Chapter Summary: Rin goes exploring while contemplating how she feels about the life she's lived, only to find Sesshoumaru who is questioning his current decisions, how he sees her and what his desire to be next to her means.

Notes -

Good evening all!

Reminder that this story is a slow burn, but will be well worth the wait. For now, please enjoy as we continue to explore their process and developing relationship.

I have also illustrated a scene from this chapter, which I have posted to my other social media. I'd like to do this for each chapter if I can, time allowing. You are welcome to follow me on twitter, dearmisskitty - tumblr, deviantart, pixiv and also fanfiction dot net. I am still adding art that I've done to these platforms, hoping to finish my files this weekend.

I am hoping for another weekly update, but I cannot promise for now as I'm working more hours lately, sadly. Fingers crossed though!

Enjoy the story, feel free to comment/ask questions as that only encourages me to do more.

Rated M for future violence and sexual content

Chapter 3: Beauty and Innocence

The sun was shining very brightly today, but it wasn't that hot outside, even though summer was in full swing. The breeze was very crisp, birds singing to each other as the cicadas were humming in the trees. Rin sang along with their sounds as she walked beneath the trees and through the forest, making up words about the animals and their feelings about the nice weather. She felt very carefree this day, having completed her chores and gone out for a walk. She loved walking, especially in nature. It gave her time to herself in her thoughts and she found it relaxing and purposeful.

Today though, she wanted a bit of an adventure to herself. She was curious about that place that Sesshoumaru had taken her, that he promised to give to her. She recalled him telling her that they would live together forever, and she was still fully processing that. In her mind, she wondered what forever truly was, because humans only lived so long, but to him, it really did mean forever. Was he aware of the difference? Or was she even fully aware, for that matter? After all, she was the one to bring it up. And she had wished this as a child, to be with him forever, but was now unsure how that could hold up in her own reality.

A wind blew through the trees and tousled her hair about. Moments later it died down again and she smoothed her hair out with her hand, remembering the absence of her orange ribbon. She smiled, blushing a little as the image of him pressing the ribbon to his nose and lips and asking her for it. Perhaps he wanted it as a keepsake, and she was okay with that. She was outgrowing that look after all, as she continued to age. She realized then her birthday was coming up shortly. Would she be a woman now?

Rin didn't always like that part of letting go that was expected by others, losing the things she loved just because she was aging. She enjoyed things like walking barefoot, playing in the water and catching fish, singing, laughing and picking flowers. These were some things she could never quite outgrow. But every time she enjoyed these things, the other villagers gave her such looks. A part of it made her sad, guilty even.

She did want to do what was right, but what made it right anyways? Kaede had shared with her a few things about human social expectations, what was right and what was wrong, what was appropriate. There were parts she abided by, even agreed with, but others she felt were odd. And if it wasn't hurting anyone, why did it matter how she chose to live her life? These small things she enjoyed, made her feel happy and youthful.

She also loved these qualities of Sango and Miroku's children, whenever she was asked to care for them or spent time with their family. She enjoyed how children were often full of wonder, joy and curiosity. And she didn't want to lose that for herself. She wanted to be young, always.

Rin decided in that moment, that she did want to live forever, to be truly alive. And to her, this meant to be full of spirit, to see things as beautiful as they were, as carefree like a child. Why was that so wrong?

But she had learned letting go was also a part of life, and that ribbon he took. She did like her hair this way, she thought as she ran her fingers through it, without the ribbon. It had grown much longer now, and she liked how the wind caught it, how natural it felt. Perhaps one day it would grow to be as long as Lord Sesshoumaru's hair. She smiled, wondering how long it had been since she saw him last. A month maybe? It didn't bother her, because she trusted him and she remembered he said he had personal matters to attend to. She had only felt hopeful since this time had passed because he made a promise to her.

He would always come back to her.

As she continued walking, she began to hear noises ahead of her and realized she should be approaching that place soon. Coming through the trees, she saw the stone wall, the wooden gates wide open. There was a wagon being pulled through by men, humans in fact. It was full of timber, and outside the gate there were large wooden crates, some opened and the men gathering items from them, venturing within the confines of the housing structure.

