"I quite enjoyed it."

"Eh."

"Eh?"

"I don't know. I guess I just feel like I've seen that story done a hundred times already."

The young couple exited the movie theater onto the streets of Gotham. The woman was quieter and more subtle than her boyfriend, who walked, talked, and dressed with all of the confidence of someone who had never walked the streets of Gotham this late.

Indeed Lang was relatively new to the city. Still, he had hit it off quite well with longtime resident Wanda and the two were enjoying the most recent of their many dates.

"MAN, there's no one around," noted Lang.

"You… might want to keep your voice down," added Wanda quietly.

"Why's that?" asked Lang.

"Well, lookee what we have here!"

Wanda held back a groan.

A trio of unscrupulous looking individuals had just emerged from an alleyway. A woman with short red hair dressed in all black led them, with the woman and man behind her each towering over the couple's heads.

Wanda opened her purse and began digging through for her valuables. Lang held up a hand to indicate for her to stop.

"Now, now," he said, "I'm sure we can all come to a-"

"Why are you talking?" demanded the redhead, "This is a mugging, not a negotiation."

"Lang," whispered Wanda nervously, "Just give them what they want."

"Now hold on," said Lang loudly, "I'm not just going to sit here and-"

"Steph, hit him."

The enormous woman behind the redhead took one step and leveled Lang to the ground with a downward haymaker. Wanda gasp as she heard his head hit the pavement.

"Lang!" she cried.

"Let's cool it with the raised voices," said the redhead coldly, "Now, young lady, if you could open your purse back up and pick up where you left off-"

"Wanda…" grunted Lang, shuddering on the ground, "I won't… Let them…"

"GOD, still?" groaned the redhead, "Put your fragile masculine pride aside and just let us rob you already!"

The redhead punctuated the remark by placing her boot on Lang's head and pressing it firmly to the ground, slowly applying more and more pressure. Lang let out a long, pained grunt of defiance.

"Christ," sighed the redhead, "Guess we need to hit him harder. Steph, can you go see if we have a baseball bat in the car or something?"

"Why?" chuckled the large woman, "It's not like he can stop us anyway.

"This isn't about the money," said the redhead, "I just want to teach this punk a lesson."

"If a bat's what you're looking for, we've got you covered."

Everyone looked up to the roof of the theater to see where the voice had come from. Looking down over her edge of the building were a pair of imposing silhouettes with bat ears.

"Of course," continued Batgirl, "You should be careful what you wish for."

"No way!" cried the redhead, "Batman!? What are the fucking odds!?"

The woman standing behind the redhead wasted no time. She turned and sprinted away.

"Hey!" shouted the redhead, turning to her fleeing compatriot, "Don't leave us, you coward!"

"Um, Dee?" uttered her remaining ally.

The redhead turned back and let out a yelp as she saw the tall and imposing figure of Batman staring her down from inches away. She hadn't heard a thing, yet he had gone from being on the roof to being on the ground next to her. She couldn't imagine what this monster was capable of.

"Listen," said the redhead, "This has all gotten out of hand. We won't take anything. We'll just walk away. No harm no foul."

"This isn't about the money," said Batman expressionlessly, "I just want to teach this punk a lesson."

Two enormous black wings rose to the night sky as the criminals let out horrified screams.

Batman calmly turned the corner and walked into the alley where he had seen the third criminal flee. He was satisfied to see the muscular woman immobilized as she dangled upside down by a cable tying her ankle to a fire escape. Her face was a mix of indignant and distress as her shirt rolled down towards her face. Batman's satisfaction faded when he saw the smug look on Batgirl standing beneath her capture. She had clearly had fun doing this.

Batman turned to another fire escape without saying a word. Within seconds he was back on the theater rooftop. Batgirl was there with him moments later.

"This isn't a game, you know," said Batman firmly.

"Excuse me?" demanded Batgirl defiantly as she approached him.

"The quips, the playful fighting, it has no place in this line of work," said Batman.

"...that's…" said Batgirl, "Not true. Like, at all. Plenty of vigilantes do that."

"Not in Gotham."

"Are you kidding me?" snickered Batgirl, "Robin would constantly-"

Batman turned and glared at Batgirl. She froze mid sentence. Even among his friends, even under that mask, Batman's glare was enough to trigger a freeze response from most.

