"We should race to the forest!" Oluo shouts excitedly as he rides his horse.
"Poor animal" Petra thinks. "Whose sins are you paying off to be carrying such a fool?"
While Petra prepares to leave for her house, captain Levi and the guys prepare for a morning training session at the forest, the perfect place to practice their three-dimensional maneuvering gear.
"Last to the big oak tree is a rotten tomato!" Oluo shouts and takes off, followed by Eld and Gunther.
Petra tries not to laugh when she sees Levi rolling his eyes.
"I'll catch up with those shitty brats later. Tch. Idiots. Getting their horses tired from the beginning of the day" Levi says while caressing the muzzle of his own black steed. "And very rude. Leaving their comrade without a proper send-off".
"It's alright. It's just for a few days" Petra waves her hand nonchalantly.
"Is it?" he says without looking at her, still focused on his horse.
Petra doesn't know how to answer that. Or if she even wants to answer.
Levi doesn't wait for her to respond. He turns around and faces her. "Then I guess the duty falls solely on me".
Petra tries to smile, as her eyes fall on the ground.
"I hope that you find your father in good health. And even if the opposite happens, I'm sure your presence will make him feel better".
"Thank you" she says while tugging her hair nervously.
"If it's not a big trouble, please remember to send me a letter when you arrive. To make sure you had a safe journey".
Petra nods quietly.
"I will be preoccupied with those little shits, I can't have that in my mind too".
He worries about her?
A part of her feels insulted. He wouldn't ask that of Gunther, Oluo or Eld! Is it because she is a woman? She needs special treatment? She is a god damn soldier! She can take perfect care of herself!
However... that thought doesn't linger much on her mind. He's not discriminating. He's just a caring captain. He wants her to be alright.
She will surely write him a letter the moment she arrives home. After all... even surrounded by her loving family, she knows that it's her captain who will be on her mind.
"Petra?", he interrupts her thoughts.
She raises her face and looks at him in the eye, careful to pay attention to all the details of his face and secure them safely in her memories while she will be away from him, even if it's only going to be for a few days.
"I'm sorry I didn't give you time off earlier. I should have cared more about my squad's individual's needs instead of the general good".
"It's alright, captain. I'm thankful to you still".
One wouldn't notice it, but Petra knows his expressions way too well. A small hint of disappointment is hiding in the twitch of his upper lip. Maybe it's because of her use of the word "captain". Petra hates to go against his wishes, but right now she doesn't have the courage to call him by his first name.
"One last thing" he walks closer and speaks in a lower voice, as if he's telling her a secret.
Petra nods for him to continue.
"I can afford giving you some time off. But watching you leave our squad permanently is something I don't dare imagine".
Did she hear right? Oh, how she resists to place a kiss on his cheek!
But he doesn't understand how she feels. He doesn't know how difficult it is for her to be near him.
"Take care" he pats her on the shoulder after a few moments of silence and turns around to ride his horse and follow the guys.
Petra's eyes stay with him until he is lost from her sight, desperate for him to turn and look back one last time. He doesn't. But it's alright. Maybe that look would have made her go after him, confess everything, scrap her plan to visit her family and stay by his side forever.
When she finally takes off, she can't help but shed a few tears. She wipes them hastily, although no one is looking at her.
Why does she feel like this? She's supposed to be happy, she's going to see her family.
But now that she thinks about it, she's also leaving her family. The second family she has found. After living for more than three years under the same roof with them, training together and dining together, she would be lying to herself if she said that her squad wasn't her family. Yes, even Oluo.
Each one of them has become special to her. And captain Levi even more so, she admits to herself.
It already hurts being apart from them. She can't imagine how much more painful it will be to leave them for good. But it's something she has to do.
Maybe the next days can serve as a practice for being away from her squad. She has heard Hange is in need of a lieutenant after a recent expedition with devastating losses.
She will be happy in a new squad. She can make new friends and grow close to other people as well. Maybe she will have some girls too in her squad.
But Eld, Oluo and Gunther will always have a special place in her heart.
Levi will always have a special place in her heart.
She takes off and still feels Levi's pat on her shoulder, as if his hand stayed there.
Take care.
Simple as that.
That is how it's going to be when she leaves the squad for good? She can only wonder.