Ben was two months old when Leia first thought that maybe they weren't cut out for this. The first eight weeks of his life had been nothing short of blissful. He ate and slept and cuddled and grew. She and Han's schedules lined up perfectly so they could both still work while also spending most of their free time together. They'd had no trouble taking Ben to their respective workplaces, and he'd met all the milestones he should have. In fact, Doctor Kolonia had said at his last checkup that he was a good few weeks ahead of himself in most respects.
It was only natural then, that Ben promptly decided that he didn't want to sleep or eat at all. He screamed, seemingly without drawing breath, at all hours of the day and night and flatly refused to let anything soothe him.
It started one afternoon in Leia's office. She had Ben settled on her lap, clutching a small wooden model star-fighter Chewie had carved for him. He was staring happily at her monitor while she worked on a speech she was supposed to be giving that afternoon. Ben suddenly dropped his toy and started screaming, his face quickly reddening, his chest heaving with uneven, panicked breaths while he cried.
"Oh, sweetheart, it's okay. You just dropped it," Leia chuckled, quickly grabbing the toy from the floor and trying to hand it back to him. Ben kept screaming, his little hands clenched into fists. Leia turned him around and cradled him tightly to her chest, standing up to bounce him. "You just dropped your toy, baby. Mama's got it right here," she cooed, holding it up so he could see it.
But Ben wouldn't even open his eyes. He grasped at a handful of Leia's dress while he cried, barely drawing breath between screams, tears rolling down his cheeks. Mari buzzed herself into the office with a frown. "Everything okay, Senator? He never cries."
"I think so," Leia sighed, rocking Ben some more. "He dropped his toy and he just started screaming," she said, rubbing his back and trying not to feel panicked.
"Let me know if I can do anything. I'm just outside," Mari said with a sympathetic smile before leaving the room.
Leia nodded and took Ben over to the large window that stretched over an entire wall of her office, looking out over Hanna City. "Look at the ships, baby," she said, rocking him and holding him close to her chest. "You're okay, Ben. How about I try and do that song Daddy sings, hmm?" She said, starting to feel a bit desperate as Ben continued screaming at the top of his lungs, gasping for breath every few moments.
She tucked him into her arms and gently stroked his face while she rocked and softly hummed the lullaby Han often put Ben to sleep with. The words were in Corellian and he never sang it in front of her anyway, but she often heard snippets of the tune drifting through their apartment at night when he was up with the baby.
For what felt like hours, Leia held Ben close, rocking and humming - although later Mari told her it had only been thirty minutes. Eventually, his screams quietened to cries, then to whimpers. Then he finally fell asleep, and Leia was able to wipe her own tears from her cheeks and sit down at her desk.
She grabbed her communicator and held it in her hand for a moment before deciding to comm Han. He answered instantly, sounding a little puffed out.
"You okay?"
"I'm fine, Han. I just…"
He cut her off. "Are you crying?" He asked incredulously.
"It's okay. I need you to come and take Ben home."
"What's wrong?" He demanded, already packing up his tools.
"I don't know if he's just fussy or a bit sick or what's the matter but he just starting screaming for no reason and it took ages to calm him down."
"Okay, well… Should we take him to medical?"
"If it happens again, maybe. I don't know... maybe he just scared himself. I don't know what happened. But I really need to be able to focus this afternoon."
"Give me ten standard, okay?"
As she put the communicator down, Leia felt a pang of guilt. Looking down at Ben's now-sleeping face, she wondered if she should go home with him instead. She was still glancing hopelessly between her sleeping son and her overflowing inbox when Mari buzzed Han into the office.
"Sweetheart," Han sighed, quickly making his way over to her and leaning on her desk, gently cupping her face with his hand.
She rolled her eyes and pushed his hand away, grimacing when she saw how dirty it was. "Working on the Falcon?"
Han shook his head and sheepishly wiped the hand on his trousers while Leia checked to make sure he hadn't left any grime on her face. "The X-Wings actually. So what happened?"
Leia sighed and looked down at Ben's sleeping face. "I don't know. We were just sitting here. He was perfectly content, and then he dropped his toy and started screaming. I thought he was upset about his toy but he wouldn't calm down. I tried singing and everything."
Han frowned and peered over at Ben. "Was he hungry?"
She shook her head. "He only ate an hour ago."
He sighed and reached for the baby. "I'll take him back down to the hanger with me. Doesn't matter if he screams down there. If he does it again I can take him to medical. But maybe he's just…" Han shrugged. "Babies are meant to cry."
"But he doesn't," Leia said softly.
"No. Could it be a… Force thing?" He asked hesitantly.
