Hunter Spector: "Do you believe in ghosts? Join me, Hunter Spector, specter hunter, leader of the Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters, or ARGGH! As I descend into the scariest place in any home, the basement! Sunday night at 8 PM! Don't miss it, or you'll be left in the dark! ARGGH!"

Me: We cannot wait, and I appreciate you inviting me over to watch ARGGH with you.

Lincoln: Thanks, David. Glad you were able to make it. We're going to have fun.

Me: You bet we will.

Lincoln: [marks calendar] "I can't believe it's finally here! The live season finale of the greatest show ever!"

Me: Woo-Hoo!

Lincoln: [Lincoln looks at the viewers] All right, I know you're probably saying to yourself, 'Lincoln, with ten sisters, there's no way you're going to get to watch your favorite show.' And you'd be right. Every Sunday at 8, it's the same thing." [Cut to a flashback of his sisters fighting over the remote; End flashback.]

"But tonight, I have a plan." [Breaks out his walkie-talkie] "Cadet Lincoln calling Cadet Clyde, do you read me?"

Clyde: "This is Cadet Clyde, I read you loud and clear! I'm so excited! We finally get to watch ARGGH together. And by together, I mean you at your house, and me at mine, right?"

Me: So, why are you not here to watch it with us?

Clyde: Well...

Lincoln: [to the viewers] "For such a landmark event, we decided that it'd be best for us if we watched it separately. Clyde's got a huge crush on my sister Lori. It gets awkward."

Me: [thinking] Oh, it's one of those.

Clyde: [Looking dreamily at a drawing of Lori.] "Hubba hubba."

Lincoln: "Clyde? Clyde? Do you read me?"

Me: Clyde, you need to snap out of it, man.

Clyde: "Thanks David and you better hurry, Lincoln. It's almost 8:00!"

Lincoln: "It's time to put Operation Distract My Sisters So That I Can Get to the TV First and Watch the Special Live Season Finale of ARGGH and Think of Shorter Name For This Operation into action."

Me: That's a mouthful. How about just Operation Distract Sisters?

Lincoln: Thanks. Why hadn't I thought of that?

Me: It's a gift. So how are you going to distract them?

Lincoln tells me his plan as we go to the kitchen and backyard to get the items for his plan.

Me: This might just work.

Lincoln: I know it will. After all, I am the man with a plan.

Just in time, we go upstairs.

Lola and Lana: [Coming out of their room] "Cartoons! Cartoons! Cartons! Cartoons!"

Lincoln: "Did someone say tea party?" [reveals a teapot and a box of cookies.]

Lola: "Eeeee! Thank you, Lincoln!" [takes the items and goes back to her room. Lana stands, glares at Lincoln, displeased]

Lana: [annoyed] "Hey, I don't want to be part of some dumb old tea party, I want to watch TV!"

Me: "Not even if these guys are invited?"

[holds out two frogs; one croaks.]

Lana: "Eeeee! Thanks, David!" [takes the frogs and goes back to her room.]

Once she left, I immediately wiped my hands on my jeans.

Me: Ew. That was gross. Usually, I love frogs, but I just couldn't hold them for that long.

Lincoln: I apologize for that, David, I did not know.

Me: Not to worry, it's no big deal. I'm just glad I can help.

Lincoln: "Hey, Luan!"

Luan: "I was just heading downstairs to watch TV."

Lincoln: "You might want to grab your video camera instead. The twins are at it again."

[Lola and Lana are fighting.]

Lola: "You can't come! V.I.P. only!"

Luan: "This is totally gonna go viral!"

Me: Hey Luan, have you heard the rumor about the butter?

Luan: No, what about it?

Me: Never mind, I don't want to spread it. [rimshot] Get it.

Luan: [laughing) You are hilarious, David.

Lincoln: Yeah, that was kind of funny.

Luan: [goes back to her room to get her video camera] "Thanks again, Linc!"

Lola: "Ow. Ow!"

[Lisa and Lily come out of their room.]

Lincoln: "Hey, Lisa. I saved you a trip downstairs and got that stuff you needed."

Lisa: "The lactose, Triticum protein, sodium chloride crystals, sucrose, and gallus gallus ovum?"

