Chapter 3 – A Daring Rescue
-:-:-:-:-:-
"Jay and Gil are missing," Audrey informed him their second day in Seoni, just when Chad was about to test the tracking charm he'd put on Jay earlier.
"Motherfuckers," Chad hissed, tossing aside his tablet and marching into his cabin to retrieve the adventuring pack he'd prepped when Jay had missed his first call in. "I fucking knew it. I fucking knew I should have hired a guide."
"It's Jay," Audrey huffed, hiking the pack she'd brought with her in anticipation of Chad's response higher on her shoulder. "He'll do as he does, and only after that leads to catastrophic failure will we be able to bully him into having sense."
"I should break his damn arm for this," Chad muttered, using his phone to text out a plausible cover story for his and Audrey's impromptu trip before activating the shielding charm that would keep them out of sight until they were safely in the jungle.
"Mowgli already called Ben," Audrey informed him as they set off down the path Jay and Gil had been initially slotted to follow, Chad's hummingbirds fluttering ahead of them to get a solid view of potential hazards. He'd acquired the small, autonomous stealth drones years ago, and they'd proven endlessly useful on this trip. "Mal and Uma don't have the strength to teleport directly here on their own, so they'll have to come by boat. That will give us three days to locate these schmucks and get them back to the village before Lady Mal shows up on a rampage."
"Try not to sound bitter," Chad cautioned, consulting with his earpiece and wristwatch to monitor the hummingbirds' output. So far so good.
"Let's just be grateful they can't get a hold of Fairy Godmother's wand," Audrey continued as though she hadn't heard him. "Or else this would be a very different story."
It wasn't an unfair statement. Fairy Godmother's wand was one of the most powerful magical artifacts in all of Auradon for a reason. Which was why it was, on paper, safely back in Sardinia, guarded by layers of paperwork so thick they may as well be air-tight, bundled with an alert system that would update Chad the moment anyone so much as contemplated step one of its removal.
Also, the wand was with Chad, which meant Mal sure as shit couldn't use it.
They passed the rest of the afternoon in silence, Chad waving them off the path sometime in the early evening. He used his tracking skills to follow where Jay and Gil had gone astray, until they landed at an obscure cave entrance just as night was falling upon them.
"Hummingbirds aren't detecting any remnants of heat," Chad said, clicking on his headlamp as they stared into the gloom. "Ten bucks says they explored an unstable part of the cave and fell down somewhere they can't climb out of."
"Not taking that bet," Audrey clipped, turning on her headlamp with a determined flick of her wrist.
With that, they pushed onward.
It took a depressingly short amount of time to find Jay and Gil. They were, as Chad expected, trapped down a hole – the walls too slick for them to be able to freeclimb, which was sort of what their trip had been about.
"Jay?" Chad called, slipping into his concerned dipshit voice. "Gil? Are you guys down there?"
"Chad?" That was Jay's voice, rife with disbelief that was frankly unwarranted. "What are you doing here?"
"We're looking for you, asshole," Audrey shot back, her frustration totally in line with her character. "You fuckers didn't check in – what did you think we were going to do?"
"Hire professionals?" Jay hazarded. And then, "How did you find us?"
"I tracked you?" Chad offered, using his best oblivious tone, because he couldn't say 'with illegal magic' and 'experimental technology'. "I told you I was a hunter, dude. Are you guys okay?"
"Um…" That sounded a lot like a 'no'. "I uh… fucked up my ankle, and Gil got knocked out for a bit but now he's all… weird."
"Probable concussion," Audrey whispered, Chad nodding in agreement as he began unpacking his rock climbing tools.
"Okay, just stay calm," Chad advised as he let the hummingbirds scan for stable rock structures they could anchor into. It seemed like Jay and Gil had found the only weak point, but it never hurt to be careful. "Audrey and I are going to set up a pully, okay? And then I'm gonna repel down and bring you guys up one at a time."
"Maybe you should just call for help?" Jay offered. "I mean, just to play it safe."
"Audrey's doing that now," Chad lied, even though Audrey would be doing that when they were done with the pully system. "And unlike you, we both came prepared."