"Maybe this isn't clear to you yet, but Robin no longer in Gotham," said Batman firmly, "He left. That should be evidence enough he wasn't suited for the job. If you're so inclined to follow in his footsteps, you're free to operate as Batgirl in Jump City. Is that what you're asking me to do?"

"Obviously not. I-"

"Then I think it's clear how you should conduct yourself moving forward."

"...what'd you do to the other muggers?"

Batman glanced down off the side of the building. Batgirl followed his gaze to the two motionless bodies sprawled across the sidewalk.

"Holy-!" gasped Batgirl, "What did you do?"

"Nothing," said Batman plainly, "They just passed out. They were too afraid to find out what I'd do, I suppose."

"...are you sure you're handling this alright?" asked Batgirl, "Dick leaving, I mean. It's a really big life change and it really seems like you're coping in unhealthy ways."

Batman glared at Batgirl. It still terrified her, but this time she was ready enough to maintain her focus anyway.

"I'll handle the rest of the patrol on my own," said Batman after a moment.

"Fine," said Batgirl, turning to leave, "but for the record, I've spoken with Alfred. He agrees."

Batman silently clenched his teeth as Batgirl leapt away into the night. He took a deep breath and centered his focus. He couldn't let personal stressors make him careless.

"Spoken with Alfred about what?" asked a high-pitch, scratchy voice from behind Batman.

Batman's heart raced exponentially. The voice came without warning. There were no footsteps, no rustling clothes, and not even the sound of breath being taken to say the words. There were only a handful of beings Batman knew capable of eluding his senses so completely and they could all render him dead in an instant.

"You…" whispered Batman loathfully.

Before Batman was a diminutive, plump man in an ill-fitting Batman costume. His skintight grey bodysuit may as well have been painted on. His boots and gloves were both too large for him, drooping off at the ends. He wore a tight, high waisted pair of black spandex shorts that tightened around his bulge and shaped each of his butt cheeks. He appeared before Batman at eye level, several feet up off the ground. He didn't appear to hover or move; he just stood there as if he was on higher ground. Beneath his tight bat mask was the smiling, round, earnest face of Bat-Mite, an all-powerful fifth dimensional being. He was a huge fan of Batman's and, while generally harmless, was often extremely annoying.

"Bat-Mite," acknowledged Batman.

"Who's the new chick anyway?" asked Bat-Mite, "She's cute and all, but she's no Robin."

"I'm not in the mood for your games," said Batman, "If there's something you want from me, tell me."

"I just wanted to check in, that's all," said Bat-Mite, "What's this big life change she was going on about?"

Batman gritted his teeth.

"Oh!" realized Bat-Mite with a huge grin, "This is about Robin, isn't it? Where is he? What happened!?"

"No!" denied Batman angrily, "This has nothing to do with him! He's fine! He just left to be a hero in Jump City instead, that's all."

"So he LEFT you!?" gasped Bat-Mite.

"Yeah!" confirmed Batman, suddenly and unexpectedly feeling validated.

"You spend years training him to be your sidekick," continued Bat-Mite, "giving him the best preparation ever to be the sidekick to the best superhero ever, and he just ups and takes those skills somewhere else!?"

"That's what I'm saying!" sighed Batman with relief, "It's like he doesn't care abou- respect me at all!"

"Yeah!" cried Bat-Mite angrily, "He needs to learn to respect you!"

"Right!"

"He needs to learn some manners!"

"Yeah!"

"Someone needs to teach that punk a lesson!"

"Yea- Wait. What?"

Bat-Mite blinked out of sight without a trace, leaving Batman standing alone in the roof in slight bewilderment.

"Hm," he said contemplatively, "This could get… bad."

"Here you go," said Roy, handing the controller to Donna.

"And this will let me control the screen?"

"It'll let you control your character on the screen," clarified Roy, picking up his own controller.

"Man," scoffed Wally, "All this talk of 'Paradise Island' and yet they don't have any video games. Sheesh."

"Not everything is about short-term entertainment," countered Dick, "Ever hear of self-fulfilling enlightenment?"

"Ever hear of getting that enormous stick out of your ass?" countered Wally.

"Guys…" groaned Kara under her breath.

The five were gathered around the infinity couch in the center of the top floor of Titan's Tower. Donna Troy, wearing a red T-shirt with black leggings, was seated beside Roy on the couch, who was wearing jeans and a red and yellow T-shirt. Kara was sat beside the two in brown jeans and a beige sweater while Dick and Wally stood behind the couch watching the projection on the enormous screen suspended in front of the window before them. Both were wearing skinny jeans and T-shirts of their own.

