- Playing the Angel by Depeche Mode is a great album for Bucky. Listen the songs if you can.
Check the end for the Notes.
(Events in this chapter are during 04 episode)

Part III - Blurrying and Falling

"Eight hours. Is what they gave me. And no more. Better not to cherish anything about this. Everything will pass soon. Better not to think in what it could be when it must to end in nothing.

I should listen to myself while I'm still thinking with logics. Well, my logics are clearly disappearing if I'm starting aching for this to last."

...

Zemo's place in Riga had a beautiful living room with high vitrals, some colorful glasses on it's designs making the light fulfill the room lower and soft, letting everything looking vintage. Sam founds that beautiful. Zemo himself and Bucky found that nostalgic and even a bit tragic, for their own reasons, yet none has told anything to the other. Not uncomfortable feelings, just melancolic.

The shadow of Dora Milaje haunted Bucky for every minute, like a prediction of loss. Shouldn't feel like that, Zemo was not supposed to take part in his life. Was. Only. A. Moment.

The issue was there, but Bucky could not see this because he refused to look too deep in his own mind and heart, it hurted. The issue of loss.

Nothing could be compared in conscious ways, but unconsciously every single thing was entangled and entwined.

Nothing could be compared to losing Steve. Anything, never. But the unconscious mind was a thing that pranked people everytime it could in a day, specially Bucky's. And an eminent loss of someone for whom he was falling so fast got him anxious, feeling like he could never feel attached to anyone.

...

Bucky needed to go through a lot of stress in few hours only to get a moment alone with Zemo in that living room, again on a couch, surrounded by fading lights. The tea he agressively refused before, he accepted in the second offering, drinking slowly, trying to focus on it to remain calm. While Zemo took his own tea standing nearby the vitrals, Bucky looked at his metal arm, exposed without the jacket. Looked for so long, lost in thoughts, that didn't notice when Zemo sat very close, after leaving behind the empty cup. The sokovian's long fingers slipped trough the shapes of vibranium, finally catching Bucky's attention.

- You're staring at your arm for so long, is everything okay?

- Is this not uncomfortable?

- What, your arm?

- Yes...

- I have no idea about wich direction your question came from, but for all my concerns, no. Is not uncomfortable in any sense. Neither to look, or to touch or... be touched.

- Not awkward?

- No. If you want to know, the contrast actually feels good. Call me libertine, I don't mind.

- I don't think it's libertine. And you let very clear, how good it felt, loud and clear... this was not where this conversation was supposed to go...

- God, James. - A fun smile crossed Zemo's face, he knew that Bucky was not used to be a shy person, but eighty years changes someone a bit. - Changing subject?

- Yes, please.

- I asked you already, but Sam was together... Why don't you answer the simple question about your hair? It seems to bothers you a lot...

- It does. Wants to know, I cutted it off because "he" used to like my hair long. Was a moment of anger, one of a lot. This one I regret because I liked it long too. I don't know what I really regret anymore and what I don't.

- Once you told about your issues, you hadn't shut your mouth anymore. Are you sure that you want to keep it going, speaking everything to me? - Zemo had it straight in mind: no matter what comes, every single thing in Bucky's life had a shadow of Steve, bad or good things, details and decisions.

- I do. I'm sure that I'm lost and fucked and all a mess, and I don't need to lie to you as do to everyone. You already know very well all these things.

- Did you sleep last night? - But was not Steve there, was only him to try to understand and to care for Bucky. Sam did care, but he didn't knew everything at the moment.

- I took a nap, why?

- Was that enough?

- It's been a long time since I remember not having nightmares, then yes, that nap was enough.

- Are you... still having struggles to sleep alone?

- Just like you.

- Has been almost... a decade... and I can't get used.

- Can I suppose that the last night you had a better sleep too? - Bucky's question was more rhetorical, making Zemo realizes that the care was mutual.

- I had.

- Why do you have to be a pain in the ass for everyone around? If you hadn't pissed off so many people, I wouldn't have to worry if... - The soldier shouted low suddenly, stopping when he notice what he was saying.