She became very curious, but was also cautious. It didn't make sense immediately, but then she realized, perhaps they were given orders to do this. But by who? Surely not Sesshoumaru. But then, who else?

She suddenly heard a familiar voice, finding herself relieved from any confusion. She walked into the entrance slowly, looking at the scene in front of her. There were sounds and viewings of swinging hammers, working saws, rickety wheel barrows upon the ground, shovels and dirt being dug up, shrubbery rustling. There were many men working, inside and outside of the main house, among the other buildings. They were repairing, building, planting and cleaning.

"You!" an annoyed voice called to one of the men in the garden, "That cherry blossom is to remain as it is! If you damage it I'll have you punished severely! It only needs pruning." The man nodded in reply, clipping the dead branches away from the tree.

"Master Jaken!" she exclaimed, walking up behind her old friend.

"Oh, Rin, hello." he greeted her, "These stupid humans, no offense, are driving me mad." He glanced over his shoulder at them, a glare in his eye.

"What is going on?" Rin asked, wondering how much Sesshoumaru had actually told him of what happened between them. But then again, she guessed little to none.

"Oh!" he turned back to look up at her, "The home is being made ready, now that Lord Sesshoumaru purchased it from the landowner, by means of a human of course." The sound of something falling and breaking caught his attention and he looked back as they saw a man on the rooftop replacing shingles. Some of the shingles had fallen to the ground below and shattered. "Careful with those, you fool!" Jaken yelled at him. He groaned, turning back to her once more. "I can understand why we can't have demon workers. But my Lord is wasting very good money on these men just to swear them to secrecy." He sighed, looking across the yard at the men working, "No, no demons who are actually competent at all! Can't have that now, can we?"

"Jaken." a deep voice sounded from behind them.

Jaken turned and cringed, realizing that he'd said too much. "Oh, my Lord!" he exclaimed. He bowed quickly, seeing that Sesshoumaru had arrived to oversee the work being done. "Things are coming along quite nicely and speedily, as you have requested." He spoke, hoping that would clear the air.

Rin glanced over her shoulder as Sesshoumaru approached them, smiling at him. He met her eyes, but did not return the smile. She didn't mind it though. She understood that he had an image to protect that demanded respect from others. Those gentle parts of him she had seen before, were only for her after all. She would treasure that, and not confuse him as being distant or cold, when she knew he was not.

"Rin," he greeted her and she nodded, "Lord Sesshoumaru," she responded politely in return.

"Will you walk with me?" he asked.

"Yes," she answered happily, turning to follow him as he left the confines of the walls. She looked back to Jaken, waving to say goodbye. He was visibly distraught as she could tell by the look on his face, but she knew he would be okay. He was known to overreact and over think his actions and words. "Oh no, I have displeased him yet again," she heard him grumble sadly as she turned back to follow Sesshoumaru. She hurried to meet him, as he'd already made his way past the gates.

Sesshoumaru glanced back as Rin caught up to him, noticing how lovely she looked in her lavender colored kimono with yellow floral print and knowing that he had picked out that fabric himself. He had always enjoyed choosing and sending her gifts from traveling vendors that he came across, just knowing it would bring her comfort and joy, but also felt it was the least he could do. But for that last reason, he didn't quite understand why he should feel indebted to her. And yet he did all the same.

She was at his side as they walked through the trees, not saying anything but seemed to be content. He realized it had been a little longer this time, that they'd parted ways. He was planning to visit the village today to see her, but when he saw she'd already made her way to the property he'd secured, it settled that matter. He realized he'd been watching her this whole time as they walked together, but she hadn't noticed. He couldn't help but stare; it intrigued him, how much she had changed over the years.