"Look!" smiled Donna widely, pointing at the screen, "I'm making that blue arrow move!"

"That's how you select your character," said Roy, "Pick whichever one looks best to you."

"Oh! You didn't tell me Batman was in this game," said Donna.

"What?" responded Roy, genuinely confused.

"That's… Not Batman," said Wally, squinting at the screen.

"Oh no…" whispered Dick.

One of the player character icons did indeed resemble Batman, in that the character wore the same cape and cowl. It only took one look for Dick to recognize the goofy smile though.

"He's not supposed to be there!" exclaimed Roy, "What the hell!? Did someone switch it out with a hacked ROM or something?"

"No," said Dick calmly, clenching his fists, "Get ready, everyone."

"Ready for what?" asked Wally.

"Ready for ME!" declared Bat-Mite from within the TV.

The small imp of a man began moving about his character selection box, eventually climbing out of it and making his way in front of all the other playable characters. He then reached both arms out of the TV, grabbed either side of the monitor, and plucked himself out of the screen and into the room with the Titans.

"What the hell!?" cried Roy.

"No way!" gasped Kara.

"I haven't done nearly enough drugs for this," mumbled Wally.

"Who are you?" asked Donna in surprise.

"I'm Bat-Mite!" declared the small man, "#1 fan to the greatest superhero in the world, Batman!"

A moment passed where no one spoke.

"What the hell is going on?" Roy asked Dick plainly.

"There's no easy answer to that," said Dick, "He's some sort of fifth dimensional being. He has complete control over reality."

"...really?" said Wally, "Because he just looks like a small goblin man in a bat suit."

"Believe it or not he's practically omnipotent," continued Dick, "Don't listen to him no matter what he says; he'll drive you mad."

"Aw," frowned Bat-Mite, his face drooping more than humanly possible, "Robin! That's so mean! And after all the trouble I went through to bring you this."

Bat-Mite produced a large present wrapped in pink wrapping paper with a big red bow.

"I don't want your stupid present!"

Bat-Mite's lower lip trembled as his eyes welled with tears. He tilted his head back and let out a loud wail as he sobbed and sobbed.

"Was that really necessary?" Donna asked Dick angrily.

"Yeah," said Wally, "What'd this guy do to you?"

"I'm telling you, he can't be trusted."

"Here, Bat-Mite," said Donna gently with a smile as she approached the small man, "I'll give the present to him later when he calms down."

"You will!?" beamed Bat-Mite, ceasing his crying in an instant.

"Donna…" cautioned Dick.

"We can fight him later if we must," said Donna as Bat-Mite handed her the present, "but let's not let paranoia ruin our hospitality."

"Um, Donna?" chimed in Kara, "I think the present is… hissing."

"Oh!" said Bat-Mite cheerily, "That's just because it's a bomb."

Bat-Mite swiped away the wrapping paper and lid of the present to reveal a black spherical bomb with a nearly depleted burning wick.

BOOM!

"DONNA!" cried the other Titans.

Donna flew across the room in a trail of smoke and flames, crashing into the wall so hard she left a dent.

Within a second Wally had changed into his Kid Flash costume and arrived at Donna's side. Her shirt and leggings were torn and singed; her shirt was hanging off one shoulder and pale blue underwear was visible through the holes in her pants. She jerked awake and coughed up a cloud of soot. Kid Flash sighed with relief. Despite the damage to her clothes, her Themysciran body had resisted any real injury.

"If Dick had been holding that it would have blown his head off!" exclaimed Roy.

"You!" growled Kara at Bat-Mite.

Kara zipped away and returned in an instant in her full Supergirl costume, hovering before Bat-Mite with an intense look in her eye.

"Kara, wait!" cried Dick, "You can't fight him!"

Unfortunately for Supergirl, she moved incomprehensibly faster than Dick. Before the sound waves of his warning reached her ears, she had already blasted forward at Bat-Mite with her full strength. Bat-Mite effortlessly avoided her, pulled a steel mallet dozens of times his own size from out of nowhere, and swung the massive weapon into Supergirl's back with such force that it propelled her through the screen, enormous window behind it, through the sky, and far into the distance beyond anyone's sight.

"Kara!" cried Roy.

