Chapter 3: The Diversion

Sunnydale, January 14th, 2017

"What do we do now?" James Lake Jr. asked after the weird men had closed the shutters of the shop, hiding the interior from view.

"Those people must be demons or working for demons," Toby said. "Or some evil cult here to do an evil magic ritual. Or..." He gasped. "...they are here to get the hammer!"

Jim drew a hissing breath. They couldn't let anyone take the hammer - how would they find it ever again? And what if they did find it, but in another state? Or another country? They had barely managed to find a way to travel to Sunnydale without their parents catching on; there was no way they could travel to another country unless a Gyre station was close. Jim had no idea how many such stations existed - but they couldn't be too many since there weren't too many trolls.

"We can't assume that they are evil," Claire said, "just based on their behaviour."

"They kicked everyone out and closed the shutters - they have something to hide," Toby protested. "They might want to talk to a vampire inside who would be burned by the sun."

"We do the same so we can talk to Blinky and AAARRRGGHH!," Jim pointed out.

"That's not the same," Toby protested. "And we know there aren't any trolls here. Just demons and vampires."

"Which are demons," Claire corrected him.

"But a special class of demons."

"Tobes, Claire!" Jim spoke up. "We need a plan. We can't plan without information - we need a way to find out what's going on!"

"I think I have an idea!" Claire suddenly smiled at them. "Come, we need to hide!" She started for the side alley next to the shop.

"Now we need to hide?" Toby asked as he and Jim followed Claire.

"Apparently," Jim replied. Claire was brilliant - if she had an idea, it probably was a good one.

They crouched down in the alley, behind a dumpster. A very weird-smelling dumpster - and Jim had spent a long time in Trollmarket, where socks were considered a delicacy.

"What's the plan?" Toby asked.

"I caught a good look of the interior before they closed the shutters," Claire whispered, pulling out her staff and flicking it so it assumed its full size. "I can open a small portal to a corner there, behind the counter, and stick my head through. That way, I can eavesdrop on them."

That was brilliant! Jim beamed at her. But it was also very dangerous. "But if they see you…" He had a brief, horrible vision of some monster ripping her head off and her headless corpse collapsing next to him and Toby.

"If they see me, I will pull my head back and close the portal," Claire replied. "I'll open it under the counter so they won't be able to sneak up on me from behind me."

"But you'll be unable to see them, either," Toby pointed out.

"That's OK," Jim said. "Safety first."

For a moment, both his friends looked at him as if he was stupid. Then Claire nodded and closed her eyes. "Alright, let me picture the location in my mind."

Jim held his breath. And looked around. No one was watching them.

Then she created a small portal - barely bigger than a head. A human head. She looked at him, and he forced himself to smile encouragingly at her even though he wanted to hug her.

She flashed a smile back at him, then turned and stuck her head through the portal. Jim had to suppress a shudder, seeing her like that, especially from the side.

"Do you think we can claim we're working on a magic trick if someone comes by?" Toby asked.

"Next to a magic shop?" Jim shook his head. "This isn't Arcadia Oaks. We have to assume that people visiting the shop know about magic. Better safe than sorry."

Toby nodded and put his hand into his backpack. He would be gripping his hammer, Jim knew. Just as Jim was gripping the Amulet of Daylight. If anything happened, they would be ready.

He just hated that he couldn't hear what Claire had to be hearing right now.

"...really, who thought it was a good idea to set up shop in an actual shop where anyone could wander in? Secrecy is paramount, I'll remind you! No one may know about the Council's work!"

Buffy Summers gritted her teeth and refrained from telling off the stuffy Brit. Having a magic shop was a great cover!

"It provides both a cover as well as an income," Giles replied. "After losing my position in the library, both were needed. And I assure you that our secrets remain safe."

"Yeah!" Buffy nodded. "We've dealt with every spy. If there had been any spies, I mean. Which there haven't. No spies here."

"Really." The old geezer looked at her with such a dubious expression, she wanted to bash his head in. A little, at least.

