A/N- So this is officially my longest story for anything written for adults. Yeyyyyy.
Please bare with me because I haven't even scratched the surface of where I want to go with this.
Thank You so much for the reviews and story follows.
It really does mean the world to me :)
Any grammar/spelling mistakes, typos or anything else that isn't correct, I'm Sorry :(
I'm not a writer but I love getting the stories in my head into words and want to improve, This is all practice, practice, practice.
Massive thanks to Jess who has given me nothing but positive encouragement and really helped me focus in on this.
PS- She also listened (quite literally) to me moan and winge repeatedly and with an accent like mine, it's not as easy on the ears. So Big Love Jess.
It had been three days since brunch with Edgar, the decision to turn down the 3rd glass of champagne was not because she wasn't enjoying her date but simply because they had met at 1030am and she later needed to get Noah from school. Afterall she didn't want his teacher to see her overdressed and slightly intoxicated on two/five of her pick up occasions this week. The date had gone well and she once again found herself enjoying his company, he was sweet, kind and was just as interested in hearing about her life as much as he liked to shower her with continuous compliments. There was just something niggling away at her.
The last interaction she had with Elliot, had started to chip away at opening the seal of the tightly locked 'Elliot box' she held inside of her. Olivia still wasn't ready to deal with that rollercoaster just yet and it wasn't fair to have been distracted thinking about her ex-partner, on a date, with Edgar, whilst drinking champagne and engaging in consistent flirtation.
Next time she would do better, she would pay more attention to Edgar, Elliot was out of town for a couple of weeks and that would give her some time to start sealing up that box again.
"Liv, we all done for the day, you leaving soon?"
Amanda calling out Captain or Liv was largely dependent on what she was due to discuss, it was reassuring to Olivia to know she was able to have a professional but also friendly relationship with her team.
"We sure are, yes I'm just about to pack up. Do you have any plans this evening?" Olivia knew the answer to her question already, she overheard Sonny earlier in the day saying he would pick up dinner ingredients and be round by 8.
"Yeah, Carsisi is coming to make spaghetti for us. The girls prefer his cooking and I'm not up to much so it works well. What about you Liv?...i er, I kind of get the feeling you've been seeing someone?" Closing the door to the Captain's office, Amanda takes it upon herself to take a seat
"Well, I wouldn't say seeing someone but i've been spending a bit more time with a certain someone" Olivia takes her glasses from her face and places them on top of her head, packing her things away, she has the hope its passes over the subtle hint to Amanda that, this conversation is over
"Yeah, see Liv, you know, I love you right and I've always got your back but i'm just worried about you."
"Amanda, I appreciate that. I'm ok, there's honestly no need to worry."
"Liv, i just, I was there, I was first one in when your old partner left and you, well you weren't ok"
"Amanda honestly, I am ok. I have to leave as I'm hoping to make Noah's bedtime but Thank You."
"Ok, well you know where I am"
"Have a nice evening Amanda, see you tomorrow."
Five days since she had heard from Edgar and five days to over analysis every move that was made on that last date, she had almost given up and thought it was time to draw a line under this when finally a late text message came through
Hi Olivia,
Sorry I've been wrapped up in a case at work
How are you? I really enjoyed our brunch. Can you meet me tomorrow?
The text brought with it a sense of relief, she wasn't yet quite ready to give up on her romance with Edgar and if she was honest with herself, over the last 5 days she had missed the additional attention.
Hi Edgar,
I can meet for an hour or so tomorrow afternoon, I'm working so no champagne this time (winky face)
The most sensible decision was to take a quick break and meet in the park for coffee. Spring was always Olivia's favourite time of year, the flowers were just beginning to give off that freshly sprung smell, the trees were sprayed with the eye catching multi colour of leaves and people passing by were all in good spirits, warmer weather had a tendency to do that. It made a change from the hustle and bustle of the winter city where individuals pushed past you eagerly to reach their destination and get out of the cold.
"I'm sorry Olivia, I really enjoyed our brunch, how have you been"
Dropping a gentle elbow nudge into the side of Olivia, Edgar grinned, if his plan was to lighten the mood from the lack of contact over the last few days it certainly worked.
