Chapter 3
It was now a few days later, and tonight was the night that Who Wants To Be A Millionaire was going to air with Jim in it. Jim decided to invite the whole group to his house so they could watch it together. That also included Stifler despite his dad not wanting to see him here but Jim's parents had to go and see Jim's grandmother but would watch it whilst visiting her.
Everyone was gathered around the TV as it had just started. Jim and Michelle were sat on the big sofa along with Finch and Jessica whilst Vicky was sat on the arm of the sofa next to Jessica. Oz and Heather had taken one of the armchairs with Heather sitting in Oz's lap. Stifler had taken the reclining armchair despite the fact Kevin had dibs on it first but Stifler stole it when Kevin went for a piss so Kevin had to settle for one of the kitchen chairs that was brought through. Stifler wouldn't shut up about his upcoming cameo and how it's going to be the starting point of a successful career in television.
"Stifler, would you shut up, what makes you think being a dumbass on a quiz show is going to get you on Oprah or getting your own sitcom", Jessica complained fed up with Stifler going on and on about being a TV star.
"A sitcom would be hilarious with Stifler in it, doing stupid shit all the time", Finch added wanting to see Stifler make a fool of himself on TV for his amusement every week.
"Shut up Shit Break, you can be a special guest where you have a shit in the ladies toilet", Stifler replied not wanting to be one-upped by Finch.
"Or maybe I could go on it and say hello to your mother", Finch countered getting laughs from the others.
"Yeah, well you've seen the last of my mother, I'll make sure you never see her again you little shit", Stifler angrily said. It will always remain a sore topic for Stifler.
"Would you guys shut up, Jim's coming on now", Michelle said silencing the group, even Stifler as he didn't want his ear clamped on like a vice again.
As the show went on, everyone started to get competitive as they all took part in answering the questions that were shown. A sports question came up from earlier in Jim's round that he had to use his "Ask the Audience" lifeline on and Stifler didn't know the answer to that one either.
"For $1,000, which basketball team has won the most NBA championships ever?" Regis had asked through the TV.
"That's the Boston Celtics", Finch of all people quickly said before the possible answers had even shown up. Everyone quickly turned to face him.
"What the fuck", they all said in unison, not expecting Finch of all people to know a question on sports.
"How the fuck did you know that Shit Break?", Stifler asked as he didn't know the answer.
"My mom is a big basketball fan and I just know it because of her", Finch explained.
"Yeah, whatever", Stifler said fed up with hearing about Finch and moms. The next question got Stifler interested though as this was one he knew.
"Your next question Jim", Regis continued. "What is the capital of Thailand?". Stifler quickly jumped out of his seat.
"I know that one, it's Bangkok, ha, in your face Shit Break", Stifler gloated as he got a question right and answered it before Finch.
"Calm down Stifler, you might have a heart attack", Oz joked whilst Stifler started to dance around in celebration.
"I knew it anyway", Finch said annoyed as Stifler blocked his view of the television because he was dancing in front of Finch. Stifler then sat back down and took a sip of his beer.
"Even if you did, you still lost cos you weren't fast enough for the Stiffmeister", Stifler bragged continuing to gloat.
"Yeah well, we can't wait to see you fail when it actually mattered Stifler", Heather brought up to bring him back down to earth.
"Whatever choir chick, I got to be on TV and you fuckers didn't", Stifler said pointing to everyone. Jim put his hand up to signal that he was on the TV right now. "Except shit for brains right here", Stifler which made Jim sigh at the new nickname Stifler had given him.
The show carried on without any more surprises until they got to the moment everyone, especially Stifler, was waiting for.
"Oh boy, here we go, this is going to be so fucking awesome", Stifler proclaimed rubbing his hands together in excitement.
"This is going to be so fucking embarrassing more like", Jim rebutted while Michelle rubbed his shoulder in comfort and Finch gave him a pat on the back.
"You'll be fine Jim, I'm sure it won't be that bad", Kevin said trying to help his friend.
"Well hopefully they've edited it well enough", Jim replied.
