After that meeting I stood in the temple, bewildered and confused by Apollo's words.

Did he really love me?

I knew that I was fair looking but certainly not the most beautiful woman in Troy, and anyway not as beautiful as a goddess. I supposed I was intelligent but not more than many other people. I couldn't see anything really outstanding in my personality.

Apollo was one of the most powerful and honored Olympians. He was a master of music, prophecy, archery, healing. His beauty could not be described with human words. Then why would he woo me? What did he find in me that he couldn't find even in a goddess?

He could not really love me. It was probably just his lust speaking, the lust I had felt so clearly in my mind.

"What if I get pregnant? And one day I will get old and ugly… will he still love me then?" It was hard to believe that he would. I understood that a god couldn't love a mortal and I didn't hold a grudge against him for that. But I deeply regretted telling him that he was not indifferent to me: by doing so, I had accepted his courtship.

"He's kind, handsome, I owe him so much… I feel so drained to him I can barely restrain myself… what should I do now? Should I let him woo me and know that I will likely be abandoned afterwards?"

Usually I would've talked to Aesacus for advice but I felt this was not the moment. He probably wouldn't have believed me.

Lying in my bed, I thought about it again and again. I loved Apollo. If I could have been certain of his affection, I would have been happy to be with him. But I didn't wish to just satiate his desire and then be left to live with the consequences.

Suddenly, sleep came over me.

The blond man called Achilles held a spear and Hector tried to defend himself with his own shield. Utterly confused, I could see I was on the walls with many other Trojans, including Priam, Hecuba and Andromache. They all watched the fight. "It's all because Hector killed Patroclus" I thought to myself. "What am I saying? Who is Patroclus? And besides, Hector didn't kill anyone! There hasn't been a war in years!" another part of me said vehemently.

Aesacus stood by my side with a worried look and on my other side stood a beautiful woman with blonde hair – Helen- I thought.

"Am I out of my mind? Who is Helen?"

I focused again on the fight, where nothing had changed. Achilles was still in charge. Then, with a horrified shiver, I saw Achilles' spear hitting Hector and piercing the exposed region between his neck and shoulder. Blood spilled from the wound and Hector kneeled, gasping. Achilles, still standing, shove the spear even deeper into the wound.

I heard cries around me but I could not get my eyes off from my brother. He pressed both hands on his throat and then collapsed on the ground. A loud, bellowing cry of joy came from the Achaeans. –what Achaeans? – But they were there, Agamemnon, Ajax, Menelaus… I couldn't say how I knew their names. Another horrified cry came from the Trojans; Achilles was attaching Hector's body to his own chariot. Then he climbed on the chariot and started riding. A long trail of blood followed him.

An Achaean warrior called Ajax kissed me roughly on the lips and then ripped my dress, not caring that we were in Apollo's temple. Those very calloused hand I had felt so many times in my dreams touched my legs. I tried to resist, to fight him, but he just laughed and then…

I awoke with a cry. It wasn't just a series of confused images this time: this was prophecy, I knew it was.

My beloved brother was going to die a terrible death at the hands of an enemy, his body was going to be disrespected. I was going to be raped by an enemy.

Shocked, I got up and headed to the terrace; I needed to walk. But instead of being greeted with the usual sight of my city immersed in the darkness, I found out that Troy was on fire. I turned my head to where the sea was but I found out it was almost covered in ships.

I was about to cry for help when I understood this was a vision as well.

I covered my eyes, breathing deeply. I don't know how long I stayed like that. When I looked again, everything around me was back to normal.

"What have I done? Why did I ask for that gift? And how could I accept Apollo's courtship?"

Now I knew that he didn't love me. He didn't, or he wouldn't have allowed Ajax to rape me. I would be just a distraction for him, a girl to use and then toss away. And he knew about me, my brother, my city… and he hadn't even bothered to tell me, to prepare me…

I felt repulsed.

I had to refuse him.

-O- -O- -O-

Apollo came back to me three days after this visions. I was torn between the desire to seek comfort from him and the desire to shout at him and run away and he seemed to understand something was wrong.

"Are you upset?" he asked in a gentle voice.

"Very much so." I answered softly, not trusting my voice.

"Did you have visions?"

"Y-yes" I stammered.

"It can be very difficult to deal with them but in the end you will get used to them. I decided to oblige to you request because I think you will manage." He took my hands and kissed them gently. "Nevertheless I couldn't help but stiffen, unlike the other times. "You really should relax, my lovely Cassandra. You do not deserve any rudeness."

"Then why will you allow Ajax to rape me?" I thought. But I couldn't find the courage to speak up.

I expected him to just have his way with me - I knew that he wanted to. But after just a few moments he prepared to leave.

"You'll see me soon, as always" he said while bending his head towards mine. Realizing he was going to kiss me, I jumped back, bracing myself.

""I am not going to hurt you!" he said, surprised.

At least not yet, I snorted inwardly.

"Now, take my hand" he continued, offering it to me.

But I couldn't bring myself to touch him, not anymore. There had been a time when I had longed for his touch, now the very idea of it made me sick.

I turned around: "No. please"

I could perceive he was very surprised and was beginning to fear him.

After a pause, he spoke softly: "It is all right. I will wait as long as you want me to. Now I will leave…" he caressed my shoulder and I shivered remembering Ajax' hands "… but before I do, look at me."

I turned around and stared at him: he was as calm as usual, nothing but kindness in his eyes. For a moment I just wanted to tell him what bothered me.

"I do not consider myself rude. I regret that you are so afraid of me." Obviously, he thought this was all about fear of intimacy with him.

"It's not that!" I exclaimed, not daring to tell him the truth. What could have I said?

"Are you not? What is it, then?" he asked, curious, but I didn't answer.

"Is it that you don't want me at all?" This was exactly the matter but I feared his wrath too much and wasn't able to answer.

"There is no need for you to speak, I can perceive your distaste" he continued with the same calm voice "But last time you said you did! Why then…?" he stopped so abruptly that I looked up. I was horrified by what I saw.

"He was still and silent, but wrath was written in his eyes so clearly that I trembled. After a moment I felt his anger, more violent than ever, exploding in my mind and I held my breath, waiting for his punishment.

"You tricked me for that gift?" I couldn't speak and he continued "You faked affection towards me in order to get that gift… and now that you have it you want to get rid of me?"

I could've spoken up. But to say what? That I knew he would allow Ajax to have his way with me? That I didn't want to be his toy and then be disrespected by another man?

Yes, I wanted to get rid of him. I wanted him to stop touching me, to get out of my head, to get out of my life.

He took me by the shoulders and forced me to turn to him: for a moment I honestly feared that he would have forced himself on me despite my refusal. But he didn't – actually he immediately let go of me.

"Well then… as before, your eyes answer instead of your voice. Enjoy your gift, princess, since I can't take it away. But there will be a little change" he hissed lifting my chin with a stiff gesture:

"That no one will believe you from this moment on!" and then he was gone. Many years would pass before I could see him again.

I spent several moment in front of the altar, not moving, not even daring to breathe