Leia shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe. Maybe it was just a one-off," she said, handing Ben to him. "He'll want to eat at…" She checked her chrono, rubbing her eyes. "15:00."
Han nodded, carefully cradling Ben so he didn't wake back up. "Have you eaten anything today?"
"Please don't pester me, Han," Leia said weakly.
"I'm just askin'. You forget, is all."
"I'll have something when you two leave, okay?"
Han grunted. "And I'll comm Mari in half an hour and check that you did. I'll see you tonight," he said softly, leaning down to kiss her.
Leia nodded and sat back down behind her monitor. "Han?" She called, just as he reached the door.
He turned and raised an eyebrow.
"Thanks. I'll see you tonight."
Since Ben was still sound asleep when Han reached the hangar, he decided to settle him in the cockpit of an X-Wing until he woke up again. The seats were the perfect size for his tiny body and Han liked being able to strap him in just in case he decided to go for a roll. He slowly climbed up the ladder, careful not to jostle the baby, and gently set him on the seat.
Ben frowned in his sleep, smacked his lips, and woke up with an almighty wail. Han quickly whisked him out of the seat and held him close. "Hey, kid. It's okay. I'm right here," he said, climbing back down the ladder and bouncing Ben in his arms.
Ben grabbed a handful of Han's collar and continued crying into his shoulder.
Han frowned and carried him over to where the Falcon sat, almost as if she was waiting for them. "Let's go play on the Falcon, huh? That always makes me feel better," he said, climbing up the boarding ramp, still rocking Ben and starting to hum.
The baby settled to whimpers once they were on board, and lifted his head up so he could look around.
"There you go. That's better, huh?" He made his way to the cockpit and sat in the captain's seat.
Ben peered out the viewport and clumsily rubbed at his face. Han kissed the top of his head and gently brushed away the tears that had settled on his cheeks.
"It's okay if you're feelin' a bit grumpy, Ben. It happens to everyone. 'Specially me and your Ma," Han chatted. "Who knows, maybe you've got a headache or somethin'."
Han started half-heartedly working through some mission notes on his datapad while Ben sat happily on his lap, cooing and clutching at Han's hand where it was carefully tucked around his waist.
"Ah!" Ben suddenly said, pulling his fist out of his mouth and wriggling violently on Han's lap.
"What in the world..?" Han swivelled the chair around so he could look down the corridor, and grinned when he heard Chewie's familiar footfalls on the deck. "You wanna see Uncle Chewie, huh, kid? How did you know he was here before I did?" He chuckled, carrying Ben out into the hold and giving Chewie a wave. "Hey, pal. Kid's happy to see you. Heard you comin' before I did," he said, holding Ben out to him.
Chewie moved to take the baby from him but pulled away when Ben shrieked unhappily and started to squirm.
"Don't take it personally, Chewie," Han sighed, pulling Ben close to his chest again. "He's not feelin' himself."
Chewie growled thoughtfully at Han and reached a gentle hand over to touch Ben's cheek.
"You think he's scared?" Han frowned, rubbing Ben's back. "There's nothin' to be scared of, big guy. I'm right here," he said softly. "I don't know what the matter is with him, Chewie. He's never fussy like this."
The Wookiee shrugged as Ben grasped at one of his fingers.
"There's nothing actually wrong, far as I can tell. He's just… clingy."
Chewie shrugged again and growled that that sounded exactly like Han's son.
Ben spent the entire afternoon in his infant sling, tucked against Han's chest, napping and cooing while Han sat in an X-Wing and tried to work without getting them both electrocuted.
At exactly 15:00, he climbed down from the X-Wing, cleaned his hands as best he could and heated up a bottle, not daring to take Ben out of the sling to feed him, just shifting him slightly so he could eat. Ben took a few half-hearted sips at the bottle before frowning and starting to cry.
"Hey, what's wrong now?" Han asked, carefully pulling Ben out of the sling so he could hold him upright. "You don't like your milk?" He took the lid off the bottle one-handed and sniffed it. "It's fine, kid. It's the same as always. Do you just want your Mama? Well that's kinda too bad. She's real busy today and there's a perfectly good bottle for you right here. I'm sorry if that don't live up to your royal expectations."
Ben seemed to glare at him before launching into even louder wails.
Han sighed, bouncing him and starting to hum. "You're cranky because you're hungry, Ben. If you don't eat your tummy's gonna feel even worse."
Ben ignored him, continuing to scream and squirm around in his arms. Han frowned. "Somethin' hurting you, little man?" He asked, gently rubbing Ben's tummy. "Maybe I'll take you to medical."