It wasn't the nicest thing to say, but Gil and Jay had literally gone off the beaten track for no reason other than adventure, so Chad was allowed to be a little bit annoyed.
Jay didn't say anything while Chad and Audrey finished setting up the rope system, and then it was a short matter of Chad harnessing up and strapping his medical bag to his back, sure to secure the extra harnesses until he was repelling down into the darkness.
It was a long drop. Frankly, Chad was impressed Jay was still conscious after falling from such a height.
"Um," Jay said when he saw Chad, likely unprepared for the vision that was survival expert Chadwick James. "…hey, Chad."
"I'm going to check on Gil first," Chad said, bypassing Jay's awkwardness to take in the semi-lucid blond. Jay had Gil's head in his lap, and while he appeared happy, he mostly seemed out of it.
"Chad," the pirate slurred when Chad drew closer. "Hey- hey, Chad. M'head hurts."
"Yeah, buddy," Chad said, feeling at the back of Gil's head carefully and frowning when he discovered a congealing wound. "That's 'cuz you hit it on a rock."
"I did?" Gil said in something like wonder. "How?"
"You fell," Chad said, eyeing the pool of vomit just next to them and hating the situation all over again. "You dizzy?"
"Y-Yeah," Gil slurred. "M'head hurts."
"I'm sure it does," Chad said, shrugging off his bag and grabbing the emergency blanket.
"Do you know what's wrong with him?" Jay asked, his brows pinched with worry. "He keeps repeating stuff."
"Maybe it's because he has such a dumb conversational partner," Chad snapped, easing Gil's head off Jay's thigh and pillowing it with the emergency blanket. "He has to say things multiple times, or else you might not listen."
"Can we not do this now?" Jay groaned, knowing he'd been beat. "Gil's hurt-"
"Gil's going to be fine," Chad hissed, and it would be no thanks to Jay, who boldly led the cheerful pirate off the path and straight into danger and Gil trusted him because Gil trusted everyone. "Which leg is hurt?"
Jay blinked at the abrupt change of subject, but pointed to his left ankle, and Chad took his time to carefully feel at the swollen joint before splinting Jay's foot with a chemically activated cold compress.
"You have any other wounds?" Chad asked, getting out his suture kit because he already knew the answer to that question.
With a look that was almost apologetic, Jay moved his arm closer Chad, revealing a deep gash on his bicep.
Stupid fucker couldn't even wear shirts with sleeves.
"Audrey?" Chad called up while he started disinfecting the cut. "What's the ETA on a med-evac?"
"Closest clearing is four hours away," Audrey responded. "They can Humvee there, but if we wait, it's going to be up to ten hours before we get Gil to a hospital."
"And it's nighttime," Chad grumbled. "So it'll take even longer."
"How bad is it?" Audrey called.
"Start assembling the stretcher," Chad shot back, letting the words speak for themselves. "I'm gonna finish up with Jay and then we'll move on to Gil."
Who under normal conditions shouldn't be moved, but like shit was Chad going to let that little ray of sunshine rot at the bottom of a cave all night because of Jay's dumb decisions.
"Here," Chad continued, thrusting a water bottle and a couple of granola bars into Jay's lap to cover up the sound of Audrey cursing above them. "You need to hydrate."
"You are very prepared," Jay said as he ripped into the granola bars with his teeth, watching Chad pat the gash dry before he readied his medical needle and thread. "Um- should you really be doing that?"
"I'm trained in first aid, asshole," Chad grumbled. "I wouldn't actually try this if I didn't know what I was doing."
Jay had the decency to look ashamed. "Sorry. Just- I didn't expect you to know this."
"Why?" Chad countered. "It's useful information. Especially if I'm following around an explorer with no sense of self-preservation."
"Chad," Jay sighed.
"You two have been missing a full day," Chad shot back, and he knew he hadn't made an effort to contain his anger, but at that point, he could really feel the frustration build. "Do you know how long you would have been stuck down here if I wasn't good at tracking? Do you know how long it would take Mal to get here so she could magically track you or whatever? It's like, four days – that's four days of Gil's injuries getting worse because you are so determined to explore the unknown that you don't give a shit about the people you were leaving behind!"
