NOTE: This was originally written and posted on AO3 on July 16th, 2020
It was written for:
Marvelously Magical Fanfiction Bingo 2020 - O3: Soulmates

words for my soul(mate)
Chapter Three
By: Paramour Party

Note: This has not been Beta'd

Summer cooled to autumn and skin writing began to slow when layered clothes prevented quick access to their usual writing spot. No matter how much Bucky steeled his resolve to ask Hermione for her number, he always hesitated over his knee. His pen tapped a dot against his skin before he'd bring up a completely different topic instead.

He made excuses to himself. Half-assed excuses really…

Bucky was comfortable with the routine he and Hermione built together with their skin writing and he didn't want to change that. He loved waking up and reading her messages in the morning, loved how she seemed to know when he was having a rough time and left kind words of encouragement, telling him she was there and that she cared... even when she had no real idea of his Winter Soldier past.

Skin writing had become the thing he'd look to after horrible nightmares, using it to ground himself in the present; a pleasant reminder he wasn't with H.Y.D.R.A anymore. He'd never had skin writing then.

Bucky loved that it was something just between him and Hermione. Something no one could really hack or manipulate. Just shared words in quiet moments and knowing he wasn't quite as alone as he sometimes felt.

When Bucky thought about asking for a number, he worried things would change too much too soon. He worried it was too personal to ask for, especially in his line of work. Hermione wouldn't know it, but he and many others could do a lot with just a phone number. He wouldn't put it past Tony or Natasha and maybe even Steve, not to look into her, good intentions or not if they dug a little. Worse, he didn't even want to think about what could happen if any of his enemies got a hold of it.

Steve told him he was being dramatic, but Bucky thought he was just exercising his right for extreme caution. Unlike Steve, his soulmate was a civilian with zero clue on the dangers Bucky posed.

Still. He knew it was an eventuality. He'd stare at his phone, always telling himself, tomorrow... He'd ask Hermione for her number tomorrow. But it always came and went, the question hanging in the air around him unasked.

In the end, the decision was taken out of his hands. Bucky honestly should have expected it. What he'd come to learn about Hermione was that she was headstrong and seemed to be of the type to take action and not beat around the bush. Still, he found himself surprised when it happened.

It was a normal afternoon in the training room. Bucky was lying back on the bench press, just about done with his set when he'd felt the familiar warmth of the writing. It bloomed across his skin in the usual spot. Peter who'd been spotting for him gasped, able to see the message darkening across his thigh just below where his shorts ended.

"DUDE!" Peter exclaimed, "your soulmate just gave you their number!"

Bucky waited until he was alone in his room before he pulled his phone out and stared at his new contact. His thumb hesitated over the message icon and triple-checked the time difference before sending off a text.

BUCKY: Hello, Hermione.
BUCKY: It's James by the way.

He cringed. He'd never been one for texting, he wondered if he should say something else. Peter would have told him to add emojis but he honestly couldn't be bothered with those right now.

Bucky didn't have to wait long, a message dinged minutes later.

HERMIONE: Hello, James! I was worried for a little while there, that I'd scared you off by giving my number. This is okay, right? It won't change our regular skin writing, but I was thinking it'd supplement it?

BUCKY: Yes, this is fine. Thank you for sharing it with me.

HERMIONE: Of course! I'm happy I didn't overstep any boundaries. Hope your day has been going well.

They texted back and forth for over an hour when it got late enough on her end for her turn-in for the night. The worry and nerves he'd previously stressed over slowly faded. He'd probably ask Tony about encrypting the contacts somehow just in case.

He'd pocketed his phone and started for the common area where he promised a movie marathon with Peter. Bucky paused when he felt writing bloom slowly across his skin but this time over his right wrist. The writing wasn't as quick as it normally was, but she took her time and made it neat. Have a great rest of your day, James with a small smiley face at the end.

He smiled. Maybe Steve was right and was he was being a little overdramatic. Everything was going to be just fine.

