It took Liz for her to realize that her feelings for Nuada were less than platonic, 5 months after she had met him. It was another mission, only a few hours away. Hellboy and her had settled into a sort of truce, and Alex hoped that their relationship was on the mend. She really didn't want to lose the demon in her life, but at this point, that was up to him. She had been called in to specifically fix some ancient scrolls and books that had been demolished in another one of Hellboy's battles. It was painstaking work, finding what pieces went together and where. She had been talking to Liz and Abe about the latest blanket that she had bought; a huge electric heated throw with a motif of succulents. Nuada had loved it, despite how little he outwardly reacted to her offerings, she could tell. Hellboy was nearby, hunting down clues for where the creature of the day was hiding. She honestly wasn't aware of the light in the her eyes as she spoke or the soft tone to her voice.

"You really love this guy, don't you?" Liz asked gently, as if she knew something that Alex didn't. Despite her age, the other woman had a wisdom to her that Alex could only hope to understand. But maybe that was just her mistaking trauma and complex PTSD for maturity, who knows.

"What? No!" she all but stuttered out, ripping the paper in her hand further, undoing her latest round of fixes, "He's just my apartment mate."

"Alex, the blood rushing to your face says otherwise. Your ears have turned an interesting shade of scarlet," Abe pointed out, making a movement as if he wanted to feel how hot her face was, only for her to bat him away childishly. She could tell that he wasn't offended by the gesture, instead he continued dancing around her, staying just out of her reach.

"Awww, little Alex fell in love," Hellboy teased from where he was sitting on the floor smoking, trying to stay out of their way. Well, it was more like the aquatic man had chewed his ass out for destroying these sacred texts in the first place, but she would take the win.

"I think that it's a good thing," Liz insists, and when Alex's eyes dart around for support, she finds none. All the nameless agents that are moving around them studiously ignore them and their conversation, and neither Hellboy nor Abe were any help.

"I bet she hasn't even told him about who she really is," the demon mutters, much more serious now, before meeting her eyes, "Am I right, still playing at being normal?" Combined with her embarrassment and confusion, the accusation finally made her snap. It was unbecoming of her, losing control like this at her age, but to no one's surprise, after being raised alongside Hellboy, she had quite a temper herself. Normally she prided herself in at least being less hotheaded than her friend, but right now was proving to be the exception.

"I don't love him. He's just my friend," she bit out, grinding her teeth to keep it together when small bolts of energy began to build up in her hands, "And what's so wrong with pretending to be normal? I haven't gotten to be a regular human once in my life, so what's the harm? It's not like it can last, I know that. I know what I am, but why do you have a problem with me seeing how they live?"

She ran off after her rant, leaving the rest of her friends, her family in shock. She could still see the expression on Hellboy's face, like he knew that he had crossed a line. It haunted her, the guilt and regret that he had finally shown her. If this had been months ago, she would've caved into comforting him, her heart would've beat out of her chest in excitement, but now she only felt lonely. Nuada wasn't home when she got back to the apartment, power crackling around her like a storm, destroying and rebuilding everything it touched, even herself. It was like an overload, something that she hadn't dealt with since she was a child. She could feel her features phasing as she ripped herself apart and then put herself back together. She remembers that it was once indescribably painful, but now it just felt like small electric shocks.

"There's no way I fell in love with Nuada. I mean, that's crazy! He's so odd and so mean. If he saw a little old lady who had fallen down, he'd step right over her! And he's always such a jerk! So what if he has a soft side for animals and plants, and why should it matter that his touch makes me feel alive?" she asked herself, pacing through the living room, "He's just attractive. I'm a healthy female, I'd be nuts if I didn't have some sort of reaction to his looks. It's just a physical attraction, Liz doesn't know what she's talking about."

Alex collapsed into the sofa after her final conclusion, exhausted. At least she had the focus left to return everything back to normal, including herself. In her tantrum, she had accidently shifted herself into a teenager, her features unfamiliar. While it was useful sometimes, to be able to change herself like clay, there was always the fear that she would forget who she actually was, what she actually looked like. It was sobering, that thought of losing her own face.

