Chapter 3: Crocuses

A/N: Soooo I said last chapter that this would be the last chapter, but I've decided to extend this story by one more chapter. After reading chapter 139, I felt there were some elements that would be nice to incorporate/pay tribute to in this story. So what started out as a story about giving and asking for forgiveness has turned into something a little bigger. I hope you'll enjoy the extra chapter and not get too mad at me for extending the ending. I'll make it worth it, I promise!

Also, thank you very much for all the lovely reviews and all the support, which is very much appreciated! Also glad to see non-shipper interest in the story. While this is in part a ship fic, I like to think that the story is more about the study and development of Mikasa's and Levi's characters. Now onto the story - happy reading!

"This soup is delicious!" Pieck exclaims, smacking her lips as she splashes her spoon into the broth with gusto.

"Pieck, that's gross," Annie mutters, holding up a hand to deflect the droplets of soup splattering everywhere. Rose giggles at the light spray and promptly smears her soiled hands down her mother's front. Annie wrinkles her nose in distaste.

"Sorry. Even now I forget my manners sometimes," Pieck laughs, scratching the back of her messy head in embarrassment.

"How are Reiner and Falco doing?" Mikasa asks. Reiner and Pieck married under the government repopulation programme and are still active soldiers, though Pieck's duties are limited to city patrols and training new recruits. The couple have adopted Falco as their son.

"Falco is doing alright. He does odd jobs for the merchants, but he's hoping to start his own business someday. He has a good bunch of friends, though I think he gets a little lonely sometimes. He still misses Gabi, and most 15-year-olds haven't seen what he's seen," Pieck smiles sadly. "As for Reiner, he's leading a two-week recon mission beyond the borderlands, but he's expected home in a few days' time. There are still some fragmented tribes of humans lurking around, and teams are sent out every now and then to persuade them to join the New Republic."

"I think the military should leave the tribes alone. If they were lucky enough to escape the war, they should have the freedom to do whatever they want." Annie says. Rose, who is being bounced on her mother's thigh, squeals with happiness. Pieck gives the infant an affectionate pat on the head.

"I suppose so. But the government is justifiably paranoid after the Rumbling. Peace-making aside, I imagine they want to keep an eye out for potential threats," Pieck shrugs.

"Annie, have you heard from Historia lately?" Mikasa asks, changing the subject. Annie shakes her head.

"Only Armin and a handful of other high-ranking Eldian officials know where she is. They decided to keep her location and existence a secret. But Armin visits her from time to time, and from what he tells me, Historia and her child are happy and healthy."

"I envy her sometimes. She can live in obscurity and do whatever she wants," Mikasa says, "whereas the rest of us are forced to breed like livestock for the government."

"Mikasa, don't say things like that in front of Pieck," Annie says sharply. After trying to conceive for a few months, Pieck had discovered she was infertile. The government had tried to persuade Reiner to remarry when they found out, but Reiner had used his influence in the military as leverage to stay with Pieck. His actions, though noble, seemed to fly in the face of his constant assurances that his feelings for his wife were completely platonic. When asked, Pieck had had nothing to say on the matter.

"It's okay, Annie. It's not all that bad. Anyway, I think I have it better than Historia Reiss. Freedom may be nice, but I wouldn't want it if I had to live away from my friends and go into hiding."

"I do hope we can visit her once it's safe to do so," Mikasa says. "I'd like to know what she was thinking, letting some childhood bully put his grubby fingers all over her."

"Reiner would have married her in a heartbeat," Annie mutters, and Mikasa's eye twitches.

If Pieck is offended by Annie's words, she doesn't show it. "Sounds like you guys were really close," she says, laughing. There is a brief silence as Annie and Mikasa reminisce on their memories of happy, cheerful Historia. Pieck slurps her soup happily.

After a while, Mikasa changes topic again. She's been wanting to ask Pieck something for a while now, and since all social etiquette has gone out the window, she throws caution to the wind.

"Pieck, maybe this is a sensitive question, but…do you see Falco as your own son?"

Pieck looks thoughtful. "I guess you're really asking whether I could ever see Falco the same as any son I might have brought into this world. The answer to that is yes. I know what Falco's been through as an Eldian candidate and as a former titan shifter. I want to be there for him the way I wish my parents could have been there for me, if only they had had the experience. But you know, even before I found out I couldn't have children, Reiner and I talked about adopting. There are plenty of orphaned children out there. And I've always thought, what's the point of grieving over what you can't have when you can try and make the world a better place by helping those already here instead?"