It was a regular Sunday, he'd come back home the night before from a gruelling mission with the Avengers. Bucky felt he'd earned himself a lie-in or as much of one as he could get. He'd warned Hermione in advance that he'd be out of contact for a few days because of work and left it at that. She understood and, by now, was used to his odd schedule.

He laid back on his bed, glanced at the pen on his nightstand, then the phone in his hand and sighed. Normally he would have written to her by now; letting her know he was back but he couldn't bring himself to bring pen to skin or even send a message by text. The action of writing or typing just felt overwhelming. Trying to string words together just felt… too much.

It was one of the bad days. His night was plagued by awful memories and the lack of skin writing had him spiralling for a moment. A short minute of laying in the darkness wondering if he'd imagined the whole thing while his brain fought against another painful wipe.

When he did come back to himself. His arm was acting up, the pain in his shoulder a little more unbearable than usual. All he wanted was to maybe sleep the day away.

He opened his message thread with Hermione, scrolling through the messages. Hermione never pushed for answers, especially on the days when his words were a little short. She took everything in stride and he sometimes wondered why she bothered. He shook his head trying to push away the negative narrative that was forcing itself into his mind making everything foggy and wrong.

Bucky stared at her name and in one reckless move, he pressed the dial button.

He froze hearing the ringing on his phone and rushed to sit up in his bed. His finger hovered over the end call button but before he could decide the line connected.

"Hello? James?"

Bucky's heart raced at the sound of her voice. It was soft and pleasant through the small speaker, but there was a tinge of confusion.

"Hello?" she asked again.

He cleared his throat, bringing his phone up to his ear. "I- Hi, Hermione." He winced at how hoarse his voice sounded.

"Hi, James. Is everything alright?" she sounded both concerned but not bothered by his impromptu call.

He sighed and dropped back down on his bed, his free hand coming up to cover his eyes. "Sorry. I- sorry I don't know what came over me."

"You don't have to apologize for calling me, James," she said. And her voice was sweet and soothing, like a balm over an ache. "How was your trip? I hope everything went well."

He gave out a dry laugh. "Yeah… it was good. It's just one of those days. I hope I wasn't interrupting something important?"

She hummed and he could hear some rustling in the background. "Oh! No, no. Unless you count folding laundry important. You know. I was thinking about you this morning. I was getting some new cat treats and I saw the prettiest white kitten. Kind of like the one you'd been thinking of adopting? I'll send you a photo."

He could hear her smile and excitement and the dark shadow that clouded his mind crept away. Bucky wondered what she looked like, if her smile reached her eyes, and if everything was as bright as he imagined her to be.

"I'm looking forward to seeing it," he said.

"She's absolutely lovely. I think it's a sign. You should adopt the one you've been eyeing if he's still there."

They talked about anything and nothing, or rather Hermione talked and Bucky listened. She seemed to understand what he needed without him having to ask. Something else to focus on and bring him back. He felt the tensions melt away.

"I missed writing with you," he admitted softly, "but writing was too hard."

He could hear her pause on the other line the sound of her hangers clattering together stopped. "I missed writing with you too, James. And you're always welcome to call me. Whenever you want," she said, "whether we talk or not or if you need me to just fill the silence with my nonsense." Her light laughter filled his ear.

Bucky held on to that earnest tone in her voice like a lifeline. He wanted nothing more in that moment than to see her face, to match an expression to tone and see what she looked like when she was happy.

"Thank you, Hermione. For more than you know. And... it goes both ways, whenever you need me, just let me know."

It'd been a month since the first phone call and they'd had plenty in between. Not every day but almost.

"What do you mean you don't know what she looks like?" Steve asked.

Bucky shrugged. They were sitting in the kitchen scrolling through the take-out pamphlets for something to eat. "We haven't exchanged photos of each other. I've never asked. And we don't video call," he said. "Why? Should I have asked? Is that… is that what people normally do?"