Me: "Uh, you mean milk, flour, salt, sugar, and eggs?" [holds out ingredients] What do you need this stuff for, anyway?

Lisa: "You say tomato, I say Solanum Lycopersicum. By the way, I am making cookies. Thank you." [takes the ingredients and goes back into her room.]

Me: Good luck with that. Can I have one once you're done?

Lisa: Perhaps.

Lynn: "Yeah! Two minutes to game time! Whoo!"

Lincoln: "Hey, Lynn, check it out." [holds out a football that starts floating] "I filled it with helium for the extreme player who demands more."

Lynn: "I demand more!"

[Leni is approaching.]

Me: Go long Lynn, it is going to be a good one!

[Whistle blows, Lynn struggles to get the ball.]

Lynn: "Get over here, you!"

Lincoln: "Oh my gosh, Leni!"

Leni: "What, is there a spider on me?" [frantically rubs her head] "Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!"

Lincoln: "Worse. There's a zit on the end of your nose!"

Me: Your outfit is ripped in the back as well.

Leni: "I'm a hideous monster and I better fix this right away!" [runs away]

Luna: "Hey, bro! TV tonight is gonna be rockin'!" [Strums her guitar] "Yeah!"

Me: Yeah!

Lincoln: "Or, you can have your very own flashlight rock show in your bedroom." [holds out a colorful flashlight and Luna takes it]

Luna: "That is sweet! Thanks, Linc!" [Goes back into her room]

Lori: "Has anyone seen my phone? I need to live-tweet my show!"

Lincoln: [Takes out the phone and presses buttons on it.] "Hey, Lori I found your phone!"

Me: You left it in the kitchen.

Lori: "Give me that!" [snatches her phone] "How many times do I have to tell you to keep your hands off my stuff!" Oh, and thanks for letting me know where I left it, David. [Lincoln counts down from 3 and phone rings.] "Hello? Oh, hi Bobby." [Laughs] "No, I didn't text you to call me, but I'm glad you did!" [to Lincoln] "Thanks for nothing Lincoln!"

We find Lily sleeping.

Me: Awww, she's so cute fast asleep.

Lincoln: [ lays her in the laundry basket, and kisses her.] "And that makes 10."

Me: [covers her up] There you go, Lily.

Lincoln: You have a way with babies.

Me: I worked as a babysitter when I was younger.

Lincoln: [Lincoln slides down the stairs and jumps to the floor; to the viewers.] "As I said, I might not be the fastest, and I might not be the strongest, but to get all of my sisters out of the way, it pays to have a plan."

Lucy: "You forgot me."

As Lucy startles us both, we both scream.

Lincoln: "Lucy! I always forget about Lucy!"

Me: Same here, she's like a ghost!

Lucy: "Story of My Life."

Lincoln: "What are you doing here?"

Lucy: "It's the season premiere of my favorite show, "Vampires of Melancholia"."

Me: That show is awesome! I didn't realize it was on tonight.

Lincoln: "This is the episode of ARGGH that everyone is going to be talking about at school tomorrow! Please let me watch it? Pretty please with black cherry on top?"

Lucy: "I'm sorry, Lincoln, but you know the rule. I was here [in slow motion] first."

Me: In her own way, she is right, Lincoln.

Lincoln: "NOOOOOO!" [Looks at remote and licks it] "Ha!"

Lucy: [holds up another remote] "That's the old remote that Lily threw into the toilet."

Me: Oh man, that's disgusting!

[Lincoln gags, rubs his tongue, and spits out the germs. He then weeps.]

Lucy: "Sorry, Lincoln, I can't miss my vampires. Edwin is so cold and tormented and mysterious. Sigh. If only he wasn't from another century."

Lincoln: "Another century! That's okay, Lucy. You watch your show on the big color TV. I'll just go watch my show on Dad's crummy, old, black-and-white TV.

Lucy: "Black and white are my favorite colors."

Me: "Yeah, it'll make watching our show a little more... spooky!"

Lucy: "Spooky is also my favorite color."

Me: Spooky isn't a color.

Lucy: Sigh, it is to me.

Me: Fair enough.

Lincoln: "Well, enjoy your vampires."

Lucy: "Wait! I'll take the old TV!"

[Cut to Lucy's room where Lincoln is found grunting to get the TV to the other side of the bed.]

