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I Can See The Lighthouse Through The Smoke
Meredith Grey, and how she makes her way back to her family again.
Spoilers through GA-S17-E13. With a twist, of course :).
The first time Meredith wakes up, it's not Addison who's with her, it's Richard.
"Good morning, sleepyhead," he smiles.
"Morning," Meredith strains a bit.
"Well, since you've been asleep everything's changed, but not much has changed. Jo wants to go into OB-GYN," says Richard.
"She'd be great at it," says Meredith.
"That's what I thought you'd say," Richard smiles.
She stays awake for a little while, enough for Richard to page Addison to come down up to see her.
"Meredith, oh Meredith you're awake," says Addison, as she bursts into the room.
"Hey, you came," Meredith smiles, and starts crying happy tears.
"I'm here, of course, I'm here," says Addison.
"Stay with me," says Meredith, as Addison pulls herself up a seat.
The next person to arrive is Cristina, who is seemingly unfazed by Dr. Montgomery's presence.
"I'm going in there," Cristina says, determined to talk to her best friend.
"Hi, Cristina," Meredith smiles when she sees her.
"Hey," says Cristina. "Teddy called. You look like crap by the way," Cristina teases.
"I missed you," Meredith smiles back. She missed her, too.
Unfortunately, Meredith takes a turn for the worst after that.
She falls back asleep, and she doesn't seem to be waking up.
Her vitals are down, and they stay that way for a few days.
Cristina stays with Teddy, and Addison stays at Meredith's house with her family.
They all take turns going to visit her.
In her mind, Meredith is back at the beach again.
She sees Derek, and she sees Addison.
She and Derek mostly talk about their kids.
Meredith tells him about Ellis hating that they never had a proper wedding.
Derek laughs and he says it's a miracle that Ellis doesn't have an aversion to post-it notes.
He asks her if she wants to have a proper wedding.
With white dresses and flowers.
Meredith says she hated weddings at the time, and she still does (except when they're for other people).
And that now her time with him seems to have passed.
They're parents together, but Meredith asks him if it's okay to move on.
"I just don't want you to be lonely," says Derek.
"Okay," Meredith smiles.
"It's okay to find someone else," says Derek.
"Okay," says Meredith.
"It's okay if I already know her," Derek laughs.
Vaguely, Meredith can hear Addison's voice from the beach, and she wishes that Addison were here to play on the swings with her and Mark and Lexie together.
She also wishes that George would come back.
And that maybe she'd get to see Cristina, but it's all a lot to hope for.
Meredith looks around at the beach and explains that there's no pain where they are.
"I even miss the pain," says Derek.
Meredith knows that he's onto something when he says that.
As much as she enjoys living without any responsibilities, she'd give all that up to see her kids again. To work again. To start over again.
This reminiscing is nice, but they can't change the past.
They can only change the future.
Or, Meredith can. If she goes back to life again.
The house is a ruckus, as usual.
Winston had to go back and forth again, and that disrupted the childcare schedule and also gave Maggie quite the scare.
When he came back he diagnosed that Meredith needed a minor procedure.
He volunteered to help, along with Teddy.
They consult Cristina of course, who agrees, though she decides that she's too close to Meredith to help operate on her.
Addison watches from the gallery, along with Richard, and Bailey, and Cristina, and Amelia.
Maggie is home with Zola, so they have to update her.
On the surface the procedure goes well.
It's a medical success, though she's not immediately improving.
It's frustrating as hell, to say the least.
As much as they're all Meredith's kids, Bailey and Ellis are still a bit young to understand what's going on with their mother.
Zola though, is very in tune with it all.
She's mad, she's angry. She feels the protests and the movements around her.
And she feels as though she has to be strong for the others, such as when she doesn't want to wake up the baby.
Maggie helps her scream to let all their feelings out.
It's an outrageous plan, but it just might do the trick.
Winston is scared that Webber will fire him for it, but he's actually all for it.
"So we want to try bringing Zola in for Meredith," Maggie hears over the phone.
So does Zola, who wants to go.
So that's decided.
They equip her with all the gear, like the face shield, and the mask, and the suit.
Maggie says that she can change her mind if she needs to, but Zola runs into the room.
She hugs her mom and tells her how the other two come into her room at night sometimes.
How she lets them.
She conveys her spirit at being another parent while her mother's away.
"That's nice of you, Zo," Meredith smiles as she comes to again.
Zola bursts into tears and hugs her, as she wants to.
This time, Meredith stays awake for much longer.
They talk for a while, until one by one Meredith asks to see Bailey, and Richard, and Amelia, and Cristina, and Maggie once she's able to.
And finally, she asks to stay with Addison for a little while.
"I saw you, on the beach," Meredith smiles. "When I wasn't living, but wasn't quite dying, I went to the beach. And Derek was there. And Mark was there. And Lexie was there. And George was there. And Andrew DeLuca was there. And even Dr. Hayes was there, and you came there even though neither of you is dead or dying…" Meredith breathes.
"Okay?" Addison smiles.
"And everyone encouraged me to keep living. And I wanted to keep living. And I wanted to come back for you," Meredith smiles.
"I'm so glad to see you," Addison smiles too, and she caresses Meredith's face with her hands. "I've missed you."
***** END OF CHAPTER 3