"I've been good, Work has also been busy and Noah is just full of it at the moment, he takes up alot of time, as you know" the smirk to her face and awkward-ness in her voice faintly providing a gentle reminder to their last evening together.
Their conversation carried on into the daily ongoings of one another lives, work related shop talk (allowed conversations with outside parties only) and more playful banter.
"Sorry if you'll just bare with me Olivia"
"Yes, of course"
Olivia ignored that this was the third phone call he'd taken during their date and about the 100th time he had looked at his phone.
"Olivia, sorry about that, where were we?"
"I think you were just about to ask me something?"
"Yes, I have an event with work next Friday- a mixture of colleagues and clients. Black tie. I was hoping you would join me?"
His smile radiated through her and as he spoke he had gently placed his hand into hers stroking his thumb across the palm of her hand. The sensitivity causing Olivia to smile, yes, she had been irritated that he wasn't quite as present as she would have expected him to have been during their date, but who was she to speak, their first two dates had been overshadowed by the sudden arrival of someone she may or may not have feelings for.
"Wow, Edgar..that sounds great, I suppose I could do, I'm sorry i er... I mean I would like to. wow ok..let me try this again…..I would love to go to your black tie event with you, I'm not entirely sure on what I have to wear but yes I'd love to"
"Anything at all, you know you look amazing in anything you wear and I would just be honoured if you would be my date, having a beautiful woman like you by my side, well it speaks for itself" Side stepping the uncomfortable but kinda cute response he had received, he knew presenting her with an accolade, relaxed her nerves.
"Noah is actually away on his school field trip that weekend again, so round 2? "
Falling over her own words….again, she makes a quick add-on to her sentence
"Round 2 for the date I mean, the evening and dinner, not the after…not that the after was, you know what…...it's actually perfect timing, will I meet you there?"
"Of course not, I will pick you up, hopefully I can greet you at the front this time? preferably alone?"
He gripped her hand, playfully squeezing it slightly. Her reciprocating squeeze back proved to him she was able to be 'read the room' and realise his comment was more of a light hearted observation than a 'dig' It was refreshing to be able to joke about the incident and 'get the Elliot out of the room'
The on going vibrations from Edgars phone continued to remove his attention from their conversation
"I'm sorry Olivia, I really am but I need to cut this short. I'll text you about Friday?"
the hand which is free of her grip, reaching around her waist and pulling her forward into his space.
Olivia can almost taste the sweetness of his vanilla macchiato on her lips as he closes his own onto her mouth. Loosing the grip he has on his hand he draws it up, slowly caressing her cheek, the softness of his touch only adds to the intensity of his feel and her body responds by drawing herself into his, before becoming aware of her surroundings and pulling back and stroking down his arm.
"I'll see you Friday'' she friskeley pulls away from him as she walks off through the park. If he can play coy with his phone the whole date, she can walk away from him, back turned with nothing but a goodbye smirk over her shoulder.
"Mom, yeyyy- I'm so pleased you came to pick me up from school, I missed you so much!"
Nothing beats those rare occasions where a case wraps up and she can leave for the day early. Noah was used to being with Lucy, he loved her and really enjoyed his time with her but ultimately she wasn't his mother and Olivia was painfully well aware of how reliant she was on the nanny. The simple solstice that she got from not being around him as much was that he understood her position, her role and that she needed to be away for long periods at times to catch the bad guys. It was a conversation she regularly liked to have, it was a priority that Noah always knew, he came first, always.
"Mommy, why did you decide to become a police lady?
The question came as a bit of a surprise because although they were used to having the discussion, he had never seemed to really take his own interest.
"Well sweet boy, Mommy wanted to help people and to stop bad guys from being able to hurt anybody else"
"Jamie at school says being a cop is a really dangerous job, his dad said he doesn't know why my mom would want to do something like this when i don't have a daddy to look after me if something bad happens"
"Oh, Jamie's dad did, did he?" Olivia makes a mental note to catch up with Jamie's parents and remind them of the subtlety of keeping their 'grown up' conversations away from the prying ears and eyes of little children.
"Is he right Mom, is it dangerous because i don't wanna be alone if something happens to you."