The words echoed through the cave with an intense fury, making them seem more vicious than Chad intended. Jay stared at him with wide eyes, finally realizing the root of Chad's annoyance – maybe, probably not, because who thought that Chad was capable of feelings?
Chad held onto Jay's surprise until Gil whimpered, making his anger deflate almost immediately.
"Sorry, Gil," Chad murmured, petting the blond's head with his free hand. "I'll keep my voice down. Sorry."
"Chad?" Gil gasped, seeming surprised. "Hey, Chad."
The prince's stomach sank. "…hey, Gil."
Chad really hated the world, sometimes.
He got Jay fed, hydrated, and sewn up in short order. It took longer to convince the other teen to put on a harness and go up the rope, the explorer not wanting to leave Gil and Chad behind, but Chad won by way of being the big damn hero in this story, so Jay left with his tail between his legs, being replaced by the stretcher Audrey sent down next.
When it was just the two of them, Chad took a moment to do some magic cheating, pulling out Fairy Godmother's wand and healing the wound on Gil's head enough so it would be safe to move him. He knew they were going to get shit for shifting Gil from his initial position after suffering a concussion, but Chad sure as fuck wasn't leaving him down a hole.
Jay and Audrey worked together to pull both Chad and Gil up from their damn nook once Chad got Gil strapped into the stretcher, and by the time it was around one in the morning, they were all safely in the stable part of the cave.
"Med team's going to meet us in the clearing," Audrey said, tucking away her satellite phone with a decisive look. "If we start walking now, we can get him in the hospital by morning."
"Um… it's nighttime," Jay said, as though he had any right to speak while Chad collected the rock climbing supplies. "We can't traverse the jungle at night."
"We can for Gil," Chad said, passing Jay one of his spare headlamps. "Put this on. Audrey, do you-?"
"Got it," Audrey said, unfolding the collapsible crutch and adjusting it to Jay's height. "Here," she said, passing it over to the Agraben teen.
Jay just sort of stared at it. "I won't be able to carry Gil with this."
"You're not carrying shit, asshole," Audrey snapped, and then she moved on, helping Chad re-pack all the ropes until they were ready to go again. "Here," she said, passing Jay her stun gun while Chad shouldered both Jay and Gil's packs. "If you see something fishy, hit it with this."
"You two are not carrying Gil," Jay said dumbly, just as Chad and Audrey prepped to pick up the stretcher.
"Fucking watch me," Audrey snapped, and then she demonstrated what years of CrossFit training and pent-up rage did to a person. Audrey might be tiny, but she was mighty, and in addition to that, she still had some leftover force powers from Maleficent's scepter, which meant she was more than able to handle her end of the stretcher.
Chad mostly relied on good old-fashioned strength for his end, but that was fine, the important part was taking care of Gil.
The four-hour walk through the jungle was more like six hours, between their need to cater to Jay's diminished speed and their own encumbrance, and by the time they made it to the indicated clearing, Chad was fucking exhausted.
"Possible concussion," Chad said as the med team relieved them of the stretcher. "Slurred speech, vomiting, perseverating – light laceration on the back of his head-"
"Thanks, Prince Chadwick," the medic said with a light accent. "We'll take it from here."
"Of course," Chad said, stepping back with bored grace because he was supposed to be dumb and of course Jay couldn't have done this in a city where Chad had one of the doctors on his payroll.
Audrey rode back in Gil's Humvee by measure of stubbornly marching after him and ignoring anyone that might have told her to leave. It left Chad riding with Jay, climbing into the car after he'd retrieved his cloaked hummingbirds.
Chad hated this. He hated that they were injured, hated that he cared, hated that he hadn't been able to clear these cars as much as he would have liked (though the birds had confirmed that they weren't trapped, and verified the medteam's positions in Mowgli's village). Still, the entire thing was a useless risk, and it made him angry.
"Hey," Jay murmured, his voice just loud enough to be heard over the rumbling car. "I'm really sorry, okay? I thought- I dunno what I thought. It was almost like I could feel something calling to my magic there, but when we got to the cave, it was gone and…" He sighed. "I didn't mean to put Gil at risk."
