Beth stood looking at herself in the dressing room mirror. She wasn't quite sure if the skintight blue dress Annie had picked for her looked good on her. It definitely accentuated her curves, but she wasn't sure she wanted to flaunt all of them.
Stepping out of the dressing room, she walked to the three-paneled floor length mirror next to where Ruby and Annie sat.
"What do you think?" She asked, hands up questioningly.
Ruby pondered for a moment then shook her head. "I don't think I like that shade of blue on you."
Annie nodded. "Yeah, I think the black dress that shows off your ta-tas is the way to go."
"I'll think about it," Beth said before plodding back to the dressing room.
Stepping out of the dress, she took another scan of herself in the mirror. She wasn't sure she liked what she saw. Her mind drifted to the types of girls she always saw Rio with - skinny petite women - the total opposite of her. Three pregnancies had made her breasts, hips, and thighs considerably more voluptuous. On top of that, her stomach and thighs were covered with stretch marks. She definitely wasn't in the shape she had been when she was in high school.
Feeling self-conscious, Beth began to have doubts. Would this Dave guy find her attractive? She felt insecure and nervous. Should she have tried to drop a few pounds this week?
Beth finished dressing and returned to her sister and her friend without either dress.
"What? Are you not going to get the black one?" Annie asked.
Crinkling her nose, Beth shook her head. "I think I'll wear my maroon dress."
"You always wear that."
"Dave hasn't seen me wear it. Besides I feel comfortable in it."
"At least get a new bra and matching pair of panties. You never know where the night might lead."
Beth blanched. She didn't want to think about that. Her date sounded nice, but she wasn't ready to sleep with him or anything.
"You don't think he's expecting that, do you?" She asked uncertainly.
"He might not be expecting it, but he'll definitely be thinking about it. He's a guy after all. Keep an open mind. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone new. Wouldn't hurt to give it a try," Annie said, shrugging.
As Beth followed Ruby and Annie to the lingerie section, she thought about what her sister said. It had been two years. She was overdue. Yet she knew she wasn't ready. She didn't see herself jumping into bed with the next guy she dated. That wasn't her. Maybe down the road...but not now. She was just trying to get her feet wet.
Annie veered off to take a look at the clearance rack while Ruby and Beth headed towards the back of the section where the undergarments for bustier women were kept.
"You've been awfully quiet," Beth said. "What do you think? Should I boink this Dave guy on the first date or no?"
Ruby laughed, shaking her head. "I think you should do whatever you're comfortable with but I have a sneaking suspicion you're not comfortable with the idea of sleeping with some rando on the first date."
Beth shrugged. "I wish I could be OK with it. Rip the bandaid off and get it over with. It's just I've never been with anyone but Rio."
"What about Dean?" Ruby teased.
Beth rolled her eyes. "Don't remind me. All we ever did was make out anyway. He hinted that I should explore his third base, and by hinted I mean brought it up ten times a day, but I passed on that offer."
"Don't blame you, girl. Ain't nobody want Dean. But I get what you were saying," Ruby said.
"Stan and I have only ever been with each other. I couldn't imagine having to move on with someone else. I wouldn't even know where to begin. I think you're being very brave - going out there, trying to meet someone new."
Beth idly browsed through a rack. "The other thing is...Rio knows what I like. I can't imagine someone else...how would we even get to that point?"
"How'd you get to that point with Rio? Trust. Open communication. It'll be the same with the next guy you're with."
"You're right. I'm just...nervous." And deep down Beth knew she didn't really want to sleep with anyone else. Her heart ached anew with all that she'd lost with Rio. She didn't want to move on with someone new, but he hadn't left her with much choice, had he? Because there was no way now after all that had passed between them in recent years that she'd ever go back to him.
Marcus grinned at the blonde sipping a slurpee sitting beside him at the picnic table. Her name was Becky Sanders and she was his every waking thought. He went to sleep dreaming of her and woke up excited to see her every day. A sophomore on varsity cheer - she was the best friend of one of his teammate's girlfriends. They'd met in May and he'd been obsessed with her ever since.
His other friends sat finishing up their gas station snacks. His closest friends from the soccer team and
their girls were here plus a few of the players from the girls soccer team. They still had regular team practice at school, but it wasn't the same as scrimmage just for fun.
