Come in!" She stepped aside to let them through the house.
It looked different from the picture Remus had in mind. The house looked better, fresher, richer. He felt a tug of proudness in his chest. He was glad Mary had managed to get to a good place in her life; she deserved even more.
She led them through the house to the living room, stopping in the middle of the corridor to turn back at them.
"Go sit in the living room right there and I'll bring you some tea," she pointed towards the room with an inviting smile.
Remus took it as his cue, "I'll help you with the tea. I insist," he took two strides in her direction before she could dismiss him.
"I'll go sit there, then," Sirius said with a polite smile and went away.
He followed Mary to the kitchen, which looked more similar to what he remembered. The tacky tiles were still present.
"You haven't changed a thing," she said while getting the cups and teapot from the cabinet.
Remus bit his tongue, "You've changed a great deal."
"In a good way, I hope?" She smiled teasingly.
"In a great way," he laughed awkwardly. She shot him a look.
He didn't know how to begin this conversation, not when she was being so kind and friendly. Remus still felt a little bad about their breakup, it had been all on him.
He leaned against the counter so as to not call attention to his nervousness.
"Not that I'm… hitting on you,—I'm not! I just meant that… you know—"
Mary laughed carefreely, "It's okay, Rem. I know you're not." She began preparing the tea, Remus focused on her hands, not being very keen to look at her in the eyes. "Not when you've got that bloke with you."
The comment managed to get a startled sound from Remus, "Wh—? No, no."
She laughed, the corners of her eyes wrinkling. "Oh, come on, Remus..." she waved a dismissive hand.
"What! He's not… my boyfriend. I've only just met him!"
"I'd like to get to know him alright..." She now carried a tray in her hands, reminding Remus that he was losing time. "He's much better looking than Gideon, I didn't know you two had broken up."
"Uh, we did break up,—but that's not the point!"
"Sorry about that." Mary didn't look all that sorry as she made her way to the door.
"M—"
"Can't keep him waiting," she announced with the usual bright smile as she left the kitchen.
Remus' shoulders slumped downwards. Great. She was never much of a listener, maybe that's why they broke up in the first place.
He trailed after her, afraid she would keep making comments about an "ex-boyfriend named Gideon".
"So, how d'you two meet?" She queried happily while pouring some tea for Sirius, who nodded a thank you. The way she did it would make you think you're having tea with a member of the royal family, all clean and proper with the most delicate cups.
"Remus here let his keys fall down the pothole when he bumped into me,—"
"What telling of the story is that?" Remus frowned deeply in outrage.
"The real one. You should've looked at where you were going," Sirius took a sip from his cup. The juxtaposition between his leather jacket and overall look to the delicate china with hints of pink was almost comically distracting.
"I can't believe I'm hearing this. I am aghast," Remus shook his head.
Mary called attention to herself by laughing loudly at the scene. "That's cute," she took a sip from her cuppa.
"Then I drove him away from a riot that was happening down the street, such as a knight in shining armour would do," Sirius continued to explain.
"He attempted to kidnap me and use me for my car," Remus added.
"You should be more grateful," Sirius shot him a look from the corner of his eyes.
"You really should," Mary agreed, taking the piss out of him.
"Now we're going to Edinburgh, I'm reuniting with my family and Remus is going to his boyfriend," he ended the tale there.
Remus turned his head abruptly to look at Mary, his heart rate picking up at the mere mention of his lie. He tried to eye her with the most piercing look as his entire body became tense. She returned the gesture with a knowing look, only acknowledging him for a couple of seconds before turning back to Sirius with a smile.
"Your parents?" she asked.
"Uh, yes," Sirius nodded.
"How nice. I'm glad you could go to them, not many people are so lucky."
"I'm glad, too." He turned to Remus, "But it's thanks to him, I didn't know all transportation was shut down."
Remus smiled awkwardly. "I didn't do anything," he muttered while ducking his head.
"You've kept me company," Sirius shrugged.