"Here it is, your $64,000 question, Ok Jim, which team won Super Bowl XXX in 1996? Was it, a) the Pittsburgh Steelers, b) the Dallas Cowboys, c) the Green Bay Packers, or d) the New England Patriots?", the voice from the TV said.
"Oh, that's the Dallas Cowboys", Finch once again answered causing everyone to stare at him again.
"Finch, have you and Stifler switched brains or something?" Oz asked.
"I wouldn't count on it, I'm not thinking about how I'm a closet gay", Stifler said taking another verbal jab at Finch.
"And I don't think about how I'm a homophobic asshole", Finch came back with another reply to Stifler's insults.
"Just shut up Shit Break, I'm about to be on in a minute", Stifler shushed Finch as he waited for his moment in the spotlight.
"So who are you going to ring Jim?" Regis asked.
"I'm going to ring my friend, Steven", TV Jim replied.
"You called me Steven, you dickwad, you're embarrassing me yourself, you should have introduced me as the Stiffmeister", Stifler complained.
"Oh yeah, cos Stiffmeister isn't an embarrassing name at all, is it?" Vicky sarcastically said.
"What are you on about, everyone loves the Stiffmeister, the greatest name in the world, right guys?" Stifler shot back, thinking everyone else would back him up but got a round of silence from the rest of them.
"Yeah whatever you say Stifler", Vicky replied.
Suddenly everyone heard a loud voice shout "STIFLER" from the TV which caused some giggles from the group.
"Was that your dad Jim?" Kevin asked.
"Yeah, it sounded like him, I didn't hear him when I was there, must have been too occupied with the fact I was gonna call Stifler", Jim said making everyone but Stifler laugh.
"Even your dad knew it was a bad idea", Kevin joked with everyone laughing even louder.
"Shut up Kevin, hey Icky Vicky, tell your reject to shut the fuck up", Stifler said getting evil stares from everyone.
"You sure know how to bring up the right subjects don't you Stifler", Jessica said with menace.
"It's fine guys, we're mature enough to know the past is the past and me and Vicky are good friends again, just like we all are", Kevin said calming the situation.
"Exactly, we've dealt with Stifler's shit for years, this doesn't bother us at all", Vicky added.
"Exactly, so everyone shut the fuck up cos I'm about to be on now", Stifler ended the topic so he could watch his cameo.
As the phone on the TV started ringing, the screen suddenly went black an ad break started annoying Stifler. It had annoyed everyone else as there had just been an ad break before that question was asked but not as much as Stifler.
"Come on, I know you want to build it up because I'm coming on but this is taking the piss", Stifler said.
The ad break then finished and suddenly when they came back, they had gone straight to Jim answering the question and a message popped up at the bottom saying "due to technical difficulties, the phone-a-friend was cut from the final recording".
"NO FUCKING WAY", Stifler shouted raging at the TV. "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!"
Everyone else started laughing with some of them falling out of their seats at the fact there was all this build-up from Stifler about it and it never made the final cut.
"There goes your 15 seconds of fame Stifler", Oz mocked as everyone tried to calm their laughter. Stifler gave Oz a middle finger and stormed off into the kitchen to go get another beer. The rest watched on as Jim got the question right and moved onto $64,000.
"Alright Jim, here is your next question, in which city was Mozart born? Is it a) Vienna, b) Salzburg, c) Berlin or d) Graz?", Regis asked the next question.
"Michelle, do you know this one?" Jim asked. He was hoping not otherwise he would have wasted his lifeline and could have used it for Michelle.
"Yeah, it's Salzburg", Michelle replied followed by a collective groan from everyone.
"Way to go Stifler", Jessica shouted so Stifler could hear from the kitchen. Stifler quickly ran back into the living room wondering why he was being shouted at.
"What the fuck have I done?" Stifler asked.
"Michelle knew the answer to the next question, meaning Jim wasted his lifeline on your useless ass", Jessica explained.
"That's not my fault, it's Jim's for thinking I'd be a good pick", Stifler argued trying to defend himself.
