gaara watches his sand fall apart, soused in water and something that looks like oil, before he feels the snap around his neck far too late. at least, it feels that way.
in reality, it's been hardly a few seconds since they took down his shield and one got behind him. the telltale click around his neck startles him, unsure how one of them got to him so quick. their speed was unparalleled, and once that liquid hit his sand the minerals shifted and sank to the desert floor- and he was left wide open.
a stupid mistake. a rookie mistake. so incredibly elementary.
but of course, it had always been a weak spot. deidara had exploited it in a sense, once upon a time. gaara had died for it, then.
gaara's battle strategy was simple. usually. stay a safe distance away and attack. if they ever got close enough his shield would protect him until he could get away once more.
the sand doesn't respond, even as they close in and he frantically tries to access his supposedly large chakra reserves to no avail. gaara frantically tugs at the ring around his neck with his other hand and tries again, mind hazy with confusion for a moment.
he doesn't have his sand. his shield is-
"he's pretty cute." one leers, and gaara ignores it, mind still racing for an out. It was a simple comment meant to throw him off, and gaara would be a fool to fall for it. enemies have said much worse to him in the midst of battle, in order to distract and distress him. it was a rudimentary tactic, but he found people still used it anyway, any way to get ahead of their enemy.
so gaara refuses to think on or dwell on the strange remark about his looks.
his next thought is calm, if a bit dark.
would they kill him? what an anticlimactic way to die, cut off from his chakra and sand, left in the desert. how boring.
the leader (he guesses) shoves him to the sand, and gaara stumbles, crashing to his knees, still stunned by his sand's lack of response.
the man pins him to the sand and gaara struggles, able to retrieve a kunai from inside his coat and slash at the man's arm, leaving a gash. he roars in fury and punches gaara in the eye, quick and painful. he can feel something in his head crack, and he chokes on his tongue.
the left side of his face explodes, and he feels suddenly dizzy and very sick, pain blinding him.
"little fuck." the man spits, throwing the kunai aside.
gaara wasn't used to pain. at all. even after all these years his tolerance for pain was absolutely pitiful. he was injured so rarely, and it knocked the breath out of him every time. he'd seen naruto and other ninja after their battles, sporting cuts and bruises, broken bones. gaara never experienced that.
so the pain stuns him, and that's when the battle is really lost, so to speak. the man gets on top of him again, angry face filling gaara's blurry, dazed vision.
he says something that gaara can't hear. his ears are ringing.
then the man grins lecherously and reaches for gaara's coat as the others cheer.
the sun stops rising immediately. usually as soon as dawn approached the desert would begin to light up and grow warm, but now the mornings were foggy and grey. it matched the general mood of life in the mansion all too well.
the next day is a lot like the last. they talk a little -mostly naruto rather than gaara, who still says the bare minimum, if anything at all - and then they spend the rest of the time huddled together in gaara's bed, the fox plush nestled between them. naruto was thankful that gaara was okay with him being so close. he didn't know what he'd do if he had to sleep in a different room or stay away from him.
the blond frowns, observing his friend's tired and bruised face. gaara still looks so unsure, all the time. he's so quiet. and he still couldn't look naruto in the eye.
naruto has no experience with this sort of hurt, so he didn't know when to expect gaara to be okay, or if he ever would be. did anyone recover from this? was it even possible ? naruto feels so ignorant-so stupid, in this situation.
he's been here for four days, and he still doesn't know what to say to make gaara feel better. wasn't that naruto's strong suit? his words? so why doesn't he know what to say?
he feels useless. he can't bring gaara any more comfort than his presence and support will provide, but gaara needed more than that.
he feels so alone , naruto can see that. that miserable and haunting loneliness was back in his eyes, and he didn't know how to make it go away, or if he would even be enough to do so.
he holds gaara's hand a lot. the redhead was jumpy, and understandably so, but naruto quickly learned that holding gaara's hand calmed him, just a bit.
it was contact, but not too much contact at once, which was perfect.
though...maybe he just trusted naruto to keep him safe, like he said he would years ago, and over and over again when he arrived in suna a few days ago.
no matter what it was, it was apparent that gaara trusted him.
he always has. and naruto was endlessly grateful for that. that gaara still let him close to him, though he wanted him to go home at first. over the course of the next few days he still asks naruto to leave, to not bother, but the redhead says it like he knows that naruto will refuse. which he does . steadfastly.
so at least they both know the blond isn't going anywhere.
eating, talking and bothering to wake up came to gaara with some difficulty.