"What do you want, Bat-Mite?" demanded Dick.

"What do I want?" smirked Bat-Mite, "I want you to learn your lesson!"

Bat-Mite reached into his shorts with both hands and pulled out an armful of miniature models of his own head. He then flung them about the room. The small metallic heads each opened their jaws to reveal a set of sharp teeth.

"What the…?" wondered Roy aloud, before letting out a sharp scream.

One of the Bat-Mite heads had chomped down on the tip of Roy's foot, biting right through his shoe and into his toes. Dick winced in sympathy as his teammate hopped about on one foot pulling in the head, only to hop onto another Bat-Mite head and get bitten on the heel of his other foot, fall backwards, and land butt first in the tiny jaws of another Bat-Mite head. Roy's eyes watered in pain as he bit his lip to keep from screaming.

Dick surveyed around the room. The heads were everywhere, all ready to bite. None of them could move an inch without touching one of the Bat-Mites. They would have to stay perfectly still and talk their way out of this.

Kid Flash had other plans. Yellow lightning danced around him for a moment before he burst into high speed. His perception of time slowed as he sprinted toward Bat-Mite. This allowed him to take each step carefully and avoid the biting heads. He made it across the room and leapt at Bat-Mits with his fist back, ready to punch.

Ha! "Complete control over reality" my ass! thought Kid Flash, Looks like the fifth dimension is no match for the Speed Force!

Then, the instant before Wally's fist made contact, every single Bat-Mite head in the room launched at Kid Flash so suddenly and with such force that his punch never connected. Instead, Kid Flash was left screaming on the floor with dozens of Bat-Mite heads biting down on different parts of his body.

"Stop it, everyone!" ordered Dick, "I'm telling you, we don't stand a chance fighting him!"

Bat-Mite smiled and flexed his chubby arms, which briefly inflated into enormous bulging sets of biceps as the sound of a boxing ring bell rang from nowhere.

"I can't believe it," sighed Roy, plucking the Bat-Mite off the seat of his pants, "This freak is mopping the floor with us!"

"Who are you calling a freak, freak?" demanded Bat-Mite angrily.

The small bat-clad imp appeared right before Roy and wound his arm and clenched a fist. The boxing ring bell rang again as the arm became beefy once more and clad in a boxing glove before pounding into Roy's face and sending him careening across the room.

"Bat-Mite!" yelled Dick, "Your issue is with me, isn't it? Not them! Just tell me what-"

Splat!

Dick let out a muffled sigh through the cream pie smothering his mouth and slowly dripping down his face. Before Dick could remove the pull the tin from his face, he felt himself struck with several more cream pies propelled at high speeds. The next thing he knew, he was being pelted nonstop by a machine gun of pies so powerful he was pushed across the room and pinned to the wall as more and more pies assailed him.

Finally, the assault stopped. Bat-Mite smiled at his work. An entire wall of the large room was coated in cream pie and its tins now. Dick could feel the newly forming bruises ache as his adhesion to the wall slowly released and he fell face forward onto the floor, leaving a Grayson-shaped gap in the otherwise complete pie coating of the wall.

"That's enough!" shouted Donna.

Bat-Mite, standing in the air where Dick and Roy had been moments before, turned to see Donna angrily approaching him. Her clothes were still in tatters and her hair was still a burnt mess, but her previous look of warmth had been replaced with an intense warrior's glare.

"I welcomed you as a guest," said Donna, still approaching, "and you used that hospitality against me. You used it to hurt my friends. This ends now."

"Donna…" grunted Dick, covered in pie and somewhat dazed, "Don't…"

"What will it be, Bat-Mite?" continued Donna, reaching her opponent, "Will you stand down or must I treat you as an enemy?"

Bat-Mite looked back at Donna, taking in the severity of her expression. He looked around the room. Dick was watching tensely, not daring to move until he knew what Bat-Mite's next move was. Roy was nursing a headache in one corner of the room while Kid Flash was struggling to get Bat-Mite heads off himself in another. Supergirl was still nowhere to be seen.

"You're right," conceded Bat-Mite, "I've taken this too far."

"We will show you mercy if you stand down," offered Donna.

"Donna, don't listen to hmmph!"

Before Dick could finish his sentence, a zipper had blinked into existence in place of his lips and zipped itself shut. Dick was left letting out muffled protests and futilely trying to unzip his mouth.