Remus didn't know what to say next, he simply downed the entire cuppa and set it back on the tray, sitting back on the chair and looking everywhere but at the two people in the room.
Mary continued to make small talk with Sirius, who often made her laugh. Not that it was such a feat to do so. She laughed at anything,—that was one of the great joys of being with her.
He didn't pay attention to any of it, though.
"Remus?"
He jumped out at the mention of his name, seeing he was being stared at by Sirius and Mary.
"Yes?" He sat up properly in the chair.
"Help me bring these to the kitchen, will you?"
He nodded and picked up the tray, leaving Sirius behind to trail after Mary. As soon as he stepped into the kitchen, though, she shut the door behind him. He cringed at the sound, knowing what was to come.
"I can explain," he turned around with the tray still in his hands, meeting the sight of her crossed arms and knitted eyebrows.
"Tell me you're not toying with his feelings."
"What? No. It's not that," he put the tray on the counter.
"Then who did you lie about Gideon to?"
He scratched his forehead, "Him..."
She gave an exasperated sigh, "Remus..."
"It's not what it seems!" He raised his hands defensively. "This is not romantic," he said in a lower tone so Sirius wouldn't hear it from the other room.
"Then what is it?"
"I… I lied to him about Gideon because I got myself into this embarrassing situation and there was no other way out. I regret it now, okay? I shouldn't even have come,—I don't know what came over me!" He explained while she analysed him sceptically. "And that's why I'm here, Mary. I lost my car and have no way of turning back home while there's still time."
"You want to leave him?!"
"This is going to make me sound like an arse, but yes! I shouldn't be here! You're the only one I know in Manchester who could help me get back home… for old time's sake."
"Does he know you plan on going back to London?" She asked, collected.
Remus ducked his head, "No."
"God, Remus. Why are you doing that to him? If you had told him, it would be completely different.—But what? Does he think you're here to get a car to go to Edinburgh?"
He was starting to realise how much of a mistake this had been. "Well, yes, but—"
"What a total arse!" Mary cut in, getting angrier by the second.
He didn't even know what to respond. Yes, he was being an arse. But it's the end of the world! None of it will matter in a few days. Still, she was the only one who could help him at that moment.
"Okay, maybe it isn't the kindest thing to do, but I can't keep going! What would I even say once I got to Edinburgh? I don't want to die in Scotland!"
"And you want to die in your shite apartment? You should have thought about that the moment you agreed to come with him," she paused and took a deep breath. "He is so sweet, really, Remus. He doesn't deserve this."
"I… know he doesn't. But I also don't even know who he is."
"He clearly doesn't know all that much about you either." She began to sound more annoyed at him again.
"But what am I supposed to do then!" He had tired of trying to level with her, she just simply didn't understand.
"Get him to Edinburgh," she said as if it was the simplest task ever.
"I can't," he tried to argue calmly with furrowed brows and a piercing look. "I just want to get home, Mary."
"Don't look at me like that, Remus." She pointed an accusing finger at him. "I don't have anywhere else to be, you could take the car for all I care. But I won't let you do it."
"Why not? Why do you care so much about someone you don't even know?"
"I know you, Remus. I know all about your coping mechanisms and can only wonder how you're dealing with all of this. I know it's probably not that healthy,—and honestly, I see a chance for you to aspire for something a little better here. Or do you want to die as you lived or whatnot?"
"Oh, so you're going to psychoanalyse me?"
This was so much like Mary. She would make vague assumptions about things she didn't even understand while trying to make them sound like the universal truth. God, she could be so annoying.
She shrugged, unbothered. "I guess so."
"Fine."
There was so use in trying to argue with her. Remus didn't give her a second glance as he left the kitchen in heavy steps, fuming all the way to the living room. He passed through the door and found Sirius comically staring at him with wide eyes. For a second he was afraid he had heard the entire exchange.
"So it's a good thing you two broke up, huh?" Sirius asked awkwardly.
"We're leaving, she can't help us." He tried not to sound furious.
