A/N;; OOF, this is a long one! A whole lot to take in here!
Going forward, I'll be separating flashback scenes with lines and using italics for them to make it clear they're a little separate while still being relevant, but I thought I would give a heads up as there is one flashback scene in this chapter.
Still riding the excitement wave on this story, as far as frequent updates go.
A special thank you to any and all readers, as usual!
I appreciate it so much! I'd love to hear from you, as well, if you're up to commenting, but either way thanks for being here and enjoying this ride with us all!

CHAPTER 3: A Flaw In My Code

The Great Hall was loud with the bustle of hundreds of returning students both settling in and saying excited hello's to one another. Someone tapped my shoulder on the way into the large open doors and I looked curiously to find the Weasley twins following behind Lucy and me.

"Great tip on the first years, they bought loads." Fred grinned.

I laughed with a shake of my head. "Don't tell anyone it was my suggestion. Can't catch your troublesome reputation."

It was Lucy who laughed now, nudging me with her elbow. "You could do with a little trouble in your life, honestly."

"Noted." The two redheads spoke in unison, looking quite pleased with themselves. Lucy and George seemed to have a playfully challenging moment between them, both lifting their brows at one another. Fred looked between the two of us, smirking, and then they were gone off to their house's table.

"If that's the sort of trouble we're in for this year, I think I'm square with it." Lucy giggled at my side.

I shushed her with a swat to her arm, but I couldn't help the grin lingering on my features.

It was entirely unrealistic of me to have any sort of idea in mind about socializing with Weasley's. However, I felt that a seed had been planted in my mind despite myself.

Getting to the Slytherin table, I finally caught up to Theodore and was able to get a typical half hug greeting from him. Pansy was flashing her new prefects badge to anyone who would listen to her talk about her new duties this year. Draco looked rather chuffed with himself, as well, but he seemed quieter about it. For now. One thing that years at Hogwarts had taught me about Draco was that his propensity for displays of arrogance had grown. It was only a matter of time before he was waxing poetic about his new position as well.

"Hold on now," Blaise began, looking toward the teacher's table. "Who's the eyesore?"

Looking over the table, I realized there were two changes in staff. Hagrid wasn't sitting at the table, Professor Grubbly-Plank was in his place. Who Blaise was referring to, however, was the small, bright pink woman sat at the end of the table beside professor Snape. I recognized her right away.

"Dolores Umbridge." Draco and I exchanged a long look as we said the name at the same time.

Lucy looked at me in question but I glanced back at where the woman sat again. She looked rather proud of herself. The contrast between her bright pink and the dark blackness of professor Snape's wardrobe alone was comical, let alone their different positions. Snape looked absolutely uncomfortable to be sat so close to her, like it was causing him great physical displeasure. Umbridge, however, had a sickly sweet smile on her rosy face where her chin was tilted upward just slightly.

"She's the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister." Draco explained. "A fancy assistant, really."

Lucy tapped the back of my hand at the edge of the table with her finger to pull my attention back to the table. Something about the woman's presence felt ominous. I knew that all eyes were on Harry Potter currently, or rather that it was a rather large task of the Ministry to keeps eyes off of Harry, but my thoughts quickly got away from me in thinking of other reasons she could be there.

"What's she doing here then?" Blaise asked further.

"Teaching, it appears." I replied now, tuned back into the conversation at hand.

Lucy snorted dryly beside me. "Can't wait to doze through that class then."

A tight smile curled at my lips as I hummed out a gentle laugh. I knew the humor didn't fully come through clearly. My friends might be able to joke easily about professor Umbridge's appearance and her teaching, but I couldn't shake a bad feeling about the circumstances. Surely if it was anything for me to really worry about my father would have warned me of her coming.

Perhaps that was assuming too much of him, however.

The first years came shuffling in as the rest of us settled, approaching where the Sorting Hat waited to tell them where they now belonged, who their closest friends were going to be. Fleetingly, I wondered how different my life might be if I'd been sorted into any house but Slytherin. It was in my blood; going back the last four generations before me, everyone in the Xavier family had been in Slytherin.

My great, great, great grandmother on my mother's side had been in Gryffindor, in fact it was where she and my great, great, great grandfather Xavier had evidently met. We didn't speak about it in our family, though. I remembered a time, the summer before first year, I had thought about it. Spoken about it, even, though not with my parents.

"You're positive you'll be in Slytherin, Draco?"

"Of course!" Draco seemed confused by the idea of my even questioning such a thing. His face softened, however, when he realized the way I looked away from him shyly. "For years now, my family's been in Slytherin. Just like yours."

I nodded with a thoughtful hum, looking at my outstretched legs. I was sitting sideways on the swinging wooden porch bench on the back patio of the Malfoy's mansion. It was enclosed, both by an awning and a weather resistant charm. Our parents were inside, having a heated discussion about our first year of school.

