xxxXXXxxx
One and a half months until Brainiac's invasion
xxxXXXxxx
Kara felt fake.
She'd felt that way ever since she'd become Supergirl. Every minute of every day, all of those fake smiles and girlish laughs...they weren't her. Kara Zor-El was a hollow, broken girl who lost everyone she loved and was tortured into being the perfect soldier soon after. When she arrived on Earth, she'd wanted to die.
She was kidding herself if she thought that'd ever really changed. She just kept getting distracted. Each of her friends, Kal-El, they were all distractions. Supergirl was the only thing that really kept Kara going.
Kara Zor-El wanted to die, but Supergirl gave even someone like her a little bit of hope. Hope that people could change for the better. Supergirl always forgave…she even forgave Kara for abandoning her planet and her family. She forgave Kara when she almost killed Kal-El under Darkseid's control soon after. She forgave Kara whenever she made a catastrophic mistake, and so, Supergirl forgave Kara for letting Manchester Black cripple Barbara Gordon.
But just as people could change for the better, they could change for the worse too. Supergirl was in the middle of that change. Kara felt it happen in that one instant of helplessness. Supergirl wanted revenge, and Kara—broken, embittered Kara—was more than happy to oblige.
"So, let me see if I got this right: I have four essays, three workshops, and two labs due, like, yesterday," Barbara sighed, closing her laptop in resignation.
"Mm," Kara nodded from the chair beside her hospital bed.
"Would you judge me if I put it all off as long as possible?" she asked. Kara shook her head. "Great, because I am not in the mood to deal with college work right now…" she rested her head back into the pillow and just lay there. She reached for the remote controlling the bed, which Kara handed to her as it was too far away to reach.
It'd been two whole weeks since that night, and The Elite had all but disappeared. Dick even thought they might have moved onto another location, though his Team remained stationed in National City as it was the closest place they had to a hotspot anymore.
Kara spent most of her time with Barbara. She asked for leave from her job at CATCO, which was granted, and only went out as Supergirl when she absolutely had to. Whenever she was away from her girlfriend, she kept imagining things turning for the worse and her not being there.
Without fail, Barbara chided her for thinking such things when she got back to the room.
Why was she smiling? How could she possibly act so happy given what happened? Why wasn't Barbara yelling at her and telling her to go away? It was Kara's fault that she was like this. She held back too much during the fight, and let it go too far to where she lost control of the situation. Kara should've been stronger, smarter, more resourceful, whatever. But Supergirl had wanted to give them an opportunity to surrender. Supergirl had wanted to forgive.
Barbara reached for her, and Kara willingly offered her hand to take. The redhead traced the creases in Kara's palm, eyes closed and deep in thought.
It was just like on Krypton. She could've helped more. She could've saved more people from Brainiac's invasion, but instead all she did was curl up in a ball and cry at seeing so many people dying around her. Maybe...maybe her parents should've come to Earth instead of her. At least they would've had the smarts to prevent this from happening. Kara was just a stand-in. First for her parents as an emissary from Krypton, and now on Earth, to Superman.
"You haven't been out in the city as much recently," Barbara noted. "Sightings of the Supergirl are at an all-time low."
Kara shrugged. "It's hard to focus when I know you're still here."
"I'll be out soon," Barbara said. "Miracles of modern medicine: I'll be free to go in a wheelchair come next week."
My parents would've been able to fix you outright, Kara couldn't help but think, but refused to voice it. She knew it would've made Barbara upset. "Maybe you can have Bats' designer make you a super wheelchair or something," was what she said instead.
"Not a bad idea, if I'm going to keep helping you with crime fighting," Barbara agreed. "If Lucius can make a wrist computer, he can make a chair computer. I'm sure of it. That means we can still be our own little dynamic duo."
"Mm," Kara gave her best smile, but it felt fake even to her. "Has...Dick talked to you recently?"
