Chapter Summary: Shaun and Lea struggle with their emotions at their first appointment.
AN: So, I won't be watching this show for a while (maybe forever if things get bad for Shea) because I'm fearful that Shaun and Lea are going to break up or separate as a result of the pregnancy loss (a trope I hate and am getting sick of). David Shore doesn't seem to like his characters to be happy, so I'm not getting my hopes up and then get disappointed again and will focus on what happens in this fanfic (and more that are probably going to come) instead.
Lea was feeling exactly the same way she was feeling during the seventh week of her previous pregnancy…except that she wasn't experiencing mild queasiness like she did last time. Instead, she was feeling twice as nauseous. She envied the people who didn't experience any morning sickness during their pregnancy. Her mother was one of those lucky few, as she had been pregnant twice and experienced no morning sickness at all.
"It's a good sign, honey. It means that the baby is developing properly. Be thankful for that," her mother told her at the beginning of the last pregnancy.
Lea couldn't help but roll her eyes at that comment. Her mother might have meant well, but at the time, she just wanted to flip her off for saying that. She wanted to bite back and say "You should just be thankful that you didn't have any at all" no matter how petty that sounded. The bottom line was that morning sickness was a spectrum, ranging from luckily none at all to so severe that you get dehydrated and malnourished…and pregnant people typically fell somewhere in the middle.
Also, unlike last time at week seven, Shaun and Lea were keeping this pregnancy a secret from everyone, even Dr. Glassman and Claire - the first two to find out about their first pregnancy.
Right now, she and Shaun were at the doctor's appointment to confirm how far along she was in her pregnancy, and it was also going to be their first ultrasound. Shaun was sitting down in the chair right next to the exam table that she was sitting on, wearing nothing but socks and an exam gown with a light blue paper sheet draped over her lap.
So far, this appointment was just like the seven-week appointment from the last pregnancy - blood pressure, urine sample, blood test, and the doctor asking questions.
Their chosen obstetrician, Dr. Yvonne Vargas (not the same obstetrician they had last time), was asking and talking to the couple about everything - Lea's last menstrual period, her previous pregnancies, and her medical history (plus her family's medical history as well as Shaun's and his family's).
"Again, Lea, Shaun, I'm very sorry to hear about your previous loss," consoled Dr. Vargas.
"We named her Eleanor Grace," shared Shaun solemnly, taking a peek at Lea, who shot him a small smile as she gently rubbed his arm.
"That's a beautiful name," the doctor solaced before she finished setting up the equipment. She wanted to get an internal ultrasound to see how far along Lea was and to make sure everything was going okay. "So, let's get started. Go ahead and lie back, please."
Lea nodded and lay back onto the exam table, resting her feet into the stirrups and letting her knees fall open while Dr. Vargas prepared the ultrasound and asked Shaun and Lea some questions that weren't related medical or pregnancy wise.
"So, how long have you two been together?" She asked out of curiosity.
"Two years as a couple," Lea replied, staring up at the ceiling as she felt Shaun take her hand into his own. "But we've been besties since 2017."
"We just got married last month," added Shaun.
"Wow, congratulations!" Dr. Vargas smiled as she tilted the computer monitor towards Lea and Shaun.
"Okay, Lea, I'm going to gently insert the probe. You're going to feel…"
"Pressure, I know," sighed Lea as if she was a veteran mom who had already given birth to two children and was about to have her third. "This isn't my first transvaginal ultrasound."
Shaun weakly smiled at her, and then she smiled back.
"Okay, then," Dr. Vargas chuckled nervously, but also noticing how tense Shaun and Lea appeared. "I just need you to breathe and relax your pelvic muscles, okay?" She then turned her attention towards Shaun. "Dad, I think you need to focus on your breathing and relaxation techniques as well."
"Okay," exhaled Shaun, feeling more terrified than last time at the fact that the OB referred to him as an alias people give their fathers. This time, he was actually wondering if this baby would ever get the chance to call him and Lea "Mom and Dad", something Eleanor never got the chance to do.
Lea took a deep breath and allowed Dr. Vargas to insert the probe into her as she and Shaun stared at the computer screen.
Shaun squeezed her hand even tighter, non-verbally communicating to her that everything was going to be okay. She firmly squeezed his hand with her free one in return as he softly rubbed her shoulder.
It took a while for Dr. Vargas to get a picture of the embryo, but once she got a good, clear view of it, Shaun and Lea just decided to look away from the screen and instead stare at each other. They didn't know why, though, but they were afraid to develop a bond with their baby this early and were trying very hard not to get too attached to the embryo.
Dr. Vargas noticed the parents-to-be's behavior, thinking it had something to do with the fact that they lost a baby not too long ago. "I'm sorry, is this a bit triggering? Because if you two would like to cover your ears and look away, that's okay."
"No, we just don't want to get too attached to this thing yet," Lea said somberly, glaring her eyes away from the screen that was showing the tiny little bean in her womb.