"Thank you for granting me dignity in defeat," said Bat-Mite as he descended to the ground on one knee, "Will you accept a drink in honor of our agreement?"

Bat-Mite rose back up to his feet and produced two wine glasses. They each went from being empty to seemingly filling themselves up with a deep red wine.

Dick's face was red from strain as he screamed through his zipped mouth for Donna to stop. She had only recently left Themyscira. She had no sense for when people couldn't be trusted.

"Thank you," said Donna, taking the glass.

"To my surrender!" toasted Bat-Mite, holding his glass up high.

Dick strained to get Donna's attention. Roy and Kid Flash realized what was happening a moment too late. They let out their cries of protest just as Dick finally unzipped his mouth and Donna sipped the glass.

"Donna, no!" they all cried out.

Bat-Mite bit his lip and snickered in anticipation. Donna's eyes widened. Then her cheeks slowly grew warmer and redder as tears welled up in her eyes. Finally, the pain overwhelmed the Amazon warrior as she let out a cry of Scoville-induced pain and a geyser of steam erupted from her mouth. Bat-Mite giggled and rocked back onto his butt, kicking his legs with glee.

"2017," said Bat-Mite in an overly posh voice with his pinky out, "An excellent year for hot sauce."

Donna frantically looked about the room, steam rising from her face and tears streaming from her eyes. She sprinted to the kitchen and began guzzling water directly out of the sink, releasing an enormous cloud of steam in the process.

"You little-!" grunted Kid Flash angrily.

"Calm down, Wally," whispered Dick.

Kid Flash turned to see that Dick had managed to sneak over to him, free of the zipper lips.

"We stand no chance of overpowering him," continued Dick, "We need to know more about what he wants."

"True," nodded Kid Flash, "but consider…"

Dick looked at Kid Flash expectantly.

"...we've GOT to teach this punk a lesson!"

Before Dick could say or do anything, Kid Flash had bolted for Bat-Mite. When he was about halfway there, a concrete speed bump grew out of the ground faster than Kid Flash could react to it. His foot collided with the concrete at supersonic speed. While the Speed Force protected him from the initial impact that would normally have shattered every bone in his foot, it did not prevent him from tripping at that same speed and flinging himself upside down into the wall across the room. Kid Flash groaned as he collapsed to the ground with cracked ribs and bruised muscles.

"Damnit, Wally…" muttered Dick through gritted teeth.

"Man, these are the losers you replaced Batman with?" chortled Bat-Mite as he rose into the air to be at eye level with Dick, "So sad. Such a downgrade."

"Wait," said Dick, "What do you mean by 'replaced Batman?' Is that what this is about?"

Before Bat-Mite could respond, a single arrow struck him directly in the butt. Bat-Mite's eyes widened. He looked over his shoulder at the sharp projectile still stuck into the right cheek. He looked back at Roy, who had retrieved one of his bows and quivers of arrows and was proudly holding the bow out after having fired the shot.

Bat-Mite remained silent for another moment before letting out a shriek. The arrow was flung away by a blast of air as a hole popped open and Bat-Mite rocketed away, flying around the room like a deflating balloon before landing in a limp puddle at Roy's feet.

"Ha!" smiled Roy, pinning Bat-Mite down with his foot, "That wasn't so tough."

Dick didn't even bother calling out this time. He knew it was pointless. Bat-Mite was already rising up menacingly behind Roy, who was unaware the imp was no longer under his foot. Bat-Mite reached into the back of Roy's jeans, grabbed the red waistband of his white polka dotted boxer briefs, and hiked them way up past the archer's head.

"Psyche!" declared Bat-Mite, "Wedgie!"

"...ow," whispered Roy, his quiet voice higher than he thought it could go.

Bat-Mite shoved the underwear down over Roy's head, hooking the waistband under Roy's nose before leaping off of his head and back to the center of the room, leaving Roy stumbling about trying to unhook the waistband as the wedgie worsened with every movement.

"Ahahahaha!" cackled Bat-Mite, "You earthlings have such fun pranks!"

Dick couldn't quite see what happened next. Bat-Mite disappeared for a moment. Then there was a deafening boom and a huge burst of air. Dick, a still wedgied Roy, and a still steaming Donna were all blown over by the burst. When the dust cleared, Supergirl was floating where Bat-Mite was and there was a Bat-Mite shaped hole in the opposite wall and the walls beyond that. Supergirl, with a black eye and nose dripping blood, looked furious.