"A couple of times with updates," the redhead answered. "Why? Haven't you been to the cave? He's pretty much been there the whole time."
"It...wouldn't feel right, without you there…" Kara avoided Barbara's gaze as she said it. God, she felt pathetic…Barbara grasped her hand a bit tighter.
"Listen...I know you think that this is your fault, but...it's not…" she said softly. Kara didn't deserve this kindness. She knew it was her fault, and there was no way around that. She felt her eyes misting over. "I just saw you in that much danger and I...I started seeing red, and...I didn't think things through...this," she placed a hand gingerly on her hip. "This is my fault."
"Babs…" was all Kara could say as tears started falling. Soon, she just couldn't hold it in anymore, letting her head fall to their interlocked hands and just crying there. Barbara's other hand pet her hair lovingly, but Kara didn't deserve that either. She didn't deserve any of this. She didn't deserve Barbara, and she never would.
This was the fourth time Kara cried so hard just that day.
xxxXXXxxx
Barbara had insisted that Kara go to the cave and try and figure out what to do about The Elite, saying that there was only so much Barbara could say in a public hospital without incriminating herself. It took Kara three more days to work up the courage...motivation...soundness of mind...whatever, to do it.
She entered the cave using the voice commands, and noticed that only Dick, Cassie, and Superboy were present. "Kara!" Cassie flew up to her at the entrance and took both of her hands. "We've been so worried! We haven't seen you in weeks!"
"Sorry, I've been...with Babs…"
"Well, Nightwing says she's doing alright," Cassie said, smiling. "That's a good thing, isn't it?"
"Yeah...a good thing…" Kara sighed, and then put on her best smile. "Come on, I kind of want to know what's going on in my city."
Those present offered their condolences for what happened, and Kara gave the appropriate responses of proferring blame on the villains who perpetrated the assault, rather than point blame to the actual one at fault; herself.
Dick moved to the Bat-cumputer. "We've got several leads that we're following up on as we speak, but they've so far eluded us directly."
"M'gann is looking at what we think is one of their arms storage locations," Connor added. "Kaldur is checking the bay to see if they're shipping it via submarine. Wally is making the rounds in the city in your place, because...you know," Kara nodded. "Artemis is investigating a possible connection between The Elite and a local gang called the Rolling Eights. We should hear back from one of them soon, and then we'll hopefully have more information for you."
Kara nodded again and pulled out her phone. "I'll give you my number," she said flatly. With few words, Dick was now a contact. "I have to go get some stuff for Babs from the apartment, but let me know if anything comes up, okay?"
"Sure, um…" Dick craned his neck. "I don't know how exactly to say this, but...if you ever need someone to talk to, we'll be here. All of us."
"...Thanks," Kara said, turning away and floating back up to the entrance.
"Do you want me to come with you, Kara?" Cassie wondered.
"No," she said immediately, and maybe too harshly. Kara didn't turn around to see her reaction.
All she heard was Connor saying, "Give her time."
Right, give her time. Giving her time would only make these feelings worse. Kara would know. She'd been in this funk before, and what got her out of it last time wasn't working. It would only keep going downhill until they found The Elite, and Kara could rid herself of these new demons of hers.
Flying normally made her feel better. Call her egotistic, but it usually felt like Kara was above all of the world's problems when she flew, both literally and figuratively. She didn't have to worry about any drama at work or with friends or with Kal-El. She could just fly away if she wanted to. There was always that freedom.
It didn't bring her any joy anymore. Now, Kara was tethered to that hospital. She couldn't fly too far away from it or else abandon Barbara, which she couldn't do even if she tried.
She made it to their apartment and landed on the balcony as she normally did. Kara stretched as she landed, and then walked up to the sliding door.
It was locked.
Of course it was locked. They locked every door when both of them weren't at the apartment, and the sliding door definitely counted as a door. Kara didn't know why this, of all things, made her break down. Maybe it was because this was the first time Kara had returned to the apartment since that night. Maybe it was as simple as her thinking too much about what happened again, like back with Barbara earlier. Whatever the case, Kara took a few steps back and sat against the balcony's outer wall. She brought her knees up to her chest, and then buried her face in them, struggling to find the will to even cry anymore.