He didn't wait for Sirius to rise from the couch to make his way towards the front door. Right after leaving the room, he saw Mary at the top of the stairs looking at him with an arched eyebrow.
"Come back once you've swallowed your pride," she said serenely.
Remus held himself back so as to not say anything too rude. By that time Sirius had already reached him. He took a couple of seconds to breathe in deeply while standing outside.
"She said no?" Sirius asked carefully.
"Yes." He was pacing in circles. "Something of the sort."
"Oh, that's okay… There must be a way to get there, or at least get to a closer city."
Just being outside the house made Remus' mind race with memories of the past relationship, making him jumpy. He started walking aimlessly down the street just to get away from it.
He was quick on his feet, not even budging to look if Sirius was following him. He didn't even want to look, afraid he'd have another outburst and end up alone in Manchester, which seemed worse than being with a stranger.
Instead of simply following him, though, Sirius walked beside him as fast as he did.
"Exe's, huh?" Sirius with his usual fairly amused tone.
"It's not like that..." Remus forced himself to answer.
"Then what is it like?"
There he goes again, always asking.
"It's different. Mary did nothing wrong… I was the one who shat all over our relationship, you know?" He definitely did not feel like telling Sirius his life story or whatnot right now. Not when he was planning to leave.
"To be honest, no, I don't know. I've never really dated anyone I actually liked." The chipper tone made way for a softer one at the confession.
Remus didn't feel like diving into Sirius' issues either.
"It's over now, anyway," he explained simply, not wishing to waste many words while his mood was still sour. However, feelings still fresh in his mind, the words started to pour out of him. "I loved her. And I think she loved me, too. But then I… well, someone happened. I was too young and stupid, I had just realised I was into men. She probably started resenting me about that time. It was bound to happen, really. I just made it fall apart faster."
Somewhere during his little monologue, he had stopped walking, now facing Sirius as he slowly regained his breath.
"Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be," Sirius said.
Unexpectedly, it got a laugh from Remus.
"What?" Sirius asked.
"'Meant to be'?" He shook his head. "If you believe in that sort of thing, then no, I guess it was not."
"Of course I believe in that sort of thing! I'm a romantic!" Sirius raised a fist in the air.
Remus made himself look away so as to not crack a smile at the gesture. "So you think you're meant to be here talking to me right now? That the world was meant to end, and that this is all some greater plan written in the stars?"
"Yes, I do. You definitely looked like you need to talk to someone, so perhaps I am meant to be here," he folded his arms and cocked an eyebrow. Remus wanted to roll his eyes.
"I'm fine."
"Sure you are," he said with a broad smile. "Now, let's keep walking aimlessly."
He leaned over to graze his shoulder against Remus', making him take a step back. It was one of those things he did to look cool, but right now Remus couldn't say whether he did it on purpose or if he was just that effortlessly suave. Sirius walked in front of him with his hands in his jeans' pockets, flashing him a grin, as if asking if he was going to stand there forever.
It flustered Remus, to be quite honest. But he quickly snapped out of it and walked alongside Sirius. He had calmed down by that point, ready to think more clearly.
The street was made of very similar houses, which didn't give him much to look at after a few minutes of their slow-paced walk. A few houses had their windows shut, some even put on pieces of wood in the windows to not let anyone break-in. It was the only thing that told them they still were, in fact, in the apocalypse. That and the fact that there weren't many people walking around.
"I'm hoping you know your way around Manchester because I have absolutely no idea of where we're going," said Sirius.
"I can't say I know my way around this part of the city all that well, I'm afraid."
He dreaded being asked what to do next.
"That's okay, let's go find some lunch."
"You just had tea," Remus argued.
"That's liquid, not food."
"Still, was the fruit ice cream not enough for you?"
"Remus," Sirius turned to him fully, "it takes a lot to maintain this type of machinery," he pointed at his own body.
It got a laugh from him, for as much as it annoyed him. Sirius was making an effort to distract him, and for that he was grateful.
"Suit yourself," he shrugged.