Just then her face perked up and she smiled, running forward. He followed her path, curious of what had peaked her interest. And then he saw, it was a patch of sunflowers and tall grasses past the trees. He watched, amused as she made her way into the field laughing. He followed after her, the growth of some of the stems as tall as he was. He pushed them aside, making his way after her. He stopped, watching her a few meters from him as she skipped forward and spun herself in the field of the tall yellow flowers, stretching out her arms to touch the long stalks. She was so much shorter than they were and he could tell she was appreciating their splendor in the sun.

He realized then, there were parts of her that had not changed at all. And these were the things he had also come to admire about her. Her light hearted nature, her joy and laughter, the way she saw the world. And for what she had been through, to not let it harden her? That impressed him greatly. There was something in the way that she found beauty in ordinary things that others could not. She would always be the Rin that he first met, he saw that now. Even though she had physically changed and matured in other ways, there was still a set of traits that were all her own.

Sesshoumaru then had an idea, taking his right hand and using his claws to cut a branch at his right side. The stem and flower fell and he caught it. He approached her and as she spun again laughing, but stopped when he was near her. He extended the flower to her, offering it as a gift.

Rin glanced up at him and smiled, pushing her long hair back behind an ear as she blushed mildly. She then noticed the sunflower he held out for her and she took it from him, "It's beautiful," she breathed. She breathed in its fragrance, how wonderful that it was, before she noticed a bee on one of the petals. She yelped, pulling the flower back from her face and the bee took off and flew away. She laughed at herself, small tears in her eyes. "I didn't realize these flowers could grow so fast." she breathed, catching herself. "How wonderful."

Sesshoumaru watched as she held and smelled the sunflower again, her fingers caressing its petals. He asked himself, how she had been so different from the rest, that she could so easily seep into his heart like she had. And as he watched her take in the sunflower he had given to her, he found a strange peace that comforted him. For all the years of warring he had been involved in, that he was born into, just being near her made him want to change everything. He had begun to long for this comfort, these times of simplicity and peace whenever he was near her.

"Rin." he breathed.

Rin then reached out to him, taking his hand. "Come with me," she spoke, beginning to lead him through the tall flower field. At first it startled him, the touching of her skin on his still somehow unnerving him, even though it shouldn't. He wasn't used to being touched, but he wanted her to touch him all the same. He gave in, following her and making their way through the patch. They soon came to the end of it, which led them to the top of a hill. Far below, the hill sloped into a valley where they could see the village in the distance, the rice fields and river, and forests and hills past that.

She let go of his hand and stepped forward. Bending over, she slipped off her sandals, let out a sigh and smiled, "I love the feeling of grass," she exclaimed as she wiggled her feet and toes into the green blades. She left her sandals behind and stepped to the edge of the hill, before it began to slope down. She slowly sat down on the grass, stretching her legs and barefeet out.

Sesshoumaru stood next to her, looking out across the landscape. "Isn't it beautiful?" he heard her ask and looked down at her. She was facing forward with a smile on her face. "This is my favorite place to go." she told him, glancing up at him. They met each other's gaze and his expression softened. She reached out, tugging at his pant leg and he understood what she wanted from him. Reluctantly, he sat down next to her, and watched her as she looked forward once more. He followed her gaze and they sat silently for a while, until he spoke, "So what pretell has you in such a cheerful mood today?" he asked.

Rin twisted the stem of the sunflower she was still holding in her fingers, twirling it. "I decided today, that I do want to live forever." she answered.

He was intrigued by her answer, curious what she might fully mean by that. He also realized she must be following up from the last conversation they had, when he promised her they would live together forever. At the time, he meant every word. Only later did he recall that her life span was different from his own. He grimaced, pushing that thought away.

He watched as she looked out again at the scenery, taking it in. She seemed to enjoy it, appreciate it, even admire it. To him, he'd been alive for so many centuries, that perhaps he'd forgotten what it was to value the things around him, and he realized that might include others. He'd become numb to it, until he met her.

