A/N: I'm risking putting this up without a thorough going-over. Because I have a piñata I need to whack. I promise I'll tidy up this monster at the end of the month. Prompts at bottom.
Summary: What if Ted Tonks decided to sit at the same table as Lucius Malfoy? What if that one act would change the rest of Lucius' time in Hogwarts?
What If...?
Present Day
Lucius' hand shook as he held his tumbler. He looked at the movement in confusion, an odd sensation pulsing through him. It came on so quickly. Concern? No, that wasn't it. Maybe worry. He finished the remaining drink before anymore could spill over his hand.
'Darling, don't you think you should slow down?' Narcissa gently took the glass from him. 'We've not even had lunch yet.'
Lucius clenched his hands into tight fists, dropping them to his sides. He watched her place the tumbler back on the drinks table, her eyes constantly glancing around the room frantically. 'Where's Bella?'
'Out,' Narcissa said quietly.
Lucius gave a sharp nod, even though she wasn't looking to him. They were alone in their home.
For now.
But that odd sensation he couldn't quite work out was lingering. It had nothing to do with his current predicament of being kept a prisoner, so to speak, in his own home, that much he was sure.
It wasn't until they'd sat down to dinner with Bellatrix that evening he would understand it.
'Cissy, have you heard the glorious news?' she started gleefully.
Lucius blinked, suppressing the urge to flinch when Bellatrix's knife clattered on the plate. He felt Narcissa's knee push into his under the table; a warning that he wasn't controlling his outward appearance very well.
'That Mudblood scum Andromeda married is dead,' Bellatrix said with a high-pitched laugh.
There was a ringing in Lucius' ears. He watched Bellatrix talking, her features animated – happy – as she relayed the news to Narcissa, her dinner forgotten. He tilted his head slightly, he couldn't hear her properly for the ringing. Maybe he'd misheard her.
He couldn't ask her to repeat it. That would draw attention. Lucius looked down to his plate, his food barely touched. He had to have misheard.
Picking up his wine goblet, no longer able to be near Bellatrix, Lucius left the table without saying a word.
'Where are you going, darling?' Narcissa called. He heard the tightness in her voice.
'I just need to be alone!' he snapped. He paused at the door of the dining room, glancing back to the two women. Bellatrix was watching closely, like she always did since he'd been brought back from Azkaban. 'I'll be in the library.'
Once in the library, Lucius used his replacement wand – one the Snatchers had taken off some unsuspecting half-blood – to place a charm on the door to alert him to anyone near. He couldn't lock it, that would raise questions – after all, he wasn't allowed to have secrets anymore. To be safe, he placed a Silencing Charm on the room that would break upon someone entering the library.
The shaking in his hands returned, now moving up his arms. The wine started splashing over the sides of the glass, so Lucius placed it on a table near the door. He wiped the splashed wine on his trousers. Once upon a time he'd never have done something as uncouth. Once upon a time there was a lot he wouldn't have done that he does now; snapping at his wife in company was one.
Taking a deep breath, Lucius strode to the far end of the library, not bothering to light up the room from the dark, past the numerous bookcases, until he was well and truly hidden from the door, and stood before a large bookcase that was sunk into the wall. He dropped heavily to his knees and started pulling the books off the bottom shelf, not caring for the age of them. With each book he pulled off, the more manic his movements became until he dug his arm behind the remaining books and hauled them off the shelf in one go, sending most of them skidding along the dark floorboards.
Holding his hands in front of him, the palms facing down with his fingers stretched out as far as they could, making the tendons strain against the skin, they continued to shake. Lucius tried to will them to stop, but they wouldn't. Clenching and unclenching them once, he returned to the task at hand, and pulled at the wood of the bottom shelf until it came away, revealing a small hole underneath.
Yanking at the snake pin from the lapel of his jacket, Lucius swore under his breath as he tried to keep his finger still enough to prick it, finally managing it. He threw the pin away from him, the metal clattering against a shelf, and started squeezing a drop of blood over the hole. The drop landed on something unseen before disappearing in a small puff of red smoke. He wasted no time in shoving his hand in, pulling out a small wooden box.
Seeing the plain box seemed to open up the pain always simmering under the surface. Pain he'd learned to live with a long time ago. No – this wasn't the same. It was different. It was intense … crippling. It was crushing his heart to the point he was sure it would stop beating soon.
Lucius felt like he was sinking into a despair he wasn't sure he could ever get himself out of. Clutching the box tightly to his chest with both arms, he got up, stumbling over himself and landing heavily against the bookcase. Some books fell to the floor, the shelves digging into his back. He sank back down, his knees buckling quickly.
With his legs out in front of him, his clothes disheveled from collapsing against the bookcase, Lucius slowly put the box down onto his lap. A tear fell onto it. The moonlight coming through the nearby window gave him enough light to see the tear soak into the wood, widening the circle of the tear as it did.
Lucius touched his cheek, pulling his hand away to stare at the wet on his fingertips. It had been a long time since he'd let a tear escape. He'd been alone then, too.
Finally, he opened the box. There at the top, always the first thing he would see on the few occasions he'd taken it out of its hiding place, an old photograph sat; two young men, both blond but different shades, smiling with an arm around each other. A face close to the other, whispering a secret.
The First What If
'This table's taken,' Lucius muttered, not even looking up at the person attempting to sit opposite him. He continued scribbling down his notes for his Potions homework.
'I'm sure you're capable of sharing if I don't talk to you,' a male voice said, humour in it.
Lucius sighed heavily, lifting his head, a sneer already in place on his features. 'I don't share.'
The boy, a Hufflepuff in Lucius' year, sat down. 'Today you do. It's only while I finish my Charms homework.'
'What's wrong with their table?' Lucius pointed to the table behind them, full of other Hufflepuffs.
'They can't seem to shut up for two minutes. You look like you know how to stay quiet while a person finishes his homework.' He was already rolling out his parchment, quill in hand. 'I'm Ted, by the way,' he said as he started scribbling on the parchment.
'I know who you are. I make it my business to know everyone,' Lucius said. He straightened up in his chair. 'I also know you're a—' He stopped quickly, glancing around at potential listeners. 'I know you're a Muggle-born.'
'Am I?' Ted lifted his head, giving him a wry grin. 'News to me.'
'Are you saying you're not?'
'It's called sarcasm, Lucius Malfoy. You might want to introduce yourself to it.' Ted returned to his homework, that grin still on his lips.
Lucius opened his mouth, a small sound coming from his throat, but no actual words. Instead, he started packing up his homework; he would finish it in the Slytherin common room.
The movement got Ted's attention. Lucius ignored his watchful gaze as he carefully rolled up the parchment he'd been writing on.
'What if,' Ted started, putting his quill down, 'I wasn't me and you weren't you, would you still have an issue sharing the table?'