There had been hisses about the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, professor Quirrell, they knew him or something. Before we had been able to eavesdrop much, Narcissa had shooed Draco and I out the back door.

"What if I'm not?" I asked, looking out over the end of summer rain on the expansive garden. "Do you think they would be angry with me? Mum and Dad?"

Draco frowned in concentration where he sat on the top patio step. His having to think about it was enough answer on its own, but I didn't say so.

"I don't think you need to worry about it." He replied finally.

"My great, great, great grandparents were both Gryffindors, you know." This seemed to pique his interest because he looked at me with widened eyes and I nodded slowly. "We've all been Slytherins since then, but what if it's me? What if I'm the one who changes that back?"

Draco looked anxiously toward the glass double doors that led back into the mansion. He was wondering the same thing I was; what our parents would think of us talking about this, expressing such a question. A stinging sensation pricked at my eyes, but I clenched my jaw tightly. We weren't babies anymore, we were going to Hogwarts in a matter of weeks, and that meant the beginning of growing up. I wasn't going to cry over something silly, certainly not in front of Draco - whether he had been there plenty of times to see me cry in years prior or not.

"Would we still be friends, do you think?" I found myself asking before giving much thought to the question. It was silly of me to ask. The rivalry between Gryffindor and Slytherin was a deep one, one that people like Lucius Malfoy and my father heavily played into. Even at eleven years old, I was aware of that.

There was a sad smile on Draco's face and he scrunched his nose up at me - a subtle playfulness there. "Yeah, 'course we would be. You're my best friend."

I smiled back at Draco and stretched my arm out toward him, my pinky finger lifted. Wordlessly, he linked his pinky with mine and his smile turned more genuine. Just a couple of children, not knowing the extent of what was to come, not knowing what was in store for our futures, but we had each other, even in that moment of uncertainty.

The Sorting Hat's song this year carried a sense of dread, a foreboding undertone, that had me shooting tentative glances around at my friends where we sat at the table. My stomach was twisting uncomfortably at the undoubtable warning that had just been given to us. For what, most had no idea. I, unfortunately, knew at least some of the things that the Sorting Hat could be referring to - death eaters, Voldemort himself, dark magic. It was a different time to be living in now.

Oh, know the perils, read the signs,
the warning history shows,
for our Hogwarts is in danger
from external, deadly foes
and we must unite inside her
or we'll crumble from within
I have told you, I have warned you…
Let the Sorting now begin.

Draco and I caught gazes, looking at one another intently for a long moment. He looked questioning and my own confusion served no answer for him. We both didn't know what it meant, but we both knew what it icould/i mean.

The murmurs between the gentle applause after the song indicated that we were not the only ones left with a sense of unease. I glanced at professor Umbridge at the teacher's table curiously to find that she looked as pleased as she had the entire time, not bothered in the slightest by what the Sorting Hat had just told us all.

The new students were sorted as usual, Slytherin house gaining a small cluster of new housemates. They looked so young as they each shuffled toward our table and squeezed their way in between us. There were only a small number of years between us, but it felt like so much more. It was hard to believe that we had all been so small and innocent once.

As the first feast officially began, my eyes took in the multitude of foods laid out on the table in front of me. A glorious spread, as always. I felt a little overwhelmed in the presence of so much choice. That was one feeling that came consistently with the first night back at school. After two months of having specific food presented to me, carefully calculated, no input of my own involved, I figured that was to be expected.

I didn't know exactly where to begin so I sat patiently as my housemates excitedly dug in around me. Blaise made a hurried grab for a large turkey leg. Lucy was scooping a heaping spoonful of sweet potato casserole onto her plate. Daphne took smaller portions but took some of just about everything. Even Theo seemed more energetic as he plopped entrée after entrée onto his plate.

A hand lifted to toy with the pearl stud earring decorating my earlobe as my eyes shifted back and forth over the table again. No one noticed my hesitance right away, distracted by how hungry they were and how good the food was, as it always tended to be at Hogwarts. I was a few seconds into an internal debate on making a reach for some sliced ham when I felt a foot nudge mine beneath the table.

I looked at Draco across from me, his expression unreadable. It was obvious he had been the one attempting to gain my attention because he was wordlessly holding up a basket of dinner rolls in my direction. My hand dropped from my ear and I smiled faintly. I gave him a small nod of thanks as I took a couple of the pieces of bread and set them on my plate. He watched me still for a weary moment before occupying himself elsewhere again.

"So are we not going to talk about that creepy song happening the year of the minister's- what was it, Malfoy? Fancy assistant? -Her, being here?" Lucy asked in between bites.

"You think it's connected?" Daphne seemed surprised by the notion.

Theo scoffed and I waited a couple seconds to hear what he had to say, but he didn't actually speak. That was typical, though. The quieter one of the bunch of us, he was.

"I think it's a little bloody ironic at the very least." Lucy declared as she stabbed a couple green beans onto her fork.

