Chapter Notes: Thanks again to everyone who's read and reviewed this story!

Yeah, yeah, I see you smiling. This is the part you actually came to hear: how Spike and I fell in love. God, why is everyone so obsessed with romance these days? Anyway, without going into too much detail, because my sex life is so none of your business, here's how it went down.

Like I just said, that night when I was lying in his arms all non-sexually was the beginning of the turning point – like when you have to signal first before turning when you're driving a car – but I didn't know it then. Spike did, because he's a loveable sap who calls something so simple and innocent the best night of his life, oh, and it was totally the night he realised he'd fallen in love with me, but I didn't find that out until much later.

Meanwhile I didn't figure out that I might have feelings for Spike until Riley, of all freaking people, mentioned it to me.

I was still getting over the violation of my body when someone came along and decided to violate my mind, too. And not just mine, but everyone's. Jonathan Levinson was some guy back in high school who was kind of a loser, and calling him that totally makes me feel bad but I can't think of any other way to describe him. Unpopular, maybe? Anyway, he tried a spell to flip the switch and make himself popular, only it worked a little too well and suddenly he was the centre of the universe. He was great at everything and everyone loved him. I was still the Slayer, but Jonathan was the hero.

And he would not shut up about how Riley and I were obviously made for each other and I couldn't go around blaming him for something that was out of his control which, point, but apparently him being an ass about it afterwards was because he was just so in love with me that he couldn't help it. Even while under the "Jonathan is amazing" spell I knew it was bullshit.

But not only did Jonathan take away my status as the hero, he took my friend, too. Or tried to, at least. Because in that new reality, Spike was his archenemy turned friend, not mine. Only, unlike my other friends who were completely under his spell hook, line and sinker, Spike kept showing up to hang out with me. And when I asked him why he was hanging out with Betty the Useless Slayer instead of Jonathan the Almighty, Spike just said that it felt right to be with me instead the bloke who was supposed to be his best friend.

Yet another thing you have to know about Spike: he's a rebel through and through. If someone orders him to do something he doesn't like, every single part of him will refuse and fight back, even if it kills him. It was like his subconscious knew that I was his friend and not Jonathan, and he was fighting against the spell even though he didn't know it. That's the power of friendship for you.

Or the power of love, since he was sorta in love with me at this point, but I digress. God, that last bit made me sound like Giles, didn't it?

Anyway, we put our heads together to figure out a way to defeat the beastie that had been terrorizing people, one which Jonathan had assured me I didn't need to worry about. But I went with my gut and took it out, and low and behold, that beastie was part of the spell he'd cast. Killing it meant the spell ended too.

It was after I'd warned Jonathan against doing a spell like that again that I bumped into Riley. And, well, by that point, I'd had enough of his pestering.

Luckily, I'd had Willow look up something for me that morning; something that had not only taken the wind out of her Riley Ship sails, but also made her jump off that ship as fast as humanely possible with Xander right behind her. Honestly, with all of Riley's posturing about how he was a nice and responsible guy, I was surprised that he hadn't known about what we'd uncovered.

But either way, I decided to enlighten him.

So, when he waltzed right up to me with that stupid grin on his face that I wanted to punch so badly, I opened my mouth first and said, "Willow and I looked in the rulebook, and we found out that TAs aren't supposed to date the students in their classes. It's, like, something to do with power imbalances or whatever, but I don't really care. Basically what I'm saying is, you may not have had to worry about breaking the rules when you were Walsh's pet soldier, but she's dead now and I don't think the new professor will take kindly to this kind of behaviour. Riley, if you don't leave me alone, I'll march right into the Dean's office and report you for sexual harassment."

It would have been more satisfying to have punched the smile off his face, but he lost it all the same, so I guess that counted for something.

"What?" he asked, genuinely confused. "That's a rule? I mean, I knew teachers and professors couldn't date students because, well, yeah, but I'm still a student."

I was tempted to tell him that had I not been in his class it wouldn't have been as problematic for him, but I feared that would've given him false hope that we had a chance if he, like, transferred classes or something. "Honestly, Riley? Even if you weren't my TA, not only would I still not be interested, what you're doing would still be harassment. I have said 'no' so many times I've lost count, but you're acting like my opinion doesn't matter. Like I can't think for myself. I experienced that with the last guy I dated, and it wasn't fun. It was actually really degrading and made me feel like a child. I am a grown woman, who can make her own choices, and you constantly ignoring that choice under the assumption that I just need to be worn down… Look, I don't know what rom-coms have taught you, but it's not romantic. It's creepy. Why would I want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect me enough to listen to my opinions?"

