FENELLA

I watch Finn as he sits in the garden. He's crying and hugging his knees. I wish I could take him in my arms and tell him that everything is alright. That I'm still here watching over him. I feel the presence of my brother Sheamus. I tilt my head and listen as he leaves his car on the other side of the house. Finn is not gonna like this. Shortly after the door bell starts ringing.

"Finn!" Sheamus yells.

Sheamus tries the door handle but the door is locked. Finn doesn't want anyone to come visit him. He wants to grieve in peace. Sheamus won't let him. He starts knocking on the door. Finn doesn't get up from his spot in the garden. He doesn't want to see Sheamus. The knocking stops and Sheamus starts walking around the house.

"I know you're home, asshole!" Sheamus growls.
"Go away, please," Finn whispers.

Sheamus stops when he sees Finn. I watch my brother feel sorry for my boyfriend. If only they would talk together. They're both hurting. They should help each other heal and move forward instead of all this fighting and blaming each other. I don't blame either. Neither of them did anything wrong. Sheamus walks over to stand next to Finn.

"I knocked on your door, asshole," Sheamus says.

Finn looks up at Sheamus with tears running down his cheeks. It angers Sheamus to see Finn this broken. I don't know what Sheamus was expecting, but clearly not this.

"Wipe your fucking face!" Sheamus growls.
"I'm so sorry, Sheamus. I miss her so much," Finn says.
"She was my sister!" Sheamus yells.
"She was my girlfriend!" Finn yells back.

I watch as they yell at each other. There's so much hurt and anger between them. Sheamus is stunned for a moment. Finn has never yelled at Sheamus before. Even I am surprised, but I know how bad Finn is hurting. I've been here to see it all along. Finn stands up to his full height. Sheamus is nervous. Finn always had the muscle game going on stronger than Sheamus. All those times he would pick me up as if I weighed nothing. It was in another world in a time long ago although in their world it wasn't all that long ago. Time feels different in my world.

"You killed her," Sheamus says.
"It was an accident," Finn says.
"You drove that car. You're the reason she was on the road with you that night. It should have been you lying in the hospital. It should have been you who's in the ground now," Sheamus says.
"You're the one who pulled the plug," Finn throws in Sheamus' face.

It's true that Sheamus pulled the plug, but he did what needed to be done. As my only family member, the hard task of making that decision fell on him. I was braindead. It was best to give me peace and let me move on. Sheamus needed Finn's support, but Finn didn't give it. Finn begged for Sheamus to let me live. Sheamus had to turn cold and do the right thing for me. One day Finn will hopefully see that.

"You don't get to fucking blame me! You killed her!" Sheamus snarls. "I wish I had never introduced you to her. You fucking ruined her."
"I loved her!" Finn screams. "Fenella was my heart and soul. She was my everything. I loved her more than you can ever imagine. You're the one who killed her. You pulled the plug. Not me. She's dead because of you. Now get the fuck off my property before I make you."

Sheamus bares his teeth. He feels threatened. He wants to put Finn in his place.

"You're a fucking dead man!" Sheamus spits in anger.

Sheamus steps towards Finn. Finn raises his fists to fight back. I refuse to let this go down. They don't get to fight over me like that. I'm dead. I'll still be dead no matter who wins this stupid fight. Instead I step in between them, place my palms on their chests, and push with everything inside me. To my surprise it actually works. I manage to push him apart. I can't help but smile at my otherworldly strength. I'm like a lightning striking the ground between them. They both look up at the sky. I take a step back as they lower their eyes to look at each other again.

"Did you feel that?" Finn asks lowly.
"Yes," Sheamus answers. "What was that?"
"Fenella," Finn says.

I'm surprised that Finn can feel it's me. It also makes me happy. This might be what they both need to reconcile. They can talk about me all they want as long as they find their way back to each other. I can see that Finn feels the same way. He opens his mouth to ask Sheamus to stay, but Sheamus turns around and storms out of the garden. I feel my brother's tears as if they are my own as he breaks down in his car. Finn sits back down, hugs his knees and starts crying again. I feel his pain inside me. I'm carrying around all this guilt, pain and anger from both of them. As long as they're not ready to let go of that, I'm not ready to leave this place. I can't move on if they don't. Hopefully one day they'll let me find peace.