"Yes," Anya spoke up. "We would've had much higher profits if we catered to more people. We lost about half the customer base of our predecessors, too. We don't even sell most of the things we loot from demons even though all of it is taking up valuable storage space."

Buffy winced. Anya meant well - probably - but she wasn't really helping.

Travers looked like he had bitten into a lemon. "You loot the demons you kill? And you keep the…"

"...merchandise?" Anya was still not helping.

"...the contraband?" Travers turned to glare at Giles. "All of it should've been transferred to our vaults, not… hoarded in your private business." He spat the last words. "The Slayer has a sacred duty, and we shall find out whether or not you have profaned it."

Buffy glared at the man. "'Profaned it'?" Someone was using the dictionary today!

"It means treating with disrespect," Travers explained.

"I knew that!" she shot back. "It's just not a word real people use in conversation. Not if they've been born in the twentieth century, at least!"

"I see dear Rupert hasn't bothered to correct your educational deficiencies, either."

Buffy frowned, then noticed the obvious lack of protests from her Watcher. She turned to pout at Giles. "Giles! Tell him you did that!"

"I did what I could to complement the American educational system," Giles told the old geezer.

"That's not a very strong defence," Travers replied.

Buffy agreed with him, which was a first. "Giles!"

"My dear, you are far from stupid or uneducated, but through no fault of your own, you didn't receive a classical education."

"A classical education is way overrated," Anya cut in. "They've got most things about Vikings wrong, anyway. I never wore such a stupid helmet."

That caught the attention of the entire Council. "You claim to be a Viking?" Nigel blurted out.

"Of course not!" Anya protested. But before the guys could relax, she added: "I stayed at home; I didn't go raiding. Sheesh, you claim to be educated?"

"And who are you?" Travers asked, glancing from Anya to Giles and back.

"Anya. Anya Christina Emmanuella Jenkins," she told him. "And you wouldn't believe how expensive it was to get an ID! I had to ask Willow for help. It used to be simple, back in the day - no one asked for identification or paper trails. As if I had a birth certificate - they hadn't even invited those things back when I was Aud! And there was no IRS asking stupid questions about where you got your money from, either!"

"Rupert. Who is this… creature?"

"I'm not a creature!" Anya protested. "I'm fully human ever since I lost my powers! A thousand years as a vengeance demon, one of the best, and then one little mistake ruins my career! Can you imagine?" She shook her head.

Everyone stiffened. Well, more than before, they were Brits, after all. Travers was clenching his teeth - Buffy could see his jaw muscles twitching. "First werewolves and vampires, now vengeance demons! Are there any demons you actually slay instead of working with?"

"Hey!" She glared at the jerk. "I kill plenty of demons! I'm out almost every night, hunting them. And if you knew how many designer clothes and shoes I ruined slaying demons, you wouldn't question me!"

"The Slayer isn't supposed to care about material things! Hasn't Rupert taught you anything?"

"Hey! Immaterial things don't pay the bills!" Buffy protested. "And I've got a lot of bills to pay!" Mom would ask questions if Buffy had to ask for new shoes every week.

"Oh, yes!" Anya chimed in. "Money's the most important thing in the world! Don't you know how many nice things you can buy with it? If only Giles gave me a raise for all my hard work..."

Giles was polishing his glasses something fiercely, Buffy noted. That was a bad sign. Not that she needed one to see how things were going - the expressions on the Watcher-guys were bad enough.

"Let us now interview the various… associates… of your little 'gang' here," Travers pressed out. "And conduct an inventory of the shop. Who knows what treasures have been hidden here for dubious purposes."

"Hey! Making a profit is not a dubious purpose! That's the foundation of capitalism!"

Anya still wasn't helping.

James Lake Jr. jerked when Claire suddenly pulled her head out of the portal and closed it with a wave of her staff.

"What did you hear?" Toby asked.

"Are you alright? They didn't see you?" Jim leaned forward.

Claire shook her head. "No, I pulled out before they could see me."

"What did you hear? Did you find out where the troll hammer is?"