Chad waited a moment, forced himself to exhale through his nose. By the sound of it, Jay had been lured into a trap by something that knew him well enough to realize he was trying to access his sorcerer roots. That in itself was worrying, but Chad needed to focus on the more immediate concerns first.
"…and yourself," Chad prompted, steadily not looking at Jay.
Still, he could see the other teen straighten in his peripherals. "What?"
"You put yourself at risk too, idiot," Chad grumbled. "You could have both been killed," he said, allowing himself to imagine what it would be like were Doug in their position, and feeling appropriately horrified. "…what am I supposed to do, if you get yourself killed?"
For a long moment, Jay didn't say anything.
Chad didn't expect him to. It was a heavy subject, broached after a very exhaustive period of his life. The words were something for him to stew over later, something to make him think-
Chad felt rough fingers brush against his own, and when he looked down, it was to see Jay's hand covering his pale fingers, the other teen giving them a tentative squeeze.
Slowly, without daring to breathe, Chad turned his hand, watching as Jay laced their fingers together properly.
It didn't count, not really. No one could see it from this angle. It wasn't like Jay was publicly claiming him, but-
It was something.
Chad squeezed his fingers, not daring to look up.
Jay squeezed back.
That… that was something. Chad knew that was something.
"I'm sorry," Jay repeated, voice low enough so that the words were for Chad alone.
Chad swallowed. "Please don't do it again."
"I won't," Jay pledged, and for whatever reason, Chad was pretty sure he wasn't lying.
-:-:-:-:-:-
As soon as they got to what passed for a hospital in Mowgli's Village, Chad gave Jay's hand one last squeeze before cutting an immediate path to Audrey. He pulled the princess' arm around his shoulder as soon as he found her, and she followed his cue without question, going from determined adventure woman to exhausted hero in under a second. Just like that – Jay, Gil, and Audrey were checked into different rooms for treatment, all of them given IVs to counteract their dehydration while Jay and Gil were taken in for X-Rays. Chad waited for them to finish treating Audrey's hands, which were covered in blisters, allowing his own to be treated, until it was finally just the two of them, Chad requesting that the med team focus on the others for the rest of the night.
"What?" Audrey hissed when Chad closed the door behind him, dimming the lights to give the illusion of sleep. "What did he say to you?"
"Something lured Jay there," Chad said. "Something that likely wanted to keep him and Gil as hostages."
"Someone with magic?" Audrey asked, watching as Chad set off his hummingbirds to act as guards for the three bedbound teens.
"That's my guess," Chad confirmed, riffling through his pack until he had his more condensed hunting knapsack fixed to his back. He activated the holoprojector for the hummingbird that was staying with Audrey, watching as a tired version of himself appeared slouched in her visitors' chair. "You're going to be my alibi while I go deal with it."
"This is bullshit," Audrey hissed once she realized what was going on. "You shouldn't go out there alone, I don't care how fucking good you've gotten with that wand."
"Someone has to stay here," Chad replied evenly, knowing that in time she would realize his words were true. "You need to call the others – I'm sure they're worried. Don't let your hands show on screen-"
"Thanks, I'm not stupid," she spat, leaving the ringing indication that Chad was, in fact, quite stupid himself.
"What you're doing here is vital," Chad said, crossing to the window and preparing to activate his cloaking charm. "Keep them busy-"
"Don't die," Audrey hissed. "I swear Chad, if you die-"
"I won't," Chad huffed. "Because I am not Jay."
With that, Chad left, safely hidden in the confines of his charm as he retrieved Fairy Godmother's wand and pushed out into the jungle once more.
Now that Chad knew what he was looking for, now that he was traveling alone, he could cheat a little bit, extending his senses to the earth below him until he found traces of the disturbance that could have led Jay off the path the first time.
It didn't take long, but then again, Chad was using one of the most powerful magical artifacts of all time. Being able to flash teleport while simultaneously tracking his quarry significantly cut down on his search time.