As I said those words to him, something happened. He started listening. And I could see the dawning realisation in his eyes; the 'oh shit, I've been acting like an asshole' realisation. I don't know how he could have not known his behaviour was genuinely terrible, but then guys tend to make stupid decisions when they're thinking with their dicks. Just ask Xander.

"I… don't even know what to say to you."

"I hear 'sorry' is a good start," I told him.

"It doesn't feel like enough," he said. "But yeah. I'm so sorry, Buffy. I just… I guess I was so caught up in my feelings and how amazing you were and… and how amazing I thought we could be together that I just assumed you'd eventually come around."

But I knew that it wasn't meant to be, because he'd called me 'amazing' and it didn't make me melt. It actually felt like he was saying it based on an idolised version of me and not the real me. Unlike Spike, who compliments me because he knows it's true without any idolisation necessary.

"Life's not a fairytale, or a movie," I said. "Trust me, I learnt that lesson the hard way."

He nodded without really understanding what he was agreeing with. "It's really in the rules? What you said?"

"Yep. How did you not know that?"

"This is only a cover. Hunting demons is my real job."

I bit my tongue to stop myself from saying he really needed to look for a career change, because he wasn't great at either of those things. "That's probably about the only thing we have in common. And that is not an invitation, by the way."

"Message received." He sighed. "I guess I should've known. Graham kept going on and on about how you're way too close with that Spike guy, and I kept telling him that Spike's a vampire so there's no way, and he said 'Have you seen that guy? I wouldn't care if he's a vamp, I'd go gay for him' and-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold up!" I raised my hands like he was charging me, and I guess he was, just using words instead of his physical self. "Me and Spike? There's no me and Spike. We're just friends."

Riley frowned. "Did you guys even hear yourselves that night? When I first saw him?"

"Um, you do know we were totally messing with you that night, right?" I asked. I'd already told him I'd known he was one of the commandos that night.

"It's not just that night, Buffy," he said. "There's a lot of… tension between you two."

That made me pause. "We're not talking about the bad kind, right?"

"You know what kind of tension I mean, and it begins with an 's'. And the way you two act around each other, just how comfortable you are with him despite him being a vampire… I'll admit, there were times when I wanted to stake him so badly, not because he was a vampire but… but because I was jealous of the way you smile at him."

"The way I smile at him?"

"Like he's the only one in the room. And he always smiles right back at you in that same way."

It was probably a good thing Riley hadn't realised just how far his words threw me. Out of all the thoughts running through my head, the ones that stood out were 'has anyone else noticed this?' and, more importantly, 'do I have feelings for Spike?'

The next time I saw him, walking towards me with that smile on his face that Riley had described, I got my answer to that last question. Yeah, I did have feelings for him. Because I wanted to kiss him so badly for being everything Angel and Riley weren't; for being himself.

The fact that this development was fresh in my mind fuelled what happened next.

Riley gave me and by extension the rest of the gang a 'no hard feelings' olive branch in the shape of an invitation to a party at Lowell House. The only reason we decided to attend was to try and see if we could find out any information about Adam and the Initiative. Because while the commandos were highly trained and very professional, even they would probably get loose-lipped when alcohol was involved.

I found a corner where I could see everything happening around me, or at least most of it. Even now, so many years later, I can remember everything vividly. Willow and her friend Tara were playing spin the bottle with a bunch of other people in another corner of the room. Meanwhile Xander and Anya were making out on the couch before, in a spur of the moment, they decided to bolt upstairs into one of the bedrooms in order to, well, you can probably guess.

And there I was, feeling like a fifth wheel. Of course, I hadn't actually known at the time that Willow and Tara were dating, but they'd been hanging out together for most of the night and I was alone, so, yeah. Party for one in Buffy-ville.

"You alright, pet?"

I instantly relaxed when Spike joined me, leaning against the wall the same way I was. "Yeah. Just… wondering if Xander and Anya are ever gonna come up for air."

He chuckled and I found myself looking at him. Really looking at him. I mean, it wasn't like I hadn't noticed his good looks before, because I would've been blind not to have noticed. And it also wasn't like I'd previously been drawn in by a vampire's looks, for better or for worse. But Angel had the face of, well, an angel. The face any teenage girl would dream of. Spike, on the other hand, was hot. He was the kind of guy a girl would drool over when she became a woman and left her teenage fantasies behind.