"You're just now getting back?" quipped Kid Flash, who had finally recovered, "Where'd that hammer send you, the fucking moon!?"

"The moon!?" barked Supergirl angrily, "This jerk just knocked me a fifth of the way across the solar system!"

"That doesn't seem physically possible," grunted Roy, finally succeeding in getting his underwear off his head.

"With this guy I don't think physics matter very much," sighed Dick, "Listen, Supergirl, everyone. You have to stop fighting him. You're just going to cause more- Supergirl!"

Dick's cry came moments after a steel anvil blinked into existence over Supergirl's head. It hung there suspended in the air for a moment, allowing Supergirl just enough time to look up and see that it was there before it slammed down into her with so much force they both crashed clear through the floor below and multiple floors and ceiling beyond that.

"God," groaned Roy, "Oliver's going to be pissed about that deposit."

"Where'd he go?" demanded Kid Flash, zooming around the room in pursuit.

Kid Flash paused for a moment after having searched the entire floor. In that pause Bat-Mite appeared behind Kid Flash. Bat-Mite took a deep breath, which seemed to cause his face to inflate and pop into the shape of a dragon's head. He then let loose a stream of fire from his mouth directed straight at Kid Flash's rear end.

"YEOW!" cried Kid Flash, leaping into the air, "HOT! HOT! HOT!"

Though his suit was fire resistant, this fire ignored that detail of reality and set flame to the seat of Kid Flash's costume anyway. Kid Flash screamed in pain and ran all about the room as his butt continued to burn, leaving a trail of smoke and flames behind him before finally leaping into the sink butt-first and turning on the water, letting out a sigh of relief as the fire sizzled out.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" roared Supergirl, rising from outside the tower in a pillar of energy.

When the energy cleared Supergirl was glaring at Bat-Mite, her eyes glowing a hot white.

Bat-Mite, unimpressed, snapped his fingers. A bolt of lightning struck Supergirl. She let out a stuttering cry of pain as her body convulsed in different directions. Additionally, her skeleton would flicker in and out of sight as it illuminated her body like a light bulb. In these flickers, Supergirl's pink polka dotted bra, briefs, and socks were magically visible. When the lightning ceased, Supergirl remained airborn with her hair in complete disarray and mild burns smoldering all over her body. Her tights had been burnt to tatters.

"...you guys got this from here…" she uttered in a daze, "...right?"

She passed out midair and plummeted to the foot of the tower, where she lay unconscious.

"Bat-Mite, please," said Dick, earnestly approaching the being, "Whatever you're mad about, it clearly isn't their fault. Just take it out on me, alright?"

"Well…" considered Bat-Mite, tapping his foot on the non-existent ground on which he was standing, "I suppose I could agree to those terms. But only if we make it a bang!"

Bat-Mite snapped his fingers again. An enormous cannon was now directly behind Dick. Bat-Mite grabbed him and crammed him into the cannon butt first. Dick grunted in discomfort as he sank deeper into the cannon and all four of his limbs were left sticking straight out of the barrel of the cannon in a ridiculous fashion.

Bat-Mite produced an enormous match and struck it along the floor, lighting it. He placed that flame at the end of the cannon's wick and ignited the sparking countdown to Dick's launch. The cannon turned and faced the shattered open window.

"No!" cried Roy, "That'll kill him!"

Bat-Mite shot Roy a dirty look. Bat-Mite stuck his finger in his mouth and then extended it out of everyone's sight. The hand came back from around Roy's shoulder, where it jammed the saliva soaked finger into Roy's ear. The finger appeared to go through Roy's head and come out the other ear. Though this was only possible through Bat-Mite's abilities, to Roy it genuinely felt more invasively slimy than any human wet willy could possibly be.

Kid Flash made the first attempt to stop the cannon. He raced to stop the firing, but Bat-Mite turned the ground beneath his feet into a treadmill that kept up with his speed. Kid Flash was trapped running infinitely in place as he watched helplessly as the wick burned down.

Donna, still panting from the hot sauce, charged at the cannon next. Bat-Mite took note of this and produced an absolutely enormous fly swatter. The fly swatter, moving on it's own, slapped down Donna from above, slamming her with so much force it embedded her into the floor.

"Dick!" cried Roy and Kid Flash as the wick neared the end.

"Bat-Mite!" barked a deep and intimidating voice, "Stop this, NOW!"