Lincoln: "How can only two colors be so heavy?" [Puts it on the bed.] "Here you are. Now to plug it in. So, you can be happy or sad or whatever that emotion is. And I won't be left in the dark." [Plugs in the TV. Power goes out.] "Dang it."

[Many of the Loud kids murmur in confusion about the power outage.]

Me: How can one TV cause a power outage?

Lori: "All right! All right! Everybody just calm down!"

Leni: "Guys! I can't see anything! I think I've gone blind!"

Lori: "No, you didn't go blind. What the heck happened?"

Lincoln: "I was just plugging in the old TV for Lucy and it must've made the lights go out."

Lori: "Of course it was your fault, Lincoln."

[All the other sisters complain about what their brother did.]

Me: Hey! He was just trying to be nice to Lucy.

Lincoln: "Yeah! All I did was plug in some dumb old TV!"

Luan: "Hey! I know why the lights went out! Cause they liked each other! [laughs as her siblings sigh] "Get it? Get it?"

Me: (laughing) Good One.

Lisa: "That one was so good, it deserves a cookie." [hands her one]

Me: Do you have any more?

Lisa: No, I do not.

Me: Dang it.

Luan: "Oh, thanks." [eats it] "So anyway, what did one light bulb say to the other?" [suddenly starts glowing]

[The rest of the siblings gasp.]

Lincoln: "You're glowing."

Luan: "Oh. I already told you that one?"

Luna: "No, dude. You are glowing."

Me: Yes, literally.

Luan: [notices she is] "Hey, wow!"

Lori: "Everyone back away from Luan. [the siblings step back] Lisa, Mom and Dad said you're not allowed to use your siblings as experimental guinea pigs anymore!"

Leni: "Yeah! Not after what you did to me!"

[Cut to a flashback of Leni and Lisa with Leni experiencing side effects from Lisa's experiment. Her face is extremely swollen and covered in blemish-like substances.]

Leni: "My face feels funny."

[End flashback]

Me: Yikes, were you okay, Leni?

Leni: Oh yeah, thankfully it did not last long.

Me: That's a relief. How about Luan, Lisa?

Lisa: "Affirmative David. All I did was infuse the bioluminescent DNA of the Aequorea victoria jellyfish into a cookie. I call them Gloweos. Besides, now we can see."

Lori: "Okay. Everyone huddle around Luan."

We do as Lori says.]

Luan: "I always knew I was the light of your life." [giggles as the rest of her siblings' sigh.]

Me: (laughing) Good one, but now is not the time.

Luan: Thanks, David. But you're right, it's not time to glow in my achievement. (laughing) (rimshot) Get it.

We all laughed that time.

Lincoln: "Okay. So, how about we get that power back on."

Lori: "Hey, when Mom and Dad are out, I'm in charge. So first, we need to get a headcount to make sure we're all here."

Lincoln: "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten and me, that's 11. Yep, that's all of us. We are all here and accounted for."

Me: I think we're forgetting someone, but I can't remember who.

Lucy: "You forgot me."

[Lincoln screams and falls to the ground after getting startled by Lucy.]

Lincoln: "Can I go flip the circuit breaker and get the lights back on before Lucy gives me a heart attack?"

Lori: "Again, in charge. I'll do it. Where's this circuit breaker thingy?"

Lincoln and I: "In the basement."

[The kids arrive at the basement. Lori's silhouette peers over the basement's darkness.]

Lori: "Why am I the one who has to do this?"

Everyone: [at the same time angrily] "Because you're in charge!"

Me: You even said that yourself.

Lori: "All right, all right! Come on, Luan. Light the way."

Luan: "That's the brightest idea you've had all day!" [giggles. Lori pulls her from their siblings. After doing so, Luan's glow goes away. The rest of the siblings' gasp.] "Oooh. I thought I was staying in tonight, but I guess I'm going out!" [Luan giggles as the rest of her siblings' sigh.]

Lori: "Lisa, give her another one of those cookies. We won't tell."

Lisa: [On her clipboard] "Negative. That was the only one. Prototype."

Me: Why make only one prototype?

Lisa: I had enough supplies to make only one.

Me: That makes perfect sense.