naruto witnessed it every day. how gaara laid there, staring at the wall for about an hour as naruto softly and sleepily talked to him until the nurses came to retrieve him and they helped him from the bed for his morning examination and daily bandage changes. how when he returned he was just as quiet and inside his own head, scratching at bandages and looking haunted, distantly frightened and far away. sometimes he wasn't buried in his own mind, but usually his eyes were distant and fearful, glancing at everything like even the walls were out to get him.
the sound of pants unzipping scares gaara.
naruto learns this during his first few days in suna. he's still staying in gaara's room with him, and he didn't seem to have a problem with naruto being close so the blond never left. he's changing for bed, and pulling off his usual orange and black pants when he notices how rigid and terrified gaara looks, half-buried under blankets and barely breathing.
seagreen eyes are wide, glazed and vacant, his entire body starting to tremble. naruto panics and slips on his pajama pants, rushing over to his friend and trying to figure out what's happened.
he manages to gently bring gaara back to him, though the other boy doesn't stop trembling for a very long time. he flinches when naruto touches him, and he looks at him with confusion and hesitance at first, before it clicks for the blond.
and he knew what triggered gaara's panic.
naruto felt sick.
"are you...are you okay?" naruto asks. he gently and slowly runs a hand through gaara's messy bangs, "do you want water or something?"
gaara shook his head. he says something, but it's muffled between naruto's shoulder and the thick blanket that covers them both.
naruto smiles softly, "what was that?"
"...i'm okay." gaara repeats, voice dull and tired.
"you sure?"
gaara nods into his shoulder, quiet and tense.
naruto makes a note to be more careful next time. gaara leans on him a bit, hesitant but tired and seeking warmth, which naruto readily provides. he curls around him and hugs him close, careful not to jostle him too much or cause any pain.
this was the part that naruto liked the most.
the constant cuddling made him happy. naruto was tactile, needy for love and affection, and the fact that gaara didn't mind naruto holding him near constantly filled some long forgotten empty space in blond's heart.
contact. physical affection.
gaara could only handle such things from few people, even fewer currently, and naruto felt lucky to be included in that. they'd been close for years, so his heart was attached to the redhead in a very deep and special way. naruto never had parents, or siblings, or family. he'd never had that pure and constant love to settle himself in when everything became too hard. so being with gaara (minus the awful circumstances and naruto's general rage and sadness about the whole thing) was good for naruto's soul as well. naruto knew he was clingy, he was just so happy (to tears even) that gaara really didn't mind, and that naruto was trusted by him enough to share a bed with him especially after what he's just been through. that, in fact, it seemed to be helping gaara reacclimate to positive contact. or maybe he just trusted him more than anyone else.
it wasn't uncommon that they spent hours just tangled together, gaara - catastrophically love starved and now newly and severely traumatized yet again and struggling with feelings of loneliness now more than ever-and Naruto, who had far too much love to give and no one in his lonely life to give it to.
if he kept it in he'd burst.
it wasn't unusual for naruto to spend hours holding gaara, his nose buried in gaara's hair and gaara's breath ghosting over his collar, gaara clutching at naruto's t-shirt, as if desperately and silently begging him to stay despite his own mortification at being seen in such a weakened state. sometimes they talked the tiniest bit, sometimes they didn't. sometimes gaara's breath hitched and he trembled quietly but still largely (and pointedly) avoided talking about the desert, or his injuries.
in any other scenario, naruto would probably be incredibly bored, climbing the walls, even. but he found himself enjoying just spending the days with gaara, even if the situation and circumstances were shit and some days were harder than others. something was clicking into place, and naruto had the sneaking suspicion that he'd have a rough time going back to an empty apartment in konoha after this. just the thought made him sad.
he liked waking up with gaara's warm presence next to him, in his arms, and gaara needed to be reminded that touch didn't not equal pain. naruto touched him all the time, gently. softly. carefully. sometimes if he felt particularly brave he'd lean into naruto's touch, pained body aching for kindness and affection from someone he knew wouldn't hurt him.
gaara was starting to flinch less as he got used to naruto being so close to him. he accepted physical comfort when he could stomach it. and naruto was once again reminded for the millionth time how much gaara trusted him. the redhead was hesitant to let even his doctor touch him, but with naruto he seemed to have no problem.
he trusted the blond completely.
gaara still flinches whenever naruto moves too fast, or says something a bit too loud. the blond scolds himself internally when he does so, but sometimes he just got so excited when gaara was eating or talking that he often couldn't control his voice or body.