He found the old woman not far from the cave – a decrepit and withered thing, dozing against the base of a tree. Her clothes had once been that of royalty, Chad could tell that much by their make and quality, but she had long since fallen from that position. A newly released villain, perhaps? Though she didn't fit any of the descriptions Chad knew.
He shook his head. Now was not the time to dawdle, this woman had tried to kidnap two prominent representatives of the Isle refugee movement, she needed to be dealt with.
He used the wand to disguise his voice but kept his cloaking charm activated, making it so she would hear him, but not see him.
"Wake up," he hissed, allowing the magic to curl his words into a low growl. "And tell me who would dare attack Jadir of Agrabah and Gilbert LeGume."
The woman shook from her sleep with a start, her efforts trapping Jay likely taking most of her energy. She looked around the clearing with a scowl, though that eventually shifted into a light smile.
"Am I to be graced by the presence of Mal Bertha herself?" the woman cackled, slowly leveraging to her feet. Each movement seemed painful, prolonged, but Chad didn't allow his guard to drop for a second. This woman was dangerous. "I assume the boys are free then?"
"You trapped them." It wasn't a question. "Why?"
"I suppose if anyone would understand, it's you," the woman admitted with a scornful look. "I am Shuriki, your grace – the sorceress. Years ago my wand was stolen from me, claimed by those who detest magic in Central Auradon. I wish to have it back."
"And you were to bargain their lives for your wand?"
"They were never in any real danger," Shuriki lied. "Though I suppose if you found me, you must have found them as well." She let out a wistful sigh. "I suppose you'll arrest me now. That is the new, kinder way of doing things, isn't it?"
"Not quite," Chad said, dropping into his normal voice.
There was a moment of surprise, and then it was over.
Chad was, after all, far from kind.
-:-:-:-:-:-
He climbed back into Audrey's hospital room just as the sun's rays were peaking over the horizon and replaced his holographic projection just in time to receive an update from the doctor as to the others' conditions.
Gil did have a concussion, but not a severe one (thanks, magic cheating). He'd broken a finger and bruised his ribs in the fall, but he was otherwise fine.
Jay, on the other hand, had managed to fracture his ankle, and the prescribed six weeks of limited mobility was already making him moan and groan. He had already been thoroughly chewed out by his friends over both phone and webchat (Audrey had arranged for it), and now he was a pitiful excuse of poor choices sharing a room with Gil, which wasn't great for Chad and Audrey's plan, but at least they'd be able to keep each other company.
"So," Audrey hissed after she'd given her report. "Who was it?"
"Shuriki of Avalor," Chad replied. "Who is now Shuriki of nothing."
"As it should be," Audrey hummed. "You leave with no regrets?"
"None," Chad confirmed, replying in code.
He hadn't used Fairy Godmother's wand to do the deed because that seemed like a perversion of something beautiful and light, but he had ensured Shuriki would no longer be a problem for them. He'd disintegrated her body with acid, then used the wand to regrow the grass that had wilted away under its effects until there was no visible evidence of what had occurred.
"Good," Audrey said, her voice hard but approving.
The Aurorian teen knew full well Chad didn't leave any assassins behind, not for him, not for anyone else. Those were the rules of the game.
"The others should be here sometime tomorrow," Chad said, squeezing Audrey's hand. "We should get cleaned up and go keep Jay and Gil company. I can um… make an appearance with the foundation-"
"We already did that," Audrey said, waving him off. "This is more important, anyway."
"Yeah," Chad breathed. "It is."
And that was the last they said of it. They waited until Audrey was discharged before they went back to the boat, showering and changing clothes before they packed a quick bag for Jay and Gil, making sure to grab some of their favorite snacks and books before they returned to the makeshift hospital.
By the time they returned, Gil was back to his usual self, staring at his finger splint in something close to wonder.
"Miss Princess!" he cheered upon seeing Audrey. "And Mr. Prince! Thanks for saving us."
"It's our pleasure, Gil," Chad sighed, watching as Audrey wasted no time in claiming the chair by Gil's bed. "We brought you guys some stuff."
"Did you bring snacks?" Jay asked somewhat pitifully. "They keep giving us healthy stuff."