Keeping my input out of it, I let my friends discuss among themselves around me as I took small bites of the buttered roll on my plate. Pansy and a few others at the table weighed in on the conversation, as well, but I continued to stay out of it. I ended up slowly but surely getting little bits more food on my plate. Sliced ham, a chicken thigh, a scoop each of buttered mashed potatoes and sweet potato casserole. I went to reach for the bowl of half-cobs of corn, but before I fully moved to do so, Draco was lifting it and holding it out for me. That same weary look was in his gray eyes when I looked at him, but I tried to ignore it.

After a few minutes it wasn't hard to simply just allow myself to enjoy the food I was eating. For weeks now, I had been excitedly anticipating the opportunity to eat whatever I wanted. Once I was passed the initial overwhelmed I had felt, I was thankful. As Dumbledore stood to greet us all once again and get into his welcoming announcements, I felt genuinely full for the first time in a long time.

The typical warnings of what was acceptable in the halls, or staying away from the Forbidden Forest were presented - mostly for the sake of the first years, though Lucy snickering beside me reminded me that it was most definitely also for older students who couldn't seem to take a hint. He explained professor Grubbly-Plank's taking over the Care of Magical Creatures class and I sighed heavily as Draco rudely commented about not missing 'that old oaf' this year - earning snickers from some of our housemates. I didn't particularly care one way or the other when it came to Hagrid's teachings, he was a teacher and I respected him for that alone. Not everyone in my house could say the same, clearly.

An unpleasant squeaking sound interrupted Dumbledore mid-sentence, and it took a moment for me to recognize that professor Umbridge had annoyingly cleared her throat and stood from the teacher's table. Snape in his seat beside her watched the small woman slowly make her way forward, and the look of resentment present on his features spoke volumes.

Umbridge greeted us all as if we were happy to see her; Blaise and Lucy both coughed to cover up impending laughter and I shot them a pointed look to keep it together.

"I'm sure we're all going to be very good friends." The woman continued in her high-pitched speech.

"I'd rather choke, I think." Lucy mumbled beside me. Blaise couldn't hide a laugh that time and Draco stretched a leg to kick his shin beneath the table. Last thing we all needed right out of the gate was special attention from this crazy woman.

Following the unsettling introduction of professor Umbridge, dessert appeared on all of the house tables. I wasn't particularly in the mood for sweets. Blaise offered me a red velvet cupcake from the tower situated in front of him - he knew they were my favorite - but I waved it off. I was ready to get to the dorms, feel something a little more normal, less watched.

Soon enough we were making our exit. I found myself hovering just outside the Hall's doorway at first, waiting for Draco to join us on our way to the dorms as he typically did. Even though he and I weren't close on a personal basis anymore, certain group dynamics had stuck over the years. Theo reminded me that it was just the five of us, as Pansy and Draco were prefects this year and therefore had to guide the first years along. So instead, our little group of five - me, Lucy, Blaise, Daphne, and Theo - headed toward the dungeons.

It was incredible, really, how a dungeon could feel so much like home, especially after spending all summer in my family's large estate. It was more the environment, the sense of camaraderie and pride, that came with our common room. We hurried down the stone steps, Lucy and I arm in arm, and Blaise announced the password to the wall's entrance before turning to grin knowingly at us when we were able to enter the passage to our common room.

Crabbe and Goyle were already lounging on two of the velvet green sofas on one side of the common room, undoubtedly waiting for Draco to return and give them something more to do than lazying about. Theo scurried off to the boys dorm with a short and soft goodbye. Daphne waved him off with a smile - oblivious to the way that he casually tried to avoid more time with us.

"How long do you think til someone throws a dungeon party?" Lucy asked with amused curiosity.

"I heard Montague already talking about one for the first weekend back." Daphne snickered with a shake of her head.

"Shouldn't Montague be focusing on Quidditch this year after the tantrum he threw to become team captain?" I questioned, earning a laugh from Blaise.

Lucy and I flopped onto the black leather sofa a short distance from the fireplace. Blaise laid back on the other sofa to the left. Despite the third sofa in the half-circle around the large, intricate fireplace being open, Daphne settled on the floor instead by the low coffee table. It was a familar scene for us all, socializing in the common room.

"I think once the season actually starts up we're in for it. As for right now," Blaise shrugged to punctuate the statement.

"I'm trying out this year." Lucy announced proudly and I looked at her in question. She had never expressed interest in playing Quidditch. We both agreed that it was entertaining to watch, but playing it never carried the same appeal. Apparently surviving half of our Hogwarts schooling was enough reason to give it a try finally.

Blaise looked perplexed for a second. "Come to think of it, I've no idea how you fly. You're about the size of a pixie, so I imagine you're fast, at least."

Daphne groaned as I held my hand out palm up in her direction, a smug grin on my face. The blonde shot Blaise a cold look.