Claire shook her head. "I didn't hear anything about the hammer - but this is the Slayer's shop! And it's full of magical items taken from demons! She's working with demons and vampires to kill and rob demons!" She looked spooked. "And even worse - she's working with Aud!"

Jim blinked. "Aud? Wasn't that the witch Blinky had mentioned? But…"

"The witch who had banished Olaf to hell? A thousand years ago?" Toby gasped "That Aud?"

Claire nodded, and Jim felt his stomach sinking to the floor. "So…" He tried to compose his thoughts as he spoke. "We're… No, we can't discuss this here. Let's go somewhere else." Somewhere safer.

His friends nodded. They left the side-alley and took a sharp turn so they wouldn't be visible from the shop, and kept walking until they found a café - the 'Espresso Pump' it was called. As soon as they had a table and some drinks, Jim took a deep breath and said: "So. The Slayer, that millennia-old demon killer, is working with demons and with a thousand-year-old witch. And they kill demons to loot their stuff. And they have a shop where they sell magic items."

"They said they wouldn't sell most of their loot, but…" Claire trailed off, glancing around.

"They're probably lying. Evil guys do that. They must have killed Olaf to steal the hammer. The witch probably knew he had it, so they summoned him and took it from him." Toby shook his head. "How did the demon look like?"

"I didn't see her," Claire replied. "But she said she was 'fully human' and lost her powers."

"Sounds like Strickler," Jim snapped. And Strickler lied about everything.

"And who were the old guys?" Toby lowered his voice.

"I don't know." Claire bit her lower lip. "They spoke about some 'Council' - it sounded like they had been working with the Slayer but recently parted ways." She wrinkled her nose. "They were angry that the Slayer kept the loot for herself - to 'pay the bills'."

Toby snorted. "I wonder what kind of money they make."

"The Slayer mentioned designer clothes and shoes," Claire said.

"Really?" Jim blinked. "That sounds…" He wouldn't say normal. But… "So very Hollywood?" His friends laughed at his joke, but not for long. "We need to get the hammer before they sell it. Or before those guys take it." They couldn't travel to England to take it back.

"Or before the Council and the Slayer gang start a war," Toby said. "Imagine a gang war with magic and demons!" He shuddered.

Jim imagined it. Fireballs flying everywhere, buildings getting wrecked, people screaming… "We can't let that happen."

"What? You want to go between the Slayer and her friends and some mysterious Council? They must be very powerful, or the Slayer would've killed them, right?" Toby looked at him.

"Maybe," Jim said. They didn't know - but it sounded possible. "Blinky didn't say anything about that. Or that the Slayer was working with demons."

"That must be a recent development," Claire said. Then she gasped. "If the Slayer has been on the Hellmouth for years, perhaps she was corrupted by it - Blinky warned us about that."

"He mostly warned you," Toby told her. "Jimbo and I are fine since we only use our kick-ass weapons."

"I'm not using spells - I haven't even started learning them," Claire replied, glaring at him.

"Hey, hey!" Jim held his hands up. "We know." He glanced at Toby. "And we need to focus on our mission."

"I say we portal into the shop, grab the hammer and portal out," Toby said. "Quick in, quick out, and no one's the wiser!"

"We would have to wait until the shop is empty," Jim pointed out. "And if this is the Slayer's shop…"

"...then she might be living there. Not to mention that we don't know what kind of spells protect the 'merchandise'. And we need to find the hammer, first - they won't have on display."

"It wasn't in the window," Toby said. "I checked."

"Right." Jim took a deep breath. "We can't wait until the shop is empty - and we can't be sure that the shop will ever be empty. Or close before we have to go home. So, we need to lure them out."

"Lure them out? How?" Toby asked. "Place some bait for them?" His eyes widened. "We're not using my hammer as bait! I need it!"

"We're not using your hammer as bait," Jim said. "Well, not like you think." He grinned with more confidence than he felt. "We know the Slayer and her friends kill and loot demons. So, we will make them think there's a new group of demons in town - demons with kick-ass magic items. They hear about us and come for us. And while they look for us in another part of town, we strike at the shop." He looked at Claire. "Do you think you can disguise us as demons?"