And that was just it. I was a woman, not a girl any longer. I'd learnt better than to be vain enough to care about looks alone, a mistake I can admit to myself now had been what started my love affair with Angel. If looks were all Spike had going for him, there would have been lusty feelings but no deeper attraction. Fortunately, there was much more to Spike than that. So, so much more, and if I sat here listing them all we'll be here all day.

There was just one problem: despite what Riley had said, I didn't really know for sure if Spike liked me back. Sure, that smile could've meant something, but it also could've just been a smile of friendship. Because of that, I was afraid that if I said something or worse, actually kissed him, I would ruin our friendship and make things forever awkward between us. And hey, I had a good reason to be nervous. Before we were friends, we were enemies. Mortal enemies. I didn't know if it was even possible to go from enemies to lovers. And if I ruined our friendship, would we be enemies again?

"Personally, I don't know what Demon Girl sees in him," Spike said, which broke me out of my thoughts. "But then again, he's been hanging around you for years and he's still kicking, so maybe there's something special about him after all."

"Or he's just really lucky." I shrugged, trying not to show him just how much I envied my friend and his awesome relationship.

Oh, another thing you should know about Spike: he knows me. He knows what I'm feeling and why, just by looking at me.

That night, he hadn't even needed to say anything to make me feel better. He just leaned over and gently tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. And in doing so, he gave me the opening I didn't know I'd been waiting for.

In that moment, my loneliness and desire to be loved outweighed the more sensible part of my brain screaming that I could ruin everything. With his face so close, I dived in and pressed his lips to mine.

For a single second, Spike was still. And in the second that followed that, I thought I'd made a horrible mistake. So I started to pull away, but then Spike quickly pulled me back in and kissed me fiercely; a way I'd never been kissed before, like I was all he needed to survive.

I think I already said I wasn't going to go into much detail about stuff like this. All you need to know was that our first kiss was really, really good.

Like, so good that we didn't realise the house was shaking until some guy crashed into us in a desperate attempt to get outside. I almost yelled at him to watch where he was going until I saw all the vines growing out of the walls.

See, what we didn't know was that Lowell House was haunted by a bunch of hormone-driven dead teenagers who were feeding off the sexual energy in the air. And the supernatural energy coming off the Initiative below the building had given them the extra juice they needed to take things to the next level.

Spike and I managed to get out OK along with Willow and Tara, but Xander and Anya remained trapped inside. And that wasn't just bad luck; the ghosts had decided to use them and their act of boinking as a battery. And there wasn't much time before that battery was going to run out of power.

You don't need to know much else about how it all went down. We got Xander and Anya out, eventually. And with time to spare, since they still had the energy to complain that we were interrupting their 'orgasm time', as Anya put it. But one detail I should definitely mention was that heightened sexual energy in the house forced people to act on their lusty feelings regardless of how they felt about it. Which explained why I had thrown caution to the wind and kissed Spike.

When the night was over and everyone went home, Spike and I patrolled in awkward silence. Until he broke it.

"I remember what that berk told you, after he'd slept with Faith while she was wearing your body," he said. "I don't know if that's what this reminds you of, but Buffy, I… I have to say it. If you kissed me because those sodding ghosts made you do it, then you don't owe me a bloody thing."

I stopped, and I looked into his eyes. And I saw it. The desire. He had feelings for me, just like I had feelings for him. But he was willing to push them down and pretend they weren't there if I didn't feel the same way.

So I kissed him again.

And when we pulled back so I could breathe again he had this awed look on his face, like he couldn't believe I'd just kissed him or was even giving him the time of day.

"That's not why I kissed you, doofus," I said. "I mean, maybe the ghosts gave me the push to do it, but I kissed you because of… feelings."

"Feelings, huh? Well, that's why I kissed you back, luv. Feelings."

I smiled, he smiled, and that was that.

But judging by the look you're giving me, you don't want me to end it there. OK, fine. We'll keep going.

When we started dating, Spike and I agreed that it was probably for the best if we waited to tell the others until we were ready for the inevitable intervention. Because while being friends with your former mortal enemy was one thing, dating them was another thing entirely. We did tell Mom and Dawn though, and while Dawn was ecstatic the only concern Mom had was that I was potentially throwing away a chance of living a normal life. I just sat her down and explained that as the Slayer, a normal life was never gonna be a possibility for me. Maybe if I'd been an only child, she would've put up more of a fight. But she still had Dawn to rely on to give her grandchildren, so she just threatened to come after Spike with an axe if her ever did anything to hurt me before she was back to giving him hot chocolates and doting on him.

