Severus had never been out of the United Kingdom.

The salty breeze lapped at his cheeks and stung his eyes. He spat his hair out of his mouth. A simple charm could have countered the effects. Instead, Severus resorted to tying his mane into a bun and hoped it look half-decent. As decent as a man could look in an undershirt that clung to his bare chest and his trousers which had been rolled up to reveal his tattered socks.

"Ah, the life of the sailor!"

Viktor gleamed as the sun brightened his face. As though only an hour ago, he hadn't tried to feed him to the sharks, pirate that he was.

Hermione did not look so content. She had thrown up twice overboard and was now nursing a bucket in Viktor's 'office'. She promptly shut the door when Severus had suggested staying.

"Germeeone is a stubborn devushka!" He sighed.

"Indeed."

Viktor twirled a cigar in his hands before lighting the tip. Even the way he smoked was despicable. Very suave, like he'd been practicing the act all his life. It could not be so difficult Severus decided before a gull snatched his cigar straight from his grasp.

"Tell me, what are your relations to Miss Granger?" Viktor offered him another smoke. "One not jump ship for just any woman."

Severus nearly choked on the inhale. "Oh, we are close. Very, very close."

Hermione would be furious if she found out. However, a man had his pride to keep. Viktor had already outdone him in both cigar-twirling and sailor-dress and he'd been eyeing Granger's ass like a vulture. Three victories? Not on his watch.

"Very close? You are couple then."

"We have a long history." He watched Viktor's expression widen. "Very long. Why do you ask?"

"I only needed to know in terms of accommodations."

"There is only one bed?"

Hermione clung to the doorframe as she entered the bedroom. The bucket levitated not far behind.

In a ship spacious enough to fit nearly 200 wizards, one would think there would be two extra rooms. The bedroom they were presented with was rather small and intimate. The bed in the center, with its poorly folded sheets suggested many ideas. Ideas Severus pushed out of his mind as Hermione tumbled face first into the cotton.

"Curious indeed."

He waited for Hermione to object, but she simply moaned into the sheets and stretched out like a cat. He could only stand in silence and pretend like he was impartial to the situation.

"I can ask Viktor for a different room-"

"No. That will not be necessary." Severus blurted out. "On the deck, he let me know that the only other room available for you, Miss Granger, was his own."

"He said those words?" Hermione went as red as an African Pepper.

"Not exactly, but between us men, it was clearly obvious what he was suggesting. I didn't think it was appropriate to put you in that situation."

Severus tensed at the idea of Hermione sharing quarters with anyone else on the ship.

"Thank you, that's very thoughtful of you." She hugged her knees. "Gods, I had no idea Viktor was so forward. Who would have thought?"

"You never know what those men have on their minds. You are welcome to talk to him-"

"Oh, I don't mind sleeping here." Hermione tossed her robes on a chair. "Unless you object?"

"Not at all."

He meandered around the bed. The boat rocked gently from side to side and the lantern on the bedside table flickered on the walls.

"I can try enlarging or separating the bed." She produced her wand. "That way, we won't have to see each other."

"Are you suggesting I'm so unpleasant?" Severus hung his robes on the hooks by the door slowly.

"Oh no, that's not what I meant. If you like, one of us can sleep on the floor."

"You believe I'd let you sleep on the floor…Miss Granger? While I take the bed? Then you are certainly mistaken."

"Me? This is where your mind went first? Mr. Snape I thought you would be courteous enough to sleep on the floor yourself, gentleman you are-"

"I may be a gentleman, but I am not a fool."

"Then we should both sleep on the floor." She threw a pillow and a blanket down. "Equality and no hurt feelings."

"Don't be ridiculous, we have a bed for a reason. Or are you suggesting we tell your Viktor we'd both like to sleep in the corridor?"

Hermione cast the pillow back on the bed. "This argument is ridiculous. I am sleeping in this bed and that is final. And you can sleep where you like."

And so, Severus slept exactly where he liked, on the opposite side of the bed.