She hesitated a moment, then nodded. "Yes. There are many human-like demons. But I'll need makeup and some props. Theatre makeup - we'll have to dye our skin, I think."

"Good." Jim stood and looked around. "Let's find a costume shop."

"Green skin?" Toby sounded rather disgusted. James Lake Jr. didn't feel very enthusiastic, either, come to think of.

"Yes," Claire said. "That's how Deathwok Clan Demons look like. Green skin, red horns and eyes, and scales on the forehead." She nodded firmly and slightly narrowed her eyes at them. "It's the easiest disguise we can do that will still mark us as demons according to the books I've read."

"Dyeing our skin green isn't what I'd call 'easy'," Toby muttered. "We'll have to walk around like that."

"That's the point, Tobes," Jim told him.

"We'll also need costumes," Claire went on. "The Deathwok Clan Demons are noted hunters and warriors." She looked at Toby. "They wouldn't be caught wearing a knitted vest."

Jim's friend frowned at her, then smirked. "Or purple t-shirts?"

She blushed slightly. "All of us will have to be in costume."

"Me too?" Jim asked. "I've got Daylight, after all." And without the magical armour, he wouldn't be able to do anything.

"Your armour should be enough," Claire told him.

"It worked for Romeo," Toby added.

Jim blushed a little, remembering the play. And the… well… He glanced at Claire, who was blushing as well, and smiled, looking away. Then he cleared his throat. "So… skin dye, red, uh, contacts, and horns and scales. And costumes. That will, ah, cost some money." His allowance might not cover it.

But Claire smiled. "It won't cost too much. I've done this before for a play. We won't have time to make our own costumes, but we can pick the cheapest and improvise a bit - it helps a lot that we already have props."

"My hammer isn't a prop!"

"I didn't mean it like that."

Jim cleared his throat again. "So, let's go to that shop - Party Town, you said?"

"Yes." Claire nodded. "It's the only costume shop in the town according to my search."

"And we can grab something to eat on the way," Toby added. "It's getting close to lunch." He patted his stomach. "Walking is hungry work."

Jim nodded. He was feeling a little hungry himself. Before he could suggest the Doublemeat Palace they had seen on the way, Toby's phone rang.

"Yes?"

Jim leaned in, as did Claire, and he could just make out Blinky's voice "Tobias? Your grandmother would like to talk to you. Can you talk?"

"Uh, sure."

Jim looked around. No one was paying attention to them. Then again, a teenager talking on the phone to their family wouldn't be suspicious, would it?

"I'll connect you to the speakers, then. How did this work again? Ah. Blast it! Just a moment… I just need to… thank you, AAARRRGGHH!"

"Pleasure."

"Ah… now we should be set. Please test it, Tobias."

"Nana?" Toby asked - loudly. Jim winced, but except for a man frowning at them, no one paid attention.

"Ah… try now, Tobias."

"Nana?"

"It works!"

"What did she say? I couldn't hear her," Toby said.

"Oh… I see we have a slight problem with this setup. But do not worry, I will act as a relay!" Jim heard Blinky say.

Sighing, took a step back while Toby started talking about lunch with his nana. They forgot to test if they could hear someone through the door when talking to them over their phones. Mom would say that this was typical for teenagers who didn't listen, anyway. If she knew about it. Which she wouldn't. Jim might feel bad about lying to her - and he did - but it was for the best. Who could say what Strickler would do, should Mom know the truth about the monster?

"Alright. Nana left the food outside," Toby said. "And I'm now even more hungry than before. Spaghetti with meatballs! We're missing out!"

Jim sighed. "Let's hit the burger palace."

"Doublemeat Palace," Claire corrected him. "It has the best ratings in town - at least in our price range."

"Don't remind me," Jim said, sighing again. Between the bus ticket and the costumes, his savings would be gone.

He could almost understand killing and looting demons now. Almost - he wasn't wasting his money on fashion, after all.