well, naruto always had problems with his self control, struggling not to shout every thought in his head. after the first day, naruto learns to regulate his tone and such, so as to not hurt or scare his already fragile friend.
he notices gaara flinches less once he learns to consistently be a bit quieter. he feels like an idiot for making the mistake in the first place. gaara had been attacked , of course loud noises were awful for him.
and speaking of quiet, the mansion was seemingly devoid of all life aside from gaara, naruto, gaara's family and the select amount of staff allowed in the building. temari peeks her head in every now and again, taking gaara's hand and talking to him softly - pain obvious in her eyes.
naruto got used to the quiet, and completely understood the reasoning behind it, but it was still such a stark contrast to how everything was before.
the biggest contrast was gaara himself obviously, who spoke even less as the day went on and still had trouble meeting naruto's eyes - covered in bites, bandages and bruises.
his wrist still hadn't improved, and naruto makes a note to ask gaara's doctor how bad of a break it is.
he almost doesn't want to know.
naruto knows that gaara's physical condition is terrible, currently. he could see it plainly. gaara was in terrible pain every time he so much as took a breath, or moved - and all because people were cruel. still, even after the war - after everything !
it enraged naruto to no end, and he itched to go after them, to do something, but then he remembered the most important person in this situation: gaara. he needed naruto. he needed naruto close, to protect him, to make him feel better. to looks out for him.
so every time he had that insurmountable urge, he remembered that his place was here right now, and that his main priority was his friend. he would look at gaara, who was either asleep, staring at the wall or looking at his cast, and that urge would dissipate a bit. he wanted to stay with gaara, he needed to. he needed to know that one day, the redhead would be okay again. it seems like a stupid thing to wish for in the moment, but naruto has to make sure that gaara ended up alright.
the very, very quiet kitchen workers bring them their meals in gaara's room every day, and naruto can't help but notice how gaara buries himself in blankets every time they come through the door, like he's hiding - even if it's just in the incredibly dense fabric of his bed covering. naruto kind of wants to cry when he sees it, every time.
he considers that sasuke may have been right when he said he's a bit of a crybaby a while ago. he'd smacked his friend's arm for that back then, but he guesses it's true.
then there's gaara, who doesn't cry again no matter what. after that first day something in gaara goes very…empty. he almost has no reaction to anything. other than the occasional flinch he goes carefully blank. naruto doesn't really know what to do about that.
sasuke sometimes shut down in much the same way, but naruto usually only needed to annoy his best friend enough to get him to crack, even if it was just to snap at naruto, or caused a fight. it still brought sasuke out of his own head.
naruto doesn't think that logic really applies here though. for one, gaara was a very literal person, and tended to take things like teasing personally by accident, so naruto never really spoke to gaara the same way he spoke to sasuke. naruto's teasing was usually to see how much he could make the redhead blush with overt flirting than anything else. it usually worked, too...
the point was that naruto didn't know how else to make gaara open up to him other than just be there, and stay close. hold his hand when he needs it, talk to him and make sure he eats when the kitchen staff delivers their food.
eating - another thing gaara struggles with. naruto isn't entirely sure the redhead didn't struggle with eating even before this, judging by how rail thin gaara's always been, but it's exceedingly difficult now.
their food is brought to them, and naruto greets the cook at the door, glancing back to see gaara pull the blankets over his head, clearly not wanting to be seen.
it's such a childish and vulnerable action, how gaara sinks into the bed and hides. naruto wonders how many times in gaara's life he'd done that exact same thing.
he takes the food with a strained, small smile and a word of thanks, placing them both on the small table by gaara's bed. it's usually soups and porridges with some light fish or squid- things that naruto realized would be easy for gaara's damaged body to process. and then he felt sad again. gaara couldn't even eat his favorite meals anymore. he couldn't even have that.
no one fucking deserves this. least of all him.
he pauses and gathers himself, trying to regulate his emotions. gaara keeps the blankets over his head, still silent and unmoving. naruto sighs a bit to himself and rubs a hand down his face, unsure what to do. he looks down at the trays.
their utensils are plastic, and naruto doesn't have to wonder why. he's sure the cooking staff doesn't want to risk him hurting himself while he's supposed to be eating. naruto supposed it made sense. gaara doesn't move from the blankets though, even when the door closes, still buried and quiet.