Chad gave him an unimpressed look, though this was somewhat hampered by the bag of chips he passed over to the Agraben teen. "You are lucky we like you."
"Yeah, we really are," Jay said without a hint of irony.
It was sort of gross.
Part of Chad found that he liked it anyway.
For lack of anything else to do, Chad settled in the chair by Jay's bed, fumbling for his phone. He needed to do something to stay awake, because those hours of traipsing through the jungle were finally starting to catch up with him. He found himself swaying in his chair without really meaning to, his head jerking every time he found himself almost dozing off.
"Hey," Jay said about the fifth time this happened. "Are you alright?"
"Couldn't um- sleep," Chad replied somewhat honestly. "This was stressful."
Jay took in the news with a look of concern, which was good for Chad's long-term plans, but in the immediate moment sort of overwhelming for his dumb brain.
"Here," Jay said, scooting to the side of his hospital bed. "Come lie down."
Chad looked at the narrow space. "Jay, we are two normal-sized humans. We can't both fit."
For whatever reason, that made a blush color Jay's cheeks, like maybe he was embarrassed or something. "We will if you don't mind cuddling. Just- come on, you did a lot for me. The least I can do is share my bed."
Chad looked at him, and then – when his exhausted brain could fathom nothing, he looked to Audrey, who motioned him on with a roll of her eyes.
Okay then.
"Wake me up if I snore," Chad said as he climbed onto the bed somewhat clumsily. This wasn't how he'd envisioned first doing this – that dream had always been reserved for Doug, but since that wasn't happening anytime soon, Chad tried to appreciate the warm feel of Jay's chest beneath his cheek while Chad curled against him, conscious of the other teen's lingering wounds.
"I will," Jay promised, running a hand through Chad's curls, and Chad had just enough time to wonder what he was talking about before the darkness finally claimed him.
-:-:-:-:-:-
Chad woke in gradual stages, sort of drifting to coherence with a comfort that was only emulated when Audrey was free to a bed with him, only Audrey wasn't this big so Chad was definitely cuddling up to someone else, only who the hell else would he trust enough to pass out on?
That was enough to stir him into firm consciousness, the blond stubbornly pressing his eyes open until he was squinting against the bright light, trying to remember what had brought him here. This wasn't Sardinia or the ship, it was-
Jay. Hospital. The dead sorceress, right.
It came back to him in a flood, and when Chad managed to collect himself, he realized he was sitting up beside Jay who was watching him with a concerned look, and also there was Ben.
Ben.
Ben was there, in the chair Chad had originally been sitting in.
Just… the king of Auradon right there.
"Don't you have a festival you're supposed to be presiding over?" Chad asked somewhat hopelessly. Maybe he was hallucinating. His brain liked to hallucinate Ben at inconvenient moments, as though some childish part of Chad believed that the king was such a manifestation of good that he could protect Chad from the cruelties of the world.
Which, he couldn't. The only one who was going to protect Chad was himself. And, on odd occasions, Audrey. But that was it.
Ben gave Chad a look of what was probably equal confusion. "I bowed out due to a family emergency," he said, which was just a Ben thing to do.
Chad only wished he'd be able to make such excuses and have people actually accept them as reasonable instead of demanding his blood in recompense.
"Chad!" Gil chirped from the other bed, one of his workbooks splayed across his lap. "You're awake!"
Harry Hook was sitting in the chair Audrey had been occupying earlier, and Carlos – Chad realized belatedly – was curled up under the window that was situated between both beds, a position that allowed him to keep an eye on both injured teenagers.
"Yep," Chad said, rubbing at his eyes in that dumb way of his. "Where's Audrey?"
"Mal's talking to her," Jay said. "With Evie and Uma."
It took a moment for the words to sink in, and then Chad was staring at Ben. "And you let this happen?"
Ben had the audacity to look pained. "Chad, they're not going to attack her-"
"That is exactly what they're going to do, you optimistic asshole," Chad snapped, scrambling off the bed and almost faceplanting when his legs struggled to hold his weight. Wow, okay – so it looked like emergency rapid usage of high-level spells really took a lot out of him. Good to know.