Even though it's not Pieck's meaning, Mikasa draws the parallel between Pieck's words and her own situation with Levi. She blushes and turns away, remembering the gift. Has Armin already given it to him? Does he like it? Is it enough to make him forgive her and come back to her side?

A knock on the door startles the women from their conversation and Mikasa leaps for the door, her heart suddenly pounding. She unlocks the door and flings it open. To her surprise and disappointment, it's only Armin.

"Whoa! Are you okay, Mikasa? You look like you're heading off somewhere," Armin says, reading her behaviour immediately but playing his reaction down to lower the suspicions of her companions.

"Sorry, I was just…startled," Mikasa mumbles, standing back to let him in.

Armin enters, nodding at Pieck. "Pieck." His eyes brighten as he regards his wife and the infant bouncing happily on her lap. He picks up his daughter. "Rose, have you been good to your mother today?"

"She wiped some of her dinner on me," Annie deadpanned.

"Ah, that was naughty!" Armin laughs awkwardly as Rose cooes happily. "We need to teach you how to behave better – ow!" Rose had grabbed Armin's hair in one firm grip and yanked with gusto, causing the blond's head to jerk erratically to one side.

"That's why I don't let her near my hair," Annie says, a sadistic grin tugging at the side of her mouth.

"I've had enough abuse at work today! I'm handing you back your mother," he all but shoves his delightfully abusive progeny at her mother, who takes her back and keeps her firmly planted on her lap.

"Okay, I've had enough of your happy family vibe," Pieck jokes, rising from the table. "And with Mikasa's child on the way I'm sure there'll be even more of that in the future." Mikasa doesn't miss the concerned look Armin sends her way but she maintains her composure. There's no reason for Pieck to know or worry about her fragile relationship with Levi. "Anyway, I should get going. My shift starts in half an hour and I'm looking forward to beating up some wayward thugs tonight. Thank you for dinner Mikasa. It was delicious, as always!"

"Thanks for dropping by. Come again whenever," Mikasa smiles. Despite Pieck's odd manners, Mikasa has grown to like her for her kind and easy-going nature.

"We should get going, too," Armin says, and Annie nods and gets to her feet. "By the way Mikasa, I bumped into Levi in the market square today. He should be home soon."

Mikasa catches his discrete message and nods gratefully. "Thank you." Even so, she feels a little nervous when she lets her friends out and lets the door fall into its frame with a soft thud.

Darkness falls. Mikasa lights a small lamp in the kitchen and sits at the table. She works on her latest creation, a small, round purse with wildflowers blossoming from the base. But tonight, she works the stitches in clumsily as her mind wanders elsewhere. Work usually finishes in the late afternoon. Armin had found Levi in the market square. If Levi had gotten her package, why was he still not home?

Her mind swings into overdrive, analysing all his possible reactions. Perhaps he was so touched by her gift that he doesn't want her to see him vulnerable. No, that didn't sound like Levi at all. Maybe he was so disgusted that he couldn't bear to be in the same house as her. She had worked in the hyacinths, mindful of their colour, to represent her sincere regret and to beg him for forgiveness. But perhaps he thought she was using his mother's memory to bring him around, and that would offend him even more. Hopefully not, as that hadn't been her intention at all. Maybe Armin had forgotten to tell him she had something to say to him in person? No; Armin is smart and meticulous, and he would have known exactly how to persuade Levi to come home.

She hears a key turning in the lock, and her heart leaps into her mouth. But she doesn't lose herself completely as she did earlier. Instead, she forces herself to sit still and pretends to be absorbed in her work. She hears Levi's soft steps enter. She can almost feel his gaze burning into her as she works, and everything seems abnormally still. Can he hear her heart pounding?

Finally, she hears him walk towards her. She steels herself; it's now or never. He draws closer. She lifts her head to speak but is surprised when he walks past her and feels the swirl of cold air against her shoulder in passing. Not once does he turn to acknowledge her or to meet her gaze. Instead, he moves straight to the trapdoor and lets himself into the basement. She wills herself to say something, but she is tense all over, and her throat dries up. No sound comes out. What is she so afraid of?