"gaara?"
he finally peeks out, but doesn't move for a moment. when he does he's silent as usual, and can't seem to look naruto in the eye. he hasn't spoken a word all day. it hits naruto that he misses the sound of gaara's voice.
green eyes land on the dull, plastic knife first, and naruto almost snatches it away despite it being only plastic. even so, he can't stop thinking about what gaara's siblings told him. about the knife he took from the kitchens, with the intent to-
naruto pushes it out of his head. he can't really handle thinking about it right now.
naruto eats and watches his friend out the corner of his eye. he tries not to be so obvious with his staring, but he has no idea whether he succeeds or not, since gaara is clearly absorbed in his own thoughts.
gaara barely eats anything, just pushes it around before he eventually pushes the entire tray away. he wraps himself in his blanket again instead, shivering. naruto scoots a bit closer to him on the bed, concerned.
"not hungry? it's...it's really good, yanno?"
gaara shakes his head.
naruto frowns and fidgets nervously, eyes quickly scanning gaara's far too fragile frame, buried under cloth. gaara was so thin already. he needed to eat. his collar bones were even more obvious over the seam of his shirt.
naruto tries not to stare at the large, glaring bite marks that litter his skin, and he tries not to get angry, but it's so fucking hard when gaara can't even eat and he's covered in bruises and wounds . naruto clenches his jaw so hard it almost cracks, and does his best to regulate his expression into something pleasant.
but...fuck, it's so hard to not get angry. naruto can't help comparing how gaara was before to how he is now . gaara's so quiet , and so listless. the fear and pain was obvious on the young kazekage's face, despite how he tried to hide it every second he was with naruto, or the doctors.
"temari and kankuro told me you haven't been eating..."
gaara just shakes his head and pulls the blanket tighter around himself, silent.
"are you okay? gaara?"
then naruto cringes. why did he even ask that?
nothing about this was even remotely okay . gaara had been…
there was no 'okay' after something like that . and if there was, it was after a lot of time.
naruto realised this early on. which is why he knew he needed to stay by gaara's side. even if he still wasn't sure what to do just yet, or what else his friend needed.
but he knew one thing for sure - gaara needed to eat. he was already a shadow of himself, naruto couldn't just let him wither away. gaara was small before , and now he was almost non-existent, a thin, pale shell covered in bruises, bandages and scars. he couldn't stop thinking about it.
he needed food. there was almost nothing of him left. naruto tries not to panic.
"i...i just mean...you really should eat, yanno?" naruto tries again, softly, "do you want something else? i can ask them to make something else! or- or some…some of the soup from yesterday? would that be better?"
gaara's eyes go duller and he shakes his head.
"gaara…"
"... can't…" he rasps quietly, "it's not...i don't mean to. I…"
naruto's mouth snaps shut once gaara speaks, just happy the other boy is talking once more.
gaara hesitates and his face reddens as he frowns, looking at the wall.
"...damaged throat." gaara rasps, "...and...other things. eating...is harder than it was before."
oh?oh.
when it finally dawns on naruto he's incredibly frustrated with himself. if gaara's throat was so damaged, then of course eating would be painful.
yeah. naruto could hear it every time gaara spoke. it sounded like it hurt. his heart squeezes painfully.
"right. we can...get ya some soup broth or something! nothing in it, so ya can just sip it, yanno?" naruto says, thinking quickly and making a clone to take the food back and ask for something easier for gaara to eat.
"you don't have to." gaara rasps quietly.
"gaara, it's fine, yanno? i just...i need you to eat something, okay?"
the redhead still doesn't look at him, instead stares at his hands and nods.
gaara's voice had always had a little rasp to it, but the damage inflicted from the attack made it even more obvious. talking too much probably caused gaara pain - hence, another reason for his usual silence. naruto wonders what happened specifically to his throat for a moment, before his stomach drops to his feet and he figures he shouldn't ask. he wouldn't like the answer, he's sure of it.
it somehow made it worse that even if gaara wanted to speak, the pain would stop him from doing so. once again, naruto feels that anger threaten to bubble up before he pushes it down and puts his own half-eaten bowl on the nightstand and moves towards the redhead.
naruto pulls him close, though not too fast - the last thing he wants to do is scare him - and he wraps his arms around gaara and rests his cheek against gaara's uninjured one, closing his eyes. gaara was alive . and if he was alive he could be okay, someday.
right?
right now it seemed so stupid to hope for something that seemed so far off, but in that moment...
gaara leans into him, and naruto smiles into his friend's unruly red hair.
gaara actually finishes a small cup of miso. it's such a small thing, but naruto could cheer.