'Yes,' Lucius said immediately.
'Are you sure about that?' Ted asked, that irritating grin back on his face.
'I've gotten along perfectly fine in the four years we've been here without sharing a table with you, I'm sure I will continue to do so.' Lucius scraped his chair back and left, itching to punch him in the chin, but Malfoys didn't punch.
The Second What If
For days Ted's question circled Lucius' thoughts whenever he was alone. More specifically, what would he do if he wasn't a Malfoy?
What would he do?
Before that brief interaction, Lucius had never noticed Ted Tonks, except for when the Slytherins had Herbology with the Hufflepuffs, and even then, they were always at opposite ends of the greenhouse. Their paths never crossed properly, nor had they ever said a word to each other. Now …
Now Lucius saw him everywhere.
In the corridors, in the library, in the Great Hall … Their visit to Hogsmeade over the following weekend, Ted was everywhere Lucius looked.
On a Sunday afternoon, nearly two weeks after Ted had accosted his table, Lucius went to the library to finish his Charms homework. It wasn't too busy, with most of the students enjoying the early spring sun they were having. He wandered around the bookcases searching for a table that was out of sight and with no one sitting at it when he spotted Ted. Lucius glanced around and not another soul could be seen. Ted was in the depths of the library, the places students went to either have secret conversations or meet other students.
Straightening his back, Lucius strode over to the table and dumped his schoolbag it, his textbooks making enough noise to alert the entire library he was there, let alone Ted.
Ted, on the other hand, didn't even flinch, nor did he look up. 'Unlike you, Lucius Malfoy, I don't mind sharing a table,' he said. His head remained firmly over the textbook he was reading, a quill was being twirled in his fingers.
Lucius sat down opposite him and stared at the top of Ted's head, with his unruly blond hair, until he looked up. 'Why do you keep using my full name?' he asked, unable to hold his tongue any longer.
'Because your reputation precedes you, so I'm giving you the full deference you want.' Ted lifted his head – at last – the corner of his full lips lifting at one corner. 'We're not friends, so I cannot call you Lucius. We're not enemies, so I cannot call you Malfoy. And we're not acquainted enough to be formal, nor old enough, really, to start referring to each other as Mister. So Lucius Malfoy it is.'
Lucius sat rigidly, tapping his forefinger on the table, as Ted spoke. 'Are you trying to be clever?'
'Not at all,' Ted said simply. He gave him a wide smile and returned to reading his textbook, the quill, once more, twirling in his fingers.
Lucius felt his cheeks twitch as his eyes narrowed. Ted either wasn't aware or didn't care. He'd never met another person of their age, all of fifteen years old, who seemed to already be sure of who he was. The truth was, Lucius liked to think he knew who he was, but then Ted had asked his question and Lucius had stumbled – had questioned the world he was being raised in.
'What if I wasn't me and you weren't you?' Lucius asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
Ted looked up, a frown on his features, confusion in his eyes. He held his gaze; waiting. Ted sat back in his chair, dropping the quill on top of the parchment he'd been making notes on. 'My question bothered you, didn't it?'
'No.' Lucius clenched his jaw. He'd said it too quickly. Ted gave a small snigger. 'You asked me a question, I'm now returning it to you.'
'This is a library, not a place for social gatherings,' the school's librarian called from somewhere near the entrance.
Lucius started pulling out his parchment and quill, no longer waiting for Ted's answer. It wasn't until Lucius had found his page in the textbook that he finally answered him.
'I reckon we'd have been friends,' Ted whispered, leaning over the table. Lucius paused in his movements, instantly feeling his nose wrinkle at the idea. Ted laughed without any noise coming out. 'You think we're different because of our blood status, but we're not, Lucius Malfoy.'
'Stop saying my name like that,' Lucius said, each word coming out sharply.
Ted gave him a lopsided grin. 'It bothers you that I'm right, doesn't it?'
He wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of an answer. He picked his quill up and started writing his name at the top of the parchment in his tidy writing. Ted returned to his own homework and Lucius felt himself let out a long breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding.
What would his father say if he knew he'd been talking to a Mudblood?
The Third What If
It wasn't until the final Hogsmeade visit of the year that Lucius spoke to Ted again. He still seemed to see him around much more than he had previously, and Lucius couldn't work out if it was because he was suddenly near him all the time or if he was instinctively aware of him being nearby now that they had spoken.
His friends, Avery and Nott, were eager to go to Zonko's joke shop, but he wasn't in the mood to find anything that would get a Gryffindor into trouble. Instead, he parted ways with them and went to Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop in search of parchment for his correspondences over the summer.
Staring at the shelf filled with various parchment, Lucius trailed a forefinger along an expensive piece, lifting it slightly to feel it between his finger and thumb; it may have had an expensive price attached to it, but its quality said otherwise. He dropped it, rubbing his finger and thumb together as if to rid himself of the residue of the material.
'What if you hadn't been born with the Malfoy name?' Ted's now familiar voice asked as he joined him at the shelf.
'What is that supposed to mean?' Lucius asked in return. He didn't look at Ted or give any physical signal the two were having a conversation. He took a side-step along the shelf, checking the quality of the next pile of parchment.
'Something that you should think about over the summer,' Ted said simply. Lucius turned to respond to him, but he was already leaving the shop, sending him a smile as he walked out.
And think about it he did.
Lucius walked around his ancestral home, looking at the paintings of family members that had come before him, ignoring their shrewd gazes. To even utter one word of the little time he'd spent with Ted would have them racing off to his father's study, where their second frames awaited them. Even to ask the question about why Malfoys were the way they were would bring on suspicion.
He'd tried to talk to his mother on one of their garden walks they did after breakfast – to ask her if there was a burden into marrying a Malfoy. She misunderstood his question for trepidation of taking up the mantel of being head of the Malfoy family one day. 'Every young man worries he cannot live up to his father. I have every faith you'll be a great man, Lucius,' she said gently, brushing a lock of hair off his forehead. 'You know you're mind. You know who you are. Not many people have that luxury, especially when one is still so young.'
Lucius picked up his pace to stop her long fingers messing with the hair he was just starting to grow out. He gave her a tight smile and continued the remaining walk in silence, listening to her chatter on about the Blacks preparing to align their daughters with good families. He turned his head away in confusion; the middle daughter, Andromeda, was in his own year – why were their parents so eager to talk about marriage now?
'I think Narcissa will make a great wife one day, don't you, Lucius?'
'She's twelve,' he said with a derisive laughed.
'Yes, but we must always think of the future, for the sake of our purity,' his mother said emphatically.
His stomach suddenly felt heavy, irritated, like his breakfast no longer agreed with him. He kept his gaze on the surroundings of the luscious green lawns they were walking around, clasping his hands tightly behind his back – much like his father would. His parents had been 'matched' when they were barely sixteen, married within two years of leaving Hogwarts. Is this what was happening now? They were finding his future wife already?