Sometimes, Bucky felt like he was navigating this soulmate business incorrectly. There was no rule book or guide and he was working mostly on any cues Hermione gave him.

Steve looked at him in surprise. "I- I mean, it depends on how comfortable you are. I just thought… you already knew that's all. You'd been talking with her for months now."

There was silence between them as he continued flicking through the menus.

"Are you ever going to ask her?" Steve questioned curiously.

Bucky didn't answer because Tony strolled into the room, greased stained shirt, messy hair, and a sleepy look in his eyes. As usual, he couldn't tell if the man just woke up or if he'd been awake for 48 hours.

"Going to ask who what?" Tony chimed as he headed straight for the coffee maker.

"Can you believe this guy still doesn't know what his soulmate looks like?" Steve asked.

Bucky shot the punk a glare.

Tony's zombie look faded in an instant. "I can solve that for you in a jiffy."

He rolled his eyes. "No one is going to dig up my soulmate's file. I'll ask her when I feel like it." He felt both stares from Steve and Tony but he ignored them in favour of staring at more menus.

"I want pad thai," he announced trying to change the subject.

"Okay, no, no. We're going back to this soulmate business," Tony said, "haven't you been talking with her for months already?"

Bucky sighed. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Steve had that wounded puppy - worried look on his face. "We're just surprised, Buck."

"Well, it's my soulmate business, not yours. I'll get there when I get there."

Steve rose his hands in defence. "Alright, we're sorry. We got ahead of ourselves there."

"We're living vicariously through you," Tony added.

"You both have your own soulmates," he pointed out.

Tony waved a hand. "Yeah, sure. But the whole getting to know your soulmate phase has long since passed for us. Let us enjoy this with you."

The three of them sat in silence for a beat. "Is it the Winter Soldier thing?" Steve asked apparently forgetting in the last minute that they'd been getting ahead of themselves.

Bucky didn't tense but it took an effort to feign impassiveness. "Not exactly," he said.

Steve looked like he didn't believe him for a second. Tony didn't make any quip about it, merely brought his giant mug up to his face to sip obnoxiously instead.

He groaned putting down all the menus. "Look, you're making it seem like I don't want to know what she looks like. Or- or that I'm taking things too slow. But the thing is, right now, this getting to know each other stage is going at the pace I'm comfortable for us," he said.

"So no, it's not fully because of the Winter Soldier, but you also have to understand that the arm isn't exactly discreet either. Especially after the S.H.I.E.L.D. info dump. Even if there was no Winter Soldier in the picture, the only friends I have are the Avengers who are all high profile, and I don't want to bring an unprepared civilian into my messy life."

Silence filled the room as they took everything in.

"It sounds like you've thought about this a lot. So why don't you just prepare her," Tony said as if it was the easiest thing to do.

Steve nodded. "Buck. She wouldn't be your soulmate if she couldn't understand."

Bucky pursed his lips. "Sometimes it might not be that easy."

They didn't respond to that.

The conversation with Steve and Tony rolled around in his mind for over a week. He stared up at his ceiling, thoughts going in circles. They were right… it was the Winter Soldier thing.

What did it mean to have a soulmate? Why did he have one, even after everything he'd done. How could Hermione be ideally suited to him? To the Winter Soldier?

He took a pen and wrote on his knee.

What do you think it means to have a soulmate?

That's a loaded question I don't think I could put into words eloquently enough, came Hermione's reply. He hadn't expected a response so quickly considering it was 3 AM in London. He felt her dot on his skin, likely thinking about how to word her thoughts.

Instead, a few moments later, his phone rang.

"I hope I didn't wake you," he said when he answered.

Her tone belied the sleepiness. "No don't worry. I got caught up in a book. I just thought it best to call," she said. "So. What's it mean to have a soulmate, huh? Was this a general question or more… between us?"

He swallowed his nerves. "Maybe a little bit of both?"