"You couldn't get through one day not making a short comment? Honestly, Zabini." She scoffed but it quickly turned into a snicker at the affronted look on Blaise's face as he watched Daphne drop two gold pieces into my palm. I handed one to Lucy who looked equally as satisfied as I did.

"I hate being outnumbered like this, you know that? You're all trouble." His finger scoped to the three of us as he narrowed his eyes.

"Take it up with Nott and Malfoy." Lucy snickered.

"I bloody well might." Blaise huffed; he was smirking faintly, though, so I knew we hadn't actually annoyed him.

We sat there like that for nearly an hour. Draco and Pansy came through with the first years to show them the common room. Blaise had sat up straighter as if to look more intimidating as they approached us, but he wasn't fooling anyone. He could be a little testy sometimes, teeter on judgmental depending on the circumstances, but one thing Blaise Zabini was not was scary. One of the group of first year girls had leaned over the back of the couch to ask me quietly if I was 'the' Talia Xavier and I looked at her confusedly but confirmed it nonetheless. Evidently her parents knew mine; I tried not to worry too much about how.

Shortly after the brief interactions, us girls excused ourselves from Blaise to go up to our dorm room. The low green natural lighting and hanging flickering lanterns always held such a warmth. Our trunks were situated at each of the foot of our beds as expected. Daphne's bed was on the same wall as Pansy's, where mine and Lucy's beds were on the opposite wall. Hanging from the walls in between the four-post beds were medieval tapestries of old witches and wizards of a time far away from our own, as well as our house's Serpent emblem. In the center of the dormitory was a large black wooden desk, not unlike the ones found within the library. Throughout the year it became cluttered with various things - makeup, tossed aside clothes, wrappers from treats from Honeyduke's, opened letters, the list went on.

Daphne used it now to whip out her diary and start writing in it - an avid journaler, we had learned in first year. Lucy flopped backward across my bed instead of her own and I smiled as I carefully sat down beside her.

"Another year at Hogwarts then, eh?" She grinned up at me.

This was the first year that felt undeniably different than years past. We were older, but beyond that so much had changed. With the dark lord rising once again at the end of last year, Cedric Diggory's death, and everything that had followed all of that during the summer, it didn't feel simply like any other year at school. Add in the presence of someone from the Ministry, clearly playing teacher in a grab for further control, and Lucy's simple statement felt like it didn't cover all that it really should.

"What d'you make of those Weasley boys then?" Lucy pulled me from my thoughts and I looked at her questioningly. "I just mean that they are rather cute, you know? And funny. Reckon they'd be better company than a lot of other boys here."

"Lucy Penelope Emerson," My tone was half a laugh as I attempted to sound serious but couldn't even fake it. "Are you trying to tell me this is the year of a boyfriend for you?"

"Oh, shut it," She gave me a shove with a laugh. "I turn sixteen in a few months, and I mean. Who knows how many years we've actually got left at this point, right?"

I winced at the unpleasant implication. Lucy was aware of my home life enough to know that it was bad, but she didn't know the full extent of my parents and their loyalties to the dark lord. I didn't feel it was best to go around admitting to everyone that my parents were in fact Death Eaters and not just the stuck up blood purists most people easily assumed. Considering even Draco didn't share that information freely, I figured I was in the right frame of thinking.

My best friend's hand patted mine as she mumbled an apology to me before letting out a wistful sigh. "So you're not then? Interested in them, I mean."

I shot a quick look in Daphne's direction at the desk, but she was immersed in her diary and paying no mind to what Lucy and I were discussing. Then I stared up at the far bed post, eyes trailing along the looped, dark green tapestry to the next post. "I'm not interested in anyone right now, actually."

"Really?" Lucy seemed genuinely surprised, though I wasn't entirely sure why. Other than the time that Blaise had admitted to liking me in third year and I hadn't returned those feelings, I hadn't had a lot of history with boys at school.

Or, rather, that she knew much about.

There had been a bit of a complicated period for me following Blaise's confession. It fell right before the Christmas break that year, and as was typical, I spent time with the Malfoys over the holiday. Conversations between Draco and I were interesting to say the least, complicated certainly. He had asked me why I didn't like Blaise - it was the first deep conversation he and I'd had in a long time, so I had humored it. When he had implied that Blaise wasn't my type, that I probably liked boys more like himself I had been confused.

For the remainder of the break I had fought with myself about whether or not he was right, argued internally about what I felt about him. Ultimately, I had pushed the conflict from my mind, chosen to focus on other things, kept that bit of a lapse of clarity to myself. How could I possibly like a boy who wasn't even the person I thought he was anymore, after all.

That wasn't even counting what went on between us last year.

"We really could be the same, though." Lucy continued, and I heard the mischief in her tone without even looking at the grin on her face. "There's a twin for both of us."

I swatted playfully at her stomach and we both erupted into a fit of giggles. It truly was wonderful to be back around her again, having these moments.

.