"Chad." Ben was right there, catching Chad by his elbows like the regal, noble person he was. "I promise everything will be fine, just sit down."
"Ben, I'm gonna give you three seconds to get out of my way, and then I'm gonna punch you in the damn nose," Chad said, and while it was highly likely he wouldn't be able to connect that hit, Chad had every intention of lying and punching Ben in the gut instead. "One-"
Startled, Ben stepped out of the way with a wide-eyed look.
Cool, looked like threatening the king was still a viable option for stupid people like Chad. Great to know.
He pushed himself forward before he could register how much his body protested the action and moved out of the room, ignoring the various looks he was getting from Jay's other beaus. He followed the sounds of anger until he found the three Isle teens facing off against Audrey, who stood tall and true as she'd been trained too, even if Chad could tell she was wavering under the weight of their combined onslaught.
"And what?" Uma was saying. "You're helping Gil with his homework too?"
"It all just seems a little convenient, don't you think?" Mal was saying, Evie an expressionless sentry beside her. "Jay and Gil get trapped in some unknown cave and you and Chad, of all people, swoop in to rescue them, becoming heroes. You and Chad manage to carry them to safety while we are stuck half a world away-"
"Are you suggesting that I planned this?" Audrey spat, her shoulders wrought with tension. "That I put Jay and Gil at risk-"
"Don't pretend you give a shit about Gil and Jay," Mal snapped. "The only thing you want is to get back into Ben's good graces. So you can cut this act-"
"Hey," Chad said, a little louder than he anticipated, but at least it was effective, the word managing to capture the attention of the four angry females. "Have you ever thought that just- maybe people are capable of feeling guilty about the bad shit they've done? Has that even crossed your mind? Have you ever thought that someone besides you is capable of feeling remorse for their past actions? Because Audrey isn't the only person in here that's made mistakes. If I recall correctly, at least two of you have enchanted Ben against his will."
At that, Mal and Uma had the good sense to look guilty while Evie remained unreadable, but Chad didn't really care about her all that much.
"Audrey did a bad thing," Chad said, because that much was undeniable. "She had a weak moment, and allowed herself to be swayed by your mom's scepter. Surprisingly enough, she feels bad about that. So yeah, you don't corner the market on being nice to people. If Audrey wants to try and be a better person, that's her damn prerogative, you mother…"
There was more to his rant, but Chad sort of lost the thread to things when he started to sway, almost flinching when an arm settled around his shoulders.
Oh, it was Ben. Ben had followed him.
"Chad?' he said, his voice seeming to come from a distance. "Are you okay?"
"Um…" His head felt kind of foggy. He wondered how long he'd been sleeping. "I um… might have forgotten to eat. Or. Hydrate."
Those were important things, he was pretty sure, with high magic usage. Sort of like donating blood, except you were donating energy, and Chad had forgotten to replenish that until this very moment.
"Chad?" Audrey said, her expression shifting into one of concern. "Chad!"
He blacked out again.
This time with significantly less grace.
-:-:-:-:-:-
The next time Chad awoke, it felt like his head was full of cotton, and he was reclining in a bed that was definitely not his own, because he would have had way more weapons hidden under the sheets.
"Chad," a warm weight against his chest murmured. "You'd better not leave me, you piece of shit."
Ah, it was Audrey. Chad immediately found himself relaxing.
"I won't," he promised. "It's going to take something much stupider to make me die. Like, I'll stub my toe and get an infection or something."
"Don't joke," Audrey said, tightening her grip around him. "I can't- I don't want to do this without you."
Chad understood, intimately, how she felt. "I know," he whispered, squeezing her close. "Likewise."
"Then take better care of yourself, you asshole," Audrey huffed, shooting him an unimpressed look. "You forgot to hydrate?"
"I've been- it's been busy."
"I fucking know it," Audrey hissed, and it was then that Chad realized that the princess must have scored him a private room, since it was just the two of them. "They keep just- being everywhere. Looking at me like I'm still…"
The fucking Queen of Mean.
She didn't have to say it, but Chad knew.