Sesshoumaru looked out again at their view, recalling the first time she came across him, how she didn't back down even when he threatened her. She was persistent, her spirit. And he saw something in her in the way she responded to him, and when he'd realized she was an outcast. He knew how humans could shun and harm their own kind, even if they were children. He'd always been indifferent towards them, as he'd been raised that way. He was affirmed of that in his many experiences of witnessing their greed, hunger for control and hastiness towards destruction of each other.

But as he glanced back at her, he realized that she saw it differently. She had never let the world harden her, not like he had. It relaxed him, just being near her, as it always had. And as he studied the intensity in her face that was full of wonder, he realized that perhaps he could also learn to see the beauty of the world again, through her eyes.

Rin stretched her legs out then, as well as her arms, sending her body back to lay the grass. She moaned slightly as she did so, sparking something inside of him. He glanced over her body as she lay there, her limbs spread out, the green blades of grass encasing her in her purple kimono, her long dark hair tousled about. Her soft brown eyes glistened in the sunlight as she faced upwards of the blue sky and her skin looked as soft as silk. She had grown into such a beautiful woman, he admitted to himself. "You're so quiet today. I mean, I know you usually are. But there's something else," she paused to meet his gaze, "Lord Sesshoumaru?" Her eyes seemed to call out to him, her innocence and beauty welcoming him to her as she held that sunflower he'd given her close to her heart. Sesshoumaru felt an urge take over him.

Suddenly Rin was no longer looking at the sky, but at Sesshoumaru who was seemingly on top of her, his hands on each side of her holding himself up. She looked up at him, his long silver hair cascading around her and blocking out the sun. When she saw the look in his golden eyes, she blushed immediately. He went in to kiss her and she allowed it, closing her eyes. She didn't move her body or arms, one of which was on her chest, holding the sunflower and the other casually bent upwards near her head. When the kiss became deeper, his tongue prying her lips open, she moaned a little, feeling something deep inside of her belly pinch.

It began to ache and she instinctively used her free hand to reach for him, but felt him grab her wrist and place it back against the grass. Her eyes opened, their kiss breaking and her tongue poking out slightly from her mouth. She let out a small yelp as he grabbed her other wrist that held the sunflower, which caused her to drop it. He held both of her wrists now, against the ground. She couldn't move as he held her down, and something pricked a bit of fear inside of her. She looked into his eyes, his expression intense and focused on her, beginning to feel like she was his prey.

"L-lord Sesshoumaru?" she stuttered, feeling helpless and unsure.

There was a glint in those golden eyes and a crease in his lips that suggested a smile. He moved in to kiss her again, and when he did the fear suddenly left her, something else filling its void. She closed her eyes, giving in to the silent urge she was feeling. She moaned against his lips, her mouth opening and reaching her tongue out to join his. He kissed her deeply, his tongue entering her mouth, so strong and wet. She began to move her legs against him, intertwining with his own legs. It just felt so nice, to be touching him like this. He then climbed fully on top of her and she moaned again, enjoying how he was so heavy against her, his body beginning to press into hers. His body was so massive and hers so petite in comparison. It excited her how consumed she felt by him. She felt her hips thrust forward, like it was instinct, that sense of aching returning to her.

She heard a growl escape his throat and he thrusted his hips into her in return. She moaned when she felt his body move against her own and she began to want more of it. It felt so different and enticing. She was feeling things she had never felt before. She bent her thigh upward, coming into contact between his legs. She felt something hardened there and blushed, unsure as she rubbed against it. But in that moment he growled again and she felt his sharp teeth quickly nip at her bottom lip.

"Ah!" Rin suddenly cried out in pain, and he immediately stopped what he was doing. "Rin," he sounded distressed. Letting go of her wrists, he pulled back and quickly climbed off of her. He laid next to her, placing a hand on her neck and cheek, "Forgive me." he said in a worried tone.

Rin looked up at him, bringing her fingers to her lips. She pulled her fingers back, but there was no blood. She realized it had only hurt in that instant and just stun a little now. She watched him as he propped himself up on his right arm, tracing his fingers from her cheek to her lips. He placed a thumb there as he gazed into her eyes. She could tell he was concerned for her. It caused her to melt and she nodded, smiling and kissing his thumb, letting him know she was all right. She wrapped both of her hands around his large wrist and slowly kissed his other fingers, followed by his palm and wrist.