- Is why you got nervous and screamed at me earlier? - No censure in Zemo's voice, most of time he kept a soft tone and even when he was talking about more serious stuff or argumenting his point of views, he never spoke loud. Bucky was starting to think that the Baron was unable to raise the voice out of his old battalion. No, he never forgot Zemo was a military, specifically a Captain.

- You piss me off too, sometimes. But yes, earlier was not really what you said, you were right to keep something to protect yourself with so many people rounding us to get you.

- You and Sam are protecting me more than I think I deserve and I'm starting to unseen the lines clearly as before, seems that things are blurring.

- Everything is blurry. The world used to be in black or white, now almost everything around me seems to be a bit more or a bit less gray. You... you were always in a gray line for me. You did wrong stuff with right reasons. I don't know if Sam is thinking about... what he sees in Karli is the same what I see in you. Wrong actions, maybe dubious point of views, but the reasons are right and more than fair. I told him, you have a code.

- I didn't thought that you would look so far in details to see these things about me. - Closer. Zemo warned himself, but couldn't help with the crave for giving another step.

- At least you are someone that I can understand, even when I disagree with a lot of your previous actions, I still understand. Is funny and sad that I understand much better an enemy that is with me for two days than I can understand my childhood friend that was with me for... like almost a lifetime... - Closer. Bucky wished to get closer and so he did, he wouldn't contradict his own words about what he desired.

- But you know he didn't meant to hurt you... - Zemo's hands was already caressing Bucky's face and hair, slowly letting him down the head to rest in the baron's shoulder.

- No way that man didn't thought on how much he would hurt me. If it had came from anyone else, I would believe, but I can't do about Steve. How he couldn't know that it would break me again? - Bucky's voice was fading. He was giving drop by drop the confessions he couldn't do to Sam, not yet, not for someone who had a huge brotherly love for Steve.

- I'm sorry... - The baron whispered, laying his face on Bucky's hair, kissing gently. Seven years locked without touching anyone didn't make him forget how precious was it.

- You don't have to. Just stay here while you can. - Bucky moved his head a little, just enough to let Zemo's kisses slip to his mouth, tasting sweet as cherry blossom tea.

...

They just lay down on the couch, silently cuddling as the mission and all the inevitable ending could wait. None of them was looking for sex in that moment, yet them both wanted it, was not what they needed the most.

...

There was a persistent though in Bucky's head that he would regret if it was left without even trying to say for Zemo. Half-hour was gone in silence, most of this because of their lips didn't leave the kisses. And when they got only staring at each other for what Bucky considered time enough, he tried to go on that delicate point.

- Hey, ahm...

- Yes, James?

- I heard you a little when you were talking with the children... about... your son.

- So? - Zemo chose the shortest way for getting what Bucky had to say about that, mixed in curiosity and a bit of sadness.

"I screamed at him right after that... how could I?"

- I don't know, I just felt so bad... trying to figure out how does it feels for you, the missing of you own child... Sorry, I shouldn't be talking about this...

- The missing of my son is something that can never be fixed. Whilst years has gone, the other losses got less impact on me, yet they still matters. But it doesn't got less about my son. I keep missing him like I was going to wake up from that nightmare and hold him in my arms again. - Zemo decided without hesitation to open that wound, if it was for Bucky.

Bucky went dead silent after listening the other man's feelings. He had nothing to say for how much that came painful for himself. For a moment, he got actionless, but soon he did what he wished someone has done for him when he needed the most. Without caring about unexistent weirdness between them at that point of everything, Bucky just rounded Zemo's shoulders, holding him back close again. Holding tight as one do to someone cherished and intimate for long time in life.

They had no long time left.

"And just let me stay here while I can too."

###

"Too vulnerable... Both of us."

###

Notes:

I thought I wasn't able to do another chapter after episode 04, before episode 05, but if I want to go further with this plot, I needed to expose the issues now.

I'm probably going far beyond the series, yet I don't write that good in english (is my second language, my first is portuguese), so writting fiction for the second time in this language has being an exercise - the portuguese version is SO MUCH BIGGER, but since the language structures are very different, translating is a bad idea. Much better re-writting.

Thank you for reading!