CHAPTER 3 - My goals.

BPOV

Present day

I was a graphic designer at a huge firm called, Volturi designs. I was doing well for myself. I was confident at the moment, because I just finished a huge and successful ad campaign, all this achieved at the age of 25, I was proud of myself and did not want to spoil my mood.

But after careful deliberation, I decided to step on the scale and I weighed myself, for the first time in months. My weighing scale read 180 lbs. I know I have to work on that. I was not ashamed of myself, I was surprised at my own reaction. But I knew what I wanted and I wanted to be able to wear what I like, not worry about my health and just enjoy my life. For the first time in a long time I could do whatever I wanted.

I began therapy like Rose suggested. It helped me a lot. My therapist, Kate, who refused to let me call her Dr. Denali, was amazing. She was attentive, kind and just let me be.

I knew if I had spoken to my parents things would have gotten out of hand. My father would have pretty much driven down to Seattle from Forks, and killed Riley, or probably, something like that. My mother would be the one to start crying, and I would be consoling her. I love her, though I thought to myself, I cried a lot (thanks to mom), but my mom... she's a whole other story, it was definitely much worse.

But in all honesty, these things were not the reason I held back from telling my parents. I held back because I was scared of their reaction at the same time - insanely jealous of the relationship my parents had. They were so in love and happy. They had their fights, but they always got through it, stronger and better. I longed for a relationship like that. And after this façade of a relationship I had just ended, I don't think I could bear looking at other couples - as childish and bitchy, as that sounds.

Not only that, my parents were considered beautiful. I was not, at least by societal beauty standards. Though I had my father's "chocolate" brown eyes with a touch of hazel and his brown hair, although my hair was longer and went down to my waist (almost). I also had a dimple on my right cheek like my mother, which became more prominent when I smiled.

But it was never enough. Not for Riley, not for society and at one point, not even for myself. I didn't care much for that now, a mere 3 weeks after the breakup.

My parents and Rose always said I looked beautiful, and that I was beautiful both, inside and out. But with Riley...

I guess I always looked at myself in the mirror, though I'm the farthest thing from being vain. But I always hoped I'd look as amazing as my parents, try to find things to match them, to prove to myself and the small town of Forks, that I was beautiful.

Rose too, is insanely smart and equally stunning, she could easily be a model - I could say I was smart and creative however, I thought I needed to look like her or tried to look like her at one point of time, but I think we are as opposite as we can possibly be, in the looks department, with her beautiful long blonde hair, purplish-blue eyes, and amazing body.

Rose, when she realized that I was trying to be like her, began lecturing me - "You are insane Bella. Why try to be someone else, when you can be yourself - beautiful, smart, kind, loyal, talented... You are stunning. Period. Stop trying to become someone you are not".

I knew she meant well, but Rose is Rose. You cannot compete with that, not that I was trying to.

I now realize how stupid that sounds. I should be happy that I'm alive and good. There are worse things to worry about than my looks. My health was one.

I wanted, or rather needed to make this change. I know this. It's something I had to do for myself and prove to myself.

This was one of the reasons my father, much like Rose, hated Riley. He was constantly worried and felt that I do whatever Riley tells me to do. My father once told me over the phone, his voice shaky, like he was on the verge of tears, "Bells don't stay with him. You don't look happy. I hardly ever see you smile anymore. Please don't."

My dad was scared, I knew it. But I am a stubborn woman, and I refused to see the truth at that time.

But that is now in the past. I will focus on myself and on my goals.

Kate agreed with me and on most of my decisions. She told me that if I wanted to change, I should do it. Being 180 lbs is no laughing matter. But Kate also said that, I should wait a month, maybe start eating healthier, however, I should hold off on going to the gym. She said that if I waited a month, and made good progress in our therapy sessions, and I was still sure this is what I wanted, then I should do this.

She admitted that physical health is important regardless of the situation, but I should take things a step at a time. Not start everything at one go.

I agreed and accepted. But in my head and my heart, I know that I'm ready. I knew I was ready the day Riley left, and I know I am ready at this moment.

So, it's been 3 weeks of eating healthy, no diet as such, but rather a sufficient amount of food that is healthy, or rather it's a healthy diet.

I have to wait a week more, to show Kate, and the rest of society. Isabella Marie Swan is here, she is her own person, and she is going to kick some ass.

Isabella has taken control of her life. FINALLY. Is she ready? What do you think?