A/N: One of my puppies fell asleep on me. And you know, there's this unwritten rule that says if a baby, puppy or kitty is sleeping on you, you're not allowed to move. So I had to busy myself for some time and this is the (angsty and rather short) outcome. If you don't mind, tell me what you think!
Inspired by „After Midnight" (did I mention blink-182 was my one of my all time favorites?). Great song, give it a listen! I found the lyrics to be very inspiring and the first verse, if taken literally, very fitting for B&B! This story is set after 5x16.
Darkness was all around him. Darkness was inside him, clouded his mind, squashed his heart. Booth was lying in his bed, facing the ceiling, his hands resting flat on his bare chest. He stared into the dark empty nothingness, feeling neither cold nor warm. In fact, he felt nothing at all - just numbness. He equipped her with such power over him that she could not only hurt him, but cause any ever so tiny emotion to vanish. She was maddening, infuriating and irritating. She drained him. Drove him crazy.
But still, each night when Booth lay awake in his bed, his thoughts wandered back to her. He imagined how good they'd be together. Could they even be any better than they already were? She was also the one who nurtured him, fueled him. She was his motivation. Without knowing, without wanting to, she did all that to him.
Or did she know? Did she want to hurt him on purpose, did she have some perverted kind of fun while doing so? She wasn't shocked about his emotions tonight. Her first concern was the FBI - she seemed to have put some thought into that topic before as well. If she was shocked, it was about his sudden outburst. Nonetheless, she kissed him back. Even if it was just for a tiny moment. One tiny moment, which allowed him to have hope. And then his world shattered. And she cried. Cried with him as he told her he had to move on.
Another part of town, another bedroom, another person lying awake. Same position, same setting, same darkness. Except, there was no numbness. Brennans emotional side felt numb all the time before. She was a scientist, a brain person.
Tonight, she was awash in emotions. She couldn't deny the fact that he was exactly what she wanted. She didn't tell him she wasn't in love with him, but she rejected him nonetheless. Booth and Bones, Bones and Booth. They were like fire and ice, an unmatching match. Antonyms and synonyms at the same time - a full-blown oxymoron. That's why they were so good in the field together - they both brought different things to the party: brain and heart, reason and intuition.
But that could never work in a romantic relationship. They couldn't get any better.
She missed him, looked out for him, and that's why she decided she had to protect his kind, wonderful and caring soul from being hurt. It was a rational choice, but for once, her abandoned heart cried over the loss of something that was never meant to be hers.
While Brennan felt painfully alive, Booth felt as if a part of him had died. He allowed her to drive him crazy for almost six years. Countless of nights spent together, they stood over death, they shared parts of their life. The scary things, the funny things, they faced it all. Together. They saw the best and the worst of each other, looked deep into the others soul.
Each night, when he lay awake, missing a part that never belonged to him, he allowed his thoughts to drift off. He allowed himself to fantasize about a shared life. The voice inside his head - it was hers. But what was it worth? Maybe it was doomed to end before it had even started. She was right, she couldn't change. His Bones… He could have told her so many different things tonight. That he didn't want her to change. That they had been a couple for the longest time of their partnership - they just left the best part out of it. That he would always be that guy, her guy, waiting for her to catch up and there to stay. But he'd told her he had to move on. Standing there, he felt as if he couldn't settle for the second best again.
But that's what he was about to do. Nothing would change. They would stand over death together, they'd bicker and banter, they'd spend their nights together, just to go separate ways towards their own apartments after midnight. And then they'd lie awake, just to think about the other part in the sum of their whole.