"No sweetheart, Mommy is perfectly safe..that's why we have Uncle Fin, Auntie Amanda, Uncle Carisi and Kat. We all look out for each other baby, so, really there's no need for you to worry."
It was so simple and easy to reassure a child, at the end of the day, at this age they trust and believe everything their parents say to them. absorbent like little sponges. What wasn't simple or easy was the ability to reassure herself.
Noah's bedtime routine was fully accomplished, bath, story, light out, I love you then sleep. A glass of wine to wind down for bed was in order because after the contemplations she had been given earlier, it was needed.
Olivia knew what she had said to Noah earlier was a lie, of course he would get to an age where he would know the truth about her, about the characters she hunts down, interrogates and puts behind bars, he would learn all about the especially heinous crimes these individuals carry out. But above all that, the most frightening of all, is that it would come to a time when Noah would be old enough to search the internet and all he would need to do is to type Olivia Benson into a google search and there it is, the whole ugly, unfiltered, unadulterated truth. Texts, court scripts and newspaper articles a child should never have to read about their mother. She had spent more time than she cared to admit worrying about that, how would she explain the things that happened to her? the things that he did to her, she hadn't really told anyone, except those who needed to know for the trial all the sordid details, not even Brian although that was detabable as to whether she would actually be able to tell him anything, without him freaking and running a mile or doing something implorably stupid. Then again that was on the basis that he would have been able to have made her feel comfortable enough to be able to discuss anything with him because despite her constant reassurances that she 'was fine' he just never stopped asking, he wanted to know everything regardless as to whether or not she was able to relay those personal intimate details to someone she shared a bed with, he never gave up and he didn't respect her privacy on the matter.
Elliot would have respected her, past actions prove as much. Sealview must have killed him, she knew that, she knew how much it was hurting him to not know the extent as to what happened in that prison, he'd asked Fin, who also respected her privacy and assured him that if she wanted him to know then she would know. Being in the dark was destroying Elliot but it would have tore him down even more if she'd shared the information, and worse, shared it when she didn't feel comfortable to do so. He got that about her, he got her.
He knew almost everything she was feeling all of the time and he had her back always.
This flashback trail down memory lane she's got herself into really requires more wine , heading into her kitchen she's reminding herself of the time Elliot added a significant amount of additional distance onto his work commute to come check in on her and tell her to get into bed although not in the way she had hoped, she remembered the 'blink your lights when you get in', the 'you'd make a great mom, Liv', the 'I'd give you a kidney, not if I gave you mine first', the 'this is my wife Olivia'
and she's spiralling, she's tipsy and she's throwing out of the box all the happy memories she had locked and sealed away. The goose bumps are spreading across her skin and she knows she's smiling because subconsciously her mind has picked these specific memories so that she will reach out and text him to finally address all of this inner turmoil that's been battling on inside of her since his return.
Not another moment's thought needed, she picks up her phone and types out a long overdue message to Elliot
You're right, we do need to talk about this, about us.
There's too much gone on between us to not chat El, I just needed some time
She hovered her thumb over the send button before finally hitting it and quickly putting her phone down. If this was a mistake then it sure was too late now. The plan was to take herself off to bed so that she wouldn't wait up all night checking her phone for a read receipt or a response, but clearly the powers that be, had other plans...
Liv, I thought you'd never ask (winking emoji)
Well if i'm behind with the times of emoji text chatter then so is he, she ponders to herself before carrying on reading the text message
I'm back on Friday evening, I can come over then?
Or we can go out? grab a beer somewhere?
"Shit" she couldn't help but say out loud, typically she has no plans for years and now she has both Edgar and Elliot both wanting to see her on the same night.
I actually have plans Friday evening El.
What about Saturday?
It was a good job Noah's trip had been rescheduled because she was clearly going to have a very busy weekend.
-Phone vibrating-
Plans huh?
With the guy from the other week?
How about we meet for breakfast, I'll pick you up at 7am?
7am! 7am Elliot Stabler you'll never change. This was an old tactic El had used whenever she was on a planned date, the evening before. In her mind, it was crystal clear, he picked her up bright and early in the hopes that she wouldn't get carried away and spend the night somewhere other than her apartment, of course he had no right, being a married father of 4 but that never stopped him then and here it was again. Well played Stabler, well played.