Sesshoumaru's face slowly drifted away from worry and he placed his hand against her cheek again, caressing her. He bent down, kissing her forehead as he quietly cursed himself for becoming overwhelmed in that moment. It was not just from when he accidentally bit her, but when he moved to be on top of her. It wasn't that he felt guilt for being attracted to her beauty and innocence in that way, it just annoyed him that he was unable to control it.

Rin watched as he began to frown, facing away and pulling himself up into a seated position. She frowned in return, noticing that he was probably lost in his thoughts, which she was sure he had been all while they were together today. She sat up also, moving next to him regardless of the distance she was beginning to feel between them. She didn't want to feel it. She noticed his hand on the ground next to her and she placed her own hand over his gently, causing him to look back at her. She smiled, trying to assure him that she was still with him, that it would be all right.

"Rin," he spoke, his face softening toward her.

She also questioned her own responses in what had just happened, the urges within her body that took over. She recalled the way she thrust her body against his, how it made her feel and she blushed again. She had no idea what came over her and wondered if this was her fault, how he had responded by pulling away from her now. She was embarrassed, "I am sorry also, I-"

"No." he stopped her, his voice firm as he met her gaze. His golden eyes were tensed as he spoke, "You did nothing wrong, Rin."

Rin could tell he was very serious in his response to her apology. Yet it relieved her and was comforting in a way. She decided to let it go, even though she still wanted to understand why it had happened. She moved herself closer, sitting next to him and gently resting her head against the pelt on his right shoulder. She could feel his strong arm beneath it. She closed her eyes, as she felt safe next to him and relaxed.

She wanted to be near him always, like this, to never feel lonely again. She didn't know at that moment if she should share this with him or not. She had always felt very alone and different living in the village all these years, no matter how much she tried to fit in, even though she had Kaede, Kohaku, Kagome, Sango and the others. This made her feel guilty sometimes, like she took them for granted. It just wasn't the same though, as being next to him. She remembered the day he left her there when she was little, how sad she'd been and awaited his visits with such hope, especially as they became fewer and fewer as she aged.

But she couldn't tell him this, because she knew he'd rescue her. No, that wasn't what she wanted. She needed him to want her for who she was, and not someone who needed saving. And perhaps these last few visits she shared with him, that was how he felt also, that he wanted to be near her too. She could see it in the way he looked at her, spoke to her, touched her. This was part of him that only she was allowed to see, and that made it very special to her, a secret between them that was all her own to keep. She didn't mind that he didn't show this side of himself in front of others, but it was the choices and actions he took that spoke for themselves, his feelings towards her.

"Rin," he broke the silence, but then stopped himself. He had been thinking about the decisions he had been putting in place lately, just to be close to her, to have her back in his life again. He had been considering the possible consequences more in depth. But when he thought it was a good time to bring it up, he reconsidered. Not wanting to take her joyfulness away, he decided to pursue another path, "How do humans wed one another?" he asked.

Rin blushed slightly, looking up at him. He didn't face her, but looked out upon the meadow and village. She thought for a moment, recalling what she'd heard amongst the villagers and what she had learned from Kaede and the others. "Well, I guess it depends." she answered.

"On what?" he asked.

"A person's position or title?" she wasn't entirely sure, "In the village, two people normally just move in together, and everyone goes along with that. They're considered husband and wife. That's what Kagome and Inuyasha did." She had an unsure look on her face, as she'd never really thought about it before. It was just information she had picked up from others over time.

Sesshoumaru sneered at the mention of the half-demon. Of course he wouldn't do anything more than that. He suddenly caught himself as he realized he might be judging Rin also, as he knew she was technically a peasant, and a human at that. He didn't want to revert to that type of thinking when it came to her. He let go of his contempt, focusing on her instead and simply replied, "Is that what you want?"