Our first day of fifth year classes consisted of History of Magic, Potions, and Defence Against the Dark Arts with an elective the period before Defence. Blaise, Theo, and Draco all had decided in third year that their last elective choice - after Divination and Care of Magical Creatures, which we all took together - was Arithmancy. Lucy had laughed hysterically when they had made that choice, coming from a Muggle world understanding of mathematics and a grown hatred for that subject. She and Daphne both took Study of Ancient Runes.

I had allowed for my friends to believe that I had started in Arithmancy and dropped it because the heavy course load was stressful for me. However, it was after I had in fact dropped Arithmancy after only a few weeks that I had approached professor Dumbledore directly. He had been pleasantly surprised to see me, and I had been mildly convinced he'd been expecting me.

Muggle Studies was an offered elective for us as of our third year and, despite the questions I would undoubtedly face for it, it was a class that I was very interested in taking. Perhaps it came from growing up the way that I had, wanting to form my own opinions of the non-magic world without outside influence from my parents or other dark forces. Some of the stories Lucy told about her time at home with her Muggle father always piqued my interest more than entirely normal, too. I wanted to expand my knowledge, understand more than just the bubble of a world I lived in. It was something else that had pleasantly surprised our headmaster, my expressing this.

It was imperative to me that professor Dumbledore understand that my desire to take the class and study the subject at all could not be public knowledge. He'd understood without my having to explain much - though I did express worry about what it would mean for me at home should my parents know I was taking the elective. From then on, each term, in my first Muggle Studies class period, professor Burbage had a parcel containing my textbook and any necessary class materials for the year waiting for me. Dumbledore made sure to keep the books and supplies for the course off of the list that was sent home with my yearly Hogwarts letter. It was a large favor that I felt immensely grateful to the man for. He had told me that my approaching him directly and my budding passion for the study was admirable; that was why he'd done it for me.

For the sake of safety, I hadn't even told Lucy I was taking it. As far as my friends knew, I simply had a free period while everyone else was otherwise busy. Daphne from time to time would point out that my not handling a large course load didn't make sense - I had rather great marks, after all. It didn't get commented on terribly frequently, though. My third period for the day was my first Muggle Studies class of the term, so I would be playing that façade early.

We were all bored and bogged with sleep in our first History of Magic lesson of the year - after not having to be up early for much during the summer, suddenly having to do so for a class was more difficult for some. It didn't help that professor Binns was as dreadfully boring as ever. As much as I had low hopes for our first Defence class with Umbridge as the teacher, there was a certain anticipation about it as well. My classmates seemed to share the sentiment, wanting to know what the woman was all about, what the class was even going to be like this year.

Potions for second period was uplifting after the droning of first period, particularly for us in Slytherin. We had double potions with Gryffindor, as usual, which always came with a certain amount of amusement given the potion master's blatant liking of us and disliking of them. Professor Snape spent a large introduction of the lesson going on about O.W.L.'s and N.E.W.T.'s and what would be required for us to continue to study the subject with him in the following year. Potions wasn't my favorite subject, but I wasn't terrible at it. Fortunately for me, I was often paired with people who were a little better at it than I was, lest I should slip up terribly.

I sat at the table beside Theo with a smile that he returned to me. He and I did most of our socializing here, if it could be called that. He was focused on school and not whatever tomfoolery the rest of us got into most of the time, and I admired that about him. Draco sat down on my other side but I didn't turn to see him. It could have been worse for me, I just had to deal with the uncomfortable tension of working with Draco. Poor Lucy had both Crabbe and Goyle at her table.

"I'm going to murder them." She growled when we were exiting the dungeon after class being dismissed. "Without a doubt."

Blaise snorted and Lucy shot a glare at him. He held his hands up in mock surrender. "What did you do to Snape to make him want to punish you like that?"

"Piss off." Lucy huffed as she shoved his shoulder. It knocked him gently into Draco who was walking beside him and the blond rolled his eyes, unimpressed. The goons in question were trailing a couple feet behind us, or specifically behind Draco. Sometimes I wondered about them.

We were headed to the Great Hall for lunch now. Getting back into the swing of class blocks and work loads was a happy adjustment. I liked the structure of our class schedule, plus it was more interacting with people I actually desired doing so with than I had had in weeks. Even the homework given thus far wasn't enough to make me miss being out of school.

Blaise and Draco were chatting about the year's quidditch season as we rounded on the wide open doors of the dining hall. With how close I had grown with Blaise - even with the blip of awkwardness between us during third year - I sometimes forgot that he really was Draco's best friend. They didn't always agree on everything, but the difference between Blaise and most people that disagreed with Draco was that Blaise wasn't afraid to do so and have a calm - albeit maybe a little pointed - conversation with him.

I was confused as Lucy excused herself in a mumble and scurried off to the Gryffindor table. Daphne had slowed with me, both of us wondering what our friend was doing.

"Oh my- She really is going there, isn't she?" Daphne, for all her sometimes snobbish judgment, did actually seem amused as we watched Lucy approach two increasingly familiar redheads at the Gryffindor table.

