And so onto the next chapter, what happens now...?
Chapter 3
Tweedledee and Tweedledum
Although Alice was grateful for getting some direction from the Cat, she still felt annoyed at herself for wasting time back there with the Dodo and the other creatures taking part in their strange game which she wondered if they were still playing and oblivious to her departure.
"What nonsense," she huffed to herself, "can't believe I wasted time taking part in whatever it was they were trying to do!"
Still, there was the white rabbit to follow and that was her main goal and what should've been her only goal, then again there was the story about the Mad Hatter she had been told about...
The long blonde-haired girl took note of the weird colours the woods were with the bark on the trees being of teal, leaves being red like autumn leaves and the grass a mix of yellow, green, and brown. What a curious world this was for Alice and she found herself liking the place more and more which did make her think that once she found both the White Rabbit and maybe the Mad Hatter then maybe she ought to explore more of this Wonderland. Truth be told she was feeling any desire to leave this place so soon. Curse her curious nature...
As she went further into the woods, the way became more darker until much to her dismay she found herself losing track of her direction where she was walking and now had no idea or any clues as where to look. It became clear that her absence mind of admiring the scenery had caused this to happen.
"Oh, buggar me," Alice groaned and rubbed a hand through her hair trying to figure out what to do next. Then she heard a rustle nearby and Alice looked round frantically. "Oh! Hello? Mr Rabbit, is that you? Or...is that your name anyway?"
Had she been looking behind her, she would have noticed that two sets of large blue eyes were staring at her somewhere from the bushes. Instead of simply just turning round, Alice found herself looking at a fallen hollow log thinking that there might be something in there of her interest and began to get on her hands and knees and start to crawl through it.
But of course if one had noticed a pattern with her so far on this crazy adventure in Wonderland, her fat ass got her stuck once again.
"Bloody hell, why was I cursed with such a massive bottom?!" Alice cried out in frustration and began trying to wriggle her way back up her wide hips had caused a blockage and from inside the log the lovely blonde girl was letting out cries of anger.
It was them during her struggle that the two individuals came out of their hiding spot and stopped briefly to stare at her wriggling to get out of the tree she had foolishly got herself stuck in. Before Alice knew it, she felt a set of hands on her ass.
"Hey! Who the hell is that!" Alice snapped and thought that it was to be another groping incident that she sadly only knew too well.
Suddenly she felt herself getting pulled backwards thanks to those hands and the help from them managed to get her free with a comical 'popping' sound being emitted as soon as she was pulled out from the log and from this it had her landing on her rear to look up at two of the most strangest looking twins she had ever seen. They were dressed in what looked like old fashion school boys clothes with matching bright red caps, ties and dungarees, dull grey undershirts along short and spiky red hair. Though they looked human, they were very different to anyone Alice had ever seen as they were a short, stumpy and chubby looking pair about half the size of her.
They were standing with each with an arm round the other's neck, and Alice saw that one of them had `DUM' embroidered on one side of his collar, and the other `DEE.' On the other collar on both was the word 'TWEEDLE' and Alice began to think these might have been their names. Then again who would put their names into their clothes?
"I say, what curious names," she said to herself assuming of this theory. "Still as wax-works..." They stood so still that she quite forgot they were alive and when she stood up towering over them to touch the belly of the one marked 'DUM', she was startled by a honk from him.
"If you think we're wax-works," he said, "you ought to pay, you know. Wax-works weren't made to be looked at for nothing!"
"Contrariwise," added the one marked `DEE,' "if you think we're alive, you ought to speak."
"I'm sure I'm very sorry," was all Alice could say and began to walk away. "But if you excuse me, I have to go—"
But her way was blocked when the two of them stood in front of her. "I know what you're thinking about," said Tweedledum: "but it isn't so."
"Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee, "if it was so, it might be and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic."
Alice was taken aback by what they were saying, even for her this was too curious what they were trying to say. Did they know about her trying to find a white rabbit and getting out off this wood?
"Well I...I was thinking, which is the best way out of this wood as I'm trying to find a white rabbit or someone called Mad Hatter. Would you tell me if you know either of them, please?"
But the little men only looked at each other and grinned.
They looked so exactly like a couple of naughty schoolboys (hence their outfits), that Alice couldn't help pointing her finger at Tweedledum, and saying "First Boy!" Tweedledum cried out briskly and shut his mouth up again with a snap.
"Next Boy!" said Alice, passing on to Tweedledee, though she felt quite certain he would only shout out "Contrariwise!" and so he did.
"You've been wrong!" cried Tweedledum. "The first thing in a visit is to say 'How'd ye do?' and shake hands!"
And here the two brothers gave each other a hug, and then they held out the two hands that were free, to shake hands with her. Alice did not like shaking hands with either of them first, for fear of hurting the other one's feelings; so, as the best way out of the difficulty, she took hold of both hands at once: the next moment they were dancing round in a ring.
This seemed quite natural, despite what anyone might think of the scene, and she was not even surprised to hear music playing: it seemed to come from the tree under which they were dancing (some sound speaker they had planted somewhere? Then again nothing made sense here in this strange world known as Wonderland), and it was done, as well as she could make it out, by the branches rubbing one across the other, like fiddles and fiddlesticks.
The twins being chubby would soon find themselves out of breath. "Four times round is enough for one dance," Tweedledum panted out, and they left off dancing as suddenly as they had begun: the music stopped at the same moment.
Then they let go of Alice's hands, and stood looking at her for a minute: there was a rather awkward pause, as the blonde didn't know how to begin a conversation with people she had just been dancing with from barely knowing them.
"It would never do to say 'How'd you do?' now," she said to herself, "we seem to have got beyond that, somehow!"