Yes El, thats fine.
I'll see you then
The sudden change in direction as to how she thought the evening was going to go had taken an abrupt turn, if she was going to drink wine and drunk text someone well then it maybe should have been Edgar to have been on the receiving end. Making a swift bee-line for her bed she thinks she must reach out and text him first, after all she did walk away smug from the park, controlling the ball in her own court.
Thinking about you, looking forward to Friday
She did consider telling Edgar that she had made plans with Elliot the morning after the black tie event, just to give some clear transparency to their situation but eventually she had decided against it. She and Edgar were not officially dating and after all she didn't even know what her plans with Elliot actually entailed or what was even going on.
What was she going to say?
Hi Edgar, im meeting Elliot for coffee the morning after our date, you know Elliot, the guy whos my ex partner, ex best friend, ex soul mate, the person I one day held hope to that, I would be together with, grow old with and hopefully raise my own family with but then he abruptly departed without a word and broke my heart so much that I had to lock all my feelings away and not deal with them because I needed to move forward with my life and find happiness?
Yeah no best not message that, it's too messy.
Noah was off on his trip and Olivia had the Friday off work. Perfectly planned to give herself a bit of a shopping trip and a jaunt to the salon. New dress, wash and blow dry then manicure. The decision was made to stop by the bodega on her way home to get a bottle of wine because the nerves of seeing Edgar again in such a formal setting so soon, was quite daunting but then add in the emotional pressure of having to hold ten years worth of love, pining, pain, self destain and overall disappointment in at 7am the next morning was quite simply, a little overpowering.
-Phone Vibrating-
Hi gorgeous,
Im downstairs
Are you alone this time to be able to join me?
Quickly grabbing her keys and shutting the door behind her, Olivia made her way downstairs, she was three quaters of a bottle of red deep, brand new heels (higher than she usually would wear) and a purple tight fitting dress which ruched around the mid section, extenuating her womanly hips.
Ha-Ha
I'll be right down
Edgar held protectively onto Olivia as they entered the event. It was everything she expected it to be, an oversized room, incandescent lighting and the roof laiden with rose gold and black decorations, tables were beautifully decorated matching the same colour scheme, the artificially sprayed roses holding the centerpiece of the table created an additional appearance of elegance and the iced buckets of champagne complimented the crystal flutes holding each seating arrangement.
Olivia had been introduced to all of Edgar's colleagues, mainly all men over 40 years old who presented themselves professionally, complemented Olivia's appearance and attempted some form of small talk. A regular look of surprise becoming all too familiar each time Oivia proudly stated she was in fact, an NYPD Captain working with special victims led to the emerging pattern of a slurry of 'jabs' surrounding the apparent pretense that Edgar liked a woman in power.
The meal was the stereotypical indulgence you would expect to be served at an event such as this and it went down very well with the top ups of Champagne the waitress deemed upon herself to keep applying to Olivia's glass. In alternative situations she would have drawn a line and appreciated she was nearing her intoxication limit however Edgar had seemed to have been off mingling with his buddies for the last 2 hours, thus leaving Olivia to chat with the almost retired office guy who couldn't seem to work out the difference between her head and her chest and the wife of one of the main partners who could not help but to advise Olivia repeatedly on how important it is for a young boy to have 1, a father in his life and 2, a mother who stays home and attends to the every single need of said child. She had also made some reference as to how nannys were convenient to have for an escape for a spa day or for a tennis tournament but not to raise your children.
That in itself was enough for Olivia to keep topping up her own glass.
When Edgar finally returned he was full of laughter, he'd just bumped elbows with one of his colleagues and finished off his champagne.
"How have you two been getting on?" He held a hand over the back of each of their chairs as if he's just done some form of best friend coupling good deed
"Yes fine, Anne has been telling me all about her role in the household, haven't you Anne?" The passive aggressive tone masked with a smile may have been missed on Anne but it was certainly picked up by Edgar. As Anne continued on her cycle of conversations, about being a good housewife and mother Edgar leaned down into Olivias ear
"Would you like to dance with me?"