'Do you love father?' he asked. He'd turned back to her when he asked the question, not even knowing he was going to ask it until it left him. It was just in time to see a flash of something in her grey eyes – the same eyes he had.
'Love is a complication that doesn't alway mean one will be happy,' she said slowly. It was as if she was thinking each word carefully as she spoke them.
Lucius nodded, but he did not understand.
Not being able to sleep that night, as the heavy feeling in his stomach continued, Lucius got out of bed. He moved around his bedroom with manic movements; walking this way, then that way, turning at unexpected moments. His thoughts seemed to be filled with an unexpected dread at seeing his future laid before him, with nothing unplanned, and it made him feel like he couldn't breathe. He even took deep breaths every so often, like the act itself would make him remember he could actually breathe.
Eventually, he sat down at his desk, pulling at the parchments he'd purchased in Scrivenshaft's on the last day he'd spoken to Ted. He speedily wrote down his answer to the question he'd asked of Lucius, his handwriting so untidy it no longer looked like his own.
I would have a future that was my own to decide.
L.M.
And he sent it with his own owl, only thinking of the consequences afterwards.
He lay in bed, thinking about every scenario of how he would explain this to his father if he found out who the recipient of his letter was. But two things happened to avoid all that; his father was preoccupied with something at the Ministry – a rumour was swirling about him having a hand in the previous Minister's resignation – and Ted never replied. The owl returned without a response.
Nor did a response or a letter appear the rest of the summer.
The Fourth What If
On the train ride back to Hogwarts for his fifth year, Lucius left his friends in their compartment to stretch his legs. Their conversations kept reverting back to his father, trying to get the truth out of him about the rumours; it was boring. When he spotted Ted at the end of a carriage, leaning heavily against the wall as he stared at the fast-moving countryside, Lucius pulled down on his fine robes, having not yet changed into his school robes, and strode over to him with his shoulders back.
'What if you were born with the Malfoy?' he asked Ted, raising an eyebrow at him.
Ted, standing up, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets watched him in bemusement. He always had a smile ready, like there was an untold joke happening and Lucius wasn't privy to it.
'I would change the cycle,' he said simply.
Lucius refused to blink or look away first. Or give him the satisfaction of asking why he would think there's a cycle to break.
'Ted,' a girl called behind Lucius. 'Oh!' She shrank back at seeing Lucius when he turned to see who was calling for him. 'The game's set up,' she said quietly, disappearing back into the compartment.
'If you'll excuse me, Lucius Malfoy, I have a game of chess to be playing.'
Ted stepped towards him, sidestepping around him, his eyes remaining firmly on his. Lucius grit his teeth together, holding his breath as Ted, who appeared to have grown in height and broadness over the eight weeks of summer, navigated the tight space of the corridor. The train rocked violently before Ted had completely moved away, causing Lucius fall into him.
Ted laughed as he kept Lucius upright by his shoulders. 'So he is movable,' Ted whispered, their faces inches apart.
Lucius blinked and Ted was already gone, the door closing on the compartment. It was left open enough for Lucius to hear the girl say, 'I'd watch out, if I were you. Lucius Malfoy is not to be trusted. Not even if you were pure-blood.'
Not that she could see, but Lucius wrinkled his nose at the audacity of her warning. He rolled his shoulders a couple of times, walking away from the compartment. Anything to shake the feeling of where Ted had been holding him.
The What If Game
Without acknowledgement or setting down ground rules, they began playing the What if…? game. Lucius hadn't realised he'd been drawn into it for the first month of his fifth year until he realised that he'd started actively seeking out Ted when he'd had his next question ready.
He came to an unexpected standstill on his Prefect duties, realising he'd been searching for Ted's dirty blond hair amongst the students making their way to the common rooms for the evening. A first-year Ravenclaw walked into him, shrieking when she realised who it was and ran away, repeatedly apologising over her shoulder. Some of the other students were now giving him a wide berth as he idly watched them.
Even if he had spotted Ted in the crowd, he wouldn't have asked his question there – in front of people. No, all interactions were always done without prying eyes; the library was always best.
And yet … he continued to let his eyes roam for that familiar shade of blond hair.
Without saying a word about it, Ted seemed to understand what Lucius was doing. When they caught the other's gaze in a class they shared, or in the corridors, he would give him the barest of smirks – the tiniest of lifts at the corner of his mouth that Lucius never missed – and not say a word to him. They never spoke to each other if there was an audience now.
With the unspoken understanding came the unspoken agreement that all exchanges of questions would be done in the library, while homework was being done, and never with other students in the room. This was how Saturday nights became their weekly appointment – majority of the students could never be found in the library on a Saturday night, as they still had all of Sunday to cram in their homework, instead, enjoyed their free time to the max.
Lucius, being a Malfoy, of course, appeared to be setting an example to his fellow Slytherins by following this routine. Thankfully, it was a routine none of them were eager to follow. Not even his closest friend, Thorfinn Rowle.
'What if we weren't magical?' Ted whispered on the last Saturday they had together before Lucius returned home for Christmas.
Lucius must have flinched or his eye widened, something that signalled how appalled he was by this question as Ted laughed heartily. It earned him a sharp warning off the librarian that they would be kicked out early if they did it again.
'Well?' The humour was still there in his voice.
'I can't answer that. I don't know anything else.'
'I was going to be a surgeon,' Ted said immediately. He tapped his quill on the table, an odd melancholy look on his face. 'Maybe I could be a Healer when we leave.'
'What's a surgeon?' Lucius asked, not sure he wanted the answer.
Ted explained what they were and Lucius' initial thoughts were right – he didn't want the answer. How barbaric to cut into someone in the name of medicine. How medieval. And to think, there were witches and wizards who willingly mixed with Muggles, knowing how vile their practices were – mixing magical blood with them.
'If we don't have magic, we still have to find ways to look after one another,' Ted said, breaking into his thoughts.
Lucius felt himself scowl at Ted. In a few weeks he seemed to know where Lucius' thoughts would go based on their conversation at hand. 'I never said a word.'
'You didn't have to. You're eyes do a lot of talking, Lucius Malfoy.'
Lucius slammed his textbook shut. 'I think I'm done,' he muttered, refusing to look at Ted. He would only have another lopsided grin on his face, finding everything Lucius did or thought amusing.
'See you in the New Year, then,' he called to Lucius' retreating back. He didn't bother responding.
On the first Saturday of the New Year, Lucius sat down opposite Ted and said, 'What if you simply called me Lucius?'
Ted sat back in his chair and for the first time Lucius saw a true smile from him. No humour, no amusement – it was one that a person gives to a friend they are genuinely happy to see.