The trapdoor falls shut, and her chance dies with the firm thud of wood hitting wood. Mikasa clenches her needle so tightly that it leaves an angry red welt in her palm. Her shock at Levi's coldness turns to anger, then resignation. She had made it perfectly clear to him from the beginning that she didn't want his affection, so why should she presume to think that he would hold onto his feelings in case she changed her mind?

"I'm sorry," she whispers, trembling. I'm sorry, Levi, for hurting you so badly that I can never make it up to you. I'm sorry, Eren, for throwing away the chance you gave me.

In the following days, Mikasa's back hurts more than usual, and she feels sharp pains in her lower abdomen. Instinctively, she knows that her baby is arriving soon, but she refuses to mention her discomfort to Levi.

Most days, she can ride out the pain. But on one of those days, a particularly painful episode has her sinking to the side of the bed as she forces herself to breathe normally, gripping the sheets until her knuckles turn white. When the pain subsides, it is all she can do to stop herself from crawling onto the bed to rest her aching body. But Mikasa shakes her head at the thought, even as hot tears of pain streak from her eyes. She's had worse in the past three years; she can take this.

She hears the front door opening. Levi is home.

Mikasa hastily pulls herself to her feet and wipes her face as her husband appears at the doorway. She makes a show of sitting on the bed and feigns interest in her comb, fully aware of his presence. Loose strands of hair cling to her sweaty face. Hunched over from her aching back, protruding belly, and swollen feet, Mikasa feels like a monster.

"You look like shit," he says, echoing how she feels.

She glares at him and shakes her head. "Not like you care."

He ignores her remark. "If you don't feel well, I'll make dinner."

"No!" She snaps. He has seen too much of her weakness over the past year, and she would rather take his indifference over his disdain. At least that way, she might still regain his respect. "I'm fine. Just…give me a moment."

Mikasa successfully continues this charade for another few days. But misfortune threatens when, late one night as she washes the dishes, she feels an excruciating pain in her abdomen that is even worse than the last. The world spins about her and her knees buckle out from beneath her as she fumbles wildly for the edge of the sink for support. Her hand just misses its goal; her arm sweeps out in response, knocking a plate over and sending it crashing to the ground. She lands on her arm; she vaguely registers wetness seeping lewdly from her legs.

For the next few moments, she slips in and out of darkness, barely registering the muffled shouts, the rough manhandling of her limbs, and the hazy blur of floors and walls flying about her. When she finally comes to, she is sinking into a soft bed. Levi's face looms inches from hers. Fear and concern cloud his grey eyes. Even in her dizziness, the emotions are unmistakable.

"Mikasa," he demands. "Are you hurt? How is the baby?"

She concentrates; aside from pain in her arm and the now-ebbing contractions, she is fine. "My arm hurts a little, but nothing else. Though I think I'm going into labour. My water broke."

"Thank God," a strange expression flits across his face – relief? – and his breathing slows as he brushes the hair from her eyes. Leaning back, he takes a handkerchief from the left breast pocket of his coat and uses it to wipe the sweat beading on her forehead. As he does so, a familiar purple floral motif catches her eye.

"If you're hurting, say something. I can read situations to a certain extent but for God's sake Mikasa, I'm not a mind reader. I'll take care of the chores from now on. Your goal is to stay healthy and strong for our baby. Got it?" He scolds.

Suddenly, Mikasa sees the wings of freedom unfurling before her. She had seen them once before, when Eren had used his coordinate powers for the first time to protect her. Those metaphorical wings had been borne out of frustration at a languishing kingdom that had refused to acknowledge its legacy, and Eren had used them to bring about an all-or-nothing war that had resulted in countless meaningless deaths. Eren's freedom had been explosive, impulsive, and destructive, but his wings had carried them into a newer, safer future.

In contrast to Eren's wings, which had been vibrant and showy, Levi's wings are muted in size and colour. But they present a gentler picture of freedom. Levi's freedom is the space he gives her in their first months of marriage. It is the allowance he gives her to support herself, the whispered solaces and gestures as he tries to make love to her, the time he spends working hard so she can live in comfort, and the way he keeps her only gift to him close to his heart. Unlike Eren's wings, which had burst into flame and crumbled to ash in blazing glory, Levi's wings are at once strong and supportive, calming and constant. On Levi's wings, Mikasa has found peace in Eren's future.

If she were to offer him her wings in return, would he take them?

She reaches up and traces the scars on Levi's face, her fingers chafing against his toughened skin. He inhales sharply with surprise, and she cracks a weak smile.