"He's got a point, hindsight is 20/20, no one knows what questions are going to be asked", Finch surprisingly defending Stifler. Everyone stared at him weirdly for the 3rd time that night. "I know he acted like an ass on the show but if he didn't know the question, he didn't know, as much as I hate the guy, it's not his fault for that".
"I guess you're right Finch, I don't blame you for not knowing the question, I just blame you for making me look like an idiot", Jim said.
"Well thanks you two", Stifler said. "But don't think that makes it better for you and my mom, you can think again Shit Break". He pointed his finger at Finch.
"Like I need your permission anyway", Finch said under his breath so Stifler wouldn't hear which he didn't as Stifler went to sit back down in his chair with his beer in hand.
As Jim decided to walk away with the money, the show was over and everyone was now just chatting as a group about anything and everything. After a while, Michelle got up and went back into the kitchen to get another drink. Stifler noticed this and made an excuse about going to the toilet and followed her into the kitchen.
"Hello Michelle", Stifler said as he sneaked up behind her frightening Michelle.
"Jesus Stifler, you scared me", Michelle replied. "And you called me by my actual name".
"Well, I'd rather not have my ear squeezed like a lemon again", Stifler joked. "But I just wanted to talk to you about something, if you don't mind".
"Erm, ok, what about?" Michelle asked confused.
"Look, if I ask Jim, he'll say no to me straight away, and I probably expect the same from you, but just hear me out before you say anything ok", Stifler pleaded. Michelle nodded her head in understanding.
"This is about the vacation isn't it?" Michelle asked knowing where Stifler was going with this.
"Yeah, but just listen, I know it sounds selfish making Jim pay for this all if he lets us, you remember how good last summer was at the beach house, even if you were at band camp for most of it", Stifler explained. "Imagine how good this one would be, we won't have to take up any summer jobs, the Stiffmeister guarantees that we will have the greatest vacation that there has ever been. That kid has no idea the things I have done for him, none of them realises, I let them come to my parties even though it could have looked bad on me, you two are together because of me, letting you come to the lakehouse, every guy in that room, I've been their wingman since high school".
"So you're saying you set up Finch with your mom", Michelle interrupted putting a downer on Stifler's passionate speech.
"No, not him, fuck that, anyway forget that just give it a think, after all, life is all about memories, and we would have loads", Stifler continued. "I'm not telling Jim to use every single cent he has, just enough to give us a fucking great holiday". Michelle was giving it some thought.
"I understand where you're coming from Stifler, but at the end of the day, it's up to Jim, I'll talk to him but can't promise anything", Michelle concluded.
"That's all I'm asking for", Stifler said with his hands together bowing as a Japanese person would. "You're alright for a band geek".
"Coming from you, I'll take that as a compliment", Michelle said knowing that's probably the nicest thing she'll ever hear coming from Stifler's mouth. Suddenly they heard footsteps and turned around to see Jim enter the kitchen.
"What's going on? What are you two doing talking civilly with each other?", Jim asked suspiciously.
"Nothing to worry about Jimbo was just getting another beer", Stifler explained before heading out of the kitchen. He took one look at Michelle and mouthed "think about it" whilst pointing to his head.
Once Stifler had left and back into the living room, Jim turned to Michelle and asked what that was all about. Michelle just told him to never mind and will talk about it later. They then both got a drink and went back into the living room. When they got there, they witnessed Stifler pretending to hump Finch and Finch trying to get away. They just laughed at the madness and imagined a vacation like this.
After a while of more fun, Michelle discretely got Jim's attention without alerting anyone else and motioned towards the kitchen. Jim got the message and quickly got up without anyone bothering him about where he was going. Michelle then shut the door and turned to Jim.
"So what's the problem Michelle?", Jim asked.
"No problem, just thought now was a good time to tell you what Stifler and I were talking about", Michelle explained.
"I have no idea what Stifler would want to talk about with you", Jim replied. "And you seemed to be happy talking to him, I've only ever seen you speak angrily at him".
"He just wanted to talk about this vacation he's still going on about", Michelle said. "He gave me a few reasons why he thinks you should do it".
"What reasons? What could possibly be reasonable with him?" Jim asked not seeing anything good about it.