They finally made a turn, leaving the residential area for a more urban one. There were some cars driving around, as well as closed establishments, and people going about their lives. Nothing too bizarre, thank God.
In terms of food, they didn't find much when looking around. No restaurants were open, sadly people here didn't seem to have the same love for serving food as they had in that Little Chef.
As they walked to a central area, the streets became livelier and full of people. It was fascinating to observe them in the current climate. There was a lot of sadness to the look they had on their faces, but every so often he'd see someone with the look of utter glee on their face. The type of peaceful expression that just told you they were living to the fullest, no matter what they were doing, such as walking the dog, biking, or walking hand in hand with a loved one.
There was some beauty to it, even Remus had to admit. Sometimes, for a couple of seconds, he would allow himself to daydream of what it felt like to be one of those people; so contended amidst the tragic reality.
"Remus," Sirius stopped in his tracks just as they turned a corner in silence, eyes glued somewhere in front of him. He turned his head to follow where he looked.
"Fuck's sake," Remus cursed under his breath. "Not again."
The scene that unfolded before their eyes was of yet another riot, this one targeting a small supermarket. The windows were being broken by bricks and people threw even trolleys their way.
The people there were seemingly young, around their age, even. Most of them were men and didn't bother to cover their faces or disguise their identities in any way. They seemed to be there simply to cause havoc, to let the anger out.
They entered the supermarket in flocks once the door broke open. It wasn't entirely peaceful, a few fights had broken out between some groups, but nothing too worrisome.
"I have an idea." Sirius turned to him with a grin that suggested nothing but mischief.
"God," Remus muttered, "what?"
"Let's go get some food." He eyed the supermarket.
"There?!" Remus questioned his sanity. "Fuck no."
"Why not? We're young, we're fit," Sirius argued. Remus couldn't help the wave of self-consciousness that washed over him at the innocent comment.
"It's… illegal."
"So? We're all walking towards our deaths, anyway." Remus couldn't really argue with that fact.
"But—"
"We'll just hop in, grab a few things, and run," Sirius cut in. "No one will throw a punch at your pretty little face."
Remus didn't know what to answer, but Sirius didn't even wait for it. He began crossing the street in the calmest manner possible, leaving him dumbfounded behind.
"Wait, Sirius—"
The black-haired man paid him no mind as Remus struggled to cross the street with the sudden apparition moving cars on it.
By the time he caught up to him, Sirius was already crossing the entrance. No one even batted an eye at Sirius. The muscular, threatening-looking men just let him be. To be quite honest, he looked like he belonged there, even. Remus, on the other hand, with his purple and blue jumper, was very much out of place.
"Where do they keep the bread?" Sirius asked as if he was taking a stroll.
"Sirius, what do you even think you're doing?" Remus was exasperated by that point.
He glanced at him, a smile playing on his lips, "Live a little, Lupin."
It was as if Sirius had finally taken a life of his own. He didn't walk behind Remus anymore, he now strutted in front of him. It was captivating, that he had to admit. He walked seamlessly through the surrounding chaos, not a single soul questioned his presence.
Inside, the atmosphere was more of the same: people grabbing whatever they wanted from the shelves and stuffing it in their bags or just eating right then and there. It was loud and boisterous, with a few arguments over the last bit of expensive meat, but if they kept it to themselves, they could go unscathed.
Remus trailed after Sirius, who still didn't seem to know exactly where he was going as he took his time to stare at the surrounding signs. They ended up making their way to an isle on a far corner, Sirius analysed the shelves looking for something. Remus was too tense, looking around their surroundings to do much about the food aspect.
Without even glancing his way to ask for an opinion, Sirius picked up different random condiments from the shelves, as well as cheese, butter, jelly, and ham. He did, however, make Remus carry all of them.
"Aha!" Sirius celebrated, snatching the last baguette from a basket inside a shopping trolley in the corner. "Remus, my dear, tonight we feast like kings." He pointed the bread at him as if it was a sword, another hand in the air like a knight.
"That basket may belong to someone, Sirius..." He looked around hesitantly.