He had a pretty good life. He really couldn't complain. He had good friends, made good grades, had a brand new car, and was on the varsity soccer team. The only thing that he wished was better was his family life. His mom and dad were great separately. Together...not so much. Although there had been a time not so long ago when things had been different. He wished they could go back to when they all lived under one roof and were happy but given how his mom could barely look his dad in the eye - he doubted that would ever happen.
"Alright," his friend Jeremy said taking one last gulp of his drink and wiping his face with the back of his hand. "We ready to play?"
Everyone began to leave the picnic table but Marcus held back a little. Becky hadn't come to play today. In fact, he didn't think she knew how to play soccer at all. She'd just come to spend time with him. He didn't want to leave her sitting alone.
"Yo, Marcus, you playing?" Another friend of his called. Marcus looked at Becky sideways. "I don't have to play."
Becky pushed him playfully. "Go. Play. I'll have fun watching you. Come here," she said, crooking her finger. "Let me give you a kiss for good luck."
As Marcus came up for air amid cat calls from his friends, he couldn't keep a big, dumb grin off his face. He jogged off towards the field, ready to show off a bit.
For the next thirty minutes they played with Marcus running back to the picnic table every ten minutes under the guise of getting a drink. In reality, he was just wanting to flirt with Becky.
As he was taking one of his "breaks", he heard someone groan, "Oh, crap!"
Turning his head, Marcus watched as the soccer ball rolled downhill, past the basketball court, and straight towards a group of teenagers smoking on the other side of the park.
"Who's going to go get the ball?" One of the girls asked. "Not me," she said, touching her nose quickly.
A chorus of voices echoed "Not me" and Marcus was left as the only one not touching his nose. Rolling his eyes, he jogged across the park. His friends were a bunch of wusses.
Slowing down as he approached the other group of teens, he called, "You guys mind tossing me that ball?"
Five sets of eyes stared at him for a moment before looking away disinterested. Sighing, Marcus headed over to the ball and picked it up.
"Long time no see Marcus," said a black girl with long braids.
"You friends with this boy scout?" One of the guys with her asked, spitting on the ground.
The girl who would have been stunnignly gorgeous if she'd didn't hide behind a bulky hoodie all the time looked over her shoulder and smirked before turning her eyes back to Marcus. "His dad and mine go way back. We used to have play dates back in the day. Well, that's what they used to call us watching TV while they counted Benjamins in the kitchen."
"That seems like ages ago. How have you been, Devi?" He asked politely. Devi shrugged. "Same old. Same old. Say hi to your pops."
"Uh, OK," Marcus replied awkwardly not sure what else to say.
Marcus lifted a hand to wave and said, "Well, take care."
He didn't notice the look of longing on her face as he turned and headed back to his friends.
Out of range of the other group, Marcus breathed a sigh of relief. Talking to Devi had been uncomfortable and weird. Up until third grade, they'd been the best of friends. They'd spent many an afternoon playing together. She had a temper and was scrappy, always getting into fights. He was always the one to hold her back and keep her from getting into too much trouble. Then one day his dad stopped going over to Devi's dad's house.
Marcus remembered asking his mom why he couldn't see Devi anymore and his mom had said it was because Devi's dad had died. His dad and her dad no longer worked together so he wouldn't be seeing her anymore. He had missed her for months, but life went on and he eventually moved on. Then, in ninth grade he'd seen her again when he entered high school. They didn't talk. They didn't interact. He'd just nod or smile at her sometimes. They didn't have classes together and it wasn't like they were part of the same circles. She had changed and so had he.
Marcus kicked the ball back onto the field. "Be more careful this time," he warned.
He sat back down next to Becky. She rubbed his arm and kissed his cheek. "I was getting worried about you," she whispered. "That doesn't look like a good crowd. I've heard about that girl. She's like their ring leader. I think she's even stabbed someone. Her name's Devilisha or something like that."
Shaking his head, Marcus said, "It's just Devi and you can't believe all the rumors."
As Marcus drove over to his dad's place to pick up the iPod he'd accidentally left, he found he couldn't shake off his earlier conversation with Devi.