"This sucks. I can't be seen like this!" Toby complained.

"It was the cheapest costume. The cheapest costume in your size." James Lake Jr. felt very grateful to Merlin for crafting such a fine-looking armour for him. Otherwise, he would have to wear what amounted to fake-fur lined speedos with boots as well. "And no one will recognise you, anyway. You'll be wearing demon makeup."

"But I'll know it's me, his friend said. "I can't even wear a t-shirt? Or a sweater?"

"We don't have the money for it," Jim reminded him. Apparently, the costume shop exploited its monopoly. Skin dye was at a premium. "And the other costumes wouldn't fit a demon warrior."

"Conan the Barbarian killed demons. He wasn't a demon. And I don't look like him."

"Even better. People won't realise it's a costume?" Jim smiled at his friend, but Toby didn't look any happier.

Jim glanced at Claire, but she wasn't helping, either. She was still blushing and not looking at anyone as she cradled the bag with their supplies and her costume in her arms as if it would hide her.

Well, the cheapest 'female warrior costume' wasn't much more, ah, covering, than Toby's 'barbarian costume'. Of course she would be embarrassed as well, thinking about walking around like that, and...

Then he remembered that they would have to dye their skin, too - what would be visible, at least. Which would be mostly his face, in his armour, but for his friends…

He blushed even worse than Claire. This would be bad. Very bad.

Now he really understood the Slayer's desire to loot demons.

"And those are the reports." The Councilman - Spencer or something - wasn't even trying to hide his sneer as he looked at the book.

Buffy Summers couldn't help sneering herself as she answered: "Yes, exactly." The nerve of the man - she had bled for these reports. Well, usually not literally, but giving a report - or, worse, writing it - was torture after a patrol, when all a good Slayer needed was food and... well, the other thing was a uniquely Faith thing. That was her story, and she would be sticking to it. Especially when talking to old men from stuffy old England who wouldn't know sex if it bit them in the butt.

"They lack crucial information."

"'Crucial information'?" Buffy frowned. "The numbers are correct, and I even included the times of kill - mostly." It was hard to remember exact times, after all, when you were in the zone. Or taking a slight detour for a midnight snack. Or chatting with Willow on the phone… Oh, she could've used phone records for that; Willow might be able to whip up some app to track slaying times. "What else do you need? An essay about their fashion?"

To her surprise, the man nodded. "As you should be aware, a vampire's clothes give important clues for determining its age as they have a strong tendency to stick to the style that was popular at the time of their death."

Buffy gasped, then turned. "Giles! You never told me vampire fashion was important!"

"That's because when I once did mention fashion, I was treated to a long and impassioned but ultimately frivolous speech about shoes and how important they are for patrolling," her Watcher replied from where he was going over the books with Anya and the head old geezer.

"Frivolous?" She frowned. She had been serious!

"In any case," Giles went on, "I hardly believe vampire fashion is an important part of any report. The most dangerous vampires we have to deal with almost all adapted to modern fashion with the exception of Drusilla, and the fledglings rarely deserve any notice."

"Well, there were those vampire cowboys," Buffy cut in. "We identified them thanks to the clothes!"

"And in that case, you did mention their attire. But anyone trying to discern a vampire's age and, therefore, its potential for danger would be horribly misled when encountering Spike or Darla or…" Giles trailed off.

Buffy still glared at him. Angel was different!

"Someone mention my name?"

Buffy tensed. What was Spike doing here? He was about the last man, vampire, whatever she wanted to meet during a review. She turned and saw that the vampire was stepping out from the door leading to the basement, and behind him was Willow.

Her besty smiled her embarrassed smile as she looked around. "Hi, everyone! Uh… did the Council Review start without us?"

"Yes," Buffy said. And who was guarding Dawn?

"Told ya so," Spike said. "Anya wouldn't close the shop for anything else."

"I didn't close the shop - they did!" Anya protested.

"Isn't that presumptuous?" Willow frowned. "The Council doesn't have the authority to do that, do they?"

"That's what I said!"