'What if you called me Ted?' he returned the question. 'Instead of avoiding saying my name at all.'
Lucius felt a smile curling at the corners of his mouth. 'I can do that.'
How to 'What If' Over Summer
For the few weeks leading up to the end of their fifth year, Lucius and Ted began discussing how they would continue their little game over the summer. When Lucius had asked why Ted had never replied to his letter the previous summer, he was not entirely surprised to find out that he had replied to Lucius' letter.
Upon asking what was in it, Ted had said, 'Your future can be whatever you make it.'
'Did you sign it off?' Lucius asked urgently. He was practically crawling across the table to get his answer.
'Just my initials,' he said with a shrug. 'I'm Muggle-born, Lucius, not uninformed. I know you think I don't understand, but I do. You believe your life is not yours to decide because of your name.'
Now that did surprise Lucius. He relaxed into his chair, slowly closing the textbook he'd been working from. 'There are discussions taking place for to me marrying Narcissa Black once she is of age.'
'Are you even friends with her?' There was no animosity in Ted's voice, just curiosity.
'We're family acquaintances,' Lucius said after a while. 'She's young, but she understands what is expected of us.'
'You're young, too,' Ted said pointedly.
Not young enough to not have these conversations with his parents now, Lucius thought bitterly. It made him wish for his first year in Hogwarts again – when no one spoke to him, out of fear, and all that was expected of him were good marks in his exams.
'What if we use the Protean Charm?' Ted asked, bringing his thoughts back to their conversation. 'On a piece of parchment or textbook?'
Lucius sat up. 'That might work.'
Between the two of them, after many failed attempts and panic of time, they managed to charm two pieces of parchment to 'talk' to each other. Once the message had been read, with a note to say as much from Ted, Lucius would remove them at his end; it was easier that way, the Trace not as affective in a magical home.
Ted pulled Lucius' piece of parchment towards him, once they realised they'd been successful, and drew a small heart in the bottom corner with purple ink. The heart appeared on Ted's parchment. 'So we know this is the right piece of parchment,' he explained with a smirk.
'Of course,' Lucius said, unable to tear his eyes away from the purple heart. 'Why a heart?'
'If your father finds it, he'll think it's from a girl.'
'That's asking for trouble,' Lucius muttered.
'You're Lucius Malfoy; prefect, model student and gorgeous – of course you're meant to have girlfriends before you settle down,' Ted teased, tucking his parchment into his Potions textbook. 'I'm sure you're more than capable of thinking quickly.'
Lucius watched him pack up his things, the word 'gorgeous' ringing in his ears.
'The key is, though, not to let the parchment be seen. Do that and we're all good,' Ted said happily. He swung his bag onto his shoulder. He gave Lucius' shoulder a quick, tight squeeze as he walked past him. 'Have a nice summer, Lucius.'
Ted was already walking away when Lucius twisted in his seat quickly to check if anyone had seen. There was no one near. He even went as far as walking around the bookcases surrounding the table they were at. Once he was sure no one had been watching, he sat back down to finish his Potions essay, desperately trying to ignore the sensation left behind from the feel of Ted's hand.
With it being the last week of proper lessons before their O.W.L.'s, they'd agreed that it would be too risky to keep up their game for the last month as most of the school would be in the library at unpredictable times, revising. Lucius was regretting this decision already. Instead of his Potions essay, he found himself counting the weeks until they could return to this routine. To this little bit of freedom and distraction he had from a future that was already stifling him.
A Summer of What Ifs and Plans
Talking to Ted through the parchment hadn't been as easy as first anticipated. Every week there was a gala or function that required Lucius to attend. He would be seventeen in October and it was time to start taking up more responsibilities as the Malfoy heir. There were also a lot of visits from the Blacks; usually all three daughters were brought with them, but mainly Narcissa was there.
Sometimes Lucius would crawl into bed, after a long day, and pull out the piece of parchment from behind his headboard to a list of messages from Ted. They usually consisted of various 'what if' questions he'd been thinking through the day, such as, what if they became Animagi – what animal would they be? It was like a balm to his manic thoughts, much a like a swan on a lake – he was cool and collected on the outside, but his thoughts never stopped moving. When he saw Ted's messages they would quiet for a few brief moments as he wondered what Ted had been doing with his day that would warrant the different questions.
They never went any further than questions and answers. Nothing of their day or their lives were mentioned in detail. Another agreement they'd come to. Well, an agreement Lucius had enforced on Ted; it played on his mind that the parchment might be discovered, even with all the careful actions in the world. His father was astute, understanding someone's next move before they did. He needed to be prepared for all outcomes.
What if you could be anywhere in the world right now? Lucius let out an unexpected sigh when he saw the single question on the parchment after a trying day. He sat at his desk, late one night at the end of August – almost time to go back to Hogwarts – and stared at it. Anywhere but here, Lucius thought yet not writing it down.
He looked out the window, the night sky clear of clouds so he could see all the constellations and a bright full moon. Was Ted looking at the moon, too? With his laughing blue eyes. Lucius sat up straight at the errant thought. He swiftly looked around his room like someone might have heard the thought.
With his heart racing as he repeated the thought in his mind, Lucius picked up the fine peacock quill his mother had bought him for his excellent O.W.L. results and wrote one word: Hogwarts.
It was as he folded the piece of parchment, ready to put back behind the headboard, that he saw Ted's writing already appearing; Me too.
What If Narcissa Understood?
Upon returning for his sixth year, it was pushed upon Lucius to start spending more time with Narcissa. To take her under his wing, even if she was a third-year and had already navigated her way around the school for two years. This was not what Lucius had planned for the year, but what he wanted didn't matter. He dutifully nodded, his fingers tightly gripping onto the edge of his elegant robes of dark green – so dark they were almost black – and boarded the train with a clenched jaw.
Lucius, like the dutiful son he was, made an effort to start checking in with Narcissa, to ask her how she was finding her schoolwork now that she had added subjects to her timetable and offer his help where necessary. Narcissa, like the dutiful daughter she was, graciously accepted the offer. A shared look of understanding happened in that moment; an understanding of what was expected over them for the next few years.
'You know,' she said quietly, before he could walk away from her in the Slytherin common room, 'we could say we're doing what we should be?'
Lucius paused his step, letting his eyes roam around the few students dotted around the vast room, before returning to Narcissa, now taking a seat next to her on the black, leather couch. 'What did you have in mind?' he asked.
'What if – what?' she asked, smiling in bemusement.
Lucius smiled, an action he hadn't meant to do. 'It's nothing. You were saying.'
She gave him a frown as if she thought him ridiculous. 'What if,' she repeated, 'we pretend to spend a lot of time with one another, but in reality we agree to one or two things a week. Like studying together?'