As a kid, nothing traumatic had happened to him. He'd grown up safe, happy, and well-fed. He knew his mom and dad loved him. They made sure he never went without anything and he had tons of fun memories growing up. But he always knew something was off with his family. His family or rather his dad was different than everybody else in the suburbs. No one else's dad had a neck tattoo. No one else's dad wore black all the time or was packing heat. It didn't take a genius to figure out that his dad's business dealings were likely illegal.
He remembered one afternoon hanging out with Devi when they were in second grade. She'd asked him if he'd wanted a popsicle and he'd followed her into the kitchen where he'd found his dad and Devi's shoving stacks and stacks of cash into a couple of duffel bags. Marcus had asked his dad what he was doing, but his dad had just smiled and ruffled his hair, telling him not to worry about it.
Then there were the hushed arguments he'd heard between his mom and dad. He'd only caught snippets over the years. "The last thing Marcus needs is for his dad to be in jail." "I do what I do to keep a roof over his head and a shirt on his back, ma." "What possessed you to take our son over there? What if he'd gotten into something he shouldn't?" "You ain't gotta like what I do, Elizabeth." "I want a divorce. You told me you were done. I can't live with a liar."
What his dad did for a living was an open secret that nobody ever talked about. He was pretty sure even his Aunt Annie and Aunt Ruby knew what he did, but of course, they never said a word about it. Marcus didn't know the details nor did he want to. He was fine with pretending that everything was OK. That he was just a normal suburban kid.
He parked his car outside his dad's apartment building and sprinted up the stairs.
Rio was on the phone when he heard a knock on his front door. Slightly annoyed at being interrupted, he went to open it. His mood changed instantly when he saw that it was his son.
"I'll call you back," he told the man on the other line and hung up. "What's up son?"
"Left my iPod. Can't go running without it,"
Marcus said as he made a beeline for his bedroom.
Thirty seconds later Marcus returned, iPod in hand. He went to the fridge and grabbed a sports drink, plopping down on a stool in the kitchen.
"What you been up to?"
"Not much. Just chilling in the park with my friends. Played a couple games of soccer."
"Becky there?" Rio asked nonchalantly as he began unloading the dishwasher.
Marcus reddened a bit, something he'd inherited from his mom. "Yeah, she was there."
Moments passed in silence as Rio finished putting the glasses in a top cabinet.
"You'll never guess who I saw at the park. Devi. Remember her? When I was a kid, you were friends with her dad and she and I used to play together all the time."
Rio's hand faltered for a split second and he almost dropped the glass he was holding. He wouldn't call what he and Devante had a friendship. He remembered a time when he looked up to the guy, even wanted to be like him, took his advice. Then, after his brother had gotten shot he'd seen Devante's true colors. He'd never trusted him again.
Rio snorted, shaking off the memories. "You talk like you grown or something. When I was a kid..."
"You were only a couple of years older than I am now when you had me."
"Yeah, but I didn't have your cushy life. I knew what it meant to work. To help my mom and sister make ends meet."
Marcus rolled his eyes as if hearing this bored him. Rio shook his head. His kid really had it easy. Not that he'd want it any other way. He'd break his back working if it meant keeping his kids from a difficult life.
"I think she might be in a gang or something. What gang is it that wears red?"
"Who you talkin' about?"
"Devi. I saw her at the park and she was with some people that were all wearing red. Pretty sure they're in a gang."
"You shouldn't be hangin' around those kind of people." A memory of his brother warning him about getting in too deep with Devante flashed through his mind. He wished he'd listened. He finally understood where his brother was coming from. It had taken becoming a dad to make him understand the desire to protect someone from making bad choices.
"Not really my crowd, Dad. But I feel kind of bad for her. I mean, her dad died and all."
"Yeah, I remember." Just another reason his son should stay away from that girl.
Marcus sighed and stood up. "I better head out. I'm meeting some friends for a movie."
"Aiight. See you Saturday."
"Oh, actually, I've got plans with Becky that night so I'll come over on Sunday instead."
"That's fine. Tell your mom to drop off Felix after seven."
"I think it'll be Aunt Annie that drops him off. Mom's got a date with some guy. Well, I better go or I'll be late. See you later, Dad."
"See ya," Rio replied. He watched as the door slammed shut - a little out of sorts due to the news his son had dropped. Elizabeth dating again? He didn't like how that made him feel.