Each shaky breath was agony. Each tear that fell was a line of acid down her face. Each clenching of her fists only made her imagine what it would feel like to finally drive it into that telepath's chest.
She needed get rid of these demons...she had to...for Barbara's sake…
xxxXXXxxx
A month until Brainiac's invasion
xxxXXXxxx
"I got it, Dick," Kara said over the phone, wedging it between her shoulder and her ear as she reached into the bag of food. "It's all here on the Bat-computer."
"Right, I know. Once the analysis is done, we'll be able to pinpoint The Elite's location. This is great, Kara; great job getting the sample and access to the cameras."
"I try," Kara returned, putting on a smile over the phone and pulling out her burger. "Babs should be here like half an hour after it's done. When should I expect your super friends?"
"We'll be ready to strike a little before. I'll call when my wrist computer says it's done. You can tell me where it is, and we can all converge on their location and take them on together."
"Good plan. Better than last time, anyway," Kara said with a smirk. "Now, is that it? I've got fries with my name on them just sitting here."
Dick chuckled. "Sure, Kara. Enjoy. Talk to you soon."
Kara set the phone down after ending the call, and her smile disappeared. She ate quickly and quietly, never sparing the Bat-computer a glance. She was busy anyway, mentally preparing herself for the fight ahead.
This was it.
It'd been a month since that night, and Kara had been able to focus less and less on anything except finding The Elite. Dick and his Team were all-too happy to have her on board with their investigation, and with a few Stepford smiles and fake laughs, she was able to get them off her back about her recent attitude. Now, in less than an hour, Supergirl would have her revenge, and then things could go back to the way they were before.
Another call came on her phone: Kal-El. Kara answered it out of courtesy, and put on her best peppy-girl act. "Hey, Clark! Long time no hear!"
"Hey, Kara. I'm...sorry. Metropolis has seen an uptick in crime and I only just heard about what happened a few days ago from Batman. Is...is she alright?"
Kara's facade faltered for the briefest of moments. Could Kal-El hear her heartbeat from where he was? Her senses weren't quite as acute as his, but…
"Who, Babs? She's fine, handling the whole thing as well as she can, I guess," Kara said. "She's getting a new wheelchair soon to help me with information brokering and hacking and stuff like that, so she's still in the life."
"And...how are you?" he asked, always able to see through her acts. "Kara, I know you don't handle these things very well."
Kara's anger flared at the insinuation. "What's that supposed to mean, Kal? I'm fine."
"Your tone says otherwise," he said calmly. "Kara, I know you better than most. I also happen to know the Team is already on The Elite case. I think you should step away."
"And I think you should mind your own business. I left Metropolis so you couldn't police how I act as a superhero, remember?"
"I thought we moved past that excuse, Kara. You left because you thought you were getting too attached to your friends there—Lana, Lois, Jimmy—and you were afraid exactly this might eventually happen to one of them."
"..." Kara had nothing to argue with on that.
"I'm only trying to look out for you."
"Well, stop!"
"Kara…" Kal-El sighed on the other end. "We've been through so much together. I just want to help, you know that I do, so please believe me when I say that I don't mean anything hurtful by saying this, but you're...too emotional, at least in cases where your loved ones are in danger. You don't see the bigger picture. You-"
"I'm going to stop you right there, cousin," Kara interrupted bitterly. "I don't need your advice, I don't need your counseling, and I don't need a lecture. Do you have anything useful to tell me, or is that it?"
"..."
"...Well?"
Another sigh. "...Please, don't do anything rash. I love you, Kara. Nothing will change that," he said, and with that he hung up on her.