After that revelation, she began to withdraw from Nuada a bit. Less gifts, less time spent together, less physical contact, less cooking them both meals. He definitely noticed, his sharp eyes catching every sign of hesitance. But to bring it up would be admitting that he missed it, which was in no way an option with the proud man. Alex ignored how the self imposed distance made her miserable, made her almost ache like she had lost a limb. Her colleagues noticed the change in her attitude, the way she constantly looked pained and stressed, but after her meltdown last time, they didn't pry. She almost wished that they would, she didn't know how long she could take this. How did she survive without a companion before? Had she ruined herself, made it so she could never just go back to before Nuada, before Hellboy? Was this whole situation just an extended effect of her crush on the demon? Did it make all this turmoil fake?

Desperate to prove to herself that it was just physical attraction, she set out one night to the bars. Maybe if she found someone more attractive, whether they were handsome or pretty, her feelings towards her odd companion would stop. Maybe if she got it out of her system, she would be able to look him in the eye again. Contrary to his assumption, Alex had some experience with sex, with both genders even. It had just been a very long time, given her time consuming relationship with Hellboy.

It felt wrong to go where she first met Nuada, so she headed to a different bar, a new one. It didn't call to her or feel as comfortable to her as their spot, but it would serve its purpose. Alex took up a position at the bar, ordering some specialty cocktail that mainly just tasted of whiskey. She tried to make her body language seem open and relaxed, but it was difficult when she was so anxious. She was just about to get up and call it quits, this terrible idea, when a gentleman sat down next to her. He sat sideways on the chair, facing her with a charming smile. The way his eyes stayed locked with hers made it seem like he only cared about what she had to say, rather than how she looked. It was a heady feeling, the attention from this handsome man, Damian. He didn't mind how awkward she was until they got to talking more, and he just kept reordering her drinks as she pleased. He was dressed sharply, but not overly like a businessman, more like he just cleaned up well. He claimed to be a college graduate with a degree in something related to engineering, which she of course found impressive. They spent hours just talking, with her laughing at his jokes and him chuckling at her horrible puns. Maybe it was this time that he had built up a level of trust with, or maybe it was the amount of alcohol that she had consumed, but when he asked if she would like to go somewhere else where they could be alone, she agreed. The walk was filled with heavy contact and intense glances. When he stole a kiss as they waited to cross the street, she threw caution to the wind and pulled him down for a kiss that quickly turned into a make out session.

It wasn't until he was holding her from behind and kissing her neck, and she was unlocking the door to her apartment that she realized that maybe inviting him over wasn't the best idea. When the door swung open, Nuada's eyes immediately found her from his place on the couch. Whatever warmth and peace had existed in that second was instantaneously replaced with a coldness that she hadn't encountered since she first saw him arguing with that bartender all those months ago. His face was a blank slate, but his body language was tense like a bucket of ice water had been thrown on him.

"Oh hey," she awkwardly began as they moved into the space, wilting when the full force of her apartment mate's gaze turned towards her, "Nuada, this is Damian. Damian, this is Nuada, my apartment mate." It felt like entering a lion's den, like invading unknown territory. Which was stupid because this was her apartment first and foremost, but it didn't feel like that right now.

"Oh, nice to meet you. Alex didn't mention living with anyone, but it's a pleasure," the other man smoothly greeted, not seeming very put out by her accidently omission. For a brief moment, she almost had hope that this situation could be mediated.

"The pleasure is all yours," Nuada replied curtly, and if looks could kill, Damian would be dead three times over.

"So, um, can I get you a drink?" she offered, trying to break the tension, to put herself between the two men who were sizing each other up. If it didn't feel so uncomfortable, she would've laughed at their alpha male bullshit.

"That would be excellent, thank you, darling," Damian purred, and the way he called her darling made her skin crawl. It felt wrong, disgusting, fake. It made her shiver, but he seemed to think that it was arousing to her.

"What exactly is your purpose in coming here?" her friend challenged, setting his book aside, which she knew meant that he was nearing his patience's limit. Normally it was only in reference to her interrupting him multiple times while he was trying to read, or when he was finally giving up the pretense of reading instead of watching whatever show or movie was on. But it would appear that they had his full attention, whether they wanted it or not.