Lucius watched her for a moment, shifting on the couch so that he was sat facing her, his leg lifted onto the couch and his arm on the back of it. Narcissa would be fourteen at the end of the month – he knew because his mother made sure he remembered the date – and she clearly wasn't to be trifled with already. She didn't even squirm under his hard gaze. And he continued to watch her silently, waiting to see if she would crack and reveal any hidden motives.
She did. Not what he was thinking, though.
'I'm thirteen, Lucius,' she sighed. 'I want to enjoy what little time I have to myself before thinking about marriage and proper etiquette. I want to enjoy my time here and be … me.' She fiddled with the hem of her knee-length skirt.
Now she looked like the young girl she still was. Much like himself, plans were being made for her already, before she even truly knew who she was as a person.
'Bella watches me all the time,' she whispered. Her eyes remained on her fiddling fingers. 'I love my sister and I know she means well…'
'You can't breathe,' he said so quietly he wasn't even sure himself that he'd uttered the words.
'You understand?'
'More than you know.' He let his hand come down from the couch and rest on her shoulder. 'I think the first thing we need to understand is trust. Between us.'
'I need a friend – a true friend,' she said urgently.
'I think we can help one another,' Lucius replied after a moment, catching a smug Bellatrix watching them at the other side of the common room. 'We'll start with actually studying together once a week and see how we go.'
'Okay.' She let out a heavy breath. 'I promise you can trust me. I see more than people think.' She got up quickly and gave him a long look. 'I see, Lucius.'
She left him before he could pull at that thread.
A Third Person Joins the What If Game
What if we have an ally? Lucius wrote to Ted on the parchment once in bed with his curtains closed around it.
In settling into their sixth year, they hadn't set up their standing library meetings yet or laid eyes on one another for more than a moment or two. This was the only way they could communicate, especially as the shared Potions lesson was too crowded to not be seen having a conversation that would appear over-familiar.
What if we could be who we really are? Ted had replied after a few minutes.
What if an ally means we can be? Lucius immediately wrote down. After ten minutes of no question back, Lucius tucked the parchment into the pocket of his pyjama shirt and went to sleep.
It wasn't until their fourth week back that Lucius finally made it to the library on a Saturday night. With Narcissa in tow.
'I need you to never speak of this if you can't agree to it once you know. Can you do that?' Lucius demanded before they left the common room.
Narcissa gave him a wide-eyed smile. 'If it means I can be alone for a moment, then anything.'
Entering the library, it was empty save for the librarian. And Ted. He sat huddled over a textbook, an elbow on the table with his forehead resting on his hand and the free hand tapping a quill on the table. At the moment of Lucius and Narcissa entering the room, Ted lifted his head from his hand.
Lucius kept his eyes firmly on Ted's as he froze for a brief moment. Then a smirk appeared and he flopped backwards in the chair. How was it possible for him to be even more broad than he was? Lucius could see the man he was going to become and he felt his heart thud that he wouldn't get to see it.
'Hello, Narcissa Black,' Ted said, the smirk not leaving his lips. Lucius knew then he was guarded. This was how Ted had been during their first few interactions. 'How are you finding your new subjects?' he asked politely when they came to a standstill on the opposite side of the table Ted sat at.
'Leave if you wish to gossip,' the librarian called out.
Ted tilted his head. 'Do we wish to gossip?'
Narcissa looked to Lucius. He saw the question in her eyes – the statement; Ted Tonks is a Mudblood.
Lucius held her gaze firmly. She certainly had nerves of steel for someone so young. His father may not have been far off the mark in choosing her for his future wife.
'What if' –Narcissa took a seat and turned her sharp gaze on Ted– 'someone wrote a story about you – would you be the hero or the villain, Edward Tonks?'
The room felt like it let out a breath it had been holding for a long time. Lucius sank into a seat next to Narcissa, his chest expanding like a great pressure had suddenly disappeared.
'The hero – doesn't everyone want to be the hero of their own story?' Ted seemed to visibly relax, sinking further back into his chair.
'I never asked what you wanted,' she said pointedly. She started idly taking her homework out of her bag. 'Wanting is very different to what you would be, whether you like it or not.'
'Everyone believes they are the hero in their own story, no matter how wrong their choices might be,' Lucius added to the conversation.
'Who is to say the choices are wrong?' Ted asked. 'In some people's eyes, I am the villain for simply existing.'
Their was a weighted silence while they let Ted's words sink in. Narcissa kept looking between Lucius and Ted as they gave each other a challenging look; Lucius with nothing on his features and Ted with a lop-sided grin.
'I do not think you are the villain,' Narcissa finally said after a few minutes.
Once again, with one simple sentence, Narcissa had diffused an unexpected tension.
And so, a friendship was struck up with the girl that would one day be his wife. A friendship he never saw coming but Lucius would rely on it heavily over the years.
What If a Line is Crossed?
Their sixth-year flew by in a comfortable routine. Saturday evenings were always time spent with Ted in the library. Sometimes Narcissa would join them at the table. Sometimes she would sit by the door when she needed time alone – Bellatrix was always overbearing. Sometimes she would leave him at the library door and go for a walk or meet another friend, always ready to send a quick note on her own charmed parchment that she'd been seen without Lucius. It would be safer once Bellatrix had graduated in the June.
On a particular quiet evening in the middle of May, both of them scribbling at their Potions essay, Ted suddenly dropped his quill down, a blob of ink landing across the page. Lucius silently peered at it before lifting his wand to remove the mess.
'What if you could follow your dreams?' Ted whispered, leaning heavily across the table. They'd been told off a number of times for too much talking over the year. 'What would they be?'
Lucius rolled his eyes, continuing on with his essay. 'I don't have dreams. I have plans.'
Ted reached across the table, letting his fingertips rest on the back of Lucius' hand, to still it from his writing. Lucius stared at it, his heartbeat inexplicably began racing, and his skin, at the point of contact, felt on fire.
'What if you had dreams?' Ted asked gently.
He was frozen, staring at Ted's hand, wishing with everything he was that that moment never ended. But what good would wishing do him in the end?
Slowly, Lucius pulled his hand away, Ted's fingertips trailed down his skin as he moved. 'There is no point in me having dreams. They serve no purpose.'
Ted persevered, refusing Lucius the chance of taking his hand away by gripping it. His fingers, thick and firm, wrapped around his, long and elegant, and held tightly. 'Tell me your dreams, Lucius,' he whispered urgently.
The words were an attack on his common sense, on the way he understood the world. It opened something in him he had locked up a long time ago and he stared at Ted like he had the key to putting it all back in its box.
But he wasn't going to.
Ted gave him a small smile. An unsure smile. 'Tell me,' he pleaded.
'I— I can't,' Lucius whispered. He almost choked on the words.
