Ah! Look what appeared on the metaphorical doorstep of my mind: an idea!
First things first: it has been an inhumanely long time since I updated this fic, and for that I apologise. My goal was updates every week, and I believe it has been around a month since I last updated.
Next: this chapter is relatively lengthy to make up for my sin.
After Next: LOL was first used in 1989. I did research into that!
After After Next: Yes, I read My Immortal. I had nightmares about my English teacher chopping off my head for reading 'tainted literature' (yes she is mental). Nightmares. But I found it so ridiculous that I am using the main character in this chapter. Just imagine Ebony as a snake.
After After After Next: Luna. Is. Awesome. I want her in her first year right now! Please? *adorable puppy eyes* If you do have a problem with that though, please give me a proper reason because I want this story to be appreciated. I'm also placing her in Snek House because of reasons that shall be expounded upon later in the story. Don't worry.
Finally: there will be some basic Spanish stuff thrown around (maybe not in this chapter specifically), just like stupid little phrases and stuff because Harry is Hadrian and Hadrian is a box of knowledge, because a neglected child definitely has nothing better to do than sit in a library all day. Said child certainly doesn't have time to run around outside because he has no need for physical exercise, because because of his inborn Quidditch skills he can just get on the team with zero effort.
I took a lot of malicious glee in writing the first few lines. Also, excuse the occasional appearance of modern American slang—I just use it so much that, well...
Have fun! I'm not doing a last time; sorry :/, but basically, the last chapter was just The Force not including Peter in its malicious plans and Charlus getting school supplies from Symmetric Alley.
Hadrian exited the fireplace with flawless grace, because of magic. Of course Hadrian was able to exit the Floo perfectly! Why wouldn't he be able to? It's not like Harry's clumsiness created character depth or anything. Tch.
As he brushed himself free of nonexistent soot (Soot, the chimney sweep, hated him) he took a casual glance at his surroundings.
The thing about Asymmetric Alley was that it was perfectly abstract in every single way. The sheer magic Hadrian could feel in the air was overwhelming, and he immediately noted the fact that there was no specific fireplace per se; he had literally been spat out of a metal chute with a roughly-shaped square beneath in the middle of the street. In a moment, the same chute had disappeared, and he noted that it reappeared around ten feet from where it originally was; square and all.
Curiouser and curiouser.
Hadrian spun on his heel and began to hunt for supplies.
Ten minutes later found Hadrian groaning in annoyance.
What in blazes is up with this alley?! Twists and turns and—holy cow, I'm lost again!
The road before him lifted like a carpet would, before slamming back down to the ground with an unnatural force. Hadrian bounced along the shops, arms crossed and a deep frown upon his face.
Hmph.
This is honestly ridiculous! What inane person creates such an... bloody hell, I can't even call it an alley! All of a sudden, it began to rain.
It began to rain.
It began to rain!
Oh wait, I didn't clarify that enough—
Ahem: All of a sudden, the heavens opened up, spewing lemon drops upon the streets of Asymmetric Alley.
Hadrian suddenly knew who was behind this bloody alley: Albus Dumbledore!
"That's it, I'm out of here."
Asymmetric Alley did not like that. In fact, Asymmetric Alley hated that statement so much that Hadrian found himself being accosted by lemon-drop golems.
Why.
The golems (were they golems though? Hadrian wasn't sure and honestly couldn't be bothered) dragged him to some sort of upside-down well filled with a swirling vortex of colours.
All sorts of shades (including the scientifically-non-visible magenta) mixed together to create a really weird shade of brown (Hadrian thought it looked like poo), and Hadrian soon found it approaching him very, very fast.
Oh, hell.
He landed with a plonk!, and Hadrian nearly puked because the thing actually smelled like poo.
Blegh.
Hadrian shuddered as the gooey substance swallowed him, and eventually he couldn't hold in his meal anymore and puked.
Somehow.
Less than a few minutes later, Hadrian noticed he was on firm ground again and his robes were completely clean. Shuddering as he remembered the feeling of the cold substance engulf him, he made sure he had none of it in his mouth, ears, or nose, before wondering where exactly he had ended up now.
Apparently, he was in Diagon Alley, and he nodded thoughtfully before heading off, unconsciously noting the metal chute that had discarded him there.
He consulted his shopping list with wandless magic (because he was eleven, for heavens' sake! Obviously he was powerful enough to perform wandless magic!), browsing through it before jamming roughly back into his pocket.
"Lovely," he muttered. "Let's start with the wand, huh?"
What a weird man, Hadrian thought to himself. He belongs on Asymmetric Alley.
Ah, LOL.
With a heavy sigh, Hadrian trudged to Flourish and Blotts to collect his books.
Hadrian screamed bloody murder as he shot up the now-infinitesimal metal chute. He had literally felt his bones and muscles compress and shrink so that he could fit up the darned thing, and now he was whizzing through it faster than the speed of light!
He was finally deposited into the arms of the lemon-drop golems.
Hadrian crossed his arms over his chest and glared.
As the trio of golems (yes, he was just going to call them that) carried him, he tried his hardest to figure out where they were heading, but because they were in Asymmetric Alley it was nearly impossible to do so.
Letting out a short scream of frustration as he spotted someone that could be Ollivander's twin collapse into laughter at the sight of a short eleven-year-old being tossed from golem to golem, Hadrian decided he would not be putting up with this shit any longer.
Twisting in midair as Golem One tossed him to Golem Three, Hadrian managed to roll to the ground and roll to his feet. His feet pounded on the ground as he shot down the lane, through multiple alleys, and through several shops.