I laughed with a shake of my head as I followed the blonde girl over to our own house's table. I sat down beside Theo, who I noticed was watching curiously in Lucy's direction, probably wondering as much as I was what exactly my best friend was up to. Blaise and Draco, sat across from us, noticed and turned to look behind them at what the cause for concern seemed to be. Blaise looked at me in disbelief while Draco scoffed unpleasantly.

"What does she think she's doing?" He grumbled.

Lucy was sitting conveniently wedged right between the Weasley twins with an elbow pressed to the edge of their table, her crossed legs hanging over the backside of the long bench as if she might still get up and stand at any moment. She was speaking mostly to George, but I noticed how her grin flashed back and forth between them every now and again. So brave, that girl. She had spoken at most twenty words to those two boys in all our time at Hogwarts, and yet there she was. With a toss of her dark curls over her shoulder, Lucy laughed at something that was said to her and I wrinkled my nose faintly with a grin.

"Flirting, by the looks of it."

Draco scowled. "With a Weasley? I thought even she had better taste than that."

"Anyone else feeling an odd sense of deja vu?" Daphne snickered on the opposite side of me, and I had to roll my lips together to hold back laughing with her.

Blaise, having already been subjected to such conversation, went right back to talking Quidditch with Draco, which seemed to distract him well enough again. After another few minutes, Lucy finally joined us with a small brown paper bag in hand.

"What did you do?" I looked at her in question as she sat down across from Daphne on Blaise's other side.

Lucy smirked. "I told them I wanted to sample their product."

As Blaise and even Theo let out a dramatic groan at the implication of her words, Lucy shot me a wink. Daphne got lost in a short fit of giggles that she tried to contain but failed miserably. Pansy sat down with us then, looking questioning at the varying states of emotion between us.

"What're you lot up to now?" She asked.

"Emerson's dabbling in being a blood traitor." Draco answered bluntly.

The girl in question picked up a baby carrot off of Daphne's lunch plate and leaned behind Blaise in order to chuck the piece of food at the side of Draco's head. The scowl reappeared on his face and Blaise between the two of them sighed heavily.

"I will hex you, Malfoy. I don't care that it's day one. Try me." Lucy warned.

Maybe it was to diffuse the tension, or maybe I really couldn't help myself, but I laughed. Leave it to being at Draco's expense. Pansy looked at the group of us strangely before giving a slow shake of her head.

"I don't know why I'm always surprised you're all so odd, I should really be used to it by now." The dark haired girl mused.

"Oi! Don't lump me with all them." Blaise waved a hand about in gesture to the rest of us.

"Please, if anyone here can get away with not being associated with this mess, it's me." Draco snorted. Much like his comment about our friendship at the ball, his words stung deep in my chest. It must have shown on my face because his eyes stayed on me for several seconds, reading my response further. I didn't give him the satisfaction of continuing to meet his gaze, instead choosing to focus on lunch after that.

Chatter continued around me; Lucy switched spots in order to sit on Daphne's other side because Daphne wanted to know what she was up to with the twins, but Blaise didn't want to continue to sit in between her and Draco when they got confrontational with one another. Draco started talking with Theo about our Potions assignments, which I listened to idly because that did pertain to me, but I didn't interject. Pansy was telling Blaise all about how happy her parents were for her when she received her Prefect badge, and how important she felt. I enjoyed getting to take it all in, these people that meant a lot to me.

I was finished eating before most of the others and in glancing at the time realized that I needed to excuse myself. I had Muggle Studies next, and while they all had differing electives or free period slots, I wanted to get on my way. Arriving early on the first day ensured less awkwardness in front of my classmates for receiving my provided textbook.

"I'm exhausted, I'm going for a nap before Defence with the old bat this afternoon." I announced as I stood.

Draco looked at me curiously. "I have a free period now, why don't we work on our Potions assignment early?"

The question took me off guard for more than one reason. First, I wasn't prepared to have to already actively avoid admitting to taking my next class. Secondly, because it was Draco offering to spend more individual time with me. Lucy, who knew enough about mine and Draco's history, even if not every intricate detail, kinked a brow and looked between the two of us.

"She said she's tired, Malfoy. Your assignment can wait." She defended.

The look I sent her was full of thanks, even though she was now receiving a cold glare from Draco. I managed to excuse myself just the same after another moment and I made a show of heading in the direction of the dungeons. Once I was aware no one coming or going by me was paying me much attention, I headed toward the Muggle Studies classroom instead.

"Miss Xavier, wonderful to see you again!" Professor Burbage greeted me happily upon my entering the classroom. I was one of very few Slytherin students who chose to take Muggle Studies - the ionly/i one in my year, actually - and the blonde woman was always thrilled to see I returned. All things considered, I could understand why there might be doubt about it.