Buffy clenched her teeth. The Council didn't have the authority, not de ju-something, as Giles would say, but with the information Buffy needed to save and protect Dawn, they could throw their weight around. Facts on the ground, as Riley said.

She buried the memories she didn't want to go into right now. "Yes, yes - but what's done is done, and we really should focus on the crucial things."

"Such as your appalling lack of detailed reports." If Spencer's upper lip drew up even more, it would probably cover his nose and suffocate him.

"Look, you can't really expect me to give detailed notes about every fledgling I slay," she replied. And think of the environment - if I have to add six pages every night, we'll have an entire forest de-forested just for the fledglings."

"That's another point: Your vastly inflated figures," Spencer said. "Approximately six fledglings per night? Ridiculous!"

"That's not ridiculous!" Buffy protested.

"Yes!" Willow loyally agreed. "Those are correct numbers and they correlate with the missing person reports from the police as well as the obituaries!"

"You work with the police?" Travers sounded shocked.

"Of course we don't," Buffy told him. "They're useless."

"But they're so useless, their systems are very easy to hack into and access their data… err. Hypothetically, I mean." Willow blushed.

"Oi, don't tell me you thought those were made-up numbers?" Spike laughed. "Bloody hell, this is an active Hellmouth. Vampires barely need more than a coat of dust to rise here. Why do you think so many of them come to the place where the Slayer roams?"

"Of course you would say that," Travers sneered. "But a vampire - especially someone as infamous as a member of the Whirlwind - cannot be trusted." He turned to glare at Willow. "Nor can obvious criminals."

Willow gasped. "Criminals? You are one to talk! You violate many more laws than I do with your policies!"

"Ours is a sacred duty - and a charter that predates most modern countries!"

"Yeah?" Willow pouted at him. "But the modern countries are the ones defining what's legal and what's not! Times have changed! And…" A beeping sound interrupted her. "Oh, sorry - that's my alert. I'll just…" She gasped at her phone's display. "Buffy! According to the news feed, there are costumed robbers attacking the park near Sunnydale High!"

Buffy was already running. 'Costumed robbers' was Sunnydale press and police speak for 'demons'.

She was glad for the distraction - she really needed something to vent her frustration right now, and a few dumb demons would do nicely!

"Help! Help!"

"Run! Run!"

"Mommy!"

"Run, Kelly! Run!"

James Lake Jr. felt bad at seeing the people who had gathered in the park fleeing from his friends and himself. That he and his friends would be scaring people who had done nothing wrong was something they had overlooked when planning this distraction. But they were committed - and they didn't have an alternative, anyway. And it wasn't as if the people were actually hurt. A little running was good for their health as well.

He saw one middle-aged man trip and take a dive on the gravel path and winced. Well, if they could run, he amended.

"Waaagh!"

"No! Not the Climbing Pole!"

"Dexter! Don't! Come!"

Jim looked to the side just in time to see Toby come down on a climbing pole, part of a climbing park, smashing it with his hammer. "Die!" Toby yelled, raising his hammer to crush the remains. "Die! Die!"

Jim winced - obviously, the training Toby had done in the Hero's Forge hadn't been enough to overcome his trauma from the P.E. climbing tests.

"Tob-Torgan!" Claire snapped.

Right, they had code names, Jim reminded himself - he really wasn't cut out for this kind of thing. He might've even forgotten to hide his face with a scarf, as Claire and Toby had done, if he hadn't had a helmet.

"What?" Toby hissed back. "I'm just playing my role! And I'm saving lives - think of all the poor children who would've fallen to their death from this torture device!"

"It's a children's playground, and you're wrecking it!" Claire put her hands on her hips, and Jim had trouble focusing - that was a very skimpy barbarian costume, indeed. Barley more than a fur bikini. And didn't that make him remember those movies he had…

He shook his head and cleared his throat. "Focus, guys! To-Torgan - don't wreck anything else!"

"But we need to play our roles!"

"Then go and… whack a tree or something!" Jim replied. Those grew back. He turned to Claire. "And keep an eye out for the Slayer."