Han changed him, just in case he was fussing about that, and tried the bottle again with no success, before marching him over to the base's medical unit.
"Everything okay, General?" The on-site medic asked when he heard them come in, Ben still screaming his head off.
Han shrugged. "Kid won't stop crying. I figure he's just fussy but I'd like a droid to scan him and make sure nothing's wrong."
"We're not exactly a paediatric unit, General."
He shrugged again. "You got a 2-1B?"
The medic rolled his eyes. "Bring him through. It ain't much of a thrill being a peacetime medic, I gotta tell you, Solo."
Han followed him to a treatment room and carefully set Ben on an exam bed. The baby shrieked and a 2-1B trundled over to them.
"This is not a soldier," it said blankly.
"Just scan 'im will ya? He won't eat and he won't stop cryin'."
The medic sat at the end of the exam bed, casually playing with Ben's feet while the droid ran a scanner over him.
"He just doesn't normally cry. At all. A bit when he first wakes up and if we're not quick enough to feed him when he's hungry. That's it though. Nothing like this. He did it to my wife this morning too."
"This infant does not have any physical injury or ailment," the droid announced, and Han picked Ben back up, holding him close. "I had not finished my assessment," the droid said, a little snarkily. "His heart rate is elevated and he appears under emotional or mental distress."
Han frowned. "He's two months old, what does he have to be distressed about?"
"Where is his mother?" the droid asked.
Han rolled his eyes. "He started doing this when he was with her this morning."
"Maybe he had a bad dream?" the medic shrugged.
Han sighed. "Thanks for lookin' him over."
"You're taking the word of a field medic and a 2-1B?" Leia said desperately, bouncing Ben while he screamed.
"A med-droid's a med-droid, honey. It said he was physically fine. It said he was in emotional or mental distress."
"You already told me that," she snapped, adjusting Ben in her arms again.
Han took a steadying breath. "I wondered if it was a Jedi thing."
"He's a tiny baby, Han," Leia said. "He's not a Jedi."
He shrugged. "Maybe not but maybe it's a Force thing. Have you asked Luke?"
"I'm not asking Luke. I'm sure his stomach just hurts."
"Here." Han stood up and reached for the baby. "Let me take him for a while, huh?"
Leia's lower lip trembled and she carefully passed Ben to him before slumping into an armchair.
"If you want to take him to the hospital we can do that," he said gently. "But first, why don't you…" he grimaced. "Reach out to him. Like Luke does with you sometimes."
Leia sighed. Her head hurt from Ben's wailing, and from the fact that they hadn't slept in two days. Her feet hurt from pacing around the apartment with the baby. Her arms hurt from never being able to put him down. Her heart hurt because he just wouldn't stop crying. The nights were the worst. During the day Ben would stay calm as long as he was in their arms. At night, he was inconsolable. "I'm not a Jedi either."
Han shrugged, bouncing Ben in his arms, pacing back and forth in front of the window and humming softly.
Leia closed her eyes tightly, sitting as comfortably as she could and focusing her mind. After a few minutes, she managed to block out Ben's cries, after another few minutes, she felt him reaching back for her. "He's frightened," she said quickly, opening her eyes and standing up.
"Of what?" Han asked, a frown set deep on his face.
"There's a darkness," she whispered.
"In him?"
She shook her head. "Coming after him."
Han clenched his jaw and sat on the sofa, laying Ben out on his thighs and taking each of his tiny hands in his own. "Ben," he said softly, leaning over and kissing his forehead. Ben squirmed and took a few gasping breaths as his cries settled slightly. "Look at me, sweetheart. I'm going to protect you. You're safe with us, I promise. Nobody is going to hurt you. We're right here."
The baby blinked at him, his breathing starting to settle. He fussed a little more, but stopped as Han gathered him up in his arms again and held him tightly to his chest. His dark eyes drooped closed as Han sang him a lullaby, a little hand fisted in Han's sleepshirt.
Leia bit hard on her lower lip before starting to cry.
"Sweetheart, you need to sleep," Han said quietly, settling himself on the sofa with Ben on his chest. "We're fine here."
"Han, he hasn't eaten for hours," she said practically, rubbing her eyes.
Han shrugged. "Yeah, but he hasn't slept either. I'll come get you when he wakes up and we can try feeding him again."
"I'll sleep here," she decided, curling up in the armchair and stuffing a cushion under her head.
Han decided to let that go, and wriggled a little until he was comfortable, a firm hand on Ben's back as the tiny boy slept. They were both asleep in seconds.