She paused for a moment then at last said, "I hope you're not much tired?"
"No, but thank you very much for asking," answered Tweedledum.
"So much obliged!" added Tweedledee. "You like poetry?"
"Well...yes...pretty well — some poetry," Alice said doubtfully not knowing where this was leading to. "Would you tell me which road leads out of the woods and find the white rabbit and the Mad Hatter?"
"What shall I repeat to her?" said Tweedledee, looking round at Tweedledum with great solemn eyes, and not answering Alice's question. "'The Walrus and the Carpenter' is the longest," Tweedledum replied, giving his brother an affectionate hug. Tweedledee began instantly:
"The sun was shining — "
Here Alice placed her hands in her back jean pockets and ventured to interrupt him. "If it's very long," she said, as politely as she could, "would you please tell me first which road—"
Tweedledee smiled gently ignoring her question and began again:
"The sun was shining on the sea,
Shining with all his might:
He did his very best to make
The billows smooth and bright —
And this was odd, because it was
The middle of the night.
The moon was shining sulkily,
Because she thought the sun
Had got no business to be there
After the day was done —
"It's very rude of him," she said,
"To come and spoil the fun."
Alice was baffled by this random story or what it had to do with anything and she tried to get to the point. "Excuse me—"
The sea was wet as wet could be,
The sands were dry as dry.
You could not see a cloud, because
No cloud was in the sky:
No birds were flying overhead —
There were no birds to fly.
The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
If this were only cleared away,'
They said, it would be grand!"
What on earth did this have to do with her trying to find her way? "Hello? Are you even—?"
If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year,
Do you suppose,' the Walrus said,
That they could get it clear?'
I doubt it,' said the Carpenter,
And shed a bitter tear.
O Oysters, come and walk with us!'
The Walrus did beseech.
A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each.'
"Excuse me," Alice tried to ask politely through grinding teeth over her failure to get through to them, but alas...
The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head —
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.
But four young Oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat —
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.
Alice would have ought to have lost her temper now at this rate and given the current situation one couldn't have blamed her for this. She did gaze over towards the trees and had a suspicious that all of this might have all been some set up...
Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more —
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.
The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.
The time has come,' the Walrus said,
To talk of many things:
Of shoes — and ships — and sealing-wax —
Of cabbages — and kings —
And why the sea is boiling hot —
And whether pigs have wings.'
But wait a bit,' the Oysters cried,
Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!'
'No hurry!' said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.
The young adult woman couldn't help but facepalm at how much of a farce this was turning out to be and that was saying a lot considering how nothing about this world made sense.
'A loaf of bread,' the Walrus said,
Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed —
Now if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed.'
But not on us!' the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!'
The night is fine,' the Walrus said.
Do you admire the view?
It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!'
Alice's watery blue eyes gazed up towards the darkening sky and wondered how long she had been standing here for. Had time really stopped and this was purgatory? Oh God, she hoped that wasn't the case...
The Carpenter said nothing but
Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not quite so deaf —
I've had to ask you twice!'
It seems a shame,' the Walrus said,
To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!'
The Carpenter said nothing but
The butter's spread too thick!'
I weep for you,' the Walrus said:
I deeply sympathize.'
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.
"Oh, please get this over with!" Alice pleaded; she was fed up with these two.
'O' Oysters,' said the Carpenter,
You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none —
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one."
Finally, they finished their nonsensical, stupid and pointless tale which left Alice angered, annoyed yet bewildered at what she had just heard and wonder if some of her IQ must have taken a hit. What did this have to do with anything about trying to find her way to look for the Mad Hatter and White Rabbit?
The twins both looked up at her with happy and childish grins that seemed to be waiting for her to praise them for this tale. That said she could barely remember anything about it and had to be careful not to harm their feelings. She picked up in her mind a random scene of choice.
"Well...I like the Walrus best," muttered Alice, "because you see he was a little sorry for the poor oysters...or whoever it was."
"He ate more than the Carpenter, though," Tweedledee pointed out. "You see he held his handkerchief in front, so that the Carpenter couldn't count how many he took: contrariwise."
"That was mean!" Alice said indignantly. "Then I like the Carpenter best — if he didn't eat so many as the Walrus."
"But he ate as many as he could get," Tweedledum pointed out. This was a puzzler. After a thoughtful pause, Alice began, "Well then, they were both very unpleasant characters—Oh, never mind!"
Here she checked herself in some alarm, she then realised that having spent all this time with the twins that she had most likely not only lost track of the white rabbit but also forgetting the way to where the Mad Hatter was and how dark it was getting with to top all that with no idea where to go.
She began walking angrily away and as she did, Tweedledee and Tweedledum began getting involved in a school yard type argument that only young naughty school boys would get up to which involved lots of pushing and shoving taken place. Alice used the chance to get away from the pair and head deeper into the colourful woods. The blonde woman was starting to wonder if all this time they deliberately weren't trying to help her and instead just waste her time for whatever really simply to make her life difficult.
As she grumbled to herself thinking about her bad luck and what she might encounter next, there was one thought that found herself now having a craving for as hunger was starting to get to her. Her gurgling stomach made itself clear on how it felt.
"Drat...I could kill to have a whole cake now!"
She only hoped that she wouldn't have to deal with those two pests again and that the Hatter, if she so just so happened by chance to actually find him, might be more…reasonable, though judging by his name, she was possible clutching at straws...
Then again, strange things always seem to happen in Wonderland and something in the back of Alice's mind was telling her that this whole madcap adventure was far from over...
It would be nice to hear reviews up, I have most of the story already written up and it's just a case of putting it up and fixing a few things. For those who are reading it so far, hope you are enjoying it nonetheless.