Of course, when you live on the Hellmouth plans have a way of going sideways, so it didn't take us very long to go public.

Willow found out first, when Oz finally returned and the morning after she confessed to me that things were complicated because of Tara. As in, she and Tara were dating. And she'd looked so scared that I was going to judge her, so I said the only thing I could think of that would show her how far away I was from being judgemental.

"I'm dating Spike."

She looked at me for a moment that felt like forever, before saying, "Oh. I mean, I guess that makes sense. You guys have been… close. And he totally saved me, when Riley and his stupid friends attacked our dorm room, so he's not bad! I mean, it's not a bad thing if you're dating a… a soulless vampire. So long as you're happy."

"And it's not a bad thing if you're dating a girl. So long as you're happy."

We hugged and cried, and afterwards I thought I could surprise Spike with Willow's revelation only to find out he already knew. A vampire's sense of smell can really come in handy most of the time, but when they smell things like that it's totally gross.

The others found out about us afterwards, after Oz had been taken by the Initiative and we went in to get him, which could've ended in disaster if Riley hadn't decided to make the commitment to not being an asshole and got us out. But anyway, after it was all over and Oz left so Willow could be with Tara, Spike and I walked into Giles's apartment hand-in-hand, just daring anyone to make a scene.

It was disappointing how anti-climactic it ended up being. Giles just muttered "about bloody time" into his tea while Xander sighed and gave Anya a twenty, which she took with a gleeful, "I told you!"

But don't worry. Angel made up for the lack of drama with plenty of his own.

After her body-switching plan failed, Faith decided that her Plan B would be going to LA to mess with Angel. Wesley, a former Watcher who worked for Angel's new detective agency, called me in for back-up, but by the time I got there, Angel had actually managed to get through to her and she wanted to make things right. And as much as I really didn't like her, I would've looked like a massive hypocrite if I gave Angel and second chance and Spike a second chance but didn't extend the same courtesy to Faith.

Like I said at the start, you get used to people switching sides all the time.

I can remember the exact moment when Angel smelt Spike on me. I saw his nose twitch which was then followed by a low growl, but to his credit he didn't say anything until everything was over and done with. Faith turned herself over to the police in order to begin redeeming herself for her crimes, and both of Angel's colleagues made themselves scarce. Not that I blamed them.

Angel was angrily pacing when I entered his office, and after I closed the door, he turned to me and said, "I'm not sure I wanna ask, but… Buffy, why do you smell like Spike?"

I crossed my arms and fired back, "I don't see how that's any of your business, since you left me. But if you must know: we're dating."

"Dating?!" I could tell he was close to vamping out and was using every ounce of his self-control to keep his face human. "That's not why I left you, Buffy! You were supposed to find someone who could give you a normal life!"

"Oh, and I was supposed to just do as you said?" If he wanted a shouting match, then that was what he was gonna get. "I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure when a boyfriend dumps a girlfriend, that means they no longer have to listen to each other. It doesn't mean the boyfriend still has the right to control every aspect of the girlfriend's life! You lost the right to have any say in what I do with my life when you walked away! But instead, you think you can just make my decisions for me? Or think you can stalk me behind my back whenever you feel like it? I'm pretty sure I told you this! Did anything I say get past that thick skull of yours?"

"I listened to your message," he said. "I thought you'd get over it. Did Spike tell you to say all that?"

"No. I chose to give you that message all on my own." I didn't tell him that Spike had suggested it. He never would have listened to me if I had. "Because that's what Spike does: he stands back and lets me make my own decisions. He doesn't decide to leave me for what he claims is my own good, but is really just an excuse because he knows one day the lust will be too much for him to ignore and will force himself on me, lose his soul and kill me. For one, no soul to lose, so I don't have to worry about that."

"Buffy, demons can't-"

"Don't give me that crap, Angel. We both know it's not true," I said. "You wanna know how it all started? Drusilla broke up with him, and he came to Sunnydale not to kill me, but because he was lonely and I was the closest thing he had to a friend. So, I decided to do what heroes do and gave him a second chance. If he didn't kill anyone, he could stay. And you know what he did? He stayed. I asked him to stay, and he stayed. He did the one thing you couldn't do, and he didn't even need a stupid soul to do it."