He finally found himself at a crossroads, with one road leading to 'Horizont Alley', another leading to 'Whimsic Alley', and the last leading to 'Inform Alley'.
He headed to the left.
Inform Alley was rather different from most of the Wizarding World.
Everyone there was wearing casual muggle slacks and a t-shirt. There were a few shops, such as 'Wallaby Travels: Plan a Trip to Australia!' and 'Woolworths'.
Hadrian decided to check out the latter.
Food.
And so much.
Hadrian's mouth watered.
Three hours and five glamour charms later, Hadrian had a large cart filled to the brim with fruits, vegetables, chocolates, and other foods.
Wait: what should he do with it?
Um. I mean, I could probably... eat it?
But before he could even start, three large golems appeared in front of him and snatched his cart before trundling away.
Hadrian cried.
He had snuck back into Potter Manor and was now sorting through his School Stuff.
In one pile he had his books, in another his robes, and in the last pile he had little trinkets such as his wand, a Remembrall, and a Sneakoscope.
With a heaving sigh, Hadrian packed everything into his trunk.
Hogwarts was tomorrow, and he still hadn't figured out a way to get there.
He suddenly had a bright and sudden idea—he could Floo there!
Hadrian adored the Express.
The scarlet was slightly offensive, but the fact that he had a compartment all to himself was bliss!
Ebony, the snake he had bought from Diagon Alley the other day, curled around his shoulder and took a nap while Hadrian read his first year books.
Ebony was a special breed of snake, called 'Demen'. The founder of the species had contracted Dementia and had named her snake 'Demen'. Demens were extremely venomous, and could easily kill a grown man with a single bite. Ebony's scaled were just like Dark'ness, which was where she had gotten her full name—Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Her nicknames were: Enoby, Ebory, and Ibony, amongst many others.
Ebony was also a a rather loud and cheerful snake when in a good mood. She seemed rather Gryffindorish, much like his brother.
Maybe he should gift her to Charlus.
"Lovegood, Luna!"
The silvery-eyed white-blonde stepped up onto the stool. Hadrian recognised the signs of a Knower, especially with the way she carried herself. Her magic was also a slightly pale magenta, which was another mark of a Knower.
Two minutes later, the Hat opened its mouth.
"Very ambitious, Miss Lovegood," it said. "Yes, I do concur. Slytherin!"
She stood up, placed the Hat gently on the stool, and bowed slightly to the Hat. The Hat's pointy top lowered back, and the strange girl walked to the green table
A few students later, and it was his brother's turn.
"Potter, Charlus!" McGonagall cried.
The Hall erupted into whispers and murmurs, with everyone jostling each other to get a better look at the Boy-Who-Lived(-to-be-a-ponce).
Before the brim could reach Charlus' red hair, it screamed, "Gryffindor!"
Charlus smirked.
He strutted to the red table, and Hadrian rolled his eyes.
McGonagall paused, as though confused about something. It seemed as though there was a name she didn't recognise.
"Potter, Hadrian?" she asked.
Hadrian stepped forward, and every single person in the Great Hall tilted their heads curiously. No one was quite sure who exactly this Potter was.
But he was handsome.
Hadrian was relatively tall for an eleven-year-old, and had a sharp, angular face from the Black side of his family. His skin was pale, and his inky black locks tumbled down, creating a wonderful contrast.
But his eyes.
Brighter than the Killing Curse and almond-shaped, they glowed with power and a few older years shuddered, knowing that the small eleven-year-old would easily climb the ranks of their House, then the school, and then perhaps the Ministry.
Hadrian sat on the stool with all the required grace and frowned as the Hat spoke to him.
"Hello, Hadrian Gabby Potter—"
"Please don't use my full name. It's embarrassing."
"Yes, yes, whatever you want."
"Slytherin!" the Hat screamed. Hadrian blinked in pleased shock—what had he said/done to get him the Snake House? Shrugging it off, Hadrian strolled casually yet imposingly to the green table and plopped himself beside the Knower.
"Hello, Gabby!" she exclaimed.
Petrus 'Peter' Pettigrew was sick and tired of pretending to be too busy to attend James, Remus, and Sirius' meetings.
Truth be told, he was extremely disappointed in all of them—the way they were neglecting Hadrian was... out of character.
Peter swirled the amber liquid in his cup around. The ice cubes had long-since melted, leaving his drink slightly bland and diluted. Taking a large gulp and draining the contents of the crystal glass, he stood up and began to plan a meeting with one Severus Snape.
Enoby was hungry, and so Hadrian decided to feed her her favourite rats—big, fat, juicy, and black.
Eboby was quite a beautiful snake. She had purple streaks and a red tail and icy blue eyes like limpid tears.
Hadrian, however, didn't get along very well with her. She had very random mood swings and was often screaming insults at every person who—well, she screamed at every single person. Not that they could understand her, mind you. However, Ebondy was very girly.
Hadrian flung her out the window during Astronomy.
Egogy fell, and fell, and fell, and kept on falling until she hit the ground.
Her crimson eyes (because of the eye contacts she wore) opened (though they were already open) and shut again.
Limpid tears, like her eyes, began to fall down her scaly face.
She was dead.
Yay! Done!
Hope you liked it! I also hope you laughed yourself shitless.
Next chapter will have Luna! Luna! And more Luna!
There will also be some Ron and Charlus bonding. And... HALLOWEEN!
3 bye!
(09/04/21)