Ted's grip tightened. It was warm and comforting and safe. 'Yes, you can.'
Lucius opened his mouth. A word appearing on the parchment set between them caught his eye.
Just seen Bella.
Ted took his hand back. In less than a minute his things were in his bag and he was leaving, trailing a hand along Lucius' arm as he walked by.
Once the door to the library closed after Ted, Lucius started breathing like he was out of breath. He gulped at air as if he'd been denied it for hours, choking as he did. With shaky hands, he packed up his own things. Instead of leaving, should Bella be in search of him, as she sometimes did when she'd seen Narcissa without him, he went to the front of the library to peruse a section of books he had no interest in. He took the time to steady his breathing, to find his equilibrium again, and remember who he was; Lucius Malfoy – heir to the Malfoy estate and fortune, one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight, and currently being courted by the Dark Lord.
Lucius Malfoy did not have dreams. He had plans.
What If it Became More Than a Game?
Lucius walked with the crowd, Narcissa by his side, down to the Quidditch pitch for the last game of the year. Bellatrix remained close, shrewd eyes on them even when challenged by Lucius' own gaze.
'Oh!' Narcissa patted at the pockets of her dress, giving Lucius A Look. 'I've left my wand in the common room – would you run back and get it?'
'What's going on?' Bellatrix asked. She'd reached them in the blink of an eye when they'd both stopped walking in the Entrance Hall.
'Can't leave a witch without her wand, can we?' Lucius held her look, but with Bellatrix watching, they couldn't let anything look odd.
'I'll get it,' Bellatrix muttered.
'No – it's fine. Lucius has already said he will get it, won't you?'
'Naturally.'
Bellatrix let her eyes move slowly between Lucius and Narcissa. A lazy smile appeared on her lips. 'I see.' She hooked an arm through Narcissa's. 'Come, Cissy. You know where to find us, Lucius.'
Lucius bit down on the inside of his lip to stop a smile when he heard Bellatrix praise her sister for making him 'work' for her. He wasn't sure what Narcissa had planned, but it certainly wasn't what her sister thought.
Walking down the dark corridor that led to the common room, Ted's voice bounced around the quiet walls from the doorway of an unused classroom. 'I knew she'd work something out.'
Not one to be caught unawares, Lucius barely prevented himself from turning in surprise. His foot stuttered in its step before he could face him. He gripped onto his robes – to keep his shaking fingers occupied so that Ted couldn't see. They'd been busy with exams since Ted's question about Lucius' dreams, and Lucius had had a love/hate relationship with not seeing him properly in two weeks. Some moments he would think it was for the best, that maybe it was time to end this arrangement they had. Some moments, immediately after those thoughts of it being for the best, he would lose all ability to breathe at not having one more moment with him.
Lucius stared at the wand twirling in Ted's fingers. 'That's not your wand,' Lucius stated.
'No. It's not.' Ted stopped twirling it, leaning against the doorframe. 'By my reckoning, we won't have long.'
'For what?'
Ted took one large step towards Lucius and hauled him into the classroom by his wrist. He was vaguely aware of the door closing, of the stone wall knocking the wind out of him when Ted pushed him against it, of his hands immediately gripping at the collar of Ted's shirt.
What Lucius was definitely aware of was Ted's body pushing against his, Ted's hands holding his head in place as he kissed him, and Ted's lips being more than Lucius had imagined on those few nights he'd dreamt of doing this very thing. They were firm in this kiss but deliciously soft at the same time.
Ted may have been broader, with more of a muscular stature, than Lucius, but Lucius was half a head taller and still had some strength when needed. In one fluid movement, Lucius reversed their positions, relishing pushing his body against Ted's to pin him there. Ted laughed into the kiss. Lucius used it to let his tongue slip along his bottom lip; Ted's response was to groan as their tongues met. All common sense had been abandoned.
Hands started to roam, to pull at clothing, and suddenly Lucius remembered where he was meant to be – what he was meant to be getting.
He took a step back as if he'd been jinxed, breathing heavily, staring at Ted as he smirked at him, rubbing his thumb on his bottom lip. 'About time, don't you think?' Ted asked.
Lucius let out an animalistic shout. No words, just noise, as he threw his arms in the air. 'What did you do?'
'There he is!' Ted cheered, looking thrilled at Lucius' sudden outburst of frustration. 'I've been waiting a long time for that.'
'For what?' Lucius asked in a steely voice. His hands moved swiftly to straighten his shirt, tucking the tails back into his trousers, and fasten the buttons that had come undone. There was a button missing, Lucius looked down at his floundering fingers before turning frantically to search the floor.
Silently, slowly, Ted stepped forward, putting a hand on Lucius' two hands, pushing them away. He pointed his wand at the gap in his shirt and a button replaced the missing the one. 'All fixed,' Ted whispered, leaning his forehead against Lucius' forehead.
'We can't do this,' he whispered back.
Ted stood up straight, putting his hands firmly on Lucius' shoulders, giving him one firm shake to force his gaze to him. 'Lucius, listen to me. We have one more year before we have to go be adults in a very unstable world. One year.' He kissed Lucius' cheek before stepping back and holding Narcissa's wand to him. 'Let's make the most of it.'
Lucius couldn't tear his eyes away from Ted's as they looked at him with affection and humour. For a brief moment, Lucius could see a different future in those blue eyes. A future filled with travel and adventures and laughter and love.
One year was better than nothing.
Lucius took Narcissa's wand from him, holding his hand for a second as he did. 'One year.'
What If a Year Goes By Quicker Than Expected?
The summer was over before Lucius could take stock of what he'd done in that time. It had been filled with visits to the Ministry, the usual galas and events, and welcoming the Dark Lord to Malfoy Manor once a week. There had been talk of Lucius taking the Mark, to follow Dumbledore closely, but Abraxas had remained firm; his boy was to finish his education with no distractions.
If only his father knew.
Sometimes Lucius would allow his thoughts to drift to that moment in the unused classroom. He'd go into the memory deeply enough to have a boring gala feel less boring, but not enough to not hear what was being discussed around him. It was a balancing act he perfected within days after his father had lectured him during the first week of summer when he'd not greeted Cygnus Black politely.
All was forgiven – on Cygnus' part – when he uttered Narcissa's name, asking after her, but he couldn't afford another slip up like it.
By the time Lucius was back on the train for his final year, there had only been six 'what ifs' exchanged between Ted and Lucius. Inconsequential ones of time and travel and boredom. He still treasured the moment he could take the time to send his own back on the well-worn parchment with its fading purple heart. Ted always replied quickly to his 'what if', it was Lucius who would take his time, choosing every word like a precious jewel that would convey everything Lucius was feeling.
And then he was on the train, seeing Ted in the corridor as he searched for a compartment with Evan Rosier, Narcissa, and her sister Andromeda. He'd stopped moving, Narcissa barely having time to stop herself from colliding into him.