"How beautiful."

"Tch. You're delirious." He pulls away, and she winces as a jolt of pain racks her body. "Breathe slowly and try to relax. There's a glass of water on the side if you get thirsty. I'll call the midwife. I'll be back soon."

Levi straightens and hurries out of the room. When he's gone, Mikasa lets out a sob of relief.

"You still care."

Over the next two days, Mikasa takes short walks and exercises on midwife's orders. Although Levi says little to her after his initial outburst, his actions speak volumes. He stays at home and takes over the household chores, moves his work to the kitchen so he can hear her if she calls, reminds her regularly to move about, and rubs her neck, shoulders, back, or feet when she is in pain. On one of the days, he goes into town and returns with a beautifully handcrafted wooden cot which he places by the bed, wipes down, and lines with soft blankets. He also brings back a large toy bear.

"That's a large toy bear," she observes dumbly when he carries it in.

"The baby might choke on something smaller," was his only reply.

Had she only been less blind, then she might have recognised how much he cared from the start!

Labour sets in in the early hours of the morning, and Levi summons the midwife. For the next twelve hours, Mikasa swims in a haze of pain, fatigue, and desperation. When she finally resurfaces, she is holding a beautiful, squalling, baby boy in her arms and surrounded by the smiling faces of Armin, Annie, Pieck, Reiner, and Falco. The balloon of warmth swelling in her heart at the sight of her friends deflates a little when she realises one face is missing.

"Where is Levi?" She asks.

Armin's smile falters. "He left just after you delivered the baby and said he had some urgent matter to deal with. I tried to stop him, but he insisted on going."

Had it all been her imagination? A single tear slips down Mikasa's cheek, and she shakes her head and gives a watery smile to convince everyone she is crying tears of happiness for her newborn son.

After the midwife leaves, the well-wishers bring out gifts to welcome the baby: tiny wooden horses to play with, bibs to catch all the regurgitated food and drool, and knitted hats and gloves to keep him warm in winter. Mikasa is touched by the thoughtful gifts and thanks them. Despite her exhaustion, she also invites them to stay the afternoon. It has been a while since the group has come together and she wants to keep them close. It seems that her friends were hoping for the invite, as Pieck and Annie immediately whip out a selection of juices and snacks to keep everyone watered and fed. Although Mikasa says little, she enjoys listening to the banter of her old friends, though at one point, Reiner gets a little carried away.

"…so the barmaid said to me, 'If you keep making a mess I'll have you lick it up!', to which I replied, 'What are you waiting for then? Bend over!'" Reiner roars. Falco blushes and shuffles away from his adoptive father, shrewdly spotting the lurking shadow behind them.

"Reiner, that's a horribly crass thing to say, and in front of your wife and son, no less!" Pieck whacks her husband on the head, though the small smile on her face suggests she isn't offended.

"Aw come on, Pieck! Have you been off duty so long that you can't take a good ol' soldier's joke anymore?" Reiner teases, but the faintest of blushes tinges his cheeks and he tones his jokes down. Even as Reiner insists that his feelings for Pieck are purely platonic and Pieck plays along, the others know that love can still bloom out of strong friendship and mutual respect. And with each observed interaction, they become increasingly convinced that the unsuspecting couple will slowly begin to see things that way, too.

Annie turns to Mikasa. "Have you thought about what to name the baby yet?"

"No…well, yes." Mikasa starts. Of course, she had spent several hours thinking about it, but her tense relationship with her husband had prevented her from discussing it with him. What comes out of her lips next surprises her. "I was thinking about naming him 'Eren', but I think Levi would have an apoplectic fit."

There is a stunned silence, and mortification blooms in Mikasa's chest. Suddenly, Reiner emits a high-pitched squeak, and the whole room collapses into laughter.

"Can you imagine the look on the captain's face?"

"I can already imagine Mikasa and Levi fighting over it. We might have another Rumbling tonight!"

"Mikasa would win for sure. Levi may have been Humanity's Strongest soldier, but the wife is always right!"

Seeing her friends' hilarity, Mikasa feels like a weight is lifted from her shoulders, and even she fails to suppress the small giggle on her lips. It is strange to think that three months ago just the mention of Eren would have sent her spiralling into a bout of depression, but today she can mention his name in a joke. Although she feels a little sad thinking about him still, she is grateful for experiencing this happy moment in her life. For although Eren had chosen to be the sacrifice, her friends had been there to help her come to terms with his loss.