"The guy won't even notice it's gone, relax..." he tried to appease him to no avail. The convinced grin he wore proudly on his face told Remus all he needed to know about this stupid plan.
"Oi, faggot." The grin was wiped out of his face instantly when he heard a man say behind him. Remus' eyes widened, but all he could do was watch. The air around them stilled.
Somehow, Sirius' pale complexion became even whiter at that moment. Slowly, he turned around to face the big, bald, red-faced man that had called his attention.
"Did you fucking steal my shit?" He pointed a threatening finger at the baguette Sirius held.
"No," Sirius managed to say, his voice faltering a little.
"Give that bread back right now," he demanded, raising his voice and making them flinch at the suddenness.
Sirius swallowed dryly, torn between what to say. "N—No."
"Sirius, for fuck's sake, just give him the bread and we'll go," Remus whispered behind him in a hushed whisper. Sirius didn't even turn to acknowledge him.
"Listen to your little poof there, give that bread back. I don't mind beating that posh face of yours in." The man treated it as his last warning.
Remus observed Sirius straighten his back and take a deep breath. He wasn't very good at hiding the fact he was scared, but Remus could only watch as the shitshow happened before his eyes
"Y—yeah, okay." Sirius shook his arms and nodded at the man, who seemed slightly confused by the change of tone.
He took a couple of steps forward, his shoulders tense and quick on his feet. Sirius stretched out his arm as to hand the man the baguette, but in the last second, he swung his other arm towards the man, closed fist hitting him hard in the face.
Sirius stared at him dumbfounded, hissing in pain and flexing his hand.
The man howled, half in pain, half in surprise, as he stumbled backwards. He stared at Sirius with wild eyes, not even believing a twig like him had the guts to pull such a stunt. However, anger quickly overpowered his surprise. There was no time to dodge the man's fist.
"Sirius!" Remus cried out in shock.
It hit Sirius in the cheek, sending him stumbling backwards until he knocked on Remus, who tried to hold him still so he wouldn't fall.
"Fucking nancy boy," the man hissed as he took a few steps forward to meet them once again.
Sirius pushed Remus backwards and stood on his own two feet again after handing him the piece of shit baguette that had started it all.
"C'mon! Is that all you got?" He opened his arms in defiance.
The man growled before swinging another fist at him, which he thankfully dodged. To counter-attack, Sirius was fast and connected his fist to the man's stomach. It had little effect besides angering him.
"Fucking leave it, Sirius!" Remus yelled but was ignored once again. God, he should just use this as his chance to go away and not have to explain why he left.
The man was angrier than ever and now was keen on finishing Sirius off with a heavy-handed punch to the face that sent him tumbling down. He fell hard on the floor. For a moment, Remus thought he'd seen a flash of blood when Sirius turned his head to the ground.
His heart pounded in his chest. What a stupid idea this had been! God, what a fuckup!
The man stood just above Sirius and his eyes shone red as he looked down upon him. In a flash, Remus knew what was going to happen. He would beat Sirius up and possibly even leave him to die. Why not? It's not like he would go to prison.
He had to act quickly. He frantically looked around for a solution. The shelves were the only thing his eyes could see.
Of course.
Remus took a large step back and held onto a shelf with his free hand while the other balanced all the stolen items.
"SIRIUS! " He shouted as loud as he could, which finally made Sirius look at him.
Remus gathered all of his strength to send the shelf flying down. Thankfully, Sirius was just fast enough to scramble out of the floor once he realised what his intentions were.
It caught the man by surprise, though. But they didn't stick around to see what happened once he was distracted enough to let Sirius go.
"Run," Sirius grabbed his hand and squeezed it too hard for Remus' comfort. However, it didn't matter as he dragged him out of that supermarket and into the street.
A few of the groceries fell from Remus's arms on the rocky way out. His heart was beating out of his chest. His legs ran probably faster than they ever had.
They didn't stop running once they got out of the supermarket; they made sure to continue until they made a turn, not being able to see it anymore. They finally came to a stop against a brick wall.