"Yes, I would Edgar"
He took his outheld hand and slowly moved towards the dance floor. Clearly she hadn't made any move to stand up over the last couple of hours because as soon as she'd lifted herself from the chair the alcohol appeared to 'hit' her all at once sending a rush of dizziness through her head and a slight slip of her feet. Thankfully holding onto Edgar secured her upright before anyone could notice and they headed to the dance floor.
Wrapping his arms securely around her waist he pulls her body against is, she can intensely smell that familiar aroma of his earlier grooming routine and it offers a gentle reminder of the last time she was this close to him wearing a dress.
"Olivia you really look beautiful, I've been so proud to have you as my date this evening" His whispered words brush through her hair and his breath tickles against her ear
"Really? Im surprised because I've hardly seen you."
She can't help but retreat from the closeness of his face and her body language isn't as responsive as Edgar had hoped
"Wait, what? Have I done something to upset you Olivia?"
"Yes, you have actually Edgar. You invited me to this event with you, as a date. You paraded me around all of your friends who, let's just say were not the most respectful, you then left me to find our table, so that I wasn't stood completely alone and then you returned in time for dinner before dumping me again for 2hours with the stepford wife of the century who took full pleasure in criticising every little life decision she thinks I may or may not have followed."
The irritation and anger of her voice is not masked as well as it would have been if she'd been a few less glasses of alcohol lighter.
"OK, Olivia...I think you're drunk and I don't think we should really be having this conversation on the dance floor"
"Well let's not dance"
She fully understands the petulance of her manner as she jostles her body from his grip and storms off towards the table where her belongings are still positioned.
A quick fidget with the bag handle, tugging it over her shoulder, she looks towards the exit, gaining some decorum for the walk ahead; she holds herself high and accepts the challenge to walk, preferably in a straight line outta there.
"Olivia, come on" She hears Edgar pacing after her but she dare not risk looking behind her as all of her concentration efforts are placed on looking forwards.
"Oliva, Oli-via...come on, you're being silly"
He gently grabs the side of her arm to stop her from fleeing any further but she shakes him off and stands to face him
"Silly? Really Edgar, You see nothing wrong with this evening? Look I get it and it's fine. Please don't worry about it"
"Olivia, it's a work event and I have to mingle, I put you next to one of my colleagues wives so you could chat. I didn't realise she was going to go off getting all sanctimonious with you, did I?"
"Oh spare me Edgar, you think I haven't had my fair share of these events? you can always stick by your date. Anyway, if you don't mind I would like to go home."
"So you're just going to walk out half way through the evening? well, ok.. let me take you home"
He pushes open the doors to the exit and starts to hail down a cab, the fresh air must have some whiskey filtered through it because as soon as she breathes it in, shes overcome with a sudden wave of nausea.
"I need to sit down," Forcefully pushing her bag into the hands of Edgar, Olivia makes her way over to the nearest bench.
"Are you ok? do you feel like you're going to throw up?"
Composing herself and taking some deep breaths of the air, she seems to regain some form of control
"No, Im fine. Im ok."
"You had worried for a minute there Ol……"
and there it flows… the mixture of fine dining, champagne, red wine, anxiety and overwhelming emotions all hitting the pavement, narrowly avoiding Edgars shoes and very expensive suit.
"Oh Edgar, Im so sorry"
taking the napkin from his suit jacket, he carefully wipes her mouth, the embarrassment and disappointment in herself apparent as she take it from his hand
"Im am so sorry, you didn't deserve that, you really didn't. I shouldn't have behaved that way…."
and there it flows again
"Ok, get it all out" his comforting touch is providing some much needed condolence right now, comfort she can't work out whether it's deserved or not.
"Cabs here Olivia"
Alarm buzzing….. 5am………
Olivia stretches out from the cosiness of her covers to hit the snooze button, waking up and having to deal with the humiliation of last night's event was further impacted by the roaring headache searing through her cranium.
Oh no she dives her head into the pillow on the bed in the hopes that it will irradicate her memory senses of last night. She had remembered Edgar coming up to her apartment, looking round the kitchen for glasses to get water and then offering to help get her into bed, but it was patchy. Moving over to pick up her phone she checks to see if there's any messages from Edgar.