She passed off my textbook for the year to me and gestured for me to choose whichever of the desks I desired to sit at. Muggle Studies being an elective class and therefore a choice meant that there weren't a ton of students in each class period - a lot of them had deemed the subject boring and not worth their time. It was only me and about a dozen and a half Ravenclaws in our particular double period. None of my Ravenclaw classmates felt my being there worthy of telling anyone else in school, thankfully. I assumed they had more important things to worry about in the way that Ravenclaws tended to.

We were talking about Muggle communications today, starting with the common postal service. A lot of the Ravenclaw's in the class were taking it just to add to their course load and look good going toward .'s, they didn't find the subject matter terribly interesting. Even though I had heard bits and pieces about Muggle life from Lucy over the years, I still had a small sense of wonder at how isimple/i things could be when learning about them in this class.

As a fifth year, it was time to settle into choices when it came to our O.W.L.'s and our N.E.W.T. level classes, moving forward into our career goals. At one point I had thought about becoming a Healer - someone like Madam Pomfrey, who took care and mended and bettered children. I still teetered on the idea from time to time, but Muggles and their life in their own world fascinated me in a way I could see myself pursuing deeper, in a way that I knew I could very well be disgraced for.

I craved simplicity in my life. I yearned for something easy to explain, easy to understand. Something lighter, with less of a purpose, less expectation. Perhaps if I agreed with the things that my parents believed it would be easier for me, following along, having something to put faith in - even if that something was an immensely powerful dark wizard who was exceedingly harmful to others.

That was my problem, I thought, I cared too much. About people, about the world. I wasn't cut out for the prejudice and arrogance of pureblood society. I was one individual in a whole world of individuals, magic and non-magic; who the hell was I to think that I held so much importance? Enough so much to put more value on my life than anyone else's based on something as trivial as genetics?

My exceptional sense of self-preservation managed to keep me from a fate I didn't want to think about. I had little faith that my parents would care what happened to me if I ever spoke out in support of Muggles, or even Muggleborn witches and wizards. If they knew of my interest in Muggle Studies, my willingness to familiarize with them, the punishment would undoubtedly be worse than being disgraced. That pesky value of mine would come into play again; if I was that far out of line, that wrong, what good was I to them?

I was a game piece more than I was a daughter.

The simplicity of the subject matter for the day's class didn't mean my thoughts coming out of it were simple. I said a cheerful goodbye to professor Burbage, and stopped at the doorway to charm a fake cover on my textbook - making it look like a book about the history of wandmaking. No one would have interest enough to open that, and it was easy enough for me to brush off a random read, even if it did seem odd. I made a quick walk down to the dungeons so to drop the book into my trunk instead of carrying it around.

Just as I was about to say the password to get into the common room, it opened in front of me, and my eyes widened. Instinctively, I clutched a little tighter to the book in my arm as Draco looked at me with a narrowed gaze.

"Was just here to wake you, interestingly enough." He sneered.

"I went to the library instead." I covered quickly, shrugging with one shoulder.

His darkened eyes flicked toward the book in the curl of my arm before back up to my face. I couldn't tell whether or not he was angry or if this was just his typical intimidation tactic. He didn't use it on me often. "You really should learn to lie better." He snapped.

The accusatory tone of his voice irritated me so I glared back at him. "Strange of you to assume that you know me well enough to tell, Malfoy."

He clenched his jaw tightly and tilted it upward. I expected him to argue further, have some other cruel comment to hurl my way, but instead he huffed shortly. His arm grazed my shoulder as he angrily went by me. Shaking my head, I stormed into the common room after he'd gone then straight up to the girl's dorm. My secret Muggle Studies textbook was dropped into my trunk, carefully hidden beneath some objects I shifted on top of it for further safety.

I had to hurry more than I might have without the altercation with Draco to get to Defence Against the Dark Arts on time, but I managed. Unfortunately my seat in this class was right beside Draco. He seemed to ignore me as much as I did him when I sat down on my chair. Lucy and Daphne sat in front of us and both girls glanced back at me curiously when I arrived.

There was a quiet gasp as a paper bird that had been floating around the classroom suddenly burnt and then crumbled onto a desk. The awful squeak of professor Umbridge's throat clearing followed, having all of our attentions on her - Slytherin and Gryffindor alike. With a wave of her wand, we were given our new text books as the year's course aims were written on the blackboard.

I frowned down at the book in front of me. It looked fairly similar to books I had seen within Muggle Studies - basic, easy to follow. The cover practically looked like a children's book. As I looked up at the list written on the blackboard, my frown deepened. Lucy shot me a quick confused look over her shoulder and I shrugged. The unpleasant feeling I'd had about Umbridge being a teacher at Hogwarts this year certainly wasn't going anywhere fast.

The woman was sweetly crowing on about our previous teachers doing a poor job, how our learning of the subject at hand was a mess. She mentioned a curriculum that was approved by the Ministry and I couldn't help but wonder if my father and Lucius Malfoy, in all their meetings through the summer to talk about happenings at the Ministry, had known this was coming. There was a high amount of reluctance in the class as we opened to the chapter we were told to read. 'Basics for Beginners.' I almost had to laugh.