Lori: "Just great..." [hears a wooden creak and gasps in fear] "There's something in the basement! I'm not going down there!"

Lynn: [taunts] "Ooh! You're scared of the dark!"

Lori: "I am not! You're the one who's scared."

Lynn: "I'm not afraid of anything."

Lucy: "Boo."

Lynn: "AAH!"

[While most of the girls start arguing, the twins start to tremble with fright.]

Twins: "THERE'S A GHOST IN THE BASEMENT!" [sobbing]

Lincoln: "Guys! I'm running out of time! It's really important that I...I...I..." [sighs in realization] "...fix this. OKAY, QUIET!" [the girls stop]

Me: Your sisters are scared, Lincoln. We need to fix this.

Lincoln: "You're right, David. Come here, you two. It's okay. There's nothing to be afraid of." [hugs the twins to comfort them] "Your big brother will protect you. In fact...I will protect all of you! For I am Cadet Lincoln! Highly trained student of the Academy of Really Good Ghost Hunters! Or...ARGGH!" [puts on night vision goggles and busts out his walkie-talkie.]

Me: And I'm Cadet David of ARGGH and we will protect all of you!

Lincoln: "Cadet Clyde, this is Cadet Lincoln. Forget the plan. I'm going to need backup."

[Enter Clyde]

Clyde: "Cadet Clyde, reporting for duty." [notices Lori and gets aroused] "L-L-L-Lori?" [starts acting like a robot] "RED ALERT. RED ALERT. DOES NOT COMPUTE. CIRCUIT OVERLOAD. MUST ABORT MISSION."

I slapped Clyde out of it.

Clyde: Thanks David, that's exactly what I needed.

Me: No problem Clyde, so are you going to stick around?

Clyde: Nah, I think I will just go home. Since Lori, my beloved is here. I won't last long.

Lori: I am not your beloved anything, Clyde.

Clyde: Whatever you say, Lori. See you guys.

Lincoln: Bye Clyde, thanks, anyway.

Clyde leaves the room.

Me: Is that what you meant, Lincoln?

Lincoln: Yes it was." [prepares to enter the basement] "I will now descend into the scariest place in the house: the basement. But fear not, with my official ARGGH! branded night vision goggles, I can see in the dark." [begins to head down but slips down the stairs and loses his walkie-talkie.]

Lori: "Lincoln, are you okay?"

Lincoln: "The bad news is, my goggles are just a toy and do not really see in the dark! The good news is, they cushioned my face from the hard basement floor!"

Luan: "Hey! I think my video camera has a night vision setting."

Lincoln: [rushes back up] "Sweet!" [takes it] "It's just like the cameras they use on ARGGH! I'm going in."

Me: Wait a minute here. [lights hand].

Leni: Are you a witch?

Me: No, I am only an ordinary guy with many abilities.

Lana: That's cool.

Lola: Do you have any other kinds of powers?

Me: There are too many to count.

Luna: What are some of them?

They all started badgering me with questions.

Me: Sorry, I really want them to be a surprise for you.

Lisa: Very well. But I want to perform experiments on you later.

Luan: Too bad I wanted you to power up. [laughs]

The siblings groan at the pun.

Me: [laughs] Good one, Luan. Now we don't have time to deal with this come on Lincoln.

Lincoln: "Very well. I'll lead the way."

[The basement; Lincoln leads the way with Luan's camera as his guide.]

Lincoln: "Stay close. There's no telling what could be lurking down here in the dark."

Luan: "There's nothing funny about this situation. Although, I do like dark humor."

Leni: "Is someone touching my hand?"

Lynn: "You're touching your own hand."

Me: Everything will be okay, you guys.

Lori: "I hate basements."

[An eerie sound comes.]

Lori: [gasps] "What's that moaning?!"

[The girls all gasp and Lincoln turns to the source.]

Lincoln: "Don't freak out. It's just the pipe settling."

[Another scary sound]

Leni: "What's that scratching?!"

[The girls gasp again and Lincoln checks.]

Me: It's alright. It's Cliff the Cat scratching a scratching post"

[Cliff is using his scratching post and meows.]

Lynn: [plug up her nose] "What is that smell?!"

[The girls gasp again and Lincoln sees something familiar.]

Lincoln: "It's just Lily with a full diaper."

