Rayna has been trying to play for 15 minutes, but she can't focus. There's a Merle Haggard concert poster hanging above the piano, and since she read the inscription on it – To Deacon, the next great outlaw – she can't stop thinking about her conversation with Watty.
She wonders what she could learn if she were to take a look around. She tells herself as long as she doesn't open drawers or doors, it's not snooping, right? Because curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.
The first thing she comes across is a bunch of framed pictures on top of a dresser. There are two of a little girl with blond hair, and Rayna guesses it must be the niece Deacon told her about. On one, she's proudly holding a fish by its tail, and on the other, she's playing on a guitar almost bigger than she is.
On the shelf next to the dresser, there's an impressive collection of books and an even more impressive collection of vinyls. Johnny Cash, Tammy Wynette, Emmylou Harris, Dolly Parton, Kris Kristofferson, Townes Van Zandt, among others. Rayna smiles because she knows every word and every note of these albums by heart. There's a TV in the living room, too, but she only sees one tape lying on top of the VHS player. Old Yeller, the handwritten label reads.
Of all her discoveries, the one that intrigues her the most is the small chalkboard she finds hanging in his kitchen with a number on it. 2378. It feels like every time she seeks answers about Deacon, she comes up with more questions.
She is tempted to push the bedroom's door open, but the Johnny Cash poster on the wall is looking at her like it's judging her, and so she refrains herself and goes back to sit at the piano.
—
On the day he's supposed to come home, she leaves him a note. She thanks him and reminds him that if he's still interested in writing with her, she would love to. Then she slips the key in the mailbox like he'd asked her to.
She tries not to get her hopes up, she tells herself maybe he won't call, he doesn't have to, but she has barely made it back to the guest house when her phone rings.
"Hey, I just got home and saw your note." They can't have missed each other by much, she left it less than an hour ago.
"How was your hike?" she asks.
"Let's just say... I was looking forward to coming home."
Maybe she hears what she wants to hear, maybe it has nothing to do with her, but she can't help the smile that creeps across her face. "Do you have other excursions planned?"
"Not until next week. I'm all yours."
It sounds like a promise.
—
Writing with Deacon Claybourne ends up being the easiest thing Rayna Jaymes has ever done.
The first time, he's waiting for her on the small dock down by the lake. She's about to knock on the cabin's door when he calls her name, and she turns around to see him wave at her. As she walks down the path to join him, notebook in hand, she notices he has spread out a blanket and brought his guitar.
"Is it okay if we stay here?" he asks.
It must be the most beautiful scenery she's ever written in. "Of course."
It's the first time since she met Deacon she thinks he looks nervous. "So, how do we do this? I'm going to be honest, it's been a while since I've written with someone."
"Well, we can start by sharing ideas we've been working on, and then we'll just go from there?"
"Alright."
As it turns out, Deacon had no reason to be nervous.
Rayna's notebook is filled with half-finished lyrics, and Deacon's head is filled with half-finished melodies, and somehow everything falls into place.
It's like her words and his music had been waiting to meet all this time.
As the afternoon progresses, they find out more about each other, too. Rayna learns he was born in Natchez, Mississippi, where his sister and niece still live. Because he and his sister don't get along too well, he doesn't see them as much as he'd like to. Deacon learns Rose Colored Glasses is the song that made Rayna want to sing country music. She used to sing it to her mama all the time. She has known since she was a kid it was what she wanted to do.
When she asks him why he didn't pursue a career in music, considering how talented he is, he keeps it vague. He only says things didn't go as planned.
It's not until the sun starts to set that Rayna realizes they've been sitting there for hours. They decide to call it a day, but they already make plans for the next afternoon. Deacon offers to give her a ride back to the guest house.
For a week straight then, they write together every day. They meet at his place or at one of his favorite spots near the river. He comes to the guest house, once, his guitar case in hand, and Rayna doesn't miss Beth's huge smile as she watches them walk past her desk in the lobby.
