Harry Potter & the Caer Azkaban Parody

Chapter Three

"Because that bitchy blonde Slytherin is already dead."

x-x-x-x-x

"Oh be buggering it!" cried Eppy, clearly disappointed that she couldn't go find the Malfoy brat and punish him like she clearly wanted to do.

"Errr … Sorry?"

Looking at the variation of her beloved Master Harry, she said, "No you's isn't being sorry." Then picking her Hello Kitty diary back up she indicated for him to continue.

Smirking down at the little elf, he said, "Perhaps your right." Then thinking for half a moment, he continued, "You know something? I am very glad you came to see me today. I've not had someone to talk to like this in a very long time."

Eppy blushed at the praise she received, if a house elf can blush that is.

"Anyway," continued the lord of Azkaban, "Malfoy's death is further into the story. After he had finished raping me he actually left me there tied to the floor and went about his merry little way as if nothing had happened, bastard that he was. Ron was knocked out and poor Hermione was tied up and forced to watch as I somehow managed to find the strength to pull one of stakes out of the stone floor and free myself. It hurt like fire, not as bad as the cruciatus curse but close." Harry paused for a moment to take another drink from the glass of Firewhiskey. "After I managed to get myself loose and found a wand, I think it was Hermione's, I untied her and together we took Ron to the infirmary to see Madame Pomphrey to find out what the damage was."

"Madame Poppy is being really good at fixing thing Master Harry."

"Yeah," agreed Harry, "she was great at healing Hermione and she worked like a demon removing those curses from Ron. She probably saved his life that day. I, however, wasn't quite as lucky."

x-x-x-x-x

"Mister Potter," the school nurse said to him gently as he sat on one of the infirmary beds in a private room wearing a hospital gown. It was the only thing he had to wear since Malfoy has shredded his school uniform. "I've healed all of your physical injuries from where you were tied down."

Harry shuttered at the memory. "How are Ron and Hermione?" he asked distractedly without looking her in the eye.

"They will be fine eventually; Mister Weasley is out there talking to Mister Longbottom. Miss Granger has been physically healed, but she is in a state of shock at the moment. I called for Minerva and she is talking to her at the moment."

Harry shook his head and asked, "And me?"

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this," attempted to be gentle, but there was no way to skirt around this issue and he had to be told. "You have been taken by a Veela and as a result of that union, you have become pregnant."

"Rape you mean," the Boy-Who-Lived said accusingly. "Don't make it sound romantic, he fucking raped me. Call it what it was for Merlin's sake."

"Yes, Mister Potter, it was rape."

"Thank you," he said but did not look her in the eye and continued, "I want an abortion … now!"

"I can't Mister Potter, it's against Ministry law."

"I don't care; I want this abomination out of my body now. I didn't agree to this and have repeatedly rejected his advances. I have my rights and I want this thing destroyed!"

"I told you Mister Potter that I cannot. Veela are considered an endangered species and are protected by some of the most stringent of Ministry laws concerning Veela and their bond mates. Also the laws of the Veela Council are in effect as well and they are very specific about offspring."

Angrily Harry replies, "I am not the mate of that inbred two bit, back stabbing, society licking little monster and I refuse to give birth to another one of those monsters as well. AND, never refer to me as that rapist's bond mate ever again. I do not belong to him!"

Taking a step back from the irate young wizard, the matron explains further, "I'm sorry, but in the eyes of the Ministry and the Veela Council you do indeed belong to Mister Malfoy now."

Harry is very upset by this news. "So you are saying that I have no rights what-so-ever?"

"I am afraid so."

"I see," Harry said as he got off of the bed and began to walk to the door.

"Just where do you think you are going in your weakened condition Mister Potter?"

Pausing at the door, "I'm going to pack my things and leave the wizarding world forever. Then I will find a Muggle clinic that will give me an abortion."

"There are some more very important things you should know."

"What things?"

"Please sit back down Mister Potter," Madame Pomphrey asked imploringly, "Please."

"What things?" asked Harry again without moving from the spot.

Sighing and knowing he wasn't going to move, she told him, "As a result of this pregnancy, you will slowly be transformed into a female so that you can give birth to the child."

Harry Potter turned ash white. "How long after the birth of the little abomination will it take before I transform back into being a boy?"

"I'm afraid that once you begin the process of transforming, it becomes permanent. You will remain a woman for the remainder of your life."

x-x-x-x-x

Eppy sat there completely flabbergasted as her quill and Hello Kitty diary fell limply to the floor. Now this is a first, nowhere has it ever been written that this tiny little elf has ever been rendered speechless before. Mark this moment down, it may become an important national landmark event.

"You's is being a girl?"

"No," said Harry with a smile. "Things didn't progress that far along. While I did begin the process of growing boobie buds and one of my testicles unfortunately did dissolve, I am definitely still male."

"How…"

"I'm getting there. You wouldn't be one of those people who read the last chapter of a book first would you?"

"Oh no Master Harry," the elf said. "I's isn't being doing that at all, Eppy cannot read."

"Wait, then how are you writing in that book of your? … You know … never mind."

"Okie dokie, Master Harry."

This was the damn oddest house elf that the lord of Caer Azkaban, the Druid Islands and two small magical islands in the Bahamas had ever met in his entire life. The funny thing he found he kind of enjoying it also.