"I'm sorry," Chad said, knowing they were putting on a show to some degree. There were enough magic users and Carlos, to cover potential eavesdropping handily. Chad still had his earpiece tucked in, and his hummingbirds were scanning for bugs now.
"It's stupid," Audrey murmured. "Maybe this whole thing is stupid."
"It's not stupid to try and make up for what you've done."
"They just think I'm doing it to get out of house arrest."
"Maybe," Chad said. "But at least this way you're actually doing something useful. Fuck what they think."
"Jay and Gil care what they think," Audrey noted, pointedly without inflection. "Was it stupid to think that we were friends?"
"You are friends," Chad insisted. "Look, I'm not the smartest guy, but I'm pretty sure Jay wouldn't put up with anyone if he didn't want to."
"I don't know how you can be so chill about this," Audrey said, playing up her pout.
"That's mostly exhaustion," Chad said, earning an annoyed look from the princess.
"They don't think we're capable of saving people," Audrey elaborated. "Like we're some kind of jokes."
Chad shrugged. "They don't know that my dad took me hunting," he lied. "How would they? I never talked about it. And you never talked about your excursions to the Moors. It isn't unreasonable- well, I mean, it is sort of awful that they'd think we'd do this. Honestly, it seems like a lot of effort. If I was going to be a hero, I'd like, slay a dragon or something. Or maybe not a dragon, since Mal turns into those. A tiny dragon? Do they have those?"
"I think Auradon might be fresh out," Audrey hummed, seeming amused. "Thebes has some Hydras though."
"Eh." Chad cringed. "Think I'll leave that to King Hercules."
"Awfully kind of you."
"I am a generous hero," Chad sniffed.
They waited a moment, and then they started laughing somewhat hopelessly.
"Hey," Chad said when their giggles died down. "No matter what happens, I'll always be your bro, okay?"
"I know," Audrey hummed. "You volunteered to be my henchman when I went scepter crazy."
"I was really hoping I could talk you down," Chad sighed. "Man, did that not go well."
Audrey made a face, likely remembering all the um- less pleasant sessions where she tested out her new powers on Chad. "Sorry about that."
"You don't have to apologize," Chad said. "And even if you did, I've already forgiven you. Bam. Done. We are bros once more."
"Thanks," Audrey said, hugging him close. "I'm glad you're my friend."
"Bros before hoes," Chad solemnly promised, earning a smack up the side of his head, even though that was definitely endearing.
Audrey didn't necessarily disagree, but there was only so much liberty she could allow Dumb Chad, and he'd reached his limit.
"Go back to sleep," Audrey cautioned. "We're heading out tomorrow, when Gil's back on his feet. Uma wanted to recall him from the trip altogether, or leave Harry with us, but they've all got duties back in Central Auradon, so…"
"So we're back to party bus," Chad drawled. "Charity party bus. Now with significantly more hospital stays."
"Honestly, I'm surprised we've lasted this long, given Jay's track record."
"Yeah," Chad sighed. "We should get that dude a helmet."
"And cover his hair?" Audrey gasped, doing her best impersonation of Jay, and then they fell into helpless giggles all over again.
Man, Chad had forgotten how much fun it was to improv with Audrey. She really was the best.
"You're right," Chad giggled. "What was I thinking?"
"Your exhaustion excuses you," Audrey offered sagely. "Now go back to sleep."
"Yes, Audrey," Chad hummed, letting his eyes drift shut because he knew Audrey would take care of him, because he knew deep down that everything would be okay.
At least for the moment.
-:-:-:-:-:-
Endnotes:
Shoutout to GoddessMillenia for letting me know that the Jungle Book is based on the Pench area in Seoni, India. That's why for lack of anything else, I named the village Seoni. Hooray, laziness!
Additional shout out to that sweet accidental 'Rum Tum Tugger' reference, and also google for the symptoms of a concussion, which if you see someone who has one as severe as Gil, don't move them. In case you were wondering, perseverating just means 'repeating yourself'.
Shuriki is from the Disney Junior show 'Sophia the First' and 'Elena of Avalor'. The version of Shuriki I'm using for this story is after her initial defeat, though she does technically show up again later in Elena of Avalor.
Until next time :)