chapter 3: nightmare time, 1st period
Gakushuu is lying on the ground where he fell. He still hears Karma's laughter in his ears. The bastard. Just laughing when he could have fallen to his death!
When he was falling to his death. It's quite strange he survived. He did fall from the top of Eiffel Tower. Tokyo Tower. One or another, he isn't quite sure. Big difference, they're approximately the same height.
He lies on the pavement that is soft under his back, stares up at the tower. Oh well. He's not complaining about being still alive.
Gakushuu sits up. What was he doing again, before he started flying around with Karma? Wasn't he going somewhere? Maybe…
A car horn honks, and Gakushuu jumps to his feet, realizing suddenly he's sitting in the middle of a busy street. He runs to the sidewalk, dodging cars, motorcycles, and emu-drawn carriages. Those freaking birds honk at him even louder than the cars. He didn't know emus made sounds like that.
He starts walking along the street, still unsure where he is going. Maybe he could head to the library to study? If you don't know what to do, study, his father always says. Or does he? Something like that, maybe.
Father. Gakushuu frowns. There was something about his father he was supposed to do. Did father give him some mission he has forgotten? That is not good.
He stops. Hesitates. What was it he was supposed to do? He must remember.
He is on a bridge. He leans against its railing, stares down into the dark water. Something about his father? Why can't he remember?
"Gakushuu?" someone says, and he looks behind, startled.
"Ren! Hey, it's great to see you!" And it is. He feels it's been days since he saw a friendly face. He hasn't seen Ren since… Gakushuu frowns. "How did you end up in the E class?" No, wait. Basically the entire A class asked to be transferred to the E class, didn't they?
No, that can't be right. Maybe he's had some weird dream. And his question seems to have offended Ren.
"What?" His friend glares at him. "Who says I'm in the E class?"
"I… well, I think… I saw you there. But you were like… ten…" Gakushuu shakes his head. "I'm sorry, I must be mistaken."
Mistaken, echoes in his mind. What… was a mistake?
"Yes," Ren says shortly. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm not sure," Gakushuu admits. "I was flying with Karma and I fell, maybe I hit my head or something…" he pauses, seeing Ren's look. Blushes. "Oh, I flew with him just a bit, it means nothing, I promise!"
"I didn't know you're on first name basis," Ren says.
Gakushuu pauses. True. They aren't. "I think it's just cause he's my student," he tries to explain. "You see, I teach the E class, and all my students are Karma, and they're ten, so… "
His voice trails off again. What is he talking about? He is teaching the E class? Oh yes, that was the mistake!
"Have you seen my father, Ren? I really must find him. He shouldn't have made me the E class teacher just because of three points."
"If you don't want to teach the E class, you don't teach it. Your father can't make you."
Gakushuu stares at his friend. Ren if anyone should know his father better. Though… isn't he a student himself? He hasn't even graduated from junior high. He can't be a teacher.
"Thank you, Ren," he says solemnly. "You are right."
...
Gakuhou is running through the streets, trying to find the three kids, but he has lost the sight of them long ago and has no idea where to go. He knows that running around aimlessly makes no sense, but he is too frantic to pause to think. He must find Gakushuu. Must. Before it's too late. He doesn't know why, but he is convinced that time is running short.
Swimming?
Where would they go swimming? He has to find water. Is there water anywhere near by?
Right then he sees a river that twists its way through the city. He rushes toward it. Here and there he sees people enjoying the sunny afternoon on the riverbanks, but nowhere is there any sign of those he is looking for.
Except…
A bridge crosses the river. Behind it, the sky blazes red. The sight is like a painting someone has attached to the scenery. It doesn't belong here, doesn't fit. Everywhere else the sky is blue and the world is normal, but the bridge is dark, the water under it darker, and the sky above it bloodred.
And there is a lone figure standing on that bridge.
"Gakushuu!" Gakuhou shrieks and starts running as fast as he possibly can.
He reaches the bridge, and the figure is still there. No, two figures. He has eyes only for one.
"Gakushuu!" he repeats, and the boy turns to look at him.
"Father? …did you just call me by my name?"
Gakuhou stops by him, panting. "Thank god I found you! You can't believe how long I've been looking for you. Why aren't you in some, some sensible place? Like home," he finishes irritably.
The boy stares him in the eye. "Father," he says seriously. "I have been thinking about this, and it is completely unfair that you made me the E class teacher just because I missed three points in the finals. I am still in school myself! I cannot be a teacher. I refuse."
Gakuhou stares at him. "What?"
"I said I refuse!" There is fire in the boy's eyes. Or is it just the glow of the red sky, reflected there?
"That's… what the hell. Asano-kun. I'm here to take you home. Of course you won't be a teacher!"
"Good. Did you hear that, Ren?" The boy turns to his companion, who is standing by the railing, staring down. "Ren…?"
This other person turns to look behind. It is not Sakakibara Ren.
"Who are you?" Gakushuu asks, confused. Gakuhou can only stare.