"Now where was I? Oh yeah, Madame Pomphrey had just explained to me that I was going to slowly transform into a female, which as you can guess did not interest me in the slightest. She and I walked out of the private room and into the main ward where I spoke with Neville and Ron for a few moments. They were both concerned about me, I really wasn't behaving like myself at that moment and I don't blame them. If one of them was acting like I was, I'd be worried about them as well. Luckily they didn't know about my rape, so I could pretend to be normal for a little while longer until I got my head around this newest hell I had landed in. And this one was most definitely hell."

x-x-x-x-x

"Potter, may I have a moment," asked Professor McGonagall politely.

Harry looked at the floor, he had yet to look anyone in the eye and wasn't feeling quite up to that task yet, "Is Hermione alright?"

"She is in a mild case of shock, but Poppy assures me that she should be better in the morning," she assured the three boys. "However, I need to speak with you in private."

"Of course you do," he replied as the two left the infirmary into the corridor.

"Potter, I cannot tell you how outraged I am about what happened to you this evening."

Harry refused to meet her eyes.

"I am so sorry you have to go through this," she said sympathetically. "However, Severus has instructed me to bring you to a private room that you will be sharing with Malfoy for the remainder of your time here."

"What!" Harry exclaimed looking up for the first time. "NO!"

"While I do agree with you Potter, the law is on their side on this and there is absolutely nothing I can do."

Sliding down the wall with his head held in his hands, "He raped me you know."

"I know, Poppy told me when she sent for me and I am so sorry."

"I hate him."

"I know Mister Potter. I'm not fond of Severus at the moment either."

Harry snorted at the comment.

x-x-x-x-x

"Well, she was supposed to take me directly to the rooms set aside by Snape," Harry began and with a smirk, amended, "or as you would prefer to call him, Professor Greasy McGreasypants."

Eppy smiled at him.

"Instead, Minerva and I went up to Gryffindor Tower where I removed all of my personal items from my trunk, such as my parent's photo album, the Marauders Map, my key to my Gringott's bank vault and my Invisibility Cloak from Death itself and put them in Neville's trunk," Harry explained and saw the confused look on his guest's face. "Because I would be damned before I let the Malfoys have any of those items."

Eppy nodded and he continued.

"Then we went to her office, where she helped me compose a letter to the Veela Council where I stated my case against Malfoy for what he had done to me and why I wanted both the bond broken and the pregnancy terminated. Then I called for Dobby, who took it up to Hedwig in the owlery and sent it off to be delivered." Taking a drink from the glass, Harry sighed and continued to explain, "At this point, when we couldn't stall any longer and Minerva was forced to take me to the private room set up by Snape."

x-x-x-x-x

"Potter!" spat Severus Snape, "What kept you so long?"

"Severus," Minerva McGonagall snapped sternly, "The poor boy has been sexually assaulted brutally and wasn't even released from the infirmary when I arrived. He can barely walk as it is. What did you expect him to do, run a marathon all the way to your door?"

Both Snape and Malfoy looked stunned at her acidic reply.

"Yes, well …" the Headmaster replied without moving his lips.

"Yes, well, indeed!" the Deputy Headmistress snapped again. "Now let's get this over with so these two young men can begin hexing each other in the privacy of Mister Malfoy's new home and Mister Potter's new prison cell." Say what you want to about Minerva McGonagall, but when she wanted to, she could be a real bitch.

"There won't be any hexing," sneered the part Veela boy. "Not after I take his wand away from him," then with a smirk said, "or should I say her?" Malfoy sniffed and continued, "There will be some other changes too, to begin with you are going to get rid of those horrid Muggle glasses and get your eyes fixed properly. Then you will have to stop going to classes since you won't need those anymore and learn the etiquette of being a true Malfoy bride. After all you will soon be transformed into a girl and females have to know their place in the family."

Harry's blood was really beginning to boil now. "If you think for one minute that I am just going to do what you say Malfoy, you must not know me very well at all."

"If I had my way Potter, I take you from the castle and install you at the manor and keep you there until no one in the wizarding world would ever remember you were ever a boy."

"Draco, we talked about this," Snape interrupted forcefully. "The dark lord would take your bride and child away from you in an instant if you left the protections of the castle. Is that what you want?"

Draco sneered but looked away.

"I will not live with you," stated through gritted teeth. "You two-bit, insignificant, inbred, self-important, tiny cocked rapist!"

"That's a woman's argument Potter."

At this point Harry drew back his fist and struck the sneering blonde Veela in the nose, quite effectively breaking it with a crunch.

"Mister Potter," McGonagall said while taking out her wand to mend the boy's fist while Snape dealt with Malfoy, "I cannot believe you did that. I would have thought after all this time in the castle you would have learned a thing or two." As she finished healing his knuckles she continued, "If you insist on fisticuffs, then you should be more careful about how you strike your opponent. In future you should aim for the side of the face along the cheek bone. There is more flesh there and will cushion your hand and do less damage to yourself while still doing effective harm to them."

"Minerva," exclaimed and outraged Headmaster.

Arching her eyebrow at him, "What did you expect Severus? He is a student in this school and it is my job to teach young people how to get the job done properly. Now why don't you take Mister Malfoy down to see Poppy about fixing his face."

"No," Malfoy said through the bloody nose, "She will try and run away. She has to be locked in to prevent that."

"I am not a 'she' Malfoy."

"You will be."

"Yes, I think that Mister Malfoy has an excellent idea," sneered Snape. "Mister Potter would try and escape the castle if not confined to his new quarters."

To Be Continued … Please Read and Review