A few hours later, when Han was snoring away and Leia was curled up so tightly in her armchair she'd have a backache for weeks, Ben woke up. He squirmed and fussed, shoving his fist in his mouth before starting to cry softly.
Han blinked awake, automatically rubbing Ben's back to settle him. "What's up, big guy? You hungry? Let's see if we can get you to Mama, huh?" he said softly, carefully sitting up and gently nudging Leia until she half-awoke and sat up. "He wants to eat, sweetheart," he whispered, already unbuttoning her top.
"Keep your hands to yourself, Solo," she teased, yawning as she woke up and reaching for the baby. "He doesn't seem too upset," she said, kissing Ben's cheek and settling him at her breast.
Han shook his head. "He just seems hungry."
"He'd be starving," she sighed, tracing his tiny face with her free hand. "I'm glad you're feeling better, my love."
Han sat on the arm of the chair and gently ran his fingers through her loose hair. "We're gonna be okay. We can do this," he said softly, kissing her temple.
From then on, Ben had regular episodes of clinginess, of fussing for no apparent reason, of refusing multiple feeds in a row in his distress. The second time it happened, they whisked him straight to his doctor who did a complete examination and found nothing wrong with him other than elevated heart-rate and respiration. From there, they went to Luke who only said what Leia had already sensed, that Ben was afraid. "It's like he's being hunted," he said, holding Ben up in front of his face while he cried.
"Don't say it like that," Han snapped, snatching Ben from him and cuddling him close.
Luke shrugged. "It's what he feels. At least he's not sick," he said. "He just needs to be held."
"I know it's not that conventional but at least he'd sleep. Chewie says-"
"Han, our son is not a Wookiee," Leia said, her voice raised over Ben's screams, rocking him as she paced back and forth in front of the living room window. "It isn't safe for him to sleep in our bed."
Han shrugged. "I always shared a bed with my Ma and I turned out fine."
"Oh you want his childhood to be just like yours do you?" she snapped.
Han clenched his jaw, looking wounded.
Leia sighed and reached for his hand. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't mean that."
"I just want him to sleep."
She nodded. "We should move the cradle right beside one of us so we can have a hand on him. We can't go to sleep holding him."
"I know," he said softly. "Just don't wanna let him go when I know he's scared."
Leia nodded again and, still bouncing Ben in one arm, took Han's hand and led him to the bedroom. "We need to try and sleep. Here," she said, handing Ben to him. "Try singing that one he likes while I'm in the 'fresher."
Han nodded, sitting on the bed and holding Ben to his chest. "We're going to go to sleep now, Ben. All of us. And we're gonna be right here," he said gently. He changed him, swaddled him, and carefully settled him in his cradle. Ben pouted and started to cry harder. "You're okay. Look. We're right here," Han said, pulling the bassinet over to the side of the bed and lying in Leia's spot. "Mama's gonna lie right here while you're sleeping," he explained, reaching into the cradle and holding Ben's hand.
Ben's screams seemed to increase in volume again. Han sighed and picked him up again.
"Fine, we'll do it this way, but you're not sleepin' up here," he said firmly, cradling Ben to his chest and kissing his forehead. "Now I can't remember which song's the one you like so I'll sing this one my Ma used to when I was scared, huh?"
The baby gasped for breath as his cries settled a little and Han started to sing to him. When Leia came out of the fresher, brushing her hair out, Ben was still awake, still in Han's arms, and still fussing.
She sighed and sat beside Han, taking the baby from him. "I'll try. You get into bed, you look like you're going to pass out."
Han kissed her cheek and quickly changed into some sleep clothes, climbing into bed beside them.
"I know your doctor told me not to do this," Leia said as she sat up against the headboard and started unbuttoning her top. "But she doesn't have to be here while you scream all night. You'll feel much better after you sleep, Ben. Have a little snack and go to sleep," she said soothingly, settling him at her breast and humming softly.
Han reached up to play with Ben's bare foot, his chubby toes wiggling temptingly in front of his face, only to have Leia swat his hand away. "It's not playtime. It's sleeping time only."
Ben ate half-heartedly, his eyes slowly closing until finally he fell asleep, his chest still heaving slightly while he caught his breath.
"My poor little boy," Leia whispered, brushing her lips over his forehead. "You're so protected, Ben, if only you could understand."
She took a few moments with him before carefully laying him in the cradle and rolling onto her side so she could still hold his hand. Han pulled the blankets up over her and cuddled close behind her, wrapping an arm around her waist.
"This is only going to get worse," she said softly. "If Luke can't find who's doing this to him, it's just going to get worse, Han."
Han sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, taking a steadying breath. "I know," he whispered. "But we'll be right here."