She nodded, a bit jerkily. "And the police. The Slayer said they were useless, but… we can't trust her." She opened a portal and disappeared, appearing higher up in the tree next to them.

Jim winced - that was actually the greater danger. Monsters he could handle. But he couldn't kill the police. Or hurt them. And if he got arrested again, and in Sunnydale… Mom would kill him. And then Mr and Mrs Nuñez would kill him for dragging Claire into this. And then again for making her wear a skimpy costume… He was doomed. Why couldn't the Slayer hurry up?

"Waaagh!"

Toby smashed a smaller tree to cinders. If they started a fire by accident… this distraction had been a bad idea. But they were committed. As Draal said, once you were committed, you had to carry it through. Alright, he had been talking about attacks, but the same principle applied, more or less, to such deceptions.

He sighed and waved his sword. At least everyone had fled the park. No civilians left any more. Now all they needed was the Slayer to finally arrive, and…

...something was charging him from the side! The Slayer! Jim gasped and whirled to face the threat, bringing his sword up, but he was too slow - she ducked below his swing, sliding over the ground, then kicked out, hitting him in the chest with enough force to send him flying.

He hit the ground hard, rolling a few yards, and had trouble breathing. If he hadn't been wearing his armour, he would've been dead. He gasped - he couldn't let that monster hit Toby!

Jim snarled and jumped to his feet, brandishing his sword. "Slayer!" he yelled as loud as he could and charged her. He had to keep her focused on himself until Claire could get them out.

Damn, that was a tough demon! Buffy Summers had hit him right in the chest with her best kick, and the thing was charging her again. Though and dumb. She bared her teeth - she was the Slayer. And no demon would kill kids on her watch! Especially not with the Council watching!

He was telegraphing his blows, too - with the sword held high, he couldn't… He could! She hissed and dived to the side when the demon flicked the blade and turned an overhand slash into a stab at her. She did a perfect combat roll followed by a somersault and landed facing the monster. "So, I guess you decided that the climbing pole was your personal enemy, huh?"

The demon - the green skin she could see through the helmet was a perfect giveaway - looked confused. Score one for combat quips! Then he shook his head. "Huargh!"

Buffy blinked. From a demon able to take one of her kicks and keep fighting without any sign of being hurt, she would've expected a bit more of a roar. "Wow, you sound like the third understudy for the main act. Is that why you carry such a big sword? To compensate?"

"Wha… you…" Ah, there was the teeth-baring she was used to.

"Slayer!" he yelled again, his voice almost breaking.

Was he a teenage demon? Did demons have their voice change growing up?

Buffy shifted into a modified Muay Thai stance. This time, she would dodge his sword and then put the hurt on him. She waved to him. "What's the matter, big boy? Chicken? You sound like one!"

She kept smiling even though another demon appeared behind this one. Green-skinned as well, but… "Dear Lord!" she yelled. "Did you eat all his demon-food and outgrew your armour?" That was a green lardball!

"Waaagh!" the fat demon screamed, brandishing a flaming hammer as he stepped up to the armoured demon's side.

Two against one - but she was the Slayer. And the fatso demon wasn't wearing armour. She'd take him out first, then use the hammer to crack the other's armour…

But before she could execute her plan, a third demon appeared, straight out of a portal! And that one wasn't wearing armour either! "What's this, first the tin demon, then the flaming blob, and now it's the skanky barbarian demon? Is that a wonderbra you're wearing?"

"Oh, you!" The she-demon from bikini hell was glaring at her.

Yes! Making your enemy angry was the first step to defeating them!

"No!" Ah, the tin demon was a spoilsport. He must be the leader of the group - the others were his minions.

But three against one… She had to kill the she-demon first. The fat one might be tougher. But as exposed as the barbarian queen was, Buffy would be able to nail her with a stake, then follow up with a kick to…

A black portal appeared in front of the demon group, and Buffy jumped to the side, then dashed forward to flank the demons while their view was blocked…

She blinked as the portal disappeared, and with it, the three demons. "Hey! That's cheating!"