"I'm sorry, but I don't believe that concerns you." It was almost sadistic, as if this stranger was for some reason finding pleasure in tormenting Nuada. She almost felt angry on his behalf, but she had invited this man over in the first place.

"As it happens, I live here. And I don't particularly like you."

"I was under the impression that I was invited in, right, Alex?" She panicked internally when their attentions turned towards her again, and she had never understood the feeling of a deer caught in the headlights more than right now. But Alex had to take responsibility for this stand off, and maybe the night could still be savaged if they just left now.

"Of course. But maybe we should just-"

"Come on now, give me a tour," he insisted, placing an arm around her waist that made her freeze, especially when he pulled her into his side suggestively, the meaning of his words clear, that he specifically wanted to move to her bedroom, "This is a very nice apartment that you have here." And it would seem that the other man understood this as well, if the murderous expression on his face was any indication.

"Get your hands off of her person." Nuada stood as he spoke the order, eyes almost inhumanly wide, chest heaving like he was barely holding himself back. If she wasn't currently panicking, she would find it immensely attractive.

"Alex doesn't seem to mind. In fact, she seems to quite like it." To punctuate his words, he made direct eye contact with the pale man as he playfully bit her exposed shoulder, causing her to yelp in surprise.

"This was a bad idea, I'm sorry-" she began, trying to wiggle out of Damian's hold, but it only caused it to tighten. Of course using her powers wasn't really an option, despite how desperately she wanted to separate herself. This was getting out of control, and she wasn't used to feeling afraid unless it was during a mission. A man had never invaded her space like this, without her permission. And the longer this went on, the more her overindulgence of alcohol was affecting her, turning her more and more into putty in this hands. Later, she would realize that he got her drunk on purpose.

"Darling, why don't we-"

"Please, let go of me-"

"I said leave her alone!" Nuada roared, cutting through the static that was building in her head and behind her eyes, and suddenly he was there, pulling her away while simultaneously throwing the other man back. She couldn't bring herself to move, shaking in place, as her once collected apartment mate possibly broke Damian's ribs with savage kicks, before lifting the man up in a surprising show of strength, bodily throwing him out of the apartment, threats and insults pouring from his mouth like venom. There was blood on her floor, she noticed in a haze, as the front door slammed shut, the lock sliding into place like a death sentence. Maybe that was why it was called a deadbolt. It was deathly silent for a moment afterwards, as she worked to process everything and as he took a moment to himself, as if he was restraining himself from opening the door back up and continuing his beating.

"Alex, what exactly were you thinking?" His words made her trembling stop, but she didn't dare let down her guard. Nuada was still facing the door, and although his posture looked painfully rigid, his tone was rather neutral. She took a second to decide how to answer, to decide if he expected an answer at all. But the longer they stood there in the silence, the more she dreaded responding.

"I was-" It was like her voice alone was enough to trigger the man into motion, because before she could get more than a few words out, he was turning around on his heel to face her with eyes blazing and a sneer. If this were Liz, Alex would've been burnt to a fine ash in seconds, that's how dangerous he felt. Yet, somehow this was worse.

"You were so desperate for physical contact that you sought out a stranger? So my attentions didn't mean anything? They weren't enough? You wanted more, but not from me?" He sounded furious, betrayed, hurt; and it pained her to know that she was the reason why. She had fucked up royally, had ruined whatever had been building between them. Alex wanted to fall to her knees, wanted to plead for forgiveness, but there would be none from her merciless companion. It was too hard to think of words right now, everything felt like too much, like her own skin was suffocating her.

"Nuada-"

"You let him touch you. Invited it even! That simpleton! That lowly human! Why did you invite him here, to our home? Did you trust him? Were you going to let him-"

"Yes! I was! And what's wrong with that?" she all but screamed in frustration, both at him and at herself, turning away from the other to hide how tears were beginning to well up in her eyes and even escape.

"The problem, my dear, is that you are too good for him," he hissed, right before hands were suddenly wrapping around her from behind, one on her throat forcing her head back onto his shoulder, the other bruising a handprint into her hip, "So tell me, is this what you wanted? You wanted touched like this, you wanted lips against your skin?" And then there they were, cold lips pressing into her neck, into the same exposed portion of her shoulder that Damian had taken advantage of, and all the fight to break his grip on her person seemed to just disappear.

