Author's Note: As you will notice after a sentence or two, this is not Mary, the original author of this fanfic. Unfortunately, she has fallen ill and won't be able to write for the next week or two.

Due to that I decided to fill in for her and continue working on this fanfic while she gets better. Enjoy.

The Abrahamic faiths promise some sort of an afterlife, be it eternal pleasure or torture. Mostly every religious person believes in this and works their way to an afterlife of bliss or knowingly does enough messed up things to land themselves a wonderful place in the all-inclusive Hell-Hotel (trademark). However, it's all a big fat lie and all that awaits your soul after it departs from your cooling puny little body with a small dick or sagging tits, take your pick, is basically nothingness. I don't mean that you'll just close your eyes and kinda not exist for a good eternity or two, don't get your hopes up. I mean that you'll quite literally be stuck in nothingness, fully aware and conscious, till you either die from boredom for a second time and go to Super-Nothingness (trademarked as well) or the cockroaches in your head go "Eh, fuck this noise" and jump out of your skull, taking the remaining bits and pieces of your sanity with them. And so, as it usually happens post-mortem:

Rias Gregory and the Discord Pedo were stuck in an empty void. Yes, that empty void. Should it be capitalized? I don't know and I frankly don't care. What's it gonna do? Make me go insane after I shuffle off the mortal coil? Bitch please, I'm in SGO, I write smut about Shiro, I don't care. Anyways.

"It's been well over a century since we got here and I still don't know how you died," Rias drawled in a monotone, "I don't even know your name, come to think of it." She stared at the nameless guy, patiently waiting for him to reply. And, as it always happened, he absolutely ignored her like the chad he was, because fuck that redhead slut, thinking she can get away with anything just because she has massive mammaries. Either way, he decided to take pity on the devil and turned towards her.

"Does it even matter now? We're dead, Gregory. You know, not breathing and shit. I'm kinda surprised we've retained our mortal forms, honestly." He started to turn away from Rias, but her shrill voice pierced his ears with the might of a horny teenager's cock smashing between a couch's cushions, "Tell me! We've got an eternity of boredom together, I wanna know who I'm stuck with, you fucking asshole," Rias cried out. He let out a put-upon sigh and turned towards her once again.

"Fine. My name is, or was, Clyde. I used to work as a babysitter. Happy now?"

"Yeah, pretty much. You already know pretty much everything about me, though, including how I died," the devil muttered out thoughtfully.

"Yeah," Clyde snorted, "Imagine being a high-class Devil and getting shot by someone named Brandon, for fuck's sake," He managed to get out between gales of hysterical laughter, "Get rekt, noob, damn it."

"Shut up, Clyde," Rias growled out, her face as red as her hair, "How about you tell me how you died, huh?"

Clyde shuffled around nervously, "I'd rather not say, Rias. It was traumatizing and uncalled fo-"

"Save it," Rias interrupted, "I got shot by a teenager. And as you said yourself, it doesn't even matter since both of us are dead. Tell me, please?"

"Well, I was a babysitter... And some stuff happened and I died. An accident, really." He bit out.

"You were a babysitter? What kind of accident? Was it messy?"

"Not really... Let's just say that I was chasing the bag and fumbled it in the end. And my life as well in the process," He mumbled.

Rias' eyes narrowed, "So, you start off by telling me you were a babysitter... Then you tell me about an accident involving trying to make money? This shit is linked, isn't it?" She suddenly went wide-eyed, "You pimped out babies?!" She snarled.

"NO! What the fuck, Gregory?" He shouted back, "I tried to make money off of disgusting pedos and took pictures of one girl I was bathing and sold them and got found out and killed for that! I'm not a child trafficker!"

Everything went quiet, before the void suddenly split apart and a red, horned head poked in.

"Word? That was you? Damn, you were in the waiting room all along, I thought your soul got lost somewhere," The apparent Devil laughed out, "Come on, Clyde, there's a special spot in my domain reserved for you. Do you like anal torture?"

"No, not really..." Clyde stuttered, backing away from Satan.

"Good, there's plenty of it down there! Come on, let's go," he stuck his scaly hand into the void, grabbed Clyde by the body and dragged him into the split, which closed behind him with a resounding CRACK.

Rias stared into the nothingness with empty gaze.

"What the fuck," She whispered.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

And she remained in the waiting room for all eternity, because even Satan doesn't want a red-haired devil wannabe bimbo that fucked a horny kid in canon. Oh, and turns out the author lied, cause Heaven and Hell actually exist. Rejoice, mortals.