Sirius let go of Remus' hand as he gasped for air and leaned against the wall. Remus had a harder time, slumping down to the ground without even noticing, breathing in deeply a worrisome amount. He let what was left of the groceries fall to his lap as he cradled his face with his hands in exhaustion.
"Remus," he heard a voice call beside him after a couple of minutes. "Are you okay?"
Sirius had already calmed down, but Remus was still having a bit of a hard time. He only nodded while he still had his hands over his face.
Another couple of minutes went by until Remus had regained his breath.
"I'm fine, I'm fine," he said more to himself than to Sirius.
"You sure?"
Remus sighed and turned his head to him, "Yes."
His eyes then settled on the damage done to Sirius' face. There was a clear bruise on his cheekbone and a cut close to his eye that sent a few drops of blood running down his face. Remus couldn't hold his gasp once he saw it.
The fresh bruise made a great contrast with Sirius' delicate complexion. It was still red and angry, making him look even rougher than previously. The blood did not belong there either, being an even bigger contrast with the paleness of his skin. His lips stood out, being a shade of lively red while he bit them. Somehow, however, it all complimented his icy blue eyes in an odd way,—it called attention to his face, to how unique he looked. It made his face stray away from elegant and delicate to something more masculine, which only made him more interesting to look at. His eyes were wild, eyebrows shooting up amidst the adrenaline, he could hardly keep his focus on just one thing.
Once he realised he was staring, he snapped out of it, shaking his head.
"Sorry," he muttered, looking away.
Sirius sat beside him. "Well, at least we survived," he said, good-humoured.
"Not thanks to you," said Remus.
"Sorry about that..." he toned it down a bit.
"Why couldn't you just… let it go? It's just a baguette," Remus picked it up from his lap, "it's probably all gross now."
Sirius snatched it from the other end. "Who cares?" He asked as he broke it in half and handed Remus a piece.
He looked back at his lap to gather what they had left. It wasn't much. The butter was still there, as well as the cheese. All the rest was probably scattered around the floor somewhere.
"We still have this." He raised the cheese and butter so Sirius could see them. "I suppose we could have a mean cheese sandwich for lunch."
"Sounds delicious." Sirius grinned and took the butter from his hands.
They prepared their small rustic meal in silence. In all fairness, the sandwich wasn't half bad. But it was still a cheese sandwich.
"This could have used some other ingredients," Sirius evaluated while holding his half-eaten sandwich in front of him.
"Not a big fan of cheese?" Remus asked in between bites.
"It's plain!" He argued. "The cheese should be shredded, at least.—It could also be a better cheese, this one is… well, cheap. Some garlic salt would have done wonders for it. Perhaps mayonnaise, too. And, of course, it should be grilled, but I suppose we couldn't do that right now."
Remus even stopped chewing as he stared at Sirius' profile. "How posh are you?" He asked with a chuckle.
Sirius turned his head to him, "I just know how a cheese sandwich should be! It's nothing to do with money."
"Right..." Remus answered sceptically. He sure never had garlic salt in his sandwich while growing up.
A minute where they ate in silence passed until Sirius broke it.
"Actually, I think it's time I tell you the truth," he said in a more serious tone than Remus had probably ever heard him talk in. "About me," he added after a beat.
"Uh… okay." He was caught by surprise.
Sirius took a deep breath as he looked at the street in front of him.
"I shouldn't have stuck around for that guy to spin me around like a rag doll. I know that alright?" He briefly met Remus' gaze, who nodded. "It was a matter of principle, y'know? Not only because he was calling me those things,—which are all obviously true, by the way. But there's more to it."
"I'm not actually going to see my family in Edinburgh." He looked down at his lap and gave himself a couple of seconds to organise his thoughts. "That night we met, I—I was running away from my actual family. I don't know if you've heard of them, but my full name is Sirius Orion Black." There was a lilt of a question at the end of the sentence as if he wasn't sure about the fact.