'Lucius,' she said sharply under her breath.
Lucius couldn't tear his eyes away from Ted. In the eight long weeks they'd been apart, he'd grown, now a full head taller than Lucius. That was no easy feat with Lucius being taller than most at seventeen. There was rushing in his ears, no thoughts in his mind, and a heart that was thudding painfully in his chest.
'This one's empty,' Narcissa said loudly. She pushed him hard into the compartment slightly ahead of them.
Lucius barely kept his balance, not missing Ted's smirk as he was pushed, and gave Narcissa a sharp look, who returned it equally. Andromeda sniggered under her breath while Evan complained about scum littering the train. For the first time since he was a small child, Lucius fidgeted for the entire journey.
They didn't bother waiting to settle into their routines. When the first Saturday came around, they were at the library, staring at each other as if they were the answer to an agonising thirst.
'What if I wasn't a Mudblood?' Ted whispered. The moment broken.
Lucius blinked. 'Don't say that.'
'It's what you call others like me, isn't it?' Ted shrugged and pulled out his Potions textbook. 'What if I wasn't?'
'You're still the wrong sex.' Lucius sighed.
'Am I?' Ted laughed.
Lucius stared at his bag, having taken nothing out of it yet. He looked at Ted. 'What if we stop doing this every Saturday and make the most of our one year?'
'Lucius Malfoy is feeling reckless?'
'I have the rest of my life to follow all the rules and be the man they expect me to be. I need this year.' Lucius stood up, taking his bag with him. 'What if we find somewhere else to … revise?'
And it was no longer just Saturdays. It was every spare moment that Lucius wouldn't be missed or that Narcissa could cover for him. Sometimes Lucius once asked if Ted was never missed by his own friends.
'They're busy trying to guess which girl I'm sneaking around with,' he said breathily against Lucius' neck as he looked at the night sky peeking through the trees of the Forbidden Forest.
A mistake was made on the day Lucius returned from the Christmas holidays. They'd agreed to meet in the library on the first Saturday back, a nod to their old arrangement, before moving on.
They had never planned on Andromeda following Lucius that day.
Lucius had never expected Ted to miss him as much as he had missed Ted.
They'd never meant to risk a brief kiss behind a bookcase at the back of the library.
'Oh,' a voice had said sharply at the end of the stack.
Lucius pushed Ted away roughly, causing him to knock some of the books of the shelf.
Andromeda stared at them with wide-eyes. She looked so much like Bellatrix and yet didn't. Lucius had never been able to put his finger on why she didn't quite look the same as Bellatrix. Some would say they could have passed for twins. Not to Lucius though.
He realised why with her next sentence.
'If you love him, Lucius, then you need to stand up to your father before it's too late.'
Narcissa had mentioned briefly that Andromeda didn't seem to 'fit' in their family. That she always questioned everything.
'And you!' She rounded on Ted. 'Him? Really?'
'Go to your common room if you wish to chatter like a flock of geese,' the librarian snapped in the distance.
Lucius looked at Ted after a moment of silence between the three. There was that lop-sided grin. The very one he'd hated when this had all started, the one that made him feel like Ted was laughing at him. The one that he lived to see every day.
'Why not?' Ted said. He pushed a stand of Lucius' loose hair back, tucking it behind his ear. 'What's not to love about this mess of a man?' Ted slapped his shoulder and walked away. 'I'm sure you two have plenty to discuss,' he said over his shoulder as he passed Andromeda, grinning at her as he did.
That was the first time either of them had mentioned love. This wasn't love. This was a game. Surely?
'Why are you here?' Lucius asked, pulling his jacket straight.
'I came to ask you to reconsider this alliance with Narcissa you've agreed, but I suppose it's a bit pointless now.' Andromeda folded her arms. 'Does Narcissa know?'
'Narcissa has been helping us,' Lucius said quietly. He made sure to hold Andromeda's gaze.
'That explains a lot,' she muttered, dropping her hands down. 'So you'll let her go, then? Forget this stupid marriage our parents have set up?'
'No,' Lucius said firmly.
'No?'
'No, Andromeda. You may not realise it, but your sister wants this, too. We've made an agreement of our own over it. Once she finishes school, we will marry and I will look after her. She will not want for anything. Understood?' Lucius picked his bag up from the floor. She still hadn't moved as he straightened up, slipping the strap on to his shoulder.
'You're going to hurt her with this. She deserves better. To choose for herself.'
'And yet I hear you're to marry a Lestrange when you leave next year,' Lucius sniped.
'I never agreed to it. My father can say what he likes, I'm not marrying that man,' Andromeda said firmly. She pulled at Lucius' elbow when he attempted to pass her. 'I meant what I said before – if you love him, then don't follow what all the other Malfoys have done for centuries. Be your own person, Lucius.'
Pulling his elbow sharply out of her grip, Lucius studied her. And he saw what it was in her appearance that separated her so dramatically from Bellatrix. Where Bellatrix's dark eyes were shrewd and manic, Andromeda's held kindness and warmth. Did she know? Did she know that she showed the world such compassion with one look?
'You mean for me to not hurt Ted, don't you?'
'Too many good people are stuck in the middle of a war they never started or wanted. Ted is a good person. You only have to speak to any Hufflepuff to know that.'
Lucius gave her a small nod, unsure what words were required in the moment. He took a few steps and she started to follow. 'Will you tell anyone?'
'Of course not,' she said immediately.
'We've agreed that this will end when we leave Hogwarts.'
'Then what? Narcissa is meant to pick up the pieces?'
'Then we lead the lives that will keep us safe,' he said tightly, not bothering to hold the door for her as they left the library.
That was how Andromeda came to join their small group of secret friendship.
It rankled Lucius at first. He would watch her talk to Ted like they'd been friends for years. She would even do it with witnesses, and Ted seemed to thrive on this. Narcissa would put a hand on his arm and whisper, 'She's doing it on purpose. Father knows the name of every Muggle-born in here, this will get back to him and she wants that.'
Ted would whisper soothing words to Lucius if he brought up his concerns about Andromeda when they sat on the roof of the Astronomy Tower. Or if Ted was having a day where he was tired of sneaking around, he would goad Lucius, push his buttons to get a reaction. Lucius never gave it. He would silently leave, not speaking to him until Ted had apologised.
'What if you weren't ashamed of me?' Ted whispered after one particular argument.
Ted had casually said Andromeda was an attractive woman. 'Bellatrix's cheekbones with none of the sharp edges,' he said laughingly.
'You like women, too?' Lucius asked before he could control his tone. Jealously was laced in his words.
Ted frowned. 'As do you?'