"Long time no see, sensei," Ikeda says.
"Ikeda," Gakuhou manages to get out.
"I was just wondering how you're doing," Ikeda goes on with a smile.
Gakuhou has never seen a smile as forced.
"I'm just a regular Samaritan nowadays, sensei," Ikeda goes on, taking his shoes off. "Thanks to you!"
"Wait!" Gakuhou exclaims, grasping a hold of the boy's arm. "No, Ikeda, this isn't—!"
("Umm, father? What is going on here?")
"Sensei." Ikeda looks him into eye, and Gakuhou shudders at the emptiness in his. "You sound busy. You should let me go."
"No! Ikeda, no!" He grasps the arm harder. "If you just had told me… why didn't you say anything?! Why did you call me if not to get help!"
"He wanted to hear your voice," someone else says. Gakuhou spins to look and sees a girl wearing a light green summer dress standing on the other side of the bridge, her back to him. "To hear you're okay. Just like I did. But you didn't answer when I called."
And she dives over the railing.
"Kyuko!"
When he reaches after his sister, Ikeda yanks himself free. Gakuhou can almost grasp the hem of his coat. Almost. It slips from his fingers, but he doesn't give up. He reaches further… and falls with the boy into the darkness.
"Father!" he hears a desperate scream in his ears. And, briefly, the sound of a car's engine? Then he plunges into the dark water, and all sounds cease to exist.
He can still see Ikeda. So close, but unreachable. He kicks with his feet, tries to swim faster, but the water around him is thick like oil, and it's hard to move. Gradually he becomes aware of a burning sensation in his chest, and he realizes he has to breathe soon. He ignores the feeling, for he can still see the boy, so close, so horribly close. And it's not just Ikeda… the light green summer dress shines in the dark water right in front of him, and there is a small shape, just a toddler, floating between those two… they are all there, all three, just barely outside his grasp, if he just can reach a little further he can pull them back to life, but no matter how he tries, they are getting farther and farther away until they're only a tiny speck shining in the darkness.
He must reach that light. Must. He can't let this happen again.
The speck of light flickers and dies out.
"Gakushuu!" Gakuhou screams. The oily dark water enters his mouth, and he gags.
No.
He struggles still after the light, but it is gone.
No.
Is he losing them all? Is he really losing them all, just because he was too blind to see, because he wasn't there, because he wasn't strong enough to reach…
Just because he is still weak.
Gakuhou stops struggling. He floats in the water, face down, feels it flowing into his mouth and nose. Still, somehow, he is breathing.
He wishes he wasn't.
He failed. He is so tired.
What is the point of any of this?
He floats along with the water, blind and deaf in it. The darkness is gentle, caressing, and he feels like he could just wrap it around himself, fall asleep in its softness, forget everything, all his dreams and failures and hopes, simply cease being.
What is the point to go on?
He lets the waves wash over him, through him, carry away everything that once made up the man called Asano Gakuhou. Gradually his breathing grows shallower, slows down, stops.
He floats on, an empty shell, without any memories or dreams. The water flows into him, fills his lungs, makes him heavier, and he starts sinking. After a small eternity he finally hits the bottom, but he doesn't feel it anymore. He lies there unmoving, oblivious to everything.
Gakuhou, a voice whispers, but the word has no meaning.
Rest, then, the voice goes on, very gentle and quiet. It's alright.
And he sleeps within his sleep, free of both dreams and nightmares.
...
"Father!" Gakushuu screams as his father plunges over the railing after the unknown boy who was Ren but definitely isn't anymore. He rushes to the edge and looks down.
He can't see anything. Just hear the roaring of waves, and it is so loud the stream must be extremely strong.
"Father…" Gakushuu repeats, brokenly. What is this? Did his father just die? Jump off a bridge? Because of some random kid? "What the hell is this even?!" he screams aloud.
"Hey kid," someone says. "What happened?"
Gakushuu looks behind. Someone has stopped their car and is looking at him through the open window.
"My father…" he says, brokenly. "My father… jumped…"
He hiccups. So annoying.
"Jumped of the bridge? Damn," the man says. "Let me call for help."
"Th-thank you," Gakushuu manages to say, sniffling. He watches the man do this. Tries to process what just happened. And fails.
This can't be real. His father wouldn't do something like that. Never.
Why did Ren leave him alone, too?
"Okay. They'll be searching the river. C'mon kid, I'll give you a ride down."
Gakushuu gets into the car. He's still sniffling. He should try to stop that.
The man starts driving. Gakushuu takes his first good look of him. He is dark-haired, Westerner, strongly built. Clad in a sleeveless white shirt and white jeans, and wearing so dark sunglasses Gakushuu can't see his eyes at all.
"Thank you for your help," he says quietly. "Mister…?"
The man flashes him a very white grin. "They call me the Corinthian," he says. "And it's no problem at all, Asano Gakushuu."
Gakushuu frowns. "You know me?"