She growled at the sentiment, and had to force herself not to throw the phone through the ceiling. In the end, she let out a huff, set it down, and continued eating, though her appetite was all-but gone by now. Once she'd scarfed down the rest of her food, she took to pacing the area. She didn't even notice that she was using her superspeed and digging a circular rut in the stone until her foot caught and she stumbled to a stop. She glared over to the Bat-computer. Five more minutes, and another call.
Kara answered it without looking at who it was. "What?" she asked in a too-bitter voice.
"Well, you sound like you're in a good mood," Barbara said sarcastically. Kara's mood lightened a bit at hearing the cadence of her voice.
"Hey, Babs. Sorry, just..anxious, is all," she said.
"I can imagine," Barbara said. "Did you pick up the food yet?"
"Uh…" Kara looked at the fast-food bag. "Nope, not yet."
"Good. Don't want you eating my fries again…"
"Y-yeah, wouldn't want that," she agreed half-heartedly. For some reason, it felt much harder to try and lie to Barbara. Maybe...maybe she should tell her what she was going to do…
No, no that wouldn't help. Barbara would say 'no' and then they would argue and ruin everything and...and anyway, Kara could just do it and be done with it by herself. Barbara didn't even need to know what happened.
"Are you going to be here on-time?" Kara asked cautiously.
"Yep. Just got off the phone with my supervisor, and I'm taxiing over there now. Half an hour away."
"Alright...Dick and the rest of us are probably going to have started by then," Kara said. "So, you can just call me on comms when you get here, okay?"
"Of course, I wouldn't want to miss out on the action."
Except...you are missing out on it. From now until the end of time…Kara blinked away a few tears at the thought of never fighting alongside her girlfriend again. "We wouldn't want that," she said instead. The Bat-computer beeped as the analysis finished, and Kara got a location on the far side of town. "Um, Babs, the computer just finished and Dick is calling, so I need to go," Kara said.
"Sure, but...where is it?" Kara sensed some hesitation in her voice.
"S-sorry, he's calling. Bye!" she hastily hung up the phone, and right on cue, she got another call. Taking a deep breath, Kara set her phone down and let it ring. She eyed the earpiece that was waiting for her, and pointedly ignored it.
Within a few seconds, she was soaring to the location pointed to on the Bat-computer. It was time. It was here. Supergirl's revenge. Her blood started to boil, her anger and despair and helplessness all returning in an instant to fuel her bloodlust. For a moment, Kara felt alive again.
She had a target for the first time in years.
She landed with a crash and immediately ripped open the door to the abandoned warehouse, surprising its occupants. Manchester Black, Coldcast, and Menagerie were all there.
"The hell? What? You want another beating, lass?" Chester questioned. Kara remained silent, stepping calmly inside. "What? You gone deaf?"
"I've got her," Coldcast said as he built up electricity in his hand and shot it out at her.
As it hit her, Kara just kept walking forward, unfazed even as it burned her. If nothing else, Darkseid taught her how to handle pain.
She stopped when she was only about ten human paces away from the three. "You hurt someone I love, Black. I'm here for payment."
"As if that's how your type handles things, love," he said, lifting her up telekinetically. In response, Kara let loose a blast of her heat vision which vaporized his arm at the shoulder. "Gah!" he cried, stumbling backwards and finally showing his fear. "That...that's not what heroes do!"
"That was your first mistake, then," Kara continued forward. "I'm no hero. I'm a weapon," she burst forward and appeared behind Coldcast in an instant. He whirled around, only to be blasted away with a punch. The arm that had been in the way of a chest shot was horribly snapped, and bone protruded from his clothes when he landed.
"Kill her!" Black called. Menagerie let loose her grubby symbeasts. Kara casually used her cold breath and froze not only her grubs, but Menagerie as well. She'd die of frostbite within a few minutes. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Black scrambled to his feet, trying to enter her mind once again, but her rage only made her mental barriers stronger.