Lucius shook his head. He'd never said it out loud before, not even doing it now. If he did, it meant there would be no coming back from it. He didn't bother waiting for Ted to defend his comment, leaving him in the disused storage cupboard.
It was nearly a full week of not talking to Ted when he whispered the question to him when Lucius arrived at the library on a Saturday evening. He was already outside; waiting.
'I never said I was ashamed of you,' Lucius answered. He ignored how light he felt being in the presence of Ted again. He ignored how Ted always made the manic thoughts disappear and the muscles relax when he saw him. They were to leave school in three months – it was time to start letting go of him.
'Actions speak louder than words.'
They stared at each other, Lucius with his hand on the door to the library, Ted leaning on the wall by it, his arms tightly folded. They weighed up each other, trying to gauge the mood the other was in and how this conversation could go.
'Too many people expect too much of me,' Lucius said with a heavy sigh, 'Please don't be another one.'
'Walk away from it, Lucius. Be your own person.' Ted stood up, taking a step to him. Lucius took a step away and immediately wished he hadn't when he saw pain in his eyes, a small frown appearing. 'I see.'
Ted walked away.
Lucius should've let him. Should've gone into the library and said goodbye to the time they'd had.
Lucius strode after him, grabbed his wrist, and pulled him into a nearby empty classroom. Ted didn't pull away and moved willingly after him. The door was slammed shut.
They didn't argue or disagree or say a cross word to each other about Andromeda or shame or anything else for the remainder of their time at school.
Ted didn't ask him to walk away from his life again. Lucius refused to allow himself to even think it.
His life had been set in stone from the moment he was born, it was what he'd been raised to understand, and Lucius was a dutiful son.
All too soon the last exam was taken, the last week was upon them, and Lucius felt like someone was crushing his heart with each passing day.
For their last evening, Ted asked him to join him in the Astronomy Tower. They'd both come to enjoy finding the constellations together as they lay on the cold tiles of the roof, a charm barely helping them stay in place on the tiles, holding hands. It was a simple evening and just what Lucius needed to say his goodbyes.
Narcissa walked with him to the Tower, stepping in to say her own small goodbye to Ted. He pulled out a clunky camera from his bag – a gift Lucius had sent to him on his last birthday – and handed it to Narcissa. 'Would you…?'
She took it. 'Of course.'
'This might not be a good idea.' Lucius hesitated at the idea of a photo being in the world of them together.
Ted gently pulled at him, putting an arm around his shoulder. 'I need this, Lucius.'
This time he didn't hesitate. 'Okay.' He threw his arm around Ted. 'I do love you,' he whispered into his ear as Narcissa took the photo, the flash immediately causing colourful spots to dance in his eyes.
Once Narcissa was gone, Ted pulled Lucius into a crushing hug, burying his face into his neck. 'You've never said it before.'
'I want you to understand that I do not give you up lightly,' Lucius whispered. He placed a hand on the back of Ted's head, his hair coarse from the curls he kept short.
'All the world is only you and me,' Ted whispered in return, standing up. He wiped a hand at the tears falling. 'Remember that when it gets dark, won't you?'
'I grew up believing the world to be black and white. You made me see otherwise,' Lucius told him. 'Thank you for that gift, Ted.'
Present Day
A small, delicate hand gently took the photo from Lucius. He watched her dazedly – Narcissa, his wife, the companion who had come to be his best friend and confidant – put the photo back in the box on his lap. Silently she put the box back into its hiding place. He hadn't even heard her come in, unaware of his broken charms alerting him.
Lucius remained on the floor, slumped against the shelf, an exhaustion engulfing him as if he'd been drinking for hours. Narcissa moved silently and swiftly as she corrected the mess Lucius had made with a few flicks of her wand. Once finished, she knelt by him, brushing some of his untidy hair away from his face. He leaned into her hand cupping his cheek, her thumb wiping away a falling tear.
'He's gone.'
'I know, darling.'
'Where's Bella?' he asked. He tried to sit up.
Narcissa put a hand on his shoulder with a small shake of her head. 'It's just us for a little while.'
She pulled him to her, cradling his head as he lay in her lap, clinging onto her arm, and cried.
Lucius had cried once like this on the day he arrived home after graduating from Hogwarts. He'd locked himself in his bedroom, let the tears go and screamed into his pillow. Then he got up from his bed, got a shower, and went to dinner to discuss the next part of Lucius Malfoy's Life Plan with his parents.
Narcissa let his tears soak her dress. She ran her fingers through his hair. She clung onto him, peppering his head with gentle kisses.
All those days wasted in the final year because he was too scared to be himself with Ted.
As the last tears fell and Lucius felt ready to let go of Narcissa, to sit up and face the world. She held his face – her hands cool against his hot cheeks. 'Now we bide our time and we make this right,' she said firmly.
Lucius nodded.
'He has our son in his grip. We fix this and then you mourn. Understood?'
Lucius nodded once more.
Then he got up, had a shower, and placed the metaphorical mask he'd been wearing since his last day with Ted all those years ago.
Prompts for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry
Spring Funfair
- Cocktail Bar - Manhattan - (character) Lucius Malfoy
- Milkshake Bar - Chocolate 4. (trope) Mutual Pining
- Cherry Blossoms - 11. Rare Pair
- Urban Safari - 14. (action) Screaming or shouting out in frustration
- Paint a Rainbow - Pink 4. Library
- Teddy Bears Picnic - Pork Pies - (plot point) A death
- Birdhouse Building - Step 3. (genre) Angst
- Petting Zoo - Goats - (dialogue) 'I'd watch out, if I were you.'
Spring Seasonal
- Days of the Year & Religious Events - 12th April - Set in a library
- Aquarium Month - 1. Write about someone feeling trapped
- Crayon Day - 20. Purple Heart
- Children's Book Day - 10. (action) Fixing something
- Zoo Lover's Day - 11. Write about someone who sees everything black and white (figuratively or literally)
Spring Quarterly
33. Madrid - (emotion) Grief
Piñata
Medium - (pairing) Ted/Lucius - Word Count: 10,981
April Writing Club
- Record Collection - 6. Write about wishing you'd done more when you had the chance
- Written in the Stars - 18. (dialogue) 'I don't have dreams. I have plans.'
- Book Club - The Commander - (genre) Angst, (setting) Nighttime, (object) Book, (action) grinning
- Showtime - 5. (dialogue) All the world is only you and me.'
- Lizzy's Loft - 13. (item) Old Photograph
- Elizabeth's Empire - 25. (emotion) Distress
- Scamander's Case - 8. (word) Attack
- TV Spree - 16. (word) Abandoned
- The Forecast Says... 25th Contempt
Yearly
- Fantastic Beasts - 142. Occamy - (dialogue) 'I just need to be alone!'
- 365 - 358. (trope) Mutual pining
Word Count: 10,981