The man laughs. "Of course! This is your dream, after all!" He grins even wider. "Before he offed himself, didn't your dad warn you about strangers?"
Gakushuu freezes. He tries the car door, but it doesn't open. The Corinthian laughs as the car speeds through darkness.
...
Gradually Gakuhou becomes aware of the water around him. It's warm. Sweet. He opens his mouth, swallows some. Coughs. He's at the bottom of the river, isn't he, but somehow the water isn't dark anymore. It's is crystal clear, with a slight turquoise tint, and he…
Slowly he gathers himself on his knees. He is in a cove, in shallow water that reaches barely to his lap as he kneels in it. Stunned, he looks around.
He drowned, didn't he? Did he go to paradise?
…he never thought, if such places as Heaven and Hell really do exist, that he would ever make his way to the former.
But this place…
Gakuhou crawls to ground and rolls on his back by the water's edge. This place cannot possibly be anything else.
The sky is clear blue, with a few cotton clouds drifting across it. There is a waterfall, and behind it rise two mountains with snow covered tops. All around him is lush nature, so incredibly green he would accuse someone of using too many filters if this was a picture. The air is pleasantly warm, and from somewhere floats the faint scent of unknown flowers.
He takes a deep breath. Another. For some reason, tears are rolling down his temples as he lies there on his back. He doesn't care. He is empty, so utterly empty, having left all of himself into the water. Here, he can be in peace. He doesn't have to do anything, think anything, worry about anything… or anyone…
He thought the dark was peaceful, but this light surely competes with it, and doesn't lose.
Unlike him, a forbidden thought enters his mind. Three faces float at the edge of his memory. Do not, he tells himself. Don't worry anymore. Don't care. Still, there are three faces… three names, all with too much meaning attached to them that he could really let go.
Gakuhou sits up and lowers his head to his hands.
Kyuko. Ikeda. Gakushuu.
Did he fail all of them?
He frowns. Gakushuu. What happened to Gakushuu? Did something happen to Gakushuu? He can't remember.
Try as he might, there is nothing but a dark hole in his mind. He knows he has forgotten something. Something important, something he was doing. The thought is so close, but he can't reach it, can't reach that single speck of light…
Think, damnit. Think.
Don't try so much, shaman, a voice says.
Gakuhou looks around but can't see anyone. "What?" Why did the voice call him a shaman? Or was it talking to someone else?
You are trying too much, the voice goes on. Relax. Don't force yourself. This is a dream, so… dream.
Dream, huh? Does that mean he is not dead, then? Somehow that makes sense. (He knew it. He'd never make it to Heaven.) Gakuhou lies down, tries to relax. Let his mind wander.
Various snippets of memories float by him.
Ikeda bouncing his ball as he walks down a street with a girl and child. Gakushuu as a toddler in their kitchen, together with Kyuko. A roll book with only three names in it. Gakushuu looking at him with fire in his eyes.
He was on a bridge, wasn't he?
He was on a bridge. Kyuko fell. Ikeda fell. Gakushuu…?
He left Gakushuu behind, he suddenly realizes, feeling cold. How could he do that?
Gakuhou opens his eyes.
"I have to find my son," he says aloud. Then he swears in his mind, remembering how long it had taken him to find Gakushuu on that bridge. And then, like an idiot, he just fell off that bridge and left the boy behind.
Oh well. He stands up. He found Gakushuu once, he can do it again. No matter how long it takes. Now… where would the boy go after something like this? Home? Police station? Perhaps…
There is a strange sound in the air. As if the wind was clearing its throat.
You… are quite new to this, aren't you, the voice says.
"Who are you?" Gakuhou says sharply. "Show yourself!"
There is laughter. Oh, but you see me, don't you? I'm all around you. You stand on me, dear boy.
"Huh?" Gakuhou looks at the grass under his feet.
Listen, now, the voice goes on. Your way of going about things is much too forceful. You're trying to be too rational. It doesn't work here. Has no one taught you how dreams work, shaman…no, you're not one, are you? Oneironaut, then.
Gakuhou is quiet.
You can't bend dreams to your will. You have to flow with them, like with a current, sometimes steering your course with your thoughts. Think of something, and you may make it happen.
"I've been thinking of nothing but my son since I came here!" Gakuhou snaps. "Clearly it isn't that easy."
I never said it was easy, the voice admonishes him. Now, sit down. I'll help.
Gakuhou considers a moment. Does he have time to waste? No.
"I don't have time to waste," he says, sitting down. "So please, don't waste it."
A/N: Nightmare time was supposed to be just one chapter, but it was getting long, so I decided to cut it here. I'll try to get the next part up soon.
I wanted to name the end of this chapter euneirophrenia (peaceful state of mind after a pleasant dream) but it felt a bit too weird after Gakuhou literally dreamed of drowning. xD I just... like that word.
Also, the way I see things, dreams take place within your mind. So it doesn't really matter whether you say something or think it. Just to explain why occasionally people seem to be reading minds here.
Thank you for reading, as usual, all comments are warmly appreciated!