"Yes," she whispered, tears continuing to trace shiny trails down her cheeks, collapsing like a dying star until the only thing keeping her upright was Nuada. And after the evening's previous events, she wasn't even wary of him dropping her. Apparently he was much stronger than he looked, but maybe that was just because of adrenaline.

"And you wanted it from some human?" He sounded angry, disgusted, betrayed, and she would do anything to fix it.

"No." There was a pause as he considered her words, but he didn't really sound any calmer when he spoke again.

"Were you trying to get a reaction out of me? Were you trying to vex me?"

"No, I just thought that if I got with someone else, I'd stop feeling the way I do about you." Her reluctant admittance made him pause again, longer this time, as if she had really thrown him off, but he still had no mercy.

"Ah, the truth. You didn't want just physical contact did you? You wanted intimacy. Let's see what you think about getting what you want," he whispered ominously, before he was turning her around. And then there was cold lips pressing into her own with a bruising force, like it was a punishment or like there was no restraint. But the moment she began to reciprocate, opening her mouth to him after the shock wore off, he moved away.

"You have been drinking," he stated, like it hadn't been apparent before now, before he had tasted the alcohol on her lips. It almost made her giggle, how dumbfounded he seemed. It was likely that in his focus on the previous events, he hadn't paid her actual state any notice.

"Yes," she agreed quietly. Instantly, the hands on her person disappeared as Nuada jumped away from her like she had burned him. But given the horrified expression that she found when she studied his face, his wounds were completely mental and emotional.

"So he was going to take advantage of your state. I was going to-"

"No, you weren't," she cut him off sternly, before he could continue his train of thought, even as she began to sway on her feet, "I think I'd like to go to bed now." She didn't quite faint so much as collapse, but she was caught before she could even approach the floor. And then he picked her up without a word before carrying her into her room, tucking her into bed like he was on autopilot. When he stood up again, he seemed frozen, like a watchful sentinel, analyzing every dark corner of her room. It was only when Nuada's figure began to fade into the darkness as well that she spoke up again.

"Stay? Until I fall asleep?"

"Very well, I will protect you," he conceded, but there was something in his tone that told her that he wasn't exactly sure who he was protecting her from.

Alex doesn't remember dreaming about anything when she wakes up, but the fact that the rising sun isn't yet shining through her windows means that she's awake earlier than normal. When she registers her hangover, as well as faint aches that spoke to bruises, she didn't even think before fixing herself up. It's only when she opens her eyes that she finds that she's not alone. Similar to the first time she had found Nuada in her bed, he was facing her, eyes tracing her expressions like he was drinking her in. She almost has a heart attack, thinking that he saw her use her abilities, but he just continues to gaze at her fondly.

"You're much more tolerable when you're asleep, a lot quieter." She can't tell if he's teasing her or not, but his softness from before remains. He looks at home here, in her bed, in the gentle light before the sun rise. It does wonders for him, and she's forced to admit to herself that she really does like him, maybe even-

"Good morning to you too," she groaned, wiping at her eyes, but she didn't make any moves to get up or to get away, which was promptly commented upon by her guest.

"This is the first time that you've allowed yourself to be so relaxed in my presence." Nuada sounds awed, and his eyes have yet to move from her person. It makes the blood rush to her face in a blush, which in turn has him smirking at her.

"How long were you watching me?" she asks instead of responding to him, averting her own gaze to the windows behind him.

"A few hours or so, I require less sleep than you but was reluctant to wake you."

"I appreciate that," she muttered reluctantly, as if she owed him something for allowing her to sleep. Or maybe that was why he hadn't gotten out of the bed; he didn't want his movements to disturb her.

"So about last night, you mentioned something about having feelings for me." He brought it up like he couldn't help himself any longer, like he had been waiting hours for this conversation. And given how he had been waiting for her to wake up for awhile, he probably had been. In any case, her widened gaze immediately returned to his face at his boldness. He looked a bit nervous, but mainly he just seemed smug.

"I'd rather talk about why you kissed me," she shot back, her light mood fading a bit as he broke their eye contact, looking away with a blank look that made her insides seize, made her hesitate, "It wasn't out of pity or as a way to hurt me, right?"