That shut Angel up – for a few seconds. "You deserve someone who can walk in the sun with you."

I laughed. "Oh, Spike can totally do that. Ever heard of the Gem of Amara?"

His eyes widened. "Buffy, are you insane? Spike's invincible now! I… shudder to think about what he could do to you. To all of you! He's just biding his time, waiting for the right moment to strike-"

"OK, I'm just gonna stop you right there." I held up my hand. "First of all, we both know that Spike has, like, zero patience when it comes to things like that. If that was his plan, he would've gotten bored after two days and come after me. Secondly, and more importantly, he's had the gem for months, and you know what he's done? Stayed by my side, helping me. Angel, I don't need some normal guy who could snap in half if I squeeze him too tightly, or could become vampire chow if some big bad wanted to use him against me. I need a partner; an equal. Someone who can fight beside me when I need help, and step back when I don't."

And then he gave me that look. The look that used to melt my heart back when I was sixteen and, regrettably, dumb. "Spike's changed you."

"Spike hasn't done a damn thing to me," I said. "I grew up. I'm not some little girl anymore who you can manipulate into holding out for you forever. I'm a woman. More importantly, I'm a woman who's moved on and found someone else to be happy with. So, I suggest you deal with it and move on, too. Because I'm not gonna be another one of your pet projects you'll keep hanging on a hook for years, slowly breaking them until there's nothing left but an empty shell. I won't let you turn me into your next Drusilla."

He actually smirked at that, but it wasn't a friendly one. It was a smirk of cruelty, and for a terrifying moment he looked just like Angelus. Only, Angel and Angelus were one of the same, and I would've saved myself so much heartbreak if I'd realised that sooner. "You accuse me of turning you into Drusilla, but that's exactly how Spike is treating you. To him, you're just another obsession until the next girl comes along and he goes chasing after her."

Maybe his words would have hurt me had I not faced Angelus before. But I knew how he worked, and it was easy to let his words flow over me like I was a stone in a river. "Do you get tired of accusing Spike of things you're famous for doing? Waiting patiently before striking, obsessing over girls… I know you tried to remake him in your image, but you know Spike. Not the type to take orders very well. As for treating me like Drusilla? All I can say to that is: good. At least he'll treat me like a queen – and this time, he has someone who can actually give something back to him. Because you messed Drusilla up so badly that she couldn't even appreciate what she had."

I watched as the smirk disappeared, being replaced with a stone-cold expression. "You're making a mistake, giving your heart to someone like him."

"If I am, it's my mistake to make," I said. "So you can take your pretentious, controlling shit and shove it up your ass! You had your chance to stay with me, and you chose to leave. But you know what? I'm glad you left, because Spike's a better man and a better lover than you'll ever be!"

He slammed his fist down on the desk, and I was surprised it didn't break under the force of his blow. "Get out. I don't want you here in my city."

"Good. I don't want you back in my town."

"That's fair. Just don't come crying to me when you realise your love is a freak show."

No matter how hard I tried to let those words wash over me too, and no matter how many times I told myself he was using those same words on purpose to intentionally make me feel horrible and guilty, hearing him say that still felt like a dagger to the heart. And what really hurt wasn't the words themselves, though those hurt like a bitch too, but the fact that Angel knew exactly what to say – and that it worked.

One lesson I hope you take away from this: first loves hurt, and will often continue to hurt for years if it goes spectacularly wrong like mine did. Because a first love can leave a scar; a messy one that will never heal properly and you just need to learn to live with it. What happened between Angel and I left a mark on my heart that will always be there and will ache at times, but it's gotten better. Spike has helped a lot with that.

Going back to Sunnydale was a blur. But then the trip back wasn't important. What happened when I got there, that was important. Instead of going to my dorm I went home, because that was where Spike was and I needed to be with him.

When I climbed down the basement steps, Spike took one look at me and said, "What did he do to you?"

I just barrelled into his arms and cried on his shoulder.

Spike moved so we were both sat on the cot and let me cry for who knows how long, before I was able to speak. "I'm sorry. I made your shirt all wet."

"Sod the shirt, pet. Now, if you don't tell me what that bastard did to you in the next few seconds, I'm gonna drive to LA and beat him to death with his own spine."

The mental image was so horrific but so hilarious at the same time, and I couldn't help the giggle that escaped me. "It wasn't what he did. It was what he said."