[Luna is holding Lily and understandably grossed out by her baby sister.]

Lily: [giggles] "Poo-poo!"

Luna: Ew, gross.

I handed everyone nose pins, and they gave their thanks.

Lincoln: "See, guys? I told you. There's nothing to be afraid of."

[Another ominous noise occurs, surprising everyone.]

Lori: "What is it?!"

?: "Lincoln...David..."

Lincoln and Me: [terrified] "IT'S A GHOST AND IT KNOWS OUR NAMES!"

[The girls all start running around and every one of them except Lucy is screaming.]

Lincoln: [bravely] "I'LL SAVE YOU, SISTERS!" [charges at the ghost]

[The lights come back on and it turns out Lincoln is attacking the laundry basket.]

Lincoln: Hi-yah! Take that, evil spirit!

Lori: [After finding the circuit breaker and turned the lights back on herself.] "Cool it, Lincoln. It's not a ghost. It's just our laundry."

[Lincoln emerges from the laundry and sheepishly grins; it also turns out that the sound was coming from his walkie-talkie.]

?: Yeah, it was just laundry.

We turn and saw who just spoke, and it was Casper we all start screaming except for Lucy.

Lucy: Cool.

Casper: Hi, I'm Casper.

Lucy: I'm Lucy, are you an actual ghost?

I calmed down once I recognized him.

Me: I've heard about you are a friendly ghost aren't you.

Casper: Yes, I am.

Lisa: Amazing an actual spiritual apparatus aka a ghost.

Casper: Thanks, I think.

Me: What are you doing here in Lincoln's basement?

Casper: (looks gloomy) My uncles kicked me out for not being scary enough. Now I have nowhere else to go.

Lynn: That's horrible!

Lori: If I ever meet them, I will pulverize them.

Lily: Poo-poo.

Me: They shouldn't even be allowed to raise kids.

Lucy: You can stay here.

Me: What a great idea, Lucy. Guys, what do you say.

Everyone voices their agreement.

Casper: Thanks, I appreciate it.

Lincoln: No problem Casper, and welcome to the family.

Clyde: [on the other end] "Lincoln! Lincoln! Do you read me?"

Lincoln: [picks up] "Clyde?"

Clyde: "I was just calling to say sorry for not being such a good ARGGH! cadet. And is your sister ready to date younger men?"

Lori: "Never gonna happen!"

Me: Yeah, I think she's way out of your league.

Lori: Aw, thank you, David.

Clyde: "Was that your sister?!" [robot act] "RED ALERT. RED ALERT. OVERLOAD. OVERLOAD."

[Lincoln has one of those "The things I have to put up with" looks on his face.]

Leni: [with her eyes closed] "Guys! I still can't see!"

Lisa: "Open your eyes."

Leni: [opens her eyes] "IT'S A MIRACLE!"

Lori: "The first one to the TV is couch commando."

Lincoln: "We can still get there first! Come on David!"

[Lincoln hurries to the couch so he can be the first one and races and passes all of his sisters; he manages to get there first and grabs the remote and turns on the TV only to find out that his show is now over after all he's been through with his sisters.]

Hunter: "WOW! That was by far the best episode of ARGGH! ever! I'd hate to be you if you missed it!"

Lincoln: [Shocked] "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [lamenting] I can't believe I missed my show..."

Me: Dang it, I wanted to see it.

[Lincoln starts to break into tears and his sisters all see how miserable he is and feel pretty bad for him.]

Lori: [hands him some popcorn] "Sorry you missed your show, Lincoln."

Luan: But you just lived it. Check it out. (plugs her camera into the TV and shows us what Lincoln filmed. We all watch and enjoy our little adventure on film and me and Lincoln are happy to have actually lived the show instead of just watching it.)

Me: I guess we did live it, didn't we?

Lisa: Yes indeed.

Lincoln: (to the Viewers) You know, I may have missed my show. But sometimes, it's not about being there first. Sometimes it's about being there together. All of us.

Me: You said it.

Lucy and Casper: You forgot about us.

Everyone: [Gets startled by their appearance] "AAAHH!" [organ pipe plays]

THE END

My powers in this story are many. The origin is coming soon.

Loud House belongs to Nickelodeon Studios

Casper belongs to Classic Media