The Phantom Stranger emerged from shadows as black as those beneath his cape. He looked exactly as John pictured him, when he had to think of him at all: remote, conniving and altogether not to be trusted. If he weren't the only magicked bloke around, John would cut him like he did his Sixth Form classmates on his Facebook page.

"I did not place you in this beseiged city, although I am here to help."

"Where is here?" John gestured to the three immobile men and then to the long, broad tables filled with rolls of what looked like expensive fabrics. Jewels studded some of the silks, glinting sapphires like the ones he contemplated giving Zee; he could never find a set to match her eyes. "When is here?"

"The when is 29th May 1453 at high noon and to your credit, you perceived the where without actual divination spells. The what is that you were interrupted on your way to Purgatory."

The last veil to John's sight fell away. "I'm dead? Wait, I remember! I'm alive! Madame Xanadu sent me and Deadman to the land of the dead to goose Vampire v2.0 Andrew Bennett from his guilt trip to come aid us against Cain, or as I call him, Vampire v1.0." John frowned. "Madame X cocked up the transport spell? Not like her at all."

"There are more forces at work here than Xanadu. One of them sidestreamed you to this place."

"Who did it? You?"

"I have already said I did not, because I am but a stranger - "

"Bollocks. I know you even if I can't stand you and you must twig that you're not all that strange in me twisted social circle."

"Oh, don't say that, John. That would mean my name makes no sense at all."

"Banter from you disturbs me. Quit it. And never call me John again."

John recognized a lecture coming on when he saw the Stranger's opaque eyes focus like lasers on a spot ten inches to the left of his armored right shoulder as he got this angin listening look. "People choose good and bad actions and words that either dim or brighten the corner where they are. Your time in this pivotal moment between worlds must prove that you are not indifferent to your role in existence." The focus slipped into introspection. "It - It is vital not to be a jaded know-it-all."

"That's the biggest pile of" - John glanced at his three gracious, gallant, good gentlemen companions - "stuff I've heard in me life. Whatever. I'm in it to win it. I neither want nor need to know who screwed me over by sticking me here. Indulge this question: do I look like Eleventh Constantine to these poor lads?"

"You have taken his place in their minds through my hallucinatory shroud over you. It is rudimentary though I did my best."

John tried to work his will upon the Stranger in the bounder's rare moment of self-doubt. "Hang about, how about this sheepdog hair and beard? It's not me best look, so can you change it to the usual, you know, but leave some manly stubble - "

"I did not do this, so no, I cannot change you back."

"Hah, didn't think you had that much power. I was just fishing."

The blighter couldn't be accommodating if it would save his soul from hell. "Think of it as acting in character needing makeup and so forth." The blank eyes showed something in them that John could not read. "Consider Zee in her tuxedo and fishnets and top hat, doesn't that make her look the part of a master magician?"

John felt the remains of his Taco Tuesday indulgence shift like the tides of the Sea of Marmara. "Zatanna is a master magician and you leave her out of it," he snarled, "and do not call her Zee - hold on, have you done anything to her?"

There was that listening face again. After a moment, the Stranger said, "She is safe enough in an Otherverse nearby. Do you wish her to join you as helpmate for your cause?" The blank gaze turned more personal and John hated when that happened. "She would do it willingly."

"Cripes, no!" he blurted. "Life is hell enough for men here and for women it's double hell! I shan't take the risk you'd hare off and strand her, I mean us. Let Zee alone!"

"Since you're British, shouldn't you call her Zed?"

John saw red as he clenched his fists but hold on, he needed this git. "It's our little joke."

"How domestic of you both."

By all that was holy and true, he was begging for a punch because John had figured out what the undecipherable look had been. "Envy doesn't suit you."

"You could not stop me from fetching Zatanna." Was this turd playful? Now?

"She would have something to say about that and maybe I could stop you, maybe not, but I could muck you up if you'd spare me one billionth of me usual talents. I'd conjure away your cloak and Indiana Jones hat and those sissy gloves, jack."

Phantom Stranger fingered his necklace draped over his out of fashion turtleneck. What a twit. "I could function without them and you are wasting your time and theirs." He indicated the three nobles. "They need you to protect and give their deaths meaning."

So cold and calm, damn him. "The gloves are off and it's bare knuckles if you want to mix it, Phanty. Me magic's sliced away and if you drop yours, we'll have a right go and see who wins. Hint: it'll be me." John sidestepped his temper with great effort and a nagging question. "Where is the real Constantine Eleventh?"

"He is rethinking his life - or in prayer - or in meditation in the Otherverse next door." The Stranger passed a white gloved hand over his brow. "It is difficult to say."

More vulnerability, how interesting. Push, John, push hard. "He is decent. He deserves a break. He is not like me."

This bloke just loved dramatic pronouncements, didn't he? "In most ways, no. In important ways, yes."

John played as sincere as he ever did in dicey situations like this. He grabbed the necklace to pull Stranger close. "Let him live," he said earnestly as his fingers sizzled with hellfire from the silver disks. He let go fast to protect his sword hand.

"That will be up to you." The Stranger primped his necklace back into position. "The reward is as I said: you will continue on your journey to Purgatory with Deadman none the wiser. Andrew Bennett, Madame Xanadu and your Zatanna will never know what you do, either. You and I and - the One who sideslipped you here will know if you succeed." Was that a smile? That was a smile! With teeth! "Or if you fail."

"You're killing me, Stranger. You're bloody killing me. Only you would think nipping off to Purgatory accompanied by a ghost is a reward."