Nope None
She cant help the thoughts of Edgar inviting himself to stay over and currently lying asleep on the sofa making her flustered. This results in her making a pathetic attempt at conspicuously opening the bedroom door to take a peek. When she's certain he is in fact, not there she's then torn between a fear that she's scared him off forever or the joyful release that she can now pretend that last night didn't actually happen.
Oh shit- because of course, any momentary registration of having a drama free life, dissipates as soon as the thought appears.
Elliot will be picking her up in 2 hours.
"Hey Liv,
Good night last night?"
He's leaning into the doorway crevice with one arm over his head, as he spoke he gave a cheeky wink and at that moment she considered just slamming the door in his face and going back to bed.
"It's none of your business…. what do you have there?" The effort he's made to display the takeout bags from the breakfast place round the corner are unavoidable.
"I decided to pick us up breakfast, you know so that we can eat here"
"El, I uh, I dont think thats a good idea."
"Come on, we always used to have breakfast in your apartment"
"used to- being the most important part of that sentence Elliot"
"Come on, get set up, where do you keep your things?" Its as if he had never left and as if this wasn't a new apartment, rummaging through her cabinets looking for utensils, funny that's the second man to do that in the past 12 hours.
"I'll get you everything we need, you sit yourself down."
"Soooooo, how'd it go then? You kick him out nice and early?" She watches his eyes searching his surroundings for her bedroom.
"He did not spend the night El, not that it's any of your business"
"Oh come on, you've gotta give me something"
"No" She was stern but not unfriendly, after all she did want Elliot here, she'd missed him and she missed this..his blatant bouts of jealous mumblings that he should keep in his head or at least pretend to 'play it cool' but she loved that about him.
"OK, OK..I hope you like bagels I got two types, thought we could split em"
"I noticed, you've already split and divided them" they both can't help but laugh, these moments were the ones she had longed for the most. The insignificant little parts of their lives, random things that formed an unspoken habit of routine between them. To outsiders it wouldn't even be worth noting but to her it was everything.
"Olivia do you remember what I said, you remember about uh... Kathy?"
"I, El, I don't know what to say, I don't even know where to start." Olivia quickly realises that this is the first time she is remembering this piece of information.
"What do you mean you weren't with Kathy? You lived in Rome together"
"Yes Liv, we did and it was nice, we were happy but we weren't a couple for a long time.
After Jenna, I had to get away. I had to leave Liv, I couldn't live like that anymore, I needed to put my wife and my kids first.
I was fucked up, I wasn't thinking straight and I just wanted to get a fresh start. I wanted to be with kids and do all the things Kathy had to do alone for all those years."
"She was a great Mom El" Olivia reaches out in request for his hand because as angry as she is that he left her life, he's clearly living in a world of pain right now.
"It was good for a bit in Rome, it was... I dunno how to describe it, but..uh..like a honeymoon period. We were living our fresh start and the kids were thriving and it was all just surreal, but like with everything, the reality started creeping back. I needed to look for work and I jumped around a bit but then I found something I enjoyed. Thing is, it had me away from them just as much as svu did and it was the same situation just different surroundings but Liv, it didn't have you. I missed you so much, you can't possibly understand how much I missed you.."
"I can't possibly understand? Seriously, as if you've just said that to me.
Of course I understand Elliot, do you not think I missed you, longed for you, dreamt about you. You left me and you had all the control, all of it. I had to wait on tenterhooks to see if I would ever hear from you, ever again, Elliot you knew..you knew your plan, you know what you were doing"
"Plan? are you really fucking serious Liv, you think I had a plan. You think I was thinking straight enough that I sat myself down and said right Stabler, let's brainstorm this."
"Oh fuck off, you know exactly what I'm saying. Olivia doesn't know whether it's the alcohol still flowing through her system or the fury at the turn of this conversation. Jumping up from the table she paces the length of the kitchen, rubbing her hands across her face and loudly releasing an exasperated sigh
"Elliot I can't do this with you, I stupidly thought you understood what you're departure meant to me and"
"Liv, please I'm not explaining myself correctly, please just let me try to finish and then we can hash out the specifics"
He ushers his hand to her now unoccupied seat in the hopes that she will place herself back down and let him explain.