"Well, did you enjoy your time at the lakehouse last year?", Michelle asked Jim.
"Well other than the glue incident, and me having to kiss Stifler, yeah it was a good holiday, especially because that's where we got together", Jim said remembering the good times.
"Wait, you kissed Stifler?", Michelle blurted out not knowing the lesbian story.
"That's a story for another time", Jim said wanting to change the subject.
"Ok, do you think Stifler is a good friend to you?" Michelle asked her 2nd question.
"We did just watch a TV show where he embarrassed me in front of a live audience and thankfully not for everyone watching on TV", Jim reminded Michelle of the latest thing Stifler has done that hasn't gone well for Jim.
"Ok, but you went to a lot of his high school parties right?", Michelle said to which Jim nodded. "He allowed you to go to his parties, despite him being a lot more popular than you, and did you ever supply any beer?" This made Jim think hard about it. What did Stifler get out of inviting Jim and the others to his parties?
"No, I guess Stifler must have bought it all, wow, now that I think about it, that's a lot of beer he's bought", Jim answered.
"Deep down, I think he cares about you, he still hangs around with you lot even after high school, god knows he hides it well", Michelle added as she got closer to Jim hugging him. "I think a vacation would be a good thing, especially having the chance to go abroad".
"I guess I owe him some money", Jim replied. "He does make things a lot funnier even if it can lead us into big trouble, but it feels wrong giving him a free holiday still".
"Well, how about you pay for flights and accommodation, but everyone has to use their own money for everything else", Michelle queried. "Plus, for Stifler to get to come, how about he has to do some punishments before he can go". An evil grin on Michelle's face appeared before Jim copied her.
"You are evil Michelle Flaherty, so evil, and I love it", Jim grinned widely.
"Are we really gonna do this?" Michelle asked.
"Yes, let's have a vacation", Jim confirmed getting Michelle giddy as she squeezed him.
"Alright let's go tell everyone the good news, and Stifler his bad news", Michelle exclaimed before running back into the living room. Jim just laughed at his girlfriend before following her. "Hey everyone, Jim has something exciting to tell all of you", Michelle announced before Jim had made it into the living room. As he came into sight of everyone, their eyes were all on him wondering what's going on.
"Ok guys, well, as you know I have $64,000, and obviously Stifler hasn't shut up about me paying for a vacation for us all", Jim started as everyone nodded their heads knowing Stifler has mentioned it numerous times. "Well, I've decided that I'm going to do just that." Gasps were heard from multiple people.
"Fuck yes Jim, I knew you had the balls for that, you will not regret it", Stifler shouted getting up patting Jim on the back.
"Sit down Stifler, I'm not finished", Jim ordered making Stifler sit back down in the chair. "Now I've decided I will pay for flights and accommodation, but you'll have to pay for everything else and I will choose where we go", Jim said. Not even Stifler argued with that who was still ecstatic that this was actually going to happen.
"Are you sure this is alright Jim, I mean it's still going to cost a lot", Oz asked wanting to be sure Jim was doing the right thing.
"I'm sure Oz, we had such a great time last year, and this time we won't have to work summer jobs to pay for it", Jim explained.
"Well you won't have to buy another drink when we go out, that's for sure", Finch replied.
"It's very good of you to allow us this Jim, we can't thank you enough", Vicky added.
"Yeah thanks a lot, Jim", Jessica chimed in as well.
"Well now that's all done, the Stiffmeister has to go pack cos I am going to get busy on vacation if you know what I mean", Stifler said rubbing his hands together in anticipation.
"Just wait Stifler, you get different treatment for this trip", Jim stopped Stifler from running off before finishing his announcement.
"Really?", Stifler asked thinking it was going to be good. "Is it because I'm your best friend ever".
"No not quite, you see, you have not only embarrassed me on TV, but you were also rude to my dad and isn't happy with you, if you want to go on this vacation, you're going to have to do some punishments first", Jim declared.
"Oh no", Stifler reacted sinking into his seat.
"That's right Stifler, you're going to get to be my bitch", Jim said with everyone else cheering and whooping.