"Of course not, who do you take me for?" he asked snottily, clearly offended by her question.

"Nuada, experience has taught me not to trust the motives of others," she haltingly admitted, only for him to scoff.

"Well, you no longer need to."

"Oh really?" she asked skeptically, raising an eyebrow at his sureness.

"Why would you ever need someone else when I'm here?" Nuada said it like it was obvious, like it was a fact or a law. And maybe it was, maybe she had just been in denial. He was always here for her, whether it was for company or for comfort or for-

"I guess I should've asked myself that before last night," Alex found herself admitting, with just a hint of self-deprecation that made her bedfellow tense up slightly.

"My dearest coward, are you done avoiding my questions?"

"Do I have to?" She had meant for it to sound more whiny, but instead it was just resigned.

"No, but I would greatly prefer it if you did." So he wouldn't push it after this, but she would miss her chance to say the words that were just waiting on her tongue, in her heart. Their relationship wouldn't change, he wouldn't leave, but they would both be left with unanswered questions and regrets. And she could do that to herself, but could she do that to him?

"I thought it was just a physical attraction, that if I found someone else, if I used them, that it would make how I feel about you go away. And it did for a moment," she began, and when she paused to think of how to word the rest, he waited tensely, like he wanted to interrupt her but thought better of it, "And then I walked in and saw you, and there was no one else that mattered to me more in that moment. I'm not saying that I love you, but I love what we have. This apartment, this domesticity, I don't want to lose this, to lose you."

"Darling, I'm not something that you can keep," he mused bitterly, even as he smiled at her like she had hung the sun in the sky, "But I haven't known this level of happiness in my life for a very long time, and I have you to thank for that. You make me want so many things that I can't have, things that I never even considered before. Your philosophy and ethics have intrigued me since the day we met, but getting to know you, getting to live alongside you, I could almost forget myself."

"I rather like you the way you are for whatever reason, it would be a shame if you forgot yourself."

"Alex, there's so much about me that you don't know." He sounds bitter again, and she can't help but reach out a hand to cup his cheek. He leans into the touch, and she finds herself tracing his features with her thumb as if in a trance.

"Everyone is allowed their secrets," she murmurs, eyes fluttering between his answering gaze and his lips, "Unless yours is that you're married with a family, in that case-" She laughs as her teasing is cut off as Nuada kisses her finally. It's no less passionate than their first, but there isn't any anger behind it. It's just them, warmed by the rising run, sharing themselves with each other. And later when she shoots off a simple text to Liz, telling her that she was right, it's with Nuada pressing a kiss to her temple.

Life becomes like a dream after that. Not even Hellboy can ding her new positivity, floating on clouds as she is. Her overwhelming adoration even makes Abe's stomach flutter with butterflies, something he enjoys sharing with her until he can find that person of his own. Liz is like an overprotective older sister, but Alex knows that she's happy for her, even given her own newfound frustration at trying to live with Red. Apparently she was finding it difficult to get her own space in their room, and Hellboy hasn't been willing to compromise on any decluttering. Alex could sympathize, thinking back to the struggle of keeping her stuff separate from the demon's. It had usually come down to Father to be the mediator.

Nuada isn't necessarily nicer, but he's definitely more open. He engages her more, starts conversations and activities rather than just participating. He takes her on dates, and she revels in how possessive he is in public. She could almost become addicted to being wanted like this. The time she spends away from him is like a physical ache, though she appreciates the space every now and then, and she knows he feels the same. They are both naturally introverted people, who need alone time to recharge from socialization, even if it's with each other.

Would it be dramatic of her to think that the time they share feels like forever? Or maybe just romantic? It feels like whenever one of them breathes out, the other breathes in, like an endless cycle between them. This bliss, this honeymoon phase of sorts lasts for months.

But then sometimes Alex begins to wake up in tears, and Nuada has asked why even as he comforts her, but it's not like she can tell him. She can't tell him about her past, about the things she's seen, about the world she's apart of, about who and what she is. It feels like lying. And then knowing that this can't last, that if she doesn't one day die during a mission, that she'll outlive him, that she'll outlive almost everyone. It's something Hellboy and her had discussed once, how they will one day have to watch as those they love die. Maybe that had been why she had been so set on loving her half-demon friend, the knowledge that they could be together until the end, until they are either defeated in battle or the world ends.