"We had to stay as a family, for the kids, whether we were living as husband and wife or roommates, it was irrelevant, as long as the kids had that unit, a family dynamic for them, that's what mattered Liv, it was all i ever wanted for my kids and I know, I know its all outdated now and it's more acceptable but it just, well…. Liv any other way, and i would have felt like id failed. Id lost everything else important to me, i couldn't lose them too." gauging the shaking head from Olivia, he senses he's not really making the situation any better
"Liv, you wouldnt understand- you don't have…"
"I don't have WHAT? go on El, I don't have kids? oh where have I heard that before? I have Noah now and even when i didn't, I always understood kids came first"
"I wasn't going to say that, I was going to say- you don't have the pressure I had, you know the whole catholic family values? me and Kathy, we erm you know, we made it work. The kids knew we weren't together but they were happy enough with the setup. Kathy she had a few dates, a potential new love interest and I was happy for her, I really was."
"What about you? did you have any love interests?" the words came out of her before she could think them through
"Olivia, really?" he leaves the table and makes his way around to where shes seated.
"ah ha, you wanna know all about my date last night- let's hear about your single time then?"
"Sooo Noah, I know his dad?" with that sentence the smirk spills over his face
"Do you deflect on my questions Elliot Stabler?"
"No, not at all just proving a point. God Liv, I really missed you, I was looking forward to reaching out to you, I really hoped we could, um, I dunno start fresh. There was always something between us Liv, we both know that, there's not a day went by I didnt think about being with you, being around you.
The nausea she was feeling had nothing to do with last night's alcohol it was the volcano of emotions erupting inside of her, she had wished for this for years and now he was stood there in front of her telling her things she had always dreamt of hearing, her cheeks were coating with the fallen teardrops, and her efforts to hide were failing so she turned her back to him and leant over the kitchen bench.
"Elliot I…."
There was no way for her to finish her sentence, he softly placed his hands on the small of back and turned her around, he traced his thumb across her cheeks, collecting the tears and he looked at her with an expectant look on his face.
His head nuzzled across the top of hers and he placed his hands either side of her head, she closed her eyes, and let out a small sign, rejoicing in this comfort.
He holds her tight and smiles at the feel of her weight settling into him.
He smooths his hands over her neck, trailing them along her shoulders and down her arms until he is firmly but gently securing her hands inside of his, he briefly pauses holding their hands in place in front of her until they both stop, consecutively looking into each other's eyes. She feels safe with him, and he knows it.
The brush of his nose travelling from her temple across her cheekbone and nestling in her hair against her ear sent shivers through her body
"I've waited for this moment for so long Liv..."
The rest of the words are lost between them as she feels his lips press against hers, his touch is careful and gentle, releasing a soft unintentional moan from her, decades of memories spilling into this long anticipated moment and she cant take it anymore. She doesn't want him to be gentle, not after all of this time, not now she needs him, she wants him.
She knots his shirt into her hands and pulls his body against her, she knows he's also feeling the strong ache of desire because his body responds against her. He deepens his exploration of the kiss and lets out his own low growl from his throat.
"Fuck Elliot, This. This is…"
"Don't speak Liv" The cool of the kitchen wall sends chills over her body as he has spontaneously lifted her up onto the bench. Her legs straddled either side of him and she can feel his hardness pressing against her most sensitive part, her fingers making their journey over him, skimming the back of his neck and head, hes lifting at the bottom of her shirt and she releases a louder moan this time. She wants him, she really wants him.
"Elliot wait, wait" she glides his hands off her shirt and relaxes them on her thighs
"Liv, is everything ok?" the lust in his eyes changes to panic and he pulls away from her
"Yes El, oh god, yes it was more than ok...I just I know us or ..well I know me at least, El I know where this is gonna lead and..."
"Youre right Liv, youre right. You do want this though? right?"
"Yes, you have no idea how much I want to tell you to stay, how much I want to tell you to come back in and have one more kiss but El, this..this moment, US, its too important to me. If this is a chance for us, I want us to do it right."
Taking his head in her hands she places the softest of kisses against his forehead and whispers
"El, you should probably leave"