Refuge

Sansa POV:

After finding Brienne, she helped me look for suitable rooms until Jon caught up to us and told us where our rooms are located. I ignored his presence throughout the whole exchange, then he finally escorted us to our rooms. My quarter is one of the closest to the Lord Commander's chambers, it was supposed to be one of the stewards' quarters but since Castle Black only has one steward I was given one of the spares. Brienne was given leave to occupy the adjacent room besides mine. Afterwards one of the men of the Night's watch came up to us and gave us our dinners. He had a deadpan attitude, I found out when I asked where the loo was located and he just looked at me and pointed at a random bucket that was in the corner. Later I found out that that man is now the Lord Commander after Jon… resigned? How does one leave the Night's Watch? I know that he was betrayed but we swept right over it during our discussion. Well, we all have our demons we don't want out

KNOCK, KNOCK…

"Sansa? Are you decent?" Jon asked from behind the door.

…After making myself look as presentable as my torn and dirty over worn dress allows. I let him in. Still avoiding locking eyes with me, Jon put down- what is hopefully a fresh clean dress. I gazed over it and realized it's a brown tunic and a long black cloak.

"I let Brienne take care of your… umm." Jon trailed off, still avoiding my gaze. Then he eloquently finished, "your undergarments." then abruptly left my room.

After Jon left, Brienne immediately entered the room carrying two bucketful of hot water- thank the Seven. Trailing after her and carrying a wooden tub was Podrick Payne.

"Leave." cold as ice, the words swiftly left my mouth. Podrick quickly dropped the tub and hastily left, almost slamming himself on the door. In Brienne's case, she nodded and quickly poured and set up my bath.

"Thank you, Brienne." I looked up at her and we locked eyes, I can see she didn't like my tone towards Podrick. Shame filled me, and I added "Sorry for my curtness, I-I just… I'm scared of another man seeing me vulnerable." Her stare softened.

"I understand, M'lady." Brienned glanced towards the door. Then continued, "But give my squire a chance, he's harmless. If not for my training, he wouldn't be capable of hurting a fly-"

"I know. You told me, he's not like other boys but monste-men have hurt me." Spite pouring out my mouth, "and boys sooner or later grow up to be men." I finished. Brienne spoke no more but I could see her defiance, then I quickly backtracked and ultimately pleaded, "I won't take it back, just please understand."

She finally left the room. Feeling defeated, and finally alone, I trudged toward the tub then disrobing myself and submerged my body in the hot water. The days' worth of exhaustion caught up to me, every sore limb and sensitive callouses beckoned relaxation and peace but my mind instantly rejected the temptation and I'm left in a state of panic. I attempt to catch my breath but it quickly leaves me gasping for more... Until finally I wailed and curled myself into a ball. I haven't screamed as much as my first rape by Ramsay, this time I didn't cry from the pain but from the realization that I can't relax anymore after what HE did to me. The salt on my tongue, and the choking and headache was all I could feel for what felt like eternity. Suddenly, someone grabbed my shoulders, I wrenched myself away and tried to crawl back then hands filled my vision and grabbed my face towards-.

"It's just me! Sansa! It's me Jon!" Someone screamed at me.

Then I finally see Jon… desperate fearful eyes locked mine in a trance, visage dripping wet. Father! I knew it wasn't him, it's Jon. My breath, which was untenable finally settled in me and I could finally… just breathe. Gulping air and digging myself in the crook between Jon's beard and his chest. Taking in Jon's scent, it's wrong. He smells of fresh blood, and home. No matter how much he looks like Father, he's not him. Feeling a distinct caress across the scars across my back brought me back to reality.

"Sansa… I'm sorry." Jon held me tighter, "I should've left the Watch much earlier… I should've rescued you and Arya." His speech hitched halfway through. "I'm SO SORRY." Then once he realized what were the bumps he kept caressing across my back, he abruptly held me away from him.

-SLAPPED!

I slapped him. How dare he feel disgust towards me! "You're SORRY and you-you..." I hugged myself and curled up again. Suddenly I started chasing my breath again and I couldn't- even Jon is disgusted by me. No matter how much Joffrey and Ramsay beat me, I still couldn't stop dreaming about having a noble husband and happy children. HOW?! How do I get it back please?

"I swear, Sansa, you'll get them back." Jon pleaded, he must've heard my plea. "It wasn't you… you're not disgusting. It's only them, I should've killed Joffrey when I could've and I should've known you were at Winterfell." He cradled me towards him again and whispered to me. "I'll protect you, today until the end of days you won't be alone anymore." Then he repeated that again until I calmed down.

"I'm sorry." I softly uttered. My voice is gone, and raspy. Was also probably inaudible.

The door suddenly swung open and in came Brienne and Pod. "M'lady!" Then her gaze hone unto Jon. "Bastard! That's your sister! Unhand her at once or you'll wish you're dead."

Before she could threaten Jon further, who at this point is still whispering sweet nothings to my hair. I called out over Jon's shoulder. "Brienne! Please Leave! I'm safe… I'm safe…" Then next thing I knew, Jon's shoulder enveloped me then darkness.

Sorry about the long update, but Finals and life came up and I couldn't find the time to write. Atleast time wasn't wasted, and I finally have my driver's permit and just got vaccinated. To my 4 paragraph long reviewer, this story will only encompass seasons 5-8. The reason is that this is my first fanfic story and I can't bring justice to Tyrion's wicked tongue, the severeness and brutality of Tywin and the roasts of the Queen of Thorns along with the whole ensemble of great characters in King's Landing. So I have to limit myself to the skill writing of seasons 5-8 but be assured, there won't be eunuch jokes or "Muh queen." levels of dialogue. Just letting you know, To be continued...