He invites her to his set at The Landslide that Thursday. He missed the last one because he was away, and he'll miss the next one, too. When she makes up an excuse not to come, he sounds disappointed, but he doesn't insist.
—
There's a trail he wants to show her, one she hasn't ventured on yet.
On the last day before he has to leave again, he leads her along the river, and then through the woods, until they reach a suspension bridge crossing a deep gorge. The sight is breathtaking, she'll give him that, but she glances below and decides there's not a chance in hell she'll put a foot on that thing.
Deacon looks amused. "Well, it will be a lot longer if we have to go down there and climb back up." He holds his hand out. "Come on," he says. It scares her a little how quickly she chooses to follow him.
She has to remind herself to breathe the whole way through the bridge. When they make it to the other side, she somehow forgets to let go of his hand.
On their way back, they stop by the river, and he sits on a rock while she takes her shoes off to dip her feet in the water. "About Should've Known Better," he muses, "I was thinking we might have room in there for a little solo."
"After the second verse?"
"After the second verse."
She smiles. "It's already a great song as it is."
"Great enough that you'll put it on your next album?" he teases her.
She doesn't answer. She puts her shoes back on before she goes to sit next to him. She's been wondering when this moment would come. "I don't know if I'll ever make another album," she sighs.
"Why not?"
"Deacon," she says, and she waits to see if he might willing to let this go, but he doesn't seem to. "I'm grateful you haven't asked any question until now, but I don't believe you haven't seen the video. It's been played on every damn show."
The way he looks away, even if just for a second, confirms he's seen it.
And she's seen it, too, but even now, she still can't recall exactly how it all happened.
What she remembers is that she froze. She froze, and then she... broke down. Properly broke down. Next thing she knew, she was sitting in the middle of the stage, hysterically crying in front of 16,000 people. And she was aware of what was unfolding, but she couldn't move, she couldn't shake herself out of it. She remembers Adria was the first one to kneel next to her, and then people had to carry her off stage. Or drag her would be a more appropriate word.
Deacon doesn't appear to understand. "Just because of one... incident, you'll never step on a stage again?"
She's stumped. How can he call it an incident? "You don't get it. After that, my life became a complete circus. The rest of the tour got canceled. Reporters were camping in front of my house. All kinds of crazy stories were written about me, some were saying I had checked into a mental hospital, some that I had been abusing drugs for months."
At that moment, Deacon realizes he has, in fact, no idea what it's like being Rayna Jaymes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to downplay it."
"No, it's just... until you've experienced it, you can't imagine how insane things can get when you're in the public eye. And how quick the media is to turn on you. The worst is, stage used to be my safe place. No matter what was going on in my life, when I was on stage, I forgot about everything else." She chokes up. "That's gone."
They're silent after that, Rayna because she can't speak, Deacon because he's not sure what's the right thing to say.
"Do you know why it happened?" he asks after a while. She nods. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."
"No, I..." The only other person who knows about it is Tandy. She hasn't even told Bucky or Watty. She realizes she feels safe to speak about it with Deacon. "A few months ago, I learned some things about my family. Some... horrific things. You see, my mom, she was the most important person in my life. She died in a car accident when I was twelve. That's what I believed, anyway, but I learned my father... my father was involved in her death." Deacon hadn't expected that. "She was going to leave him that night, and he... he killed her, Deacon. He followed her in his car, drove her off the road. After that, he did some even worse things to cover it up."
Rayna holds back her tears. She's determined not to cry in front of Deacon. She has cried so much about this already, one would think she wouldn't have any tears left.
She believes learning about it is what lead to her breakdown. She wasn't sleeping anymore, she was depressed all the time. The idea she'd kept her dad in her life all these years, that she'd excused so many of his shortcomings because she believed he was heartbroken over the loss of her mom, while in fact... it had been too much to bear.
"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry," Deacon says. He reaches for her hand, and she grasps his fingers, holding on tight to him. "I know how you feel," he adds then.
And he does.
—
TBC