Shaun then remembered how it irked Lea when he referred to Eleanor as a fetus instead of their baby around this time of the previous pregnancy. And right now, she just referred to this baby as a thing (could it be because Lea was experiencing worse bouts of nausea this time?). Also, unlike last time, seeing their baby on the ultrasound did not heal the disconnect he felt with his unborn child. This time, that same disconnect was still there…and honestly, he was glad it was because maybe if he still had that disconnect when they lose this baby, it would hurt less.
In less than one second, the whooshing sound of the embryo's heartbeat filled the atmosphere of the room.
"And there is the heartbeat," beamed Dr. Vargas. "It's a pretty strong one, too."
Suddenly, Shaun and Lea were in tears, but only 20% of those were tears of joy. The remaining 80% of those tears were tears of grief for the baby they lost. They hated that they were feeling this way, but they couldn't help it. They wanted to be happy, but all they wanted to feel right now was negativity, thinking it would minimize any disappointment although they knew deep down that it was just going to make them miserable.
Dr. Vargas noticed Shaun and Lea crying hard.
"Are you two okay?" She inquired nervously, looking concerned because out of all the patients she had who suffered previous pregnancy losses, Lea had the narrowest gap between the time she lost the pregnancy and the time she got pregnant again. "Do we need to stop for a minute and take a breather?"
"No, no," sniffed Lea, wiping her tears with her arm. "We're fine. Just keep going. We want to get this over with. Make sure you check for complications, though."
"Especially vasa previa in the future," Shaun added.
"Okay," breathed Dr. Vargas, looking at the couple apprehensively and aware that she couldn't guarantee any promises that their baby would make it out of the uterus alive. "And don't worry, I will make sure everything is okay."
Shaun and Lea were able to make it through the rest of the appointment. Dr. Vargas confirmed that Lea was seven weeks into her pregnancy, due on July 29th, and that everything was okay so far. She asked the couple if they wanted a copy of the sonogram, but they politely declined. She was still going to email it to them just in case they would change their minds.
She then discussed pregnancy details with them - scheduling Lea's next visit and providing her with prenatal vitamins and what foods she was going to be avoiding for the next 33 weeks. The two of them mostly zoned out during the entire conversation, but Shaun decided that maybe he knew too much already.
Leaving Dr. Vargas's office and the OB/GYN clinic in silence, Shaun and Lea went straight home.
Every sonogram copy Shaun and Lea received during the previous pregnancy, they would scan it into their phones and send the pictures via texts to her parents as well as Debbie and Dr. Glassman. They even had their very first sonogram framed. Written on the back of that picture was "Berry's first picture", except they recently crossed out "Berry" and wrote "Eleanor".
The temporary names of Eleanor would change every week as she grew larger (based on what the books and websites said what food she was the size of). When Lea entered her ninth week, the nickname changed from "Berry" to "Olive". Then "Olive" became "Prune", which then became "Berry" again, which became "Lime", then became "Lemon", then "Orange", then "Pear", then "Avocado", then "Onion", then "Cucumber", then "Mango", then "Sweet Potato", and then "Banana". At the time that they lost her, she was known as "Pepper". Because they hadn't picked a name out for her throughout those weeks, she was given the names of fruits and vegetables.
This time, they weren't calling their unborn child anything.
They sat on the couch and watched reruns of Schitt's Creek, needing a bit of comedy from a show they already finished binge-watching to distract them for a bit. Ever since Lea found out she was pregnant again, they decided that they needed a break from Call the Midwife, and they weren't going to continue watching it until after this baby was born. They were only on the second episode of the fourth season, which was unfortunately one of the ones that involved a stillbirth…which was a bit too triggering for them.
Right in the middle of the current Schitt's Creek episode they were watching, Lea suddenly made a confession to Shaun.
"I changed my mind," she admitted, her hands folded into her lap.
"About what?" Shaun asked, hitting the pause button and then turning to his side to look at Lea.
"I want the sonogram copy," muttered Lea. "I want to print it out."
"Okay," nodded Shaun, slowly wrapping his arm around Lea. "What made you change your mind?"
"I thought about it on the way home," gulped Lea. "Whether this, um, embryo…survives or lives, I thought about how we could possibly regret not having sonogram copies either way. If we are able to have a healthy, living baby, I could regret not having something to store as a special memory. Yet, if we lose this pregnancy, we won't have something to remember this baby by. And if we do end up losing another pregnancy, I at least want to have a special place for the babies we lost."
"Okay," croaked Shaun, kind of understanding where Lea was coming from. His toy scalpel was all that he had left of Steve, and he did want something to remember his lost babies by as well. "We'll print the sonogram once we get that email from Dr. Vargas."
"We're not sending the sonogram pictures to anybody, though," warned Lea, thankful that her OB was nice enough to email them a copy just in case they ended up changing their minds. She considered herself lucky that she changed her mind before she got the opportunity to delete the email, something she planned to do as soon as she received it.
"I know," replied Shaun, eagerly waiting for the six weeks to pass so he and Lea could finally share with others that they were pregnant.
It wouldn't be too long before everyone else starts to notice. They were going to start getting suspicious when they notice Lea getting sick a lot and avoiding alcohol.
AN: Everyone will find out about the pregnancy in the next chapter. Please review!