Three demons running from her? Her reputation amongst demons must be much better than amongst the Council!

She shook her head and turned as she heard the others arrive. Willow was panting - Buffy would have to make her step up her exercise. They had driven to the park, after all. Xander had come with an arm in a sling and the other holding an axe. Giles was holding a crossbow, trained on the bushes that might conceal demons. And behind them were most of the Old Evil Men Squad.

And all of them had missed how she had just driven off three demons.

As they stepped out of the portal, James Lake Jr. shivered a little. They hadn't spent time in the in-between shadow dimension; they had stepped directly through the portal into the side alley next to the magic shop, but the knowledge of what it was like… Brr.

"Alright," he said, taking deep breaths - fighting the Slayer even as briefly as he had done had been something. "Let's make this quick."

"In and out," Toby added, adjusting the scarf covering the lower half of his face.

"There might be some people still there," Claire cautioned them.

"They'll run," Toby said.

"Let's hope so. Otherwise, we'll have to subdue them and lock them up somehow," Jim said.

"I can store them in the shadow dimension," Claire offered. "They won't be able to escape."

Jim felt a cold shiver down his spine, but he nodded. It was still better than beating up humans. "Alright, as a last resort." Let's go in and get the hammer."

Claire nodded as well, and he didn't need to see her mouth to know that she had that determined expression that made her look so…

And there was the portal. Jim went through first, of course - he was wearing the armour - and...

...stepped out right in front of a woman who screamed and scrambled back, throwing a chair over.

"Oi!" Hands off the fans!"

Jim whirled to face whoever had said that, Toby all but rammed him from the side coming through the portal.

Jim stumbled, unbalanced for a moment, and a man in a leather coat tackled him into the wall with enough force to crack the plaster and rattle Jim's head.

But he had taken worse blows in training. Snarling, he hit the man with his free hand - he couldn't use the sword on a civilian - and pushed him back.

To his surprise, the blond man was grinning like a loon. "This is perfect! I can't hurt humans, but demons? Fair game, and the Slayer will be grateful for saving the Watcher's shop!"

He looked eager to fight them. Worse than the Slayer herself!

"Is that normal?" Toby asked, activating his hammer.

And the man backpedalled. "Whoa! Flaming hammer? That's not cricket, boys!"

"Alright, To-Torgan, drive him out of the shop!" Jim ordered.

That, somehow, angered the weird man even more. Instead of fleeing out the door behind him, he snarled. "I might as well take you lot with me, then! It's been a few decades since I killed some Deathwok Clan!" He turned to glance at the woman hiding behind him. "But you better run, Missy - those are cannibals!"

Damn. They were facing a hero or something. Sacrificing himself to let the woman get away? Jim glanced at Claire. She nodded, hefting her staff. Jim turned back to face the man…

...and caught a cauldron to the face that had him reeling.

"Ji…!" Claire yelled.

And the man laughed. "Hah! And the witch didn't want to sell them because they were a cliché!"

Jim shook his head, regaining his bearings, then had to duck when the maniac threw another, smaller cauldron at them.

Toby had jumped to the side and rolled a little more than planned, coming up next to the counter, but now they were flanking the guy, and if Jim could lure him into a charge, Claire could portal him.

But then a young girl popped up behind the counter - and behind Toby - with a baseball bat.

"Duck!" Jim yelled.

His friend dropped down, but he wasn't fast enough - the bat caught him on the shoulder in a glancing blow, and he dropped his hammer.

"You daft bit! What are you doing here? Run! They'll eat you!" The blond man screamed and charged at Toby - much faster than a human could move! Jim dashed forward, swinging his blade, but knew he would be too late. "Toby!"

Then a portal opened up right in front of the blond, and he vanished into it. Claire had done it!

"Ow. What hit me?" Toby asked as he got up.

A young girl who was now running to the door in the back, Jim noticed. Well, that was what they wanted, anyway.

With the girl and the blond man gone, and the woman having fled already, they could finally search the shop for the hammer.