Daphne was examining her fingernails more than she was reading. Lucy was sharing a questioning look with Blaise across the small aisle to her left. Looking to my right, my eyes landed on the boy who was being blamed for all of this nonsense in the first place. Harry looked absolutely livid. He had opened his book, but was since glaring darkly at professor Umbridge where she stalked around the classroom.

Hermione Granger sat in front of him with a hand raised in the air. After several moments of being ignored, she spoke anyway. "There's nothing here about using defensive spells."

"Using defensive spells? I can't imagine why you'd need to use such a thing in my classroom." There was a tone of naïve disbelief in the teacher's statement.

I felt a sudden sense of anxiety sitting there. My shoulders tensed as I braced for the following confusion, but beyond that there was something else, too.

"You will be learning how to use defensive spells in a secure, risk free environment." Umbridge confirmed after question as to our lack of magic use came about.

"If we're going to be attacked, it's not going to be risk free!" Harry's voice was loud from across the aisle beside me.

For the first time, in a much sharper tone than she had been using previously, professor Umbridge scolded, "Students will raise their hands when they speak in my class."

Circumstances were becoming a little chaotic. The tension in the room was building fast. There was back and forth between our teacher and a couple of other students. I noticed a couple of my own house out of my peripheral vision muttering to themselves while Umbridge was too distracted to call them out on doing so.

"How is theory supposed to prepare us for what's out there?" Harry asked angrily.

Unconsciously, I had gripped onto the edge of the desk I sat at. I only became aware of it when Draco's hand fell onto mine. My gaze shifted to him on my left, noting that he looked much less overwhelmed than I currently felt. In fact, he looked concerned more than anything. He mouthed the word 'breathe' at me and I made an attempt at a deep breath through my nose.

"Who do you imagine wants to attack children like yourselves?" Umbridge challenged the boy still.

It was only a split second, but I swore that Harry's cold eyes landed on the table that Draco and I sat at beside him. He knew what we knew. He had seen it - them. And now we sat all but two feet away from him in a classroom full of other students who either knew exactly what he was referring to, or downright didn't believe him. My stomach dropped before he even said anything.

"I don't know, maybe Lord Voldemort?"

Looking dangerously slowly around the room, Umbridge spoke in a tone lower than we had heard from her thus far. "You have been told that a certain dark wizard has returned. This is a lie."

"It's not a lie, I saw him! I fought him!" Harry argued.

Professor Umbridge silenced him sharply, the ten points she had taken from Gryffindor moments prior being combined with detention now, too. I hoped that would be the end of it, that my nerves might be given the chance to settle down, but Harry clearly wasn't finished as his balled fists shook against the table in front of him.

"So according to you, Cedric Diggory dropped dead of his own accord?"

I resisted flinching at the harsh accusation - knowing the truth.

"Cedric Diggory's death was a tragic accident-"

"It was murder! Voldemort killed him, and you know it!"

"ENOUGH!" Umbridge's yell was definitive; she wasn't taking any more of this. The rest of the classroom was either angry or terrified, because no one else said a thing as Harry was dismissed to go see his head of house with a note from Umbridge detailing what had happened.

My knuckles were white where I gripped tightly onto the table, but Draco's hand still rested on mine. I blinked down at it, wondering what it meant. Solidarity, perhaps? Draco knew as well as I did what the truth was, that the Ministry's smear campaign against Harry and Dumbledore was incorrect. We both knew what was out there, just as Harry did. We were just on a startlingly different side of it. And now that was something that Harry knew, too.

Keeping the dark secrets of my parents' allegiance and just how involved they were with the dark lord had never been difficult. Even if it could easily be generalized about me, I didn't talk about it. I avoided the subject entirely, if possible, even outside of a concept directly related to my own family. After the events of fourth year - terrorizing the world cup, Crouch infiltrating Hogwarts as professor Moody and manipulating Harry, Cedric Diggory dying - it felt heavier somehow, the weight of what they all were doing, who they were. A boy had idied/i, and now another was being ostracized when he was telling the truth, trying to warn others.

They didn't care, though. None of them did. Certainly not the wizard they devoted to following. But then there was me; the teenage girl who cared too much, who disagreed with so much of their ideals, but who wore a mask and played their game for the sake of her own safety.

I didn't know if it made me brave or simply a coward.

Finally, my hold loosened, the guilt-driven anxiety within me leaving slowly as the altercation at hand was over. The classroom was painfully silent now, but my ears still rang with the screaming of moments before. My fingers shifted beneath Draco's and on a familiar instinct, I wormed my pinky between two of his fingers to link it over the back of his pinky.

He smiled just slightly, giving me a couple seconds longer of this weighted, silent moment between us, before his hand fell into his lap again and we went back to the reading we were meant to do.