"His words can be just as painful as his fangs, luv," he said. "Trust me on that. So, what did the gigantic forehead tell you this time?"

I sighed, because trying to say it out loud made it sound so stupid, but I told him anyway. "I shouldn't even be upset. I know what he's like now. He says these things either to make me do something he wants or to make me feel guilty. And I fall for it every single time."

"Buffy, you're not gonna recover from his conditioning overnight," he said. "These things take time. But I'm here for you, alright? Now, tell me what exactly he said."

It took me a few moments to swallow back my tears. "It was something he first said when he broke up with me 'for my own good'. He called our love a freak show. And… after he smelt you on me and we argued about it and I told him I wasn't going to listen to him anymore… he said it again. He said that you and I are a freak show. And I know he's wrong, and even if he was right, I wouldn't care because I've never been as happy as I am now with you, but… but when the words hit me, I was back in that moment, holding my heart out to him and asking him not to break it, but he did! He grabbed my heart and threw it to the ground and stomped all over it, and no matter what I said it wasn't enough to make him stay. And the thing is, I don't even want him back anymore because I have you, but he was still able to rip open that old wound and, and rub salt in it! He still has power over me, and I hate it!"

Spike pulled me into his chest again, letting me cry it out, again. And when I calmed down again, he said, "As much as I wanna go and murder the fuck out of him, you've gotta be the one to do it. And you won't."

"Not because I still have feelings for him," I said. "He seems to be helping people in LA. He actually convinced Faith to turn over a new leaf. So, he's a pretty decent hero, but a crappy boyfriend."

I was looking at the floor and trying to focus on how dusty it was, hoping that the conversation would end and we could get on with our lives. But Spike cupped my cheek and turned my head back to face him. His smile made me feel warm in a way that was safe and comforting.

"Angel could go and save the bloody Pope and be canonised as a Saint, it wouldn't make a bloody difference," he said. "He hurt you in a way that's unforgivable, no mater what you and your lot say. And one day he's gonna end up burning in his own flame, but you know what the best part will be about that? You won't be burning with him. Because no matter how much his words hurt right now, you are strong enough to leave him in the dust. Hell, you're strong enough to leave any man in the dust, yours truly included. You don't need anyone telling you what to do, because you're worth more than that. You… are worth everything. You're enough. And anyone who tells you otherwise is fucked in the head."

Angel's words had left me broken and small, but Spike's words… They made me feel powerful, free, and loved. So, so loved. I surged forwards and kissed him hard, wanting to lose myself in the feeling his words gave me; lose myself in him. And he was all too happy to oblige.

At least until I needed air. I pulled back from him, and the words that had been on the tip of my tongue came out in a rush. And even though we hadn't been dating for very long, we'd been close friends for months and it just felt right to say them. Especially in that moment, with my eyes closed and my forehead pressed against his.

"I love you."

He froze. Pulled back. And when I opened my eyes, he was staring at me like he couldn't believe what I'd just told me. Like I'd just given him everything he'd ever wanted and he was wondering if he was dreaming.

There was a tear in his eye, glistening in the light. Then he reached out to cup my cheek again, and he said, "I love you, too."

And we kissed again.

We spent the rest of the day in bed together. Which, in hindsight, probably hadn't been the best idea with Adam out there making plans for world domination, but whatever. We defeated him in the end.

And with Spike by my side, we defeated the other baddies that followed. The biggest was Glory, some Hell-God who wanted to use my sister (who, as it turned out, was some kind of mystical energy called The Key that had been transformed into a human) to open a portal that could have ended the world. I was worried we'd lose someone in that fight, but thankfully no one had to die. Not even Mom, who was in hospital for most of that year with a brain tumour. After that the threats were pretty minor.

Well, unless you count Angel and his Circle of the Black Thorn nonsense, but the less said about that mess, the better. And yes, I did get to a point when his words no longer hurt me. They actually hurt him more, as in, when he attempted to say that stuff again when he realised Spike and I weren't just a fling, I punched him hard enough to break his jaw. He's wisely chosen never to comment on my love life again.

OK, so, to wrap things up: Spike switching sides was a one-way trip, and he never tried out being bad ever again. It's been years since that one year where everything changed. And I've never once regretted choosing to give Spike a chance; choosing to love him.

Because there's one last thing you need to know about Spike: once he starts something, he never stops. I know for sure he'll never stop loving me.

And I'll never stop loving him.