Bucky could hear her hum under her breath in thought. "Well, generally speaking, I think regardless of whether it's a romantic or platonic bond, having a soulmate might mean there is someone out there who you could build a very special relationship with, someone who could understand you and connect with you in a deep and powerful way."

"Even if they weren't great people?"

Hermione paused on the other line. Every second of silence made Bucky's heart race.

"Yes," she said, "even people who are terrible or evil or what have you. I'm sure even they have or had someone who connects with them in such a way. Although, I can't say how healthy some of those relationships may be."

Bucky let the silence continue, unsure what to say next.

"James, we each have our secrets, stories, and experiences. Whenever you're ready to tell me your story, I'll be waiting. But I want you to know that whatever it is. It won't change the fact that I've grown to care for you very much."

"And if I had hurt people? Or if I hurt you?"

"Are you saying that if I'd done questionable and terrible things in my past, you wouldn't make an effort to try and understand? That you wouldn't care anymore? Because I would try. I've gotten to know you and I don't believe for a second you would have intentionally harmed another human being. I promise you."

"I don't think you understand. You can't promise something like that."

Hermione sighed. "I probably won't without the full picture. But I can feel it in my soul, that whatever it is, we'll work through it together. A healthy relationship isn't always easy but it's something we'll work on together."

"I did terrible things, Hermione," he said trying to keep his voice level and steady. "I don't think I deserve you in my life."

"Oh, James." The way she said his name, something in her tone so understanding and accepting. "It's not about deserving, Love."

"You deserve better."

She gave out an incredulous laugh. "James, you might not have told me everything about your life, but let me tell you what I've come to learn about the kind of man you are. I know that you're intelligent, quiet, and reserved. I know you're hard-working and resilient. But beyond that, I know that you're a kind and caring person who often thinks of others before himself. I know that you have a team- a family who love you very much and through the interactions you've relayed to me, I know they think the world of you."

Hermione continued, "that is the kind of man you are. Are you saying I don't deserve this kind of person in my life? As a friend? Or as something more? These terrible actions you did… If you were a truly terrible person, you wouldn't be worried right now. You wouldn't have cared, or even felt remorse for your past actions. A terrible person would just continue to take and take and take until there was nothing left."

"But-"

"James, please trust and believe me when I say this. You're not a terrible or evil person, no matter what you did. An evil man wouldn't have worried over whether or not they were undeserving of a soulmate."

He didn't realize he was shaking, trying to reign in the flood of emotions that Hermione evoked. "James?" she asked softly. "I'm sorry. That was a lot and kind of forceful of me, I usually have better tact than that."

"I was The Winter Soldier," he said after a moment trying to prove a point. "I was a weapon for H.Y.D.R.A. and I've hurt people for years- for decades!"

He held his breath in anticipation.

Hermione's voice didn't waver, it was soft and full of love, with no hesitation when she said, "My opinion hasn't changed, James. I still care for you now. I'll care for you tomorrow. And I'll still care for you for as long as you'll have me."

"That's it?" he asked. "No questions? Nothing?"

"I promised you, Love," she said, "I know who you are and The Winter Soldier doesn't even define half of who you truly are. I haven't changed my mind, James. You're stuck with me."

A weight lifted and he let out a shaky breath in relief. "I thought you said it was for as long as I'll have you?" he said trying to lighten the mood again.

Hermione laughed. "I lied. You'll never get rid of me."

Bucky smiled in the darkness.

This chapter was FIGHTING me the whole time I've been trying to write it.

Chapter 4 is supposed to be the last chapter, but it might actually end up being five? maybe? don't quote me on this. I wanted Hermione and Bucky to meet in this chapter but Bucky wanted to stress out over every little change in his relationship with his soulmate. He's working on it! HE WON'T BE STRESSED NEXT CHAPTER. I promise.

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT.

p.s: I had a tumblr prompt a few months back for a Hermione/Antonin Dolohov fic, it'll be posted on my AO3 if you're interested! (It'll be crossposted after the Hermione's Haven BINGO 2021 is over) OR come chat with me on Tumblr!