Bat-Mite's eyes widened in terror as he grabbed onto the burning end of the wick, halting the firing. Kid Flash was finally able to stop running as he and Roy turned to see the source of the voice that had just saved Dick's life. Batman stood looking on from the entrance of the room.

"Batman!" cried out Bat-Mite nervously, "What's wrong!? What'd I do!?"

"Everything here is wrong, Bat-Mite," said Batman, "Have you no self-respect?"

"Not really," frowned Bat-Mite, "That's more your thing than mine."

"You want to be like me so badly?" said Batman, "I would never harbor a grudge or take it out on others."

"But you agreed that Robin needed to respect you more!" countered Bat-Mite, "That he needed to learn some manners! That someone needed to teach him a lesson!"

"I... misspoke," said Batman, hesitating for the slightest moment.

"Oh," realized Bat-Mite, "Well then. Sorry for the misunderstanding, everyone."

Dick, still ass first in the cannon, quietly sighed with relief. Roy had set about subtly readjusting his underwear. Donna had finally freed herself from the floor and was dusting herself off. Kid Flash gritted his teeth in frustration, eyes practically bulging.

"That's it!?" he demanded, "'Sorry?!' You almost killed us!"

"Yeah that's my bad," acknowledged Bat-Mite.

"THAT'S ATTEMPTED MUDER!" roared Kid Flash, red in the face from anger.

"Jeez," winced Bat-Mite, "What's his problem?"

"We earthlings are very attached to our lives, Bat-Mite," explained Batman calmly.

"You can say that again," said the imp, "Maybe that's why you're all no fun. Anyway, toodles!"

Bat-Mite blinked out of existence. In his wake there were still several craters in the floors and walls of the room, not to mention the numerous holes in walls and floors and ceilings. An entire wall was coated in cream pie. The large front facing window had been completely smashed away and a concrete speed bump still bisected the room.

"Um," muttered Roy, "Thanks for the help, Batm- Oh."

"He's gone," sighed Dick, still in the cannon, "Isn't he?"

"Sure is."

"In that case could someone help me out?" requested Dick, "I don't think I can get out of this by myself."

"What are we going to do with a cannon?" wondered Roy aloud.

Dick sighed as he felt the wind gently blow his ankles to the side in a swaying motion. He was sitting on the edge of the roof of Titans Tower, looking over Jump City. He loved the skyline and their disaster of a top floor no longer provided the same peaceful view.

"What's the damage?" asked Dick.

Wally had whizzed up to the roof and behind Dick. Though Wally didn't displace noise and air as violently as Kara when he moved, the Speed Force's distinct crackle meant Dick didn't have to turn around to know Wally had shown up.

"Well luckily none of our private quarters were damaged," said Wally, "Supergirl's clearing out all the debris, but we'll probably be wanting to use the second highest floor as our headquarters for the time being."

"I see."

"The others are already setting up the projector down there," continued Wally after waiting a moment, "We were going to show Donna her first rom com. Should be fun."

"No thanks."

"Ugh!" groaned Wally, "Fine, I give up! What is it? What's bothering you?"

"Bat-Mite was our first real threat as a team," said Dick, "and we failed. Miserably. Batman had to bail us out."

"Yeah," shrugged Wally, "but Bat-Mite is basically a god obsessed with him. It's not really fair to compare his handling of the situation to ours."

"It's fair to say I'm the reason he even came here," countered Dick, "I dragged us into a problem we weren't good enough to handle. Why am I even doing this?"

Wally furrowed his brow in frustration.

"You're right," he said, "We're no good. We should just break up. I'll tell the others."

"You know that's not what I meant!" said Dick, standing and turning angrily to Wally.

"I'm sure Donna will be thrilled to go back to living with her mom. You too. You can go back to doing whatever Batman tells you to. Things would be better off if you had never even brought us together."

Dick stared back motionlessly.

"Of course, then Amazo would've killed Superman."

"...you've made your point," sighed Dick.

"Look," sighed Wally in response, "I'm still pretty new to this whole superhero gig, but I get the impression it comes with a lot of failure. Especially leadership. So, um, you better get used to it!"

"...thanks," said Dick exasperatedly after a moment.

Crude and clumsy thought it was, Dick had to admit that Wally's point had merit. He would just have to learn from this and move on.

"So are you coming or what?"

"...can I pick the movie?"