And then sometimes she catches something like longing, like heartbreak and melancholy on Nuada's face, and she wonders if she's the one who put those feelings there. If he can just sense her guilt, her sadness. Other times he seems conflicted, even as he pulls her into his orbit, into his space, though she doesn't know about what. He begins to leave the apartment more and more, though never at night anymore, but she is equally as busy with an influx of work, so neither of them spend much time alone.

There's a tension building between them, and she doesn't know where it's coming from, if it's her or if it's him, but it feels ominous. She doesn't want to lose him, even as his words from that night play over and over in her head, that he isn't someone that she can keep. Had it been a warning? He seemed just as enamored with her as she was with him, but maybe it was an act? Was he growing bored of her, of the lack of development in their relationship? They were dating, but they hadn't had sex. They kept secrets from each other, kept important parts of themselves hidden. Did he want her to meet his friends, his family? Would he ever? Could she ever introduce him to her own? What would happen if Hellboy was to one day figure out where she lived, what would she say if he showed up at their door?

Was this what it meant to be in love? Was it really worth it?

It had to be, because Alex couldn't give him up. Nuada seemed to feel the same way, and they found themselves holding each other together. There was still these dangerous thoughts in the back of her mind, the sour atmosphere never quite went away, but things got better. It felt like acceptance on her end, that even when he left her or died, this relationship, their time together will have been worth all the pain of losing him, of losing them. She didn't ask how it felt to him, she didn't want to know.

They had been together for months when she finally got the guts to move onto the next phase of their relationship. Things had been steadily moving forward between them, from kissing to lingering touches that promised more, that burned paths into her skin that she could never hope to retrace herself. It felt like an addiction, like he was her drug of choice. So she set a plan into motion. A perfect evening of romance, everything from breakfast in bed to a special trip to the nearby art museum to dinner at a more high end restaurant than she usually brought her (boy)friend to. Of course he noticed that something was off today, but he at least had the tact to wait until they had returned how that night to ask. Of course, she was busy planning how it should be. Maybe start on the couch then make their way to the bed? Should there be rose petals? No, he'd be angry that she supported the killing of flowers for their beauty. Maybe she should take another shower? Maybe in the shower-

"Is there a reason that you have been acting strangely all day, Alex?" She was brought out of her daze as he finally asked the question that had probably been on his mind the entire day. They were sitting on the couch now, and she had been going through the motions of turning on a movie, but she hadn't picked one to watch yet. It didn't really catch her off guard, but it ruined her attempt at subtle seduction. But then again, given that this was Nuada, he wouldn't have picked up on it anyway.

"Is there something wrong with me wanting us to have a good day?" It came out sounding very weak and awkward, even to her own ears. But how did one just admit out loud that they wanted-

"There isn't a human holiday anytime soon, it isn't yet our 6 month anniversary, so there is no special occasion. Thus, you must want something," he rationalized, analyzing her every micro expression. If she didn't find it endearing at this point, it would seem creepy. The way his unnaturally blue eyes looked into her soul almost seemed alien compared to how angular his features were, even after all this time.

"It could be my birthday?" she offered up, to which he immediately paled, if that was even possible given how fair his skin was.

"Is it?" Thinking back on it, she had never told him her birthday, so it's not like he should panic so much over the idea of forgetting to celebrate it with her. Alex didn't even know when she was born, if she was born, so they always just chose an arbitrary date for her birthday celebrations. But it's not like she could tell Nuada that.

"No," she chuckled, putting him back at ease even as he still looked at her warily, "I just wanted to have a romantic day."

"Isn't everyday that we wake up next to each other romantic?" It sounded like poetry coming from him, and it was very much possible that it actually was a poem that he had memorized. But he said it with such a dryness that it made her deflate slightly, growing more anxious about how she had wanted this evening to go.

"But I wanted today to be special," she tried to emphasize, but it was too vague.

"How so?" She took a deep breath, steeling herself, before answering.