"I was taught by the greatest warriors on the planet in Themyscira. I was subjected to months of hellish torture and training at the hands of Darkseid and his Furies. No matter how many times the people around me run or fall or die, I'm always the one left standing, and you get it into your little head that you've got my number? You're just a pathetic little human who can trick old ladies into giving your their money," Kara grabbed him by the throat and lifted them both up into the air. She heard Coldcast approach her from behind, but she kicked him away despite his overcharge. "I am a goddess of death. And you incurred my wrath when you snapped my friend's spine."
"Y-you…" he choked out.
"I what? I can't do this? I don't have the will to make garbage like you suffer exactly how you deserve to?" Kara chuckled, feeling his attempts to mind-control her growing more violent and desperate. It was starting to annoy her. "Watch me," she said, raising her other hand and giving Black's head a flick. A dent was made in his skull; he was still aware, but it would take his powers out of commission for a while. "You made my friend unable to walk. Want to share?" she looked down and used her heat vision to saw Black in half by the waist. "How about the ability to use your arm?" she ripped off his remaining arm with a gentle little tug, getting blood all over her hand. "How does that feel, Black? To be powerless? To be the one suffering? You took her life from her. If I wasn't a better girl, I wouldn't kill you tonight. You're lucky I'm feeling merciful."
With a squeeze of her fists, Black's head burst off of his shoulders, coating Kara in his filthy blood.
She let what was left of his body fall to the ground, and turned to the other members of The Elite. Coldcast had just freed Menagerie, and both were running away. Kara readied her heat vision, and they didn't make it another ten feet before there was nothing left of them but ash.
The warehouse was on fire from her reckless use of heat vision, but she didn't particularly care. She'd done what she came here to do.
Kara had killed the people that hurt Barbara, just like she wanted. It was done. Things could go back to the way they were before. Kara could be happy again. Right?
So why? Why did she feel this...emptiness within her? Kara landed and waited for the satisfaction she'd been craving for a whole month now. She deserved satisfaction. These people killed who knows how many people, were causing thousands more lives to worsen with their illegal arms dealing, and had crippled Kara's girlfriend just because they felt like it. They'd deserved everything that she did to them.
But Kara felt nothing from having done it. Her rage was gone, burned away along with The Elite's bodies. Her happiness...had it ever been real? Or had it all been one big facade? All that Kara had left was one desire.
Kara wanted to die. She was back where she began, and upon realizing that, she started walking forward in a haze.
She didn't remember flying back to the cave. She didn't remember standing in that elevator, dripping blood from her fingertips. She didn't remember walking down the steps to the shocked faces of Barbara and the Team. The first thing she remembered after that was Dick yelling in her face.
"What did you do?" he questioned through gritted teeth. Kara wasn't even looking at him. He suddenly grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her violently. "What did you do?!"
"Kara…" Cassie brought a hand to her mouth. The others were doing the same, or looking away, or merely staring at her in horror. Kara moved to Barbara and fell to her knees in front of her, looking down at her hands.
Finally, tears fell. She...she'd done it. She'd done exactly what she said she was going to do. Kara Zor-El...no...Supergirl killed. For the first time in her career, she was unable to forgive. For the first time in her career, Supergirl felt alive, only for it all to disappear as soon as the act was done, leaving behind that hollow, broken girl that was sent to Earth by her parents.
Then Barbara took Kara's hands as gently and warmly as she'd ever done. Kara looked up at her, feeling numb save for her sadness. Barbara was smiling. At her! Smiling because she knew. Dick marched up to them, but Kara wasn't listening.
"Leave," for a moment, Barbara's face became hard again.
"We need to discuss-"
"Leave!" Barbara yelled, casting a fierce glare to the man. There was a tense moment where no one spoke. Then, Dick relented.
"We need to go investigate the scene," he said to the others. Within a few minutes, they were gone.
The two didn't talk. They just sat there. Kara buried her face into's Barbara's limp legs and cried. She cried until she fell asleep, and Barbara never let go of her.