Remus stared at him in disbelief before he could say anything.
Black.
How hadn't he seen this coming? The being named after stars thing, the clear rich flare he had…
He knew of the Black family, how could he not? They were always in the news, especially Orion Black, who loved to make the nastiest comments about anything and anyone in the Parliament in the House of Lords. Not only that but they were known to be filthy rich and be always present in whatever fancy event that was going on around the city.
Whenever the subject of the papers was Orion and Walburga Black, Remus would skip the page and not even look at their pictures. He had disdain for them, as did anyone else with a brain.
"Wait,—you're Orion and Walburga Black's son?" He asked carefully.
"Yes," Sirius nodded while still looking down.
"But I didn't even know they had any children! I mean, I supposed they had, but not… you," he said before he could control himself.
"In the last few years I tried not to go to any of those public events, so I didn't make the papers all that often."
"So you are posh."
"I am, okay?" Sirius laughed weakly. "But please don't think I'm anything like them.—God, I hated them. Still do. It feels great to say so."
Remus nodded even though Sirius wasn't looking at him.
"I don't think you're like them," he said quietly. "I mean, you're gay."
Sirius turned and smiled softly at him.
"When the world started to end, I realised I couldn't die like that. Never having lived. Never having stood up for myself." Sirius rubbed his eyes. "And they were nasty to me, I was supposed to be the heir, and one day join the House of Lords and whatnot."
Remus couldn't stifle his laugh at the thought of Sirius in that place.
"It's funny, I know," said Sirius. "It was freeing to leave them behind right after a heated argument. Mother said some nasty things while Father just looked at me with the most sincere look of disappointment and anger on his face. I couldn't pretend I gave a shit, so I told them everything I always wanted to. Screamed at the top of my lungs that I was queer and would rather die while bent on a table than anywhere near them." Sirius started laughing at his own story.
It was contagious, Remus laughed at it too.
"Mother was furious, it was great," Sirius said between chuckles. They laughed for a few more seconds until things calmed down. "That's why when that man said the same things my mother did, I just snapped. I can't take it anymore." Then he added after a beat, "I hope my brother's doing alright, though," Sirius said more thoughtfully.
"I get it, Sirius," Remus said in solidarity. "I really do."
"I supposed you would," Sirius said, corners of his lips slightly turned up.
"Who are you going to see in Edinburgh then?" Remus asked. "Someone to bend you over the table?" A smile played on his lips.
"My best friend's family," he smiled faintly. "My parents sent me to an all-boys school in the middle of nowhere in the Scottish Highlands, they ironically thought it would 'straighten me out'. That's when I met James, we were inseparable right off the bat. He dealt with so much of my shit over the years, it's a surprise he stuck around. No one else did."
Remus was silent. A thought flashed across his mind: was Sirius going to profess his love for this James guy? Is that it?
He instantly cursed himself for it, how egotistical.
"His family was great, his mother cared for me like I was one of their own. They tried helping me, but it's near impossible to fight Walburga Black. Still, they've always loved me. I'm incredibly grateful." Remus could sense Sirius was starting to get emotional by the strain in his voice. "I wish I had the guts to go sooner. But I just couldn't leave."
"One day I just snapped, though. I realised I couldn't die in that eerie mansion surrounded by the people who made my life miserable. So that leads us to where we are now," he smiled faintly. "His parents died a while back. I know it must sound awful, but I'm glad they did. I wouldn't want it for them to have to deal with all this. They are the people who I love the most. I'm his son's godfather, he's only five. Can't let that kid go without one last hug."
That phrase hit Remus like a truck. He was quiet and had no idea of what to say.
Remus held onto the fact that James was clearly off the market. He felt like an arse for thinking about that as Sirius poured his heart out, but he couldn't help it.
"I'm sorry," Remus said after what felt like hours of suspended silence.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," Sirius said. "We're in this together. Quite literally."
Remus' face burned in shame. God, he couldn't stop helping Sirius to get there. He couldn't help but feel like utter crap, like the biggest arsehole in the world for everything he'd been doing.