"I wanted to further our relationship." She was expecting almost any kind of reaction, but not confusion, which is what she got. He tilted his head as he considered her, clearly not understanding what she had meant.

"So you want to get married in a human civil union?" She wasn't sure what had her reeling more, that he assumed their next step was marriage or that he didn't sound opposed to the idea, only skeptical.

"No! I wanted to have sex!" She hadn't meant to basically yell, and the silence that fell afterwards was deafening. She wanted to throw herself off the balcony, but that would probably be an overreaction. To be fair, it probably wouldn't kill her, and then she'd have to explain why she was alive and that seemed like a terrible idea. Nuada took a moment to consider his words, which immediately had her tensing up. His expression was troubled, and she didn't really like that given the topic of their conversation.

"Alex, we've talked about what it means in my culture, the melding of bodies, minds, and souls. It is a higher union than humans can comprehend," he explained gently, slowly, as if she was a child, as if this was obvious. And maybe to him, it was, but she was still mentally racing to determine what he meant. And when it came to her, she felt like the floor had given out from under her.

"So you don't want that with me?" It was the quietest she had ever sounded aside from actually whispering, like he had stolen the power behind her voice.

"It's not that I don't want it, it's that it can't happen." Alex didn't really get the difference right now, in this context, and she let him know that.

"Why not?"

"Because we can't be together forever, I can't give you that kind of commitment and neither can you give it to me." He attempted to grab her hands, clearly seeing the way she was shutting down emotionally, but she evaded his attempt at comfort. Hell could be freezing over right now and she wouldn't bat an eye. She felt like she was going to throw up, the very fears that she had been dreading being thrown into her face like this. And the worst part is that he looked like his words were hurting him too, like he was appalled by how he was destroying her.

"Why get into a relationship at all with me if you didn't intend on it meaning something?" Alex's words had some snap back in them, as she reacted to his pity, as she took in how he was acting like this was something out of his control. Because these last few months had meant the world to her, and now hearing that they didn't mean the same thing to him was like a slap in the face.

"It means something, but it just can't go on any further. There is no next step for us, there is no till death do we part. We are simply too different, and I was deluding myself into thinking that maybe we weren't. But you are human, and you aren't enough. This little life in this little apartment was fun, made me happy, but it isn't enough. Maybe I was a fool to be charmed by you, to let you distract me from my mission, from my life's purpose. You taught me so much, about how human's live, how they act, how they feel, more than I expected. But now I see that it's time for me to let you go, that we have gotten as far as we can go." She could feel her heart breaking to pieces inside her chest, could feel the jagged edges wreaking havoc on her insides, could feel the internal bleeding. It was torturous, and worst of all, this wasn't something that she could fix. This situation was out of her hands, any control slipping away by the moment. Even if she wanted to try and alter something, her ability to focus enough to bring something about was nonexistent. She was stripped bare, an open wound that wouldn't stop bleeding. She could even look at him, at the man that had come into her life and made it something new, at the man who was crashing everything down around her like an angry god.

"Alex?" he eventually called her name, trying to get her attention, trying to bring her out of funk that he was the very cause of. And even now, he was gazing at her pleadingly, like she was the one breaking his heart, like she was the one leaving him. It wasn't fair, it wasn't right. He had made this decision all on his own, he had been harboring these thoughts since the day they had gotten together. He didn't get to look to her for comfort, for sympathy, for understanding.

"If that's what you think, what you want, than just go," she stated coldly, pulling herself together enough to meet his eyes. And he dared try to reach for her again, only to be shrugged off harshly.

"I'm sorry that it has to be this way, Darling-"

"You don't get to call me that anymore, Nuada." She made sure to emphasize his name, the distance that had stretched between them. That she was unreachable, that she was untouchable. Apparently that distance had been there the whole time, and she just had been too naïve to notice.

"I will miss you dearly and think of our time together fondly. Be safe, Alex."

And just like that, he was walking out of their (her) apartment without a backward glance. He even had the nerve to not slam the door behind him, to not have a dramatic exit. Anything about the man was over the top, but now, as he was leaving, it was as if he was never here. And as she collapsed on their (her) couch, burying her face in a blanket that she had bought for him, she couldn't even bring herself to cry. Instead, Alex felt nothing at all.