Rin blushed again, "I don't know," she thought some more, "But I should tell you, some humans, the ones of higher ranks, they hold ceremonies. It's more proper I suppose." She looked at him then, curiosity in her voice, "What about demons?" she asked.

He met her gaze, wondering if that is what she wanted after all, "It is similar in ways, depending upon the rank, I suppose much like humans. They also have arranged marriages, usually to bind others for military or wealth prospects." he answered, grateful his mother never consented to that when he was much younger.

"Oh yes, humans do that also." Rin chimed in.

Sesshoumaru realized he'd never really bothered to understand human ways or traditions, let alone compare them to his own kind. It was interesting to consider the similarities in this aspect. He wondered again what she truly wanted, and he knew what he wanted also. He enjoyed rituals, structure and formalities in any kind of change such as this. He wanted that for them also, even though this was a non-traditional marriage in his case. He was about to ask her again, when she spoke up instead, "What do you want?" she asked him.

Sesshoumaru glanced down at her again, intent on answering her. But he also wanted it to be her choice. He furthermore knew it would have to be modified, because of the secrecy. "I know what I would like, but I do not know if it is reasonable. But perhaps we could still partake in a few traditions." he thought, discussing it with her.

"Like what?" she asked.

He enjoyed her curiosity, but then it was what she'd be a part of also. "In my class, traditionally there would be a ceremony, a presentation combined with rituals. There is specific wear, incense and exchanging of sake. Guests would come to pay their homage in the form of gifts." he frowned, "However, we cannot afford guests, let alone them knowing of this."

"Because it's a secret." she followed, picking up on his tone, what he'd said and the fact that Jaken had mentioned paying off those workers for such a thing.

"Yes," he frowned again, reaching his hand out to cup her cheek. "No one can know of us." He knew he should explore this matter further with her, but didn't want to get into it quite yet. He wanted her to enjoy this moment, and not have it filled with worry. He also needed to follow up on this in his own time.

Rin nodded, understanding, but she paused. "Not even your brother?" she asked.

Sesshoumaru grimaced, suddenly realizing the repercussions that would follow after his decisions. He decided to ignore that however and respond to her, "Only those that need to know." He wanted to warn her, of those that listened in the shadows, to be careful, but he didn't. Not today, not yet. And he knew she was smart as well and didn't need to worry right away. He still had some things to take care of before they were to have that serious discussion.

"Rin," he pulled his hand away from her cheek to push her hair back so that he could see her expression better, "What would you prefer? For you and I?" he asked her.

She knew he meant the traditions he'd mentioned, and if she was being honest, she wanted to do something different than what she knew, to create a new life for herself. And so she answered, "I would like that, what you spoke of." she smiled, and it pleased him.

"Then I will be sending you something," he told her, "A few gifts, including a new kimono. I will have it made for you." He watched her eyes as they glistened and he could tell she was happy. "Jaken will deliver these items to you and give you a date," he paused, bending over to kiss her. He watched as she closed her eyes when he leaned in, but he did not close his. He pressed his lips against hers, examining her long lashes, her brows and strands of dark hair. Running a hand through her hair, he pulled back from the kiss, meeting her eyes as they opened.

"And on that day," he continued, "I will come for you."

Rin blushed, imagining what could happen, their lives together, in that place she would soon call home. It made her feel warm inside, and her heart softened towards him, moving her closer. She reached up, gripping a thick lock of his silver hair and pulling him into her. She pressed her lips against his, closing her eyes and thinking of his words he just spoke to her. He returned the kiss, also closing his eyes and picturing living a life with her.

Sesshoumaru realized that in knowing Rin, he was finally beginning to let his past die, which brought him the peace he had begun to long for. However, his golden eyes opened slightly, thinking of the buried dread and potential threat of this peace that was seeking to surface, unless he was to face it first. But for now, he closed his eyes once more, his lips against her own as he ran his claws through her soft dark hair. He only wished to be next to her in this moment.

Thank you for reading.

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