Even so, she acutely feels the absence of the person who played the biggest role in her recovery and feels guilty, for she has single-handedly made him feel so uncomfortable around her that he cannot bear to be in his own home, even as his first son is being born.

Mikasa steels her resolve. She won't whine or complain anymore, nor will she clam up or be afraid. She is going to tell Levi she is truly sorry. Whether he wants to accept it or not is, to put it in his own words, his decision.

As she thinks these thoughts, a wave of exhaustion suddenly washes over her. Cradling her cooing baby, Mikasa slips into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Mikasa wakes up to see the soft, orange glow of the setting sun washing in through the window. She sits up slowly, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"You're awake."

Her heart skips a beat when she sees Levi. She recalls the guests from earlier in the day.

"Where's everyone?"

"They just left. I let them out." How rude of her to fall asleep. Had she been napping for that long?

The next thing she registers is the empty feeling in her arms. Panic flares in her chest only to dissipate just as quickly when she notices the small bundle in Levi's arms. She drinks in the sight of him cradling her son. Their son. An uncomfortable silence fills the room.

"He has my chin," Mikasa blurts out. Levi arches an eyebrow.

"He has my face structure."

"Definitely not. His cheeks are flatter. That's an Asian feature."

"And you say I'm the one with one properly functioning eyeball."

"I do say so."

"Then he has my eyes."

"His eyes are huge. Yours are not."

"Eyes don't change in size as one gets older, you know. When he gets older, he'll be giving top-notch death glares."

"Heaven forbid that's all he uses his eyes for. But he has my lips." Levi gives her a long look, and a hint of tenderness flickers in his normally emotionless eyes. Her heart skips another beat.

"Niels has your lips," he agrees. Mikasa's heart stutters, then stops.

"No."

"Yes."

"Why would you call him that?"

"It's short. Less waste of breath."

"You're kidding." Mikasa glares.

Amusement plays across his lips. "Maybe. But I do like the name. What do you think?"

Mikasa rolls the name around on her tongue. It hadn't occurred to her at all, but she finds that she likes the sound of it, too. "Niels it is."

As if to give his approval, Niels gives a loud coo of happiness and lifts a tiny hand towards his father's face. Mikasa watches contentedly as father and son nuzzle against each other, then suddenly remembers that she still has something to say. She clears her throat nervously. It's a shame to ruin this perfect moment, but if she doesn't say it now, she never will.

"Levi, about what I said a few months ago – "

"Wait." Levi walks to the bedside and carefully places Niels into the cot. He leaves the room, and for a moment Mikasa fears that she has lost her chance again. But he returns soon, holding a vase containing crocuses of all colours. She looks at the flowers, understanding immediately.

Hope and rebirth.

"It's almost out of season for crocuses and they were all sold out last week. I had to chase down that twit of a flower seller today to get the last order before they left town," he explains, setting them on the night table and moving to sit on the bed by her side.

Had he deliberately been avoiding her until he could express his thoughts in flowers?

Happiness and sadness swell within Mikasa at once and she emits a noise that's part-way between a laugh and a choked sob. Levi looks at her oddly.

"Tch. What now?"

"Are we only able to talk to each other in flowers? I won't have it, and I'll show you." she puts her hand on his. If those crocuses represent what she thinks they represent, then she has nothing to be afraid of.

"Levi, I'm sorry for what I said. I was grieving for Eren so much that I became too blind to see the future he gave us and everything you have done for me. I can't forget Eren, but I've come to realise how selfish I've been, and how much I've hurt you. If loving Eren means pushing you and Niels away, then I reject that."

She takes a deep breath and forces herself to meet his gaze, blushing slightly as she does so. "What I mean is that I'm ready to move on. I'm prepared to give a lifetime to return everything you've given me, and more, as your wife and the mother of your child. And that's not just because we're already married. Please can you forgive me and stay by my side?"

Levi leans in, his eyes burning with the fire of a thousand suns. It is a look that, when Mikasa reminisces on their marriage many happy years later, she will recall also seeing when Levi brought her flowers to embroider, when she chose him to be the father of her child, and when they were intimate. Only all those times before, she had been too self-absorbed to notice his shifting feelings. He turns his palm against hers and laces their fingers together.

"I will stay with you if you want me to."

"With all my heart, I do," she whispers, and they kiss.