They stayed silent as Remus processed the thoughts that ran rampant in his mind.
"That cheese sandwich wasn't all that bad, actually," Sirius broke the silence while he wiped his hands on his trousers.
Remus didn't say anything, still lost in his own mind palace.
"So… how will we get to Edinburgh?" Sirius asked in such a light tone that it didn't match the conversation they just had.
It caught Remus by surprise, snapping him out of his thoughts.
"Uh…" He muttered while thinking of an answer. A thought popped up in his head. It was going to be slightly humiliating and he would probably regret it, but he deserved it. "Let's retrace our steps."
"Well, well, well… look who's back," Mary leaned against her doorframe, cigarette between her fingers while looking like the smuggest person on the planet.
Remus had come back with his tail between his legs to plea for her help. He sighed as she lay her eyes upon him.
"I've… given it some thought," he confessed reluctantly.
At least he managed to convince Sirius to wait for him on the other side of the street after he said he would have to get some stuff cleared up with Mary. He probably assumed it was ex-girlfriend stuff, so Remus hadn't really lied to him.
"I want to hear you say it." A smile spread across her face.
"Say what?" Remus asked.
"You know what."
"That I came back on my knees to beg for you to lend me your car?"
"Not really," she chuckled. "But it will do if you do get on your knees."
Remus frowned at her. She couldn't be serious about this.
"You know I'm serious," she said in a sing-song way.
"For fuck's sake," he muttered under his breath while turning his head in both directions to see if anyone was watching. He got on his knees in front of Mary as she laughed at him. "Will you please lend me that car?"
"Okay," she answered simply. "Let me get the keys." She was gone in a flash.
He got up from the ground with a huff of annoyance, turning around to find Sirius staring at him with the usual smile on his face, clearly laughing at him.
"Fuck off," Remus cursed so he could hear it. It only made Sirius laugh harder.
When he turned back around, Mary was already coming back.
"Don't be an arse to him, Rem," she advised while dangling the keys above his open palm. "He seems sweet."
"I won't be an arse, I promise." He closed his fist, feeling the coldness of the metal in his hands and taking it as a win.
"Have a happy rest of your life, then," Mary said with a genuine smile, a little sad around the corners.
"You too." Remus smiled at him, the same glint of sadness in his eyes. "Do you… uh, you know,—"
"Have anyone?" She cut in. "Yes. Don't worry about me, he should be coming home any second."
"Oh, good," he said awkwardly. "Do I know him?"
"Yes, actually. Remember Frank from school?"
"Uh, yes." He searched his memory and quickly remembered a boy that would always fawn over Mary, laugh at her jokes, and be rude to Remus. "Finally gave him a chance?"
"Yep," she laughed lightheartedly. "A few years ago, actually."
"I'm happy for you, Mary. Really," he said in all honesty while looking at her in the eyes.
"Thanks, Remus. I think there's still time for you, y'know."
"What?" He couldn't make out what she meant by that.
"Oh, you know..." She shifted awkwardly where she stood. "There's a fit bloke on the other side of the street and all…"
"Me and—? No," he was quick to say. "You're mental."
"Well, it was just an idea..." She shrugged, seemingly not buying anything Remus said.
"Right." He wanted to get the subject out of their conversation. "I suppose I'll go now."
"Take care," she smiled encouragingly at him.
Without thinking twice, he lurched forward to hug her goodbye. She gasped at the sudden contact, but her arms circled him in no time.
"I'm sorry, Mary. For everything," Remus said, face buried in her hair.
"It's okay," she answered.
After a few seconds, they pulled apart. A tear went down Mary's face. Remus had to fight his own off.
"Bye," he said in a weak voice.
"Bye," she answered with a sad smile.
When he finally turned around to leave her behind, it felt as if a chapter of his life had finally been closed. He never thought coming back to someone of his past could feel so cathartic, especially after planning he would never do so